void

the fact that i'm no longer the same age as the protagonists of novels and films i once connected to is so heartbreaking. there was a time when I looked forward to turning their age. i did. and i also outgrew them. i continue to age, but they don't; never will. the immortality of fiction is beautiful, but cruel.

once you watch twin peaks you carry laura with you everywhere

you tortured me to insanity and then tortured me for being insane

i dont go to the hospital or doctors or ask for help or take up any space unless i’m on the verge of dying and even then i probably wouldn’t i’d let it kill me i’m not allowed to be a person like everyone else i’m not allowed to need things i’m supposed to be invisible why would i take up peoples time attention space and resources when there’s people who are more deserving