Seatbelt. Hm? Seatbelt.

Being an adult will have you unironically craving a vegetable

You've heard of parallel play, now get ready for perpendicular play.

Hot cross buns?

I love you guys but I think a lot of you are the kind of people who are susceptible to falling in with a cult.

You’re right. We should all band together under a trustworthy and influential leader who can keep us safe from outside threats

dr who’s on first, doctor strange is on second and doctor house is on third. theres no way theyre getting through a single inning

so who’s on first?

That’s right 👍🏻

that’s strange

No, he’s on second.

Well how’s he on second if he’s on first?

No no no, House is on third. Second base is Strange.

Well this whole darn thing is strange but what I’m asking is who’s on first?

Naturally.

Who?

Naturally.

So Naturally is the first baseman?

No. The first baseman is Who.

Well I don’t know that so how’s about you tell me?

House is on Third.

I’m not asking you about third base I’m asking you about first base.

Who’s on first!

This is horrible

Dr Horrible is the pitcher, not first base

That’s not what I’m asking about! No!

Dr No is in the outfield, but let’s not worry about them right now.

i miss vhs tapes and cds i miss feeding my computers and tvs yummy treats. now theyre eating nothing. theyre being born without mouths

a fly?? in my fumking bathropm???

fifteen minutes of my morning trying to kill this bug that FLEW INTO MY ROOM. I hunted him and drowned him in windex and put his body into the floor.

I try not to judge too harshly, but reacting to a baby crying with "that's why I don't want kids" is, to use the tiktok vocabulary, such a huge ick.

I WAS BORN YESTERDAY. I JUST BLEW IN FROM STUPID TOWN. THIS IS MY FIRST RODEO. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH ME.