Always ready to be used

there's a thing with kink where often, a lot of play activities are just... unpleasant things. masochism immediately springs to mind, but play with urine, and even things like degredation and humiliation arouse us in a way that's honestly confusing to a lot of folks.

we're all trained to avoid things that are unpleasant, so when a kink drives us towards them, it can be hard to remember that the unpleasantness is the point. even dominants and tops who enjoy inflicting these things on us can forget that too! when someone cares about us, it's hard for them to remember that the awful things happening to us are wanted, and in some way enjoyed - if not in the moment!

sometimes, those awful things we want doing to us are a part of our own emotional regulation. getting beaten or violently fucked is something that helps us manage our emotions over the rest of our time, by doing something that makes us distressed, we can externalise and attach our other distresses to something which allows us to express that distress. enduring that distress can also be something of an achievement, which gives you something you can be proud of!

in other words, asking others to do things to you that put you in extreme emotional distress can be as much a coping mechanism as any other method of managing stress.

this thing's advice is to talk to your partners. folks may not be okay with that themselves, or may need extra aftercare from you to be okay with putting you in that state. the point to stop, then, is when the kink begins making the rest of your life harder. if you want putting in severe emotional distress and it's straining your relationships or making it hard for you to manage the rest of your life, then it's time to take a break until you've settled yourself before engaging in it again!