Alas! My Vehicle Hath Been Larcenied

emperor: “i need synergy, wang zhi. i need everyone to be a team player.”

wang zhi: “such insightful wisdom, bi xia. this one will eliminate anyone who is not a team player.”

official wan: “what’s going on? why wasn’t i cc’d on that?”

noble consort wan: “the corporate world is full of politics and soul-crushing ruthlessness. one must always smile to survive.”

ding rong: “the turnaround time to decode the poison is three business days— oh, you want me to work through the holiday weekend? ....sure, yeah, no problem.”

tang fan: “i’ll find the root cause of this quality issue. give me a day, two assistants, and a corporate expense card.”

sui zhou: “guys, i think we could use an all-hands workshop to review the labor laws once again...”

dong’er: “i may be an intern, but i’m not getting you coffee for free.”

duo’erla: “fuck this place, i quit. c’mon, wuyun, let’s go start a food truck.”

tang yu: “i’d like to propose divorcing from our useless, bloodsucking subsidiary. legal team, make it happen.”

pei huai: “are wellness wednesdays working? please say they’re working.”

jia kui: “i’m not going to tell you how i got it, but here’s all the dirt i dug up on our competitors.”

A chinese wlw drama featuring two female leads has been officially announced for the first time ever!!

Titled 双镜 "Double Mirror", it is set in the Republic period (1912-1949), before the Communist Revolution.

Xu Youyi (played by Zhang Nan) is a female author who is kept in the dark about her rich husband's philandering ways. Yan Wei (played by Sun Yihan) is a murderess disguised as the owner of a photography studio.

As the relationship between the women deepens, they work together to destroy the cheating husband and his side piece.

Even as they second-guessed each other's motives, they trusted the other completely. Fate had only one answer for them: continue forging ahead without fear.

Loosely translated from original post on Weibo here.

If they hadn't met, their lives would continue unchanged. But from the moment they crashed into each other's worlds, perhaps it was already destined for them to rely on and save the other....

Shanghai's renowned writer, Xu Youyi, possessed everything one could dream of, until an anonymous letter revealed the truth behind her dreamy life. Facing the double betrayal of her closest friend and husband, she found a kindred spirit in the passionate but seemingly aloof lady boss of a photography studio.

Their paths grew closer and closer in a tumultuous time - will these two women with contrasting personalities be able to comfort the wounds in each other's hearts, and will they save each other in the end?

(in order: left to right, top to bottom)

Xu Youyi: the most renowned female writer in Shanghai, the very likeness of a refined lady

Yan Wei: the owner of an unremarkable photo studio, who is a former sniper in reality

Zhou Heng: husband of Xu Youyi

Zhang Wan: Xu Youyi's close friend and manager

Jiang Bin: Police inspector

Xie Yifan: Lead journalist

Legolas: I have a hobby.

I ARRIVE TO THE OCCASION

I SHOW UP TO THE EVENT

Hello. Here I am as promised! I don’t even want to tell you how many hours I spent subbing this film, but it’s a lot of hours haha.

How to describe this movie. It’s a healing experience. I went to see it twice and both times everyone was crying. I even cried several times while watching the same scenes over and over again in my subbing program, haha. But they were good tears! It’s a very kind, very quiet, very important movie that I wish plenty of people could see. So I subbed the thing for you!

The plot is as follows: Igawa Shun (played by Miyazawa Hio), a closeted gay man, escapes his life in Tokyo to live as a recluse in rural Gifu when one day his ex-boyfriend and first love Hibino Nagisa (played by Fujiwara Kisetsu) shows up on his doorstep with a six-year-old girl.

some notes: Japanese law does not recognize joint custody of unmarried or divorced individuals even if those individuals are the child’s biological parents.

Most of the film takes places in the prefecture of Gifu in central Japan. To get there, you have to take the bullet train from Tokyo to Nagoya (around 2 hours) and then a local train from there. The town of Shirakawa is about an hour from Nagoya in the mountains.

I decided to keep the Japanese honorifics because making the character of Misato call Shun anything but Igawa-san weirded me out. Shun & Nagisa don’t use any honorifics with each other because they’re the same age and they go way back.

There are a couple of lines where information may be presented in an order that feels unnatural in English, but Japanese works very differently and I chose to stay true to what’s happening on screen over the English syntax.

This film is a sequel to a lowkey miniseries that aired locally in Nagoya, but you don’t need to have seen the show. I only learned of its existence afterwards. In the show Nagisa & Shun meet as teenagers at a seaside resort. Mutual pining ensues, Nagisa lends Shun a book with gay subtext to test the waters, Shun turns down a girl by saing thank you but I’m sorry.

The film was directed by Imaizumi Rikiya who has established himself as an auteur of lowkey millenial romance in the past few years. The ending song is Mariaroad by Sano Ibuki.

dowload links: You are free to share my subs with your grandma or use them in your fannish works. Just don’t claim my translation as yours. You may not upload my subs to streaming sites. If I see this happening, I will not translate anything for you ever again. I created the subtitle file from scratch, timed it and translated the whole 2-hour movie by ear, so please respect this one simple wish.

