🍥 𝓇𝒶𝒾 ·˚༘ ꒱🥑

she whispers to me begs to pay attention. leaves me sleepless wondering, allowing happiness that love is peaceful and hauntingly beautiful.

my heart rumbles in my chest aching the silence was all I had. the quietness, I close my eyes and let it embrace me. like a prayer the wind waves over my skin through in the palm of my hand. dark gray skies and foggy clouds sprinkled stars.

butterflies whose broken wings mixed with leaves crackled under my feet. scent of pine filled my nose, the shadows of trees and mountains may neverending letting it swallow me.

rain steady drumming against the earth was rhythmic, soothing even. the night forest echoes of the world's creatures creeps nearby.

my bones start to decompose and my heart rots away in my ribcage, the glow of the stars twinkle and dim to black. the woods were my lullaby swaying in the storm's eye. dancing in the night that fills my thoughts. I never felt so alive.

-Faith

A poem inspired by photos I took in the woods during yesterday's storm <3

রাত পোহালেই মহালয়া।

I can imagine how gorgeous you look right now. All decked up in the yellow fairy lights, the pujo sale at the shopping malls, people hustling and bustling to gather things for the pandals.

I am not at home this time. I'm miles away from you, in a completely different time zone at that. And it scares me. I had never thought I would live to see a day where I won't wake up at the soft sound of আশ্বিনের শারদঃপ্রাতে lingering in the misty morning air from the loudspeaker at the end of my alleyway.

My earliest recollection of mahalaya is my 7 year old self forcing my father to wake me up at 4 am, struggling to stay awake and falling asleep halfway through it. Waking up at 10 only to find out that I fell asleep and then yell at my father for not stopping me.

It all seems like a distant memory now. Some would say it makes a good story for the dinner table. But for me, it feels like home. I left a fragment of my heart with you when I moved out. Calcutta, it still beats in the same narrow alley in the heart of the city.

My mother once told me, "Never be so attached to something that you forget to live your life because of it". But how exactly do I live my life when I've only ever felt alive with you?

You have a weird scent, Calcutta. It wafts my nose everytime I breathe in your air. I miss it everytime I am away from you. Calcutta, you've taught me many things about growing up. And now I miss being a kid with you.

You know how they say home is where your heart is? Calcutta, you've been my home even before I had learnt what the word actually meant.

It terrifies just how fast time flew and my life got divided into befores and afters when only yesterday I was 10, skipping down the road in my new yellow sundress for অষ্টমীর অঞ্জলি.

I know you taught me that I can make a home out of any place as long as I want to, Calcutta. But they would still dim in front of you. You can rival the sun with how bright you burn. Nowhere else will I find a second you. You are my home, Calcutta. And you will forever and always be my home. No matter who or where I am.

On this auspicious day of mahalaya, I miss you terribly. And I hope you know, that I will be back. One day. I regret leaving you. But I promise one day I will not have to walk away from you anymore.

দেখ আলোয় আলো আকাশ

দেখ আকাশ তারায় ভরা

দেখ যাওয়ার পথের পাশে

ছোটে হাওয়া পাগল পারা

এত আনন্দ আয়োজন

Dear Calcutta,

I can only imagine how gorgeous you must be looking right now, all decked up in those yellow fairy lights, blaring music from the speakers, array of vehicles lined up outside the pandals, people confirming their tickets to return to your warmth.

I'm about to move out, soon. It feels like a dream to fathom that this might be my last pujo with you before I'm gone for a long while. I've seen my cousins dying to come back to you, a tear or two escaping from the corner of their eyes through the laptop screen as they talk about how much they miss being here during pujo.

Dear Calcutta, you've taught me the importance of leaving the comfort of things one dearly loves and holds close to their heart. You've taught me that I can make a home out of any place as long as I want to. And trust me I will probably love the place as much as you.

