\o/

nobody numa numas like they used to

I hate that when you’re stressed enough your body just starts falling apart. I think it should realize you’re already stressed and don’t need that and start functioning better actually

wow dude jts so awesome that your car is loud as fuck and smells worse when it drives past. thags fucking epic man. i really like how it hurts to listen to you drive past and it scares people. thats awesome man. i really like your car that makes a loud as fuck fart sound. fucking epic dude

you love to hear it: boyfriend exiting by saying “excuse me while i go misuse my work computer” followed, distantly, by the entire library of Donkey Kong sound effects from Brawl

love wearing all black in public i hope no large gaseous heat emitting orb in the sky comes along and makes my day worse

update: uh oh

if you put a bunch of vaseline on your chest and then you eat some chips shirtless you can experience something gross and disgusting

getting on the treadmill at the gym and listening to bloodcurdling screams and scary noises and running as fast as i can screaming and crying and freaking out and looking behind me like someone's chasing me for like 30 minutes and then i immediately stop and leave like nothing happened

I do actually think when I stopped feeling like every stance I have I have to live flawlessly I became a lot happier and less guilt-ridden and controlled by the arbitrary rules decided in my head..it is actually ok that I, someone who has been flawlessly pescetarian since the age of 10, eat bacon one (1) time. The world will not end, I will not be arrested by the pescetarian police, and I am not uniquely and wholly responsible for every animal suffering. In fact, I am still allowed to call myself Pescetarian, because who the fuck cares. And in some ways it's a bit maddening that it took me until the age of almost 24 to realise that lol

Apparently I make waffles so good they inflict self-realization