The raw file was kindly provided to me by @ohmygannicus​. I have uploaded two mirros for you:

Raw:

Google Drive

Mega

Subs on Google Drive

Subs on Mega

To watch, you must save both files in the same folder and rename them so the file names match. The subtitle is an .ass file that was created on Aegisub, you can use that program to tweak it to your liking if you’d like. VLC and Media Player Classic can play .ass files, other players you’ll have to find out yourself. I will not offer any technical support past this. Please do not contact me to ask me why this or that isn’t working. If the files are down, it means there’s been too much traffic, so just wait and try again later. Or if you’re a mutual or someone else I know, hmu and I’ll send you a secret link.

To support the movie, you can buy it on Yesasia! Everyone working on the film has shown so much love and care for this story and the lgbtq community, it’s really been a beacon of light during these strange times. When a tabloid had a terrible take on a scene in the film, the team even apologised to the lgbtq community for the hurt that was in no way caused by them! Here are the links:

DVD: North America link, Global link Bluray: North America link, Global link

Hoooo boyyyy do I ever. In no particular order:

The Incident In The Room With The Red Curtain, 9k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes investigates the mysterious disappearance of Francis Colleton, a case that requires some of Watson’s specialist knowledge.” Absolutely one of my favorite fics of all time. They are so gentle with each other.

The Adventure of the Doctor’s Heart, 12k, E. Friends to lovers. “Holmes has observed much of Watson’s habits and tastes over time, which is why it surprises him when his friend objects strangely to a folk song sung at the conclusion of a case. Disturbed by the Doctor’s unexpected display of emotion, Holmes becomes determined to lift his spirits by any means necessary, with mixed results.” This was one of the first Doyle-style fics I read. Holmes’ quiet adoration of John is so good.

Grit, 5k, M. Friends to lovers. “Watson, still bruised and damaged from the Afghan War, decides to hide his inversion so Holmes will remain his friend and flatmate. He thinks the trade-off won’t be difficult, but in a moment of weakness he goes to an underground club with an erstwhile lover. What he discovers there is more than he’d bargained for.” Funny and sad and sweet, with a beautiful ending.

A Man Of Great Character And Better Humor, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Retirement. “When a bit of bad news threatens to crush Watson’s spirit, Holmes knows just the solution.” Absolutely the loveliest little sketch of two old men in love.

Five Times Sherlock Holmes Lied, 5k, gen. Friends to lovers. TAB verse. “Something in Wilde’s persecution has touched a nerve in Sherlock – snapped that tenuous thread of hope holding him upright – and it feels as if he has taken to bleeding internally.” This one’s hard, but gorgeous.

The Ill-Tempered Patient, 1k, gen. Pre-slash. “Holmes has a cold and is being disagreeable, but Watson is used to indulging his moods.” A funny glimpse into their affection for each other.

Mon Couer, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Holmes tries out a new endearment in the midst of pillow talk.” Holmes gets insecure, and Watson comforts him. The two of them trying to figure out how to be sweet with each other–and flustering themselves–is too lovely.

A Taste of Honey, 3k, teen. Pre-slash. Sickfic. “A failure to observe leads to a successful deduction.” Watson becomes deathly ill while Holmes is away, and Holmes is forced to confront how badly he needs him.

The Incident With The Bicycle, 2k, gen. Established relationship. “We know Holmes can ride a bicycle, but when exactly did he learn?” A bit of a wobble in the early days of their love. I adore Watson’s kindness in this.

Wintry Morning, Victoria Station, 1k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson had come to see me off at the station, that chilly morning in November when a quiet yet momentous shift took place in that strange thing that existed between us.” Watson and Holmes find words for something deeper than anyone around them could imagine.

The Tempest, 3k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Now that Holmes had come back from the dead, things could return to how they were before.” Aftermath of Reichenbach–Watson is so brave.

As Yes To If, 3k, gen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “Leave for your own sake if you must, but on no account shall you leave for mine. I can imagine no sadder outcome of the insight you have gained tonight.” Watson lets slip more of his heart than he realizes, after they nearly lose their lives.

Winter In London, 45k, NR. Friends to lovers. CW: rape. “The last stages of a case go dangerously wrong. Afterwards, Watson tries to live with the memory of a terrible bargain in secrecy.” This is heartbreaking, and deep, and beautiful. Be careful of the content; but if you can manage it, it’s worth it.

I May Be Speaking To Closed Doors, 2k, teen. Established relationship. “Watson makes a Valentine, and then isn’t sure what to do with it.” Poor Watson, a romantic in a relationship with the world’s most unromantic man–so it seems.