Just kidding! I can never get over you, get over the long lazy winter evenings spent at Maidan, the hand-pulled rickshaws, the tetul jol e dobano phuchka, the yellow taxis. Where do I find the maddening spirit of approaching Pujo, the long hours spent at Maddox square with my friends, the bargaining at Esplanade, the street food, you?

You've taught me how to live, enjoy everyday to it's fullest. Taught me the meaning of life, of joy, of family. Calcutta, if home is where your heart is, you've been my home even before I learnt what it actually means.

Today, standing on my balcony as I glance down on the fairy-light adorned streets, the people rushing about to gather things for the pandal, I've come to miss you even before I leave. It tugs at my heart strings to even think of pujo without you.

Calcutta, you've taught me how to forgive and forget. How to love something from afar, hold it close to my heart, even if I can't physically experience it. You've taught me what it's like to grow up.

210822 NCT 127 IG Update with TAEYONG, DOYOUNG & TAEIL

‘My happy place is you teaching me how to dance in the kitchen at two in the morning.‘  — Lidia Longorio 

It is August. My life is going to change. I feel it.

summary: several years after high school, when you and your peers have all established careers, you get invited to your graduating class reunion.

pairing: lee taeyong x gn!reader

word count: 2.4k

genre: exes!au, angst, some closure.

a/n: mentions of alcohol, UNEDITED

You knew this day would come, but not this soon.

It feels like it came fast when in reality it’s been almost seven years since you graduated from high school. It took a handful of odd jobs after receiving your bachelor’s degree, but you were able to land a position as an accountant. With your hard work, you’ve slowly climbed up the ladder to where you now serve as the finance director of the firm you work for. Your salary is handsome, as per your standards, and you were recently able to afford a nice apartment. It was only after your move that you visited your parents on the other side of the city where they handed you the envelope in your hands. It was an invitation to your high school reunion.

That's how, fast forward a week later, you found yourself standing in front of your old high school gymnasium. You see people walking towards the entrance and feel stupid because most of them seem to be going with another person, maybe a friend they would keep in touch with or a significant other. Maybe you should have coaxed one of your co-workers and bribed them with drinks or something afterward. Too late now, you thought, as you sighed and made your way to the entrance. Upon arrival, the first thing you notice is the reasonably large group of people scattered throughout the room. It’s dark and the only light sources are the few disco ball lamps projecting multicolored circles throughout the perimeter of the room. You squint to try to make out people when seconds later, your thoughts are interrupted by a shrill, “Y/N!” You turn your head towards the sound and find an adult Jisoo approaching you. Jisoo was one of your closest friends you kept in touch with for a while but lost contact with a couple of years into college. “Jisoo, is that you? Oh my god, it’s been ages! How are you?” you hugged her, and she began to share how shortly after graduating college, she applied for a job as a photographer at a fashion agency, but she ended up landing a job as a model. Long story short, Jisoo was now a thriving model. “I’m so happy for you!” you gush with sincerity and she gets shy, combing her fingers through her hair. She tells you that she may have just landed her big break, about to fill you in on details when an oh-so-familiar voice cuts her off. “Hey guys,” you turn around and your eyes meet Lee Taeyong.

Taeyong and Y/N: the “dream team” as they used to call you back in high school. You shared a long and valuable relationship with him, dating almost throughout all of high school. That's why when people heard that you split up, they were more shocked than they would have liked to admit. it was a rather nasty breakup that was not mutual at first; he had gotten into his dream university located across the country while you chose to stay in your home city for college. You didn't want to stop him from achieving his dreams of becoming a pediatric dietitian; you would have hated yourself for acting that selfish. Therefore, you thought things could work via long-distance and they did for a while, but the harsh realities like not being able to hold each other in your hard times set in faster than you wanted to admit. Your schedules were becoming increasingly incompatible, and it became difficult for either one of you to grasp onto the relationship. You both watched as it slowly slipped away from your hands. Taeyong was the one to pull the trigger, and with heavy hearts, the two of you officially parted ways.

