I have loved the stars too fondly to be fearful of the night

Ana, they say Has taken over their thoughts But I am not some quirky trend I didn’t willingly choose this disease It planted it’s roots in my mind slowly poisoning my whole body Black, sour, demonic Anorexia for me Is losing the trust of others It is constantly letting people down It is feeling harsh winter even amidst summer Aching legs from not being allowed rest It is the strong…

In this society Exists  liars Who call women pretty Only when they are made up And dressed up Women are not pretty When they are bare-skin And vulnerable Women are sluts If they dress themselves up Too much; asking for it Only loved if they Are their girlfriend A possession Not a person Only shown off If they’re a cleaner A chef A mother A toy. There is no room For…

Improving Mental Health: the Goal of 2021

It took a global pandemic for many people to realise the necessity of taking care of their own mental health. A time of adversity led to great introspection and reevaluation of what is important. The question remains, how do we go about it? Foster relationships Investing time and energy into relationships, old and new, can decrease loneliness and provide a sense of social connection. This could…

Being Dumped by My MH Service

Being able to receive treatment is a luxury, it should be a right but unfortunately it’s not. I’ve always known I’m lucky to be treated in the public mental health system for free, yet lately it doesn’t feel that way. I know what it’s like to be ‘dumped’ by a service because it’s happened before. My old youth mental health service had a two year time limit of when you were allowed treatment by…

Sometimes yearly review posts can be difficult as they make you realise that you haven’t achieved as much as you wanted or you didn’t live up to your expectations. I also don’t agree with setting strict goals each year because whatever happens, will happen. Life is unpredictable. In saying that I thought I’d round out the good things that have happened this year by writing a letter to the year…

Favourite Books of 2020

Children of Blood and Bone (Legacy of Orisha #1) by Tomi Adeyemi

This is a young adult fantasy novel with POC representation. Zelie is a young girl from Orisha, and remembers a time of magic and magi. That all changed when the kingdom wiped it out and the remaining magi went into hiding. This is a story about her, alongside a runaway princess, and the chance to bring magic back. It is fast…

I’m Not Lazy When I Can’t Get Out of Bed

Recently, I’ve been criticised by other people with mental illness for the way that I cope and deal with things and it bugs me.

You wouldn’t be depressed if you left the house and engaged in life

Other people with severe depression can work and study full time. You’re just being lazy and choosing not to get better

First of all, there is already so much stigma surrounding mental health so I don’t…

Mental Health During Stage 4 Lockdown

This pandemic has been extremely difficult and it’s impacts are far-reaching. There’s constant anxiety about getting sick and the unknown, and it is proving to be extremely detrimental to the mental health of just about everyone.

I live in Melbourne, Australia and while we’re doing better than a lot of places, we’re two weeks into a stage four lockdown. Our whole country was put into early…

My Story Was Shared

Hi guys, it’s been a minute! This year’s been tough and I’ll get into it eventually but right now I have some news.

The Butterfly foundation shared my story on their website! It’s meant to be mostly non identifiable but it was so rewarding to try and do something to help others. I encourage anyone in Australia/NZ with an eating disorder to submit their story and you can do it anonymously.

You can…

Turning the Page in Recovery

I’ve had an eating disorder since I was about 13/14 years old and sometimes it seems like I’m bound to have one forever, but that’s not the case. The last few years have been full of recovery attempts and relapses but this time in recovery, it feels different. The main thing is; I want recovery. I want to get better. I have things (such as uni) to lose now and I’m sick of being sick. It’s hard to…

Would I Cure My Mental Illness?

It’s not a secret but I suffer from a myriad of mental health issues; depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and anorexia nervosa. Since a young teenager, they’ve tormented me and taken over my life. They’ve lost me friends, taken months or even years away from me and driven me to try and take my life. Considering all of this, brings the question, would I cure my mental illness?…

What I Wish My Family Knew About Eating Disorder

It was never about weight. It was about wanting to fit in and having people like me. I wanted to be the good child and make you proud of me but this perfectionism then transferred to my weight. I thought if I could become smaller then maybe things would be better. I wanted to disappear.

Sometimes I want to talk about it. Sometimes I want to let everything out and have someone listen but this…

This is meant to be a short admission so I can begin my honours course (yes I got in!) in two weeks (3 week admission). As a result, I’m on quite a high meal plan and on nasogastric feeds to get my weight back up to a safer level. it’s been difficult and they’ve been strict with me; no leave, supervised bathrooms and wheelchair transfers.

Here is a pic of my meal plan and also my snacks.

The main point of this post is that I’ve realised I want to get better this time. There are things in life (work and study) that give me purpose and direction and I need to be well enough for. I don’t want my life to revolve around hospital and they’ve told me if this continuous then I’ll be classified as chronically ill and won’t receive the same level of support again. The prospect of being ill for the rest of my life terrifies me and it’s not what I want.

It’s that time of year again, a time of reflection and anticipation. Here, the weather is beginning to warm and mangos and cherries are appearing in supermarkets. Sunscreen has become my new best friend and Christmas is coming. It’s been a long year; a hard year, and I’m glad it’s ending.

3 Things I am grateful for in 2019

I graduated from university with second class honours and a Bachelor of…

Where I am Now; Goodbye 2019

It’s been a hell of a year, that’s for sure. At the beginning, I underwent TMS and then mid-year I finally completed my university course. Standing up to get my diploma was I think my proudest moment to date. Things weren’t all good though and I spent 9 weeks in hospital for my eating disorder (some of it involuntarily) fighting for my life. Instead of coming out much better, I’ve acknowledged…

An Intro into Acceptance and Commitment Therapy

I’m currently participating in an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) group and I thought I’d give you a bit of an insight into what I’ve been doing because I know some of you might have an interest.

ACT is about accepting what you can’t control, such as unwanted emotions, and choosing to behave in line with your values so that your life is enriched and meaningful. It utilises mindfulness ie.…