SirLoozElite

I don't care what anyone says, Andromeda will always be a good mass effect game.

Different to the trilogy, but still just as good. Unique.

Me: "I'll make different choices this time... especially for romance!"

Also me:

Davrin - Team Dad. Only normal guy in the team.

Lucanis - Team Spanish/Italian Dad. Resident chef.

Neve - Wine Aunt with respectable career.

Emmrich - Uncle with a weird hobby.

Bellara - University exchange student. Protege resident chef.

Harding - Disaster chef. Happiest person in the family.

Taash - Youngest child, still trying to find themselves. Pretends they don't care but really does.

Assan - Team dad's son. Constantly fed treats by everyone else.

Manfred - Team uncle's son. Cheats at Rock, Paper, Scissors.

Rook - Team therapist.

Varric - Rook's therapist.

I wonder if I can use this to tear down the Veil?

Me: "Well ok, why not. What's the worst that could happen?"

Game:

Me: "I WAS TOLD THIS WOULDN'T BE STRESSFUL!!!"

Friend: 🤣

Rook: "Hi Manfred!"

Manfred: "Tea?"

Rook: "Ooh yes please. I can't believe you talk now. You must be so proud Emmrich."

Emmrich: "Like you would not believe. Oh imagine the things he'll learn! The words he'll use! Oh he will be glorious!"

Manfred: *accidently drops the tray of tea he was carrying*

Emmrich: "Oh no! Manfred are you hurt?"

Manfred: "Shit!"

Emmrich: *gasps in horror*

Rook: "Awww... Skeleton baby's first swear word!"

Emmrich: "This is outrageous! Who taught him that!? Taash?!

Taash: "Hey! Don't blame me!"

Manfred: "Vashadan."

Emmrich: *gasps again*

Taash: "Ok it might have been me."

Emmrich: *brandishes mage staff* "TAASH!!!"

Taash: "Oh crap!"

Manfred: "Crap!"

Harding: "On the beach. Shouldn't be far. Actually I think that's them now fighting all those Antaam!"

Taash: *effortlessly beating a bunch of Antaam*

Rook: "... Whoa."

Harding: "Rook? You ok?"

Rook: 🤩

Harding: "Oh no... Really?!"

Taash: *finishes beating the Antaam and spots the duo approaching*

Taash: "... Hey."

Harding: "Hi. I'm Harding... And this is..."

Rook: "Marry me!"

Harding: 🤦

Taash: "... What?"

Rook: "... I mean hi! I'm Rook!"

Companions: "..."

Rook: "..."

Companions: "..."

Rook: "Guys... What's..."

Emmrich: "Rook, this is an intervention."

Rook: "Okkkaaaayyy? Why?"

Harding: "We think you know why."

Lucanis: "If you can just admit it aloud we can help you."

Bellera: "You're our friend. We won't judge you."

Rook: "Seriously guys, I've no idea what this is about!"

Taash: "You can't swim can you?"

Rook: "What?! Of course I can!"

Neve: "Then explain why you flail like a drowning cat whenever you are deeper than waist height in water."

Davrin: "Not to mention sink faster than an anvil. I've seen darkspawn swim better than you."

Taash: "And every time I have to dive in and pull you out myself."

Rook: "Guys, really. It's nothing to worry about. It's just those heavy robes I wear. Makes it a bit harder to swim... I swear!"

Davrin: "I wear armour and I can swim better than you."

Neve: "And out robes are made by the same person and I don't struggle as much as you, so that's not an excuse."

Bellara: "Seriously Rook. We won't judge you if you never learnt."

Emmrich: "Indeed! We are all more than happy to teach you how to swim."

Rook: "Guys... I can swim! I swear!"

Taash: "Then why do I always have to jump in and save you?"

Lucanis: "It is a bit ridiculous how often it happens Rook."

Rook: "..."

Harding: "Unless... You're purposely acting like a damsel in distress so that Taash jumps in to rescue you repeatedly?"

Rook: "..."

Companions: "..."

Rook: "..."

Companions: "..."

Rook: "... No?"

Companions: *facepalm*

Rook: "Guys... It's not what it seems..."

Taash: "They are at it again."

Neve: "So it seems."

Emmrich: "Do they ever stop?"

Harding: "Nope."

Bellara: "I thought they put their differences aside?"

Lucanis and Davrin: *still squabbling*

Rook: "Right. That's it! Only one thing to do now!"

Taash: "Oh this will be awesome."

Rook: "HEY!"

*Lucanis and Davrin stop arguing and glare at Rook*

Rook: "Honestly, it might help if you two just kissed and got it over with."

Taash, Harding and Neve: *holds back laughter*

Emmrich and Bellara: 0_0

Davrin: "What?!"

Rook: "I mean... This is all just sexual tension right? Two badass warriors, contrasting personalities, confident in their sexuality..."

Lucanis: "Mierda Rook!"

Davrin: "The hell is wrong with you?"

Lucanis: "You are a terrible person Rook!"

Davrin: "Agreed."

Rook: "Look on the bright side? You aren't arguing with each other anymore."

Davrin and Lucanis: "..."

Taash: "Also didn't hear a no to Rook's statement about you two!"

Davrin: "Taash!"

Lucanis: "Sounds simple enough. I do love a good coffee."