You have not contacted each other since then. Now, the two of you stand face to face, and you see an emotion in his eyes that you don’t recognize. Perhaps it’s because you successfully managed to forget the negative memories from all the ones you still have of him. Or maybe you just forgot how to read him. “Uh, Y/N, I wasn’t expecting you to show up,” he awkwardly rubs his hands together as he slowly shifts his gaze around the room. “Yeah, I wasn’t going to come, but I decided to come just for the fun of it. Bit of a last-minute decision, actually.” Jisoo could sense the tension in the air and playfully scoffed, “really? Y/N, I thought you weren’t the type of person to make last-minute decisions. You used to grill me for doing that all the time.” You notice the surprise looming on Taeyong's face; he must’ve been taken aback by your statement too. You turn away from his careful gaze before coldly replying, “people change over time, I guess.”

After Jisoo finds someone else to catch up with, you quickly excuse yourself to the bar to grab a glass of punch because there is no way in hell that you want to be left alone with Taeyong right now. The walk over to the bar is a little difficult, mainly due to the lack of light, but you manage to make it without bumping into anyone else. as you pour your punch in a cup, someone clears their throat in front of you. “Johnny Suh!” you gasp, a smile forming on your face. Johnny and you used to be neighbors in high school but right after graduation, he and his family moved to Chicago. You were very sad at the departure of one of your only friends, so you were beyond thrilled to see him again. You shuffle around the table to give him a hug that he gladly reciprocated. “I thought I saw you walk in. how are you, Y/N?”

“I’ve been well. Busy, but well. When did you get back?” He tells you that he recently got a job at an accounting firm, right here in the city. When you ask him where he says the name of your firm. “No way! I work there, too!” Johnny lights up at this, you talk about the work-life, how the people are, and share your experiences.

You fail to notice that across the room, a pair of eyes have been following you ever since you left them alone a few moments ago. Taeyong watches, with a pained gaze, as you reciprocate what is obvious flirtatious behavior from Johnny. Truthfully, when Johnny moved away, Taeyong remembers being a little happy on the inside, because he wouldn’t have to hear you talk about him so much. If he didn’t know better, he’d say that Johnny harbored a small crush on you. When he brought it up, you used to throw your head back in laughter, before pinching his cheeks and calling him cute. That same feeling begs to ignite again, but his head is quicker than his heart, as it forces him to look down at the thin silver band wrapped around the ring finger of his right hand. You’ve moved on, he hears, and he tucks his hand into his pocket. Someone walks over to him and captures his attention, pushing the thoughts of you and what could have been to the back of his head.

Johnny gets a call from someone, so he excuses himself from your company, leaving you standing amidst the terrible background music and a half-full cup of punch in your hand. You figure you can go grab some fresh air right about now, so you meander off to the door, before stepping out onto the concrete outside. The cool summer breeze is comfortable against your arms but out of habit you fold them together, the cup of punch firmly held in your palm. You close your eyes and exhale the breath you didn’t know you were holding. “Care if I join you?” Taeyong’s voice rings, shattering the silence you developed briefly. Opening your eyes, you clear your throat before saying, “be my guest.” Taeyong stands next to you, and once he’s in the light you’re able to get a better look at him. The last time you saw Taeyong, his hair was much shorter and cleanly trimmed. He had innocence in his eyes that twinkled with every step. The version of him standing next to you was definitely more mature; there’s a shadow of smile lines and crow’s feet on the side of his face you see, his hair has grown out quite a bit and you can make out the sharpness of his cheekbone and jaw naturally contouring his face.

