literally went to go jump off a bridge last night but i (swear to god) found an injured cat crying in the rain. just covered in mud and cut up and shit. every animal place i called was closed except for one in springfield and they needed me to take it there. fb called a comedy bud who lives there and half-explained the situation. i cradled this little cat in my arms, sitting in the mud behind an elementary school, fucking losing it for about a half hour before my friend showed up. she got the cat in a carrier and we drove her to the 24 hour place. i sat in the little waiting room smelling like shit for ten minutes or so before they said the cat was healthy and they would file my # and address. went home, crawled in bed, was fast asleep by 10. my roommate woke me up around 12 and asked if i got her text. i'd ignored her texts all day but she was talking about one she sent saying her boyfriend was coming over and she needed the room. she got mad at me and demanded to know what was going on, long story short i told her that i tried to die. she chewed me out over not having my shit together these past few months, for not being in portland yet, blaming work/depression for problems instead of taking responsibility, etc (if this is making her sound bad, there's a whole lot to this and there are things she's objectively right about). we argued for awhile until i grabbed my stuff and jumped in the shower. i crashed on the couch and got up around 7 to head to starbucks. i called in sick for work today. i already cried in front of half the office yesterday so i'm sure they think i'm losing it. i've got a bunch of shows and a festival to do but it just seems insane to do stand-up now. roommate also wants me to call my mom and tell her everything and move back to germany, which is so fucking stupid that i don't really know where to begin. i texted my other roommate two days ago asking if we could meet up and talk about stuff and he never responded, which is fine, but i just know i can't talk to comedy people about this, or even my other friends. i feel ashamed and i can feel my mind trying to rationalize my actions. i'm at a subway now, hoping i can stay here for a few more hours at least. i want to see toby and milhouse but i don't know when/if i should go home. i ended up emailing my mom asking if she could call when she has time privacy tomorrow (later tonight for me). i'm not telling her anything too crazy after what happened with caeli. i don't even know why i emailed at all, now that i think about it. maybe it's time that i ask for money. i don't know if any of this makes sense. i really wish i was in bed.
jacobvanloon
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tangentwithtanner
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janainaart
romaincrisis
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