1.4.3

There’s so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn’t. There’s a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn't need to be painful or empty. You need to fill yourself up with love. Not anyone else. Become a whole being on your own. Go on adventures, fall asleep in the woods with friends, wander around the city at night, sit in a coffee shop on your own, write on bathroom stalls, leave notes in library books, dress up for yourself, give to others, smile a lot. Do all things with love, but don’t romanticize life like you can’t survive without it. Live for yourself and be happy on your own. It isn't any less beautiful, I promise.

Nobody is perfect. Everyone has their own little idiosyncrasies. Some people call those imperfections, but no, that’s the good stuff.

I’ve been drinking a little bit to forget about the fact that I’ve been drinking a little bit to forget about the fact that I’ve been drinking a little bit to forget about the fact that I’ve been drinking alot.

My parents always taught me to stand up for myself, but when asked to choose between my heart or my brain, I chose love. I chose our late-night conversations, studying the way his eyelashes danced back and forth in the moonlight, counting the freckles on his shoulder blades wondering how many kisses could cover his entire body. I chose the way his eyes flickered like fireflies in glass jars, and like an art exhibit, I caged our love behind bars. It couldn’t budge, baby, so of course it stayed. It stayed, but he didn’t. He grew wings and escaped from the pedestal I put him on while I was too busy holding onto something destined to fall from my fingertips. I was tied to his love like a rope swing, like a constant game of tug-of-war between him and my well-being. I changed my life after him. I changed my field of study, learned about the galaxies in the sky, how one million Earths can fit inside of the sun, but in just 30 minutes, our bodies can produce enough heat to boil half a gallon of water. I realized you are powerful even if you cannot swallow the sun. I realized I lost myself behind bars. So darling, if he wants to grow wings, let him go. Let him grow. Don’t hold him back; instead, move forward with him. Maybe right now you’ll stay parallel beings hoping someday you will come to an intersection, but I promise that is always better than staying standstill. Someday the distance will be worth it because it will teach you who you are.