Rook: "Or seven."

Lucanis: *tastes Rook's coffee* "Not bad. Not quite how my favourite place in Treviso makes it, but good."

Rook: "Yes!"

Lucanis: *tastes Bellara's coffee* "Hmm... Rather sweet. Did you use a different kind of milk in this one?"

Bellara: "Yeah I used Halla milk. You like it?"

Lucanis: "I could be convinced."

Lucanis: *tastes Taash's coffee* Mierda Taash! This is strong."

Taash: "Thought you liked it that way?"

Lucanis: "This is too strong."

Taash: ☹️

Lucanis: *tastes Harding's coffee... And promptly spits it out*

Harding: "I take it that's not a good sign?"

Lucanis: "It's cold Lace!"

Harding: "Hey... Don't blame me. I'm from Fereldan."

Lucanis: *goes to take a sip of Emmrich's coffee, but... * This is tea Emmrich. "

Emmrich: "I know. I wanted to enter a wild card choice of beverage to throw you off."

Lucanis: *tastes Davrin's coffee* "There's hair in this Davrin."

Davrin: "Oh yeah Assan helped. Nice?"

Lucanis: "No."

Davrin: "Good. I didn't want it to be."

Lucanis: *tastes Neve's coffee* "Aaahhh... Nice and bitter. Superb."

Neve: "I know."

Rook: "Well... That's all the taste tests done. Whose was you..."

Lucanis: "Neve's."

Rook: 😑

Neve: "Correct choice Lucanis."

Taash: "Ppffft... I call favouritism because you're dating!"

Lucanis: "As if you wouldn't do the same regarding Rook."

Neve: "That would hopefully be the dinner that Taash is preparing for us. They've been working on it for the past hour.

Rook: "Preparing? Then why is Emmrich already eating his?"

Emmrich: "Oh Taash prepared mine first. A delicious mix of various salads, tofu and cheeses. Quite tasty."

Rook: "Glad you two are friends finally."

Taash: "Grubs up people!"

*Taash circles the room placing plates with fish and salad in front of everyone before taking their seat*

Neve: "Grilled fish and salad. My favourite! Thank you Taash."

Harding: "Smells wonderful!"

Rook: "This looks delicious Taash."

Lucanis: "You've outdone yourself."

Taash: "Yeah yeah enough with the buttering me up. Just eat it already."

*everyone begins to eat*

Davrin: "Hang on a minute?! I did an inventory check this morning and we definitely didn't have any fish in storage!"

Bellara: "That's right! And you've been out on a mission with Rook and Lucanis all day! When did you have time to make a trip to the market Taash?"

Taash: "I didn't."

Bellara: "What?! Then where did you get the fish from?"

Taash: "That big fish tank."

Rook: "... What fish tank?!"

Taash: "The one in your room."

Everyone else: 0_0

Taash: "... what?"

Davrin: "You got these fish from Rook's fish tank!?"

Taash: "I mean... Technically it's Solas' fish tank."

*distant screaming of horror from the fade*

Taash: "Don't worry... I tested the meal first the other day."

Davrin: "On who?!"

Taash: "Assan. He seemed to like it."

Davrin: "YOU FED MY GRIFFON FADE-FISH TANK FISH!?"

Taash: "Yep."

Emmrich: "Ahh the benefits of being a vegetarian."

Lucanis: "I think I might convert."

Bellara: "I wonder if I'll get ancient Elven fade magic from eating these?"

Rook: "I doubt it?"

Neve: *continues eating the fish*

Harding: "Neve!?"

Neve: "What? I like fish. Be a shame to let it go to waste."

Taash: "What?"

Rook: 😛

Taash: 😝

Rook: 😘

Taash: 🥰

Rook: 😊

Taash: 😋

Rook: 😍

Taash: "Taarala."

Rook: "Vhenan."

Davrin: "AHEM!"

Rook and Taash: 0_0

Davrin: "Public place guys. Not only are you traumatising Lucanis..."

Lucanis: "Kill me."

Davrin: "... But you've got Bellara taking notes to write fanfiction about you two as well!"

Bellara: *desperately tries to hide her paper* "WhAt No I'm NoT!"

Davrin: "I'm not paid enough for this crap."

P.S. We are on a tight budget this week thanks to Rook spending all that gold on weapons and armor, so don't ask for anything too expensive.

P.P.S. That means you Rook! No asking for chocolate!

Shopping List

Elfroot seeds - Harding

Compost - Harding

Coffee beans - Lucanis

Bottle of Tevinter Red - Neve

Herbs and Spices - Lucanis

Chilli. The really hot ones that I can taste - Taash

Flapjacks - Davrin

Box of porridge - Davrin

Eggs - Davrin

New pad of paper - Neve

More workout equipment. I broke the pole thing again - Taash

Copy of the latest newspaper - Emmrich

Tofu - Emmrich

Some ginger - Taash

Steak - Davrin

Gingerwart Truffles - Assan

Fish. Don't mind what kind - Neve

Coffee Beans - Lucanis

Oops. Forgot I already put that on. My bad. Lucanis.

I'll take a newspaper too - Harding

Chocolate - Rook

Rook! I already said no! Bellara.

Chocolate for Rook. - Taash

Taash!!!