i wonder how many men izzy has seen ed become fixated on before his current fixation on stede bonnet
because in the beginning he's so used to it and indulgent to a certain extent - he's a little bit irritable about it, and he acts TIRED of it, but you get the sense that he's used to this, right? blackbeard has these little fixations, these obsessions, and he gets over them
except this one, he doesn't, and i'm like
isn't it so telling that izzy sends calico jack
because it's like, oh, you're fixated on this current man? you're changing your entire personality to suit his needs because you're packing so much rejection sensitivity dysphoria and desperation for other people's approval and support?
okay. well, i'll just send the last man you were obsessed with
and one of two things will happen - you'll realise how stupid you're being, how weak you've been letting yourself get soft and stupid with stede fucking bonnet, how he's guaranteed to get you and the rest of us killed, on top of embarrassing you in the meantime, and jack will get you out of the way
or he'll see what you are.
he'll see what I know about you - he'll see that this is a habit for you. he'll see that he's not special, that none of us are special for long, because you pick a guy that's new and novel and exciting and fun and you'll keep him for a while and then jump right onto the next one
and he'll see that whatever he thinks he likes in you, all this softness, is just a mirror. it's not fucking real. it's just what he's putting on because you're so desperate for him to fucking like you
and the thing is i don't know what's better, like
if izzy was the object of ed's obsession once upon a time, and ed focused on izzy, desperately mirrored his personality, desperately hung off of izzy's approval, the way he does off stede and jack, the way he probably did for hornigold and has for other men - or, and i think this is the more likely one, like.
if ed's never seen enough in izzy to be worth obsessing over. if he's liked izzy and loved him and needed him but has never fixated on izzy like he has on these other shiny new men, because calico jack and stede bonnet were just so new and so exciting and such adventures, and izzy's never been that. izzy's never been an adventure: he's been solid, steadfast, and he's stayed.
and that's why, in izzy's mind, he understands ed and deserves him more than any of the others, because he's the only one that stays even once that fixation has worn off - or more accurately, he's never been fixated on at all
and obviously like. izzy's fucking wrong, in so many ways, because stede doesn't love ed because of how ed boosts his ego - he's in love with him, but also like... ed fundamentally doesn't know himself. he's only just starting that journey of like, interiority and self-awareness and it's going to be a journey, and i do think it's important that he's separate from stede for at least a while so that he does let himself be his own person for a while instead of trying so hard to reflect stede but like
fuck. fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!
gay pirates
