Love, Life And Everything Inbetween

“I like to think that you’re up all night, unable to sleep without me.”

If there is a next life, I can only hope that I will be enough in that one.

After all this time, I’m still waiting for you to call me and say you’re sorry and you haven’t had a day where you haven’t thought about the way I used to hold you. Or even for you to just show up at my door and hug me, and in that hug I’ll understand everything. But in reality, I know the longer I wait, the more you’re getting used to your life without me. You’re happier without me as the time goes on.

My friend told me that the boy she’s talking to has been ignoring her for 17 hours. It made me laugh because she was so precise about the timing but it also brought back flashbacks. The days I’d be anxious and desperate for him to reply. I’d sit and wait and check my phone hundreds of times, only to be met with silence. I’d check if his Snapchat score went higher, wondering who he’s talking to and why he hasn’t replied to me. Am I too boring? Is he with friends and too ashamed to text me in their presence? My mind would race with all these possibilities and I was so naive to the truth: he didn’t like me. It took me half a year to come to the realization. A boy who truly wants you will make it known, don’t settle for anything less.

25/10/18

“I sat there teaching you how to love and how to let someone in, knowing damn well it wouldn’t be me”

“I think of you before I sleep

“I could use a little bit of you right now.”