Invasion, 2k, gen. Established relationship. Watson can’t bear mice. Holmes thinks it’s rather silly, but humors him, until he understands. This starts off a bit cracky and then ends so sweetly.

Tea From Terai, 700w, gen. Established relationship. “Sherlock Holmes gets a letter from Terai, and remembers that he does know someone in Terai. Or, knew.” Watson learns a little something about his love’s past.

What Is Right, And What Is Easy, 600w, NR. Established relationship. “There’s a reason that Article 28 (which criminalized homosexuality) was called the Blackmailer’s Charter.” This cuts deep for how brief it is.

The Red Notebook, 10k, teen. Post-Reichenbach. I hesitated to include this because it’s a bit too much heartbreak for me–I can’t believe that they would ever willingly give each other up, after love. But this story’s Mycroft is so good, his relationship with Watson so bittersweet, I had to. And it ends joyously, as it must.

Masked Ball, 30k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Six months after Holmes’ return from the dead, the delicate equilibrium in Baker Street is disturbed when a stranger walks out of the London fog with a case–for Watson. Holmes is wary, Watson is fascinated. But who is the man calling himself Álvaro de León? And what does he really want?” I love, love, love this story. I love Alvaro, I love the way Holmes deduces Watson’s bisexuality, I love the mystery and the sweep and the humor of it. It’s wonderful.

Text Omitted, 1k, teen. Established relationship. CW: child abuse. “Watson learns something disconcerting about Holmes’ past.” This makes me cry, and smile: the courage with which they love each other.

The Bee Grove, 14k, teen. Friends to lovers. CW: suicide. “Watson travels to Kent to attend the funeral of an estranged friend from his past who committed suicide. Certain things transpire to make Watson wonder if his inappropriate love for Holmes could possibly be requited.” Beautiful.

Idée Fixe, 1k, teen. Friends to lovers. Granada. “He does not know what to begin with it. It is too grave a thing to be treated as a mere distraction, too tenacious to be dissolved in tobacco smoke. What does one begin with an idée fixe? With a mind bent towards one single thing.” This is almost infuriating in its restraint, but fascinating, too.

The Thieves’ Den, 6k, teen. “The discovery of a large cache of stolen goods ends badly.” Words cannot express how I love this fic–particularly the meddling Mycroft, and the protectiveness of both of them, in spite of each other.

Since I First Saw Your Face, 70k, M. Developing relationship. “During the Great Hiatus, Holmes, studying in Tibet, reflects on his first meeting with Dr John Watson.” The only WIP I’ll rec, or read, because the wealth of historical detail and depth of their intimacy is such that I’d be immensely thankful to have read this even if it never ended. The author can be found on tumblr at @artemisastarte.

When You Know Something’s Wrong, 1k, M. Established relationship. Sickfic. “Holmes gets it wrong.” This is just 1k of lovely Watson gently forcing his medical attention on a truculent Holmes.

Pilgrims Of A Sort, 12k, teen. Friends to lovers to retirement. Absolute classic. “A pair of young travelers turn up at the Sussex cottage of an aging Holmes and Watson, searching for proof that love like theirs can last a lifetime. Watson tells them the story of himself and Holmes–which also happens to be the story of Mary Morstan, and her own unconventional love affair.” Featuring a fantastic old married Holmes and Watson and TWO pairs of happy lesbians.

A Matter of Integrity, 3k, gen. Established relationship. “It is a curious thing when a celebrity whom you’ve never truly met is widely considered your most prominent suitor. Irene Norton sets out in search of some answers, and discovers that sometimes the truth is a delicate matter.” Irene is wonderful, Holmes is careful, and this is good.

Cameo, 8k, teen. Friends to lovers. “Holmes and Watson become embroiled in a case Scotland Yard refuses to acknowledge. A soulmate AU.” One wouldn’t think a magical AU in Victorian times could be very delicately done, or mesmerizing. One would be wrong.

Chimera, 800w, gen. Pre-slash. Post-Reichenbach. “My dear Watson, It is with reluctance that I begin this letter to you, for there can be no doubt regarding its fate. It will follow into oblivion all the other letters I have written to you over the past two years, the only difference between them their means of demise.” Poor Holmes.

Something To Retire To, 9k, teen. Friends to partners. Asexual Holmes, miscommunication, jealousy. “Watson contemplates the future while he and Holmes investigate the three Garridebs.” This fic will break your heart into a hundred pieces and put it together again.

Hallowed Be Thy Name, 40k, E. Established relationship. “A word must be said upon the subject of witticisms first, within thecontext ofthe manuscripts which have begun littering our rooms.  Myfriend theDoctor’s sense of humour exists in direct correlation to his state ofphysicalwell-being, and the more active a man he becomes–a felicity for whichI amgrateful as much to his ferocious tenacity as to any higher power–themore wrygrow the invariably poetical descriptors applied to myperson.” Holmes’ past, Watson’s love, and an epic poem of a story. This fic changed me.