“Some things never change, right?” He says out of the blue and you cough to offset the growing embarrassment you feel. He’s referring to how you used to zone out into your thoughts when you stared at him, usually from the side. He would always be able to pick up on it, teasing you relentlessly. “Have you been well?” “Did you move back here?” The both of you asked at the same time to one another, awkwardly laughing off the collision of your questions before you said, “you first.” Taeyong nodded, “I moved back here almost a year ago actually. I was transferred to a small hospital and they knew I was from here, so they figured it was easier to send someone who had a feel for the demographic.” You bit your lip, and he continued, “I didn’t realize how much I missed this city. It was only after I moved back that I felt like this is where home was all along. How about you, did you ever leave?” You shook your head, “I had all my opportunities here, so I never felt the need to go anywhere. I have been perfectly happy and I never felt better,” and as you speak, you notice Taeyong pull his hand out of his pocket to scratch his ear and light reflects the ring resting nicely on his ring finger. You try not to let your eyes widen too much, but you can’t help it if your heart shatters in your chest. “You’re engaged.” Taeyong winced at the change in your tone; he wanted to avoid this topic. “Uh, yeah. Yes, I am.” You attempt to play it off, looking away from his analyzing gaze. “Who’s the lucky person?” Taeyong looks outward with a certain fondness as he recalls details of his significant other. He says they met in one of his classes, saying they “were the best friend he never had”. You listened on as your walls started to break.

“I proposed shortly after I found out I was transferred here. They moved here with me, actually.” You nodded, recognizing all too well this feeling growing in you. It was reminiscent of how you felt when you broke up with him, but this was much more intense. You painfully exhaled and you knew he could sense it. “Happy for you. I really am,” you managed to say without letting your voice crack. Taeyong was always very straightforward with you, and it didn’t surprise you when he said, “Y/N, I was in the darkest place when we broke up. They helped me get out of that. I know it was not an easy decision to make, which is why I want you to know that you will always have a place in my heart. We spent so many years together, it’s natural that you and I will always be something special.” You turn the other way, and this time, you can’t stop the tears from falling. You couldn’t face him anymore because you don’t want to reveal to him that a big part of you still wanted him. Seeing that ring on his finger and hearing him gush about his partner reaffirmed all that. Now, all you wanted to do was to get out of there. “I’ll be honest, sometimes it still feels like I haven’t gotten over you. Even if I did. Know that I will always love you and that you’ll always have a piece of me.” Taeyong says, and a small whimper leaves you. “I’m a mess, Taeyong,” you croak. “I built this strong wall and convinced myself that I was okay. Tonight you’ve proved me wrong. I tried time and time again to find someone else to introduce into my life but no one comes close.” You finally wipe your eyes and turn back to face Taeyong to find silent tears trailing down his face. “I was hoping you’d be here tonight if I’m being honest. I needed to get this off my chest. I’m sorry for everything, Y/N.”

You breathe, the final bit of teardrops sitting at your waterline. “Thank you, Taeyong. For everything, but especially the memories. I know I can’t fall out of love with you overnight, and I certainly will not ask you to do anything selfish. You know that I just want you to be happy, and if they make you happy, that’s all that matters.” Taeyong wants to reach out to wipe your tears, but he’s afraid he’ll cross a line he set for himself. “Would you still want to be friends? For old times’ sake,” Taeyong asks, hoping you’ll say yes. You feel conflicted but you say, “you’re going to need to give me time, Taeyong. I need to sort things out in terms of relationships, and right now, I don’t think I can take being your friend. That’s going to lead to me wishing terrible things on you two, and I don’t want to jeopardize a relationship that is strong enough as it is. Please, don’t force me to befriend you when I’m broken.” Taeyong is hurt, but the rational voice in his head is telling him that you are doing the right thing. “It’s getting late,” you muster the courage to say, “I should head out but I’m glad you got the closure you needed.” Taeyong offered to walk you to your car, and you don’t know if you can take any more heartbreak, but you let him walk you anyway. The tears are gone for now, but they’ll come back. Taeyong hesitates, “Do you want to meet up for lunch or something anytime soon?” You unlock your door and open it before turning to him. There’s a glint of hope in his eye, and you smile meekly, “maybe but not soon, Taeyong. When I’m ready. I hope you can understand.” He nods almost instantly, and you’re grateful for his reaction. “I’ll see you someday,” you tell him and he nods, waving to you as you start your car and leave, whispering under his breath “someday.”