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I truly have sad news, everyone. It pains me to say this, but this will most likely be my last post on here. I know this is surprising to hear after my last announcement post, and I didn't think it would come to this, either. However, with my sharply declining mental health, hellish personal life, negative dashboard posts, and the people I hurt still being nearby, being here only makes me feel anxious and sad. So, I'll explain this all a bit right here.
I officially have quit writing and it makes me sad, to be honest. It was my passion for the longest time and a way to finally express myself without people trying to control my life and look down on my unsociable self. It felt like a dream come true having a community like this. However, I've come to realize that the way I write and interact with others about it is egotistical, selfish, and inaccessible to most people. This drives readers away from my works and makes me feel bad about expressing myself. So, I'll stop because of that, and the lack of engagement/support on them is another reason. It sucks, but I just don't have it in me anymore if people just ignore them. It's not like they were very good or added much on this platform, anyway...
I will also stop reblogging other people's stuff, liking, commenting, and just interacting in general as well. This is due to me severely hurting a few people with them and being annoying and overbearing with my overly honest personality. I know it's annoying having me pop up everywhere and being excessive about analysis/praise I give other people's fics. I thought I was being helpful and supportive as a fellow writer, but this eventually turned into being too much and making others uncomfortable. I'm truly sorry for that, so I'll make sure I stop so I don't hurt anyone ever again. And I just don't have the energy to keep up with everyone's posts either, sorry about that as well.
I also realize my posts that vent and open up about my personal life is off-putting and perhaps selfish. I know it's not easy to read and I'm sorry for making you all worry. It's not your responsibility to bear, it's entirely mine, even if I don't know how to solve it all by myself... I honestly don't know if I'll even be okay, my thoughts are starting to become suicidal and self-destructive lately.
Finally, I'm mainly leaving here due to me being too afraid and unsafe of those I upset. When I mess up, I take it VERY hard and run away, since I hate hurting people and feel horribly guilty every time I see them. It's painful to keep being around them. I never thought me being so loving and helpful to others would pose any problems, but I was wrong and that's unforgivable. I wanted to be a good person, but I can't be if I make others feel bad and drive them away. I feel like I don't deserve to be on here when I do things like that... So, I'll get off here to make sure this platform feels safer and not hurt anyone else again.
All in all, posts and interactions will stop on here for the foreseeable future, but the blog will be left up as it is for anyone who wants to see this. By tomorrow night, I will have logged out of all devices and left this behind, so I'll interact with any comments or asks I get until then. I'll still be on the Discord server or DMs, but I might have to leave those too if things don't get better... I'm truly sorry about all this, my mutuals and fellow members. It's not your faults, it's mine for being such an awful person that became what they hate without ever realizing it. I wish I could've done better and been the person I wanted to be, but I can't and will probably not get better anytime soon, by the looks of it...
To finish this, I just wanted to say that I'm truly sorry to all those I hurt. I never wanted to and I hope you'll be safer now that I'm leaving, consider it my punishment for what I've done. I want you all to have fun on here, and I won't get in the way of that any longer. I'm sorry Gwen, Kat, Ruu, Isirah, Mila, Ari, Nervo, Sunni, and everyone else who interacted with my posts a lot. I'm sorry to any other followers of mine (which I know there aren't many). And I'm sorry to all other Hvnters, I've been a bad member. I failed all of you and brought you all down... I know this won't fix what I did, but I hope this can at least be a way I can slowly change over time and make everyone feel safer to be on here from now on. I want this to make up for my actions, even just a little...
Anyway, goodbye to everyone! I still love all of you and am thankful for all the good memories, comforting words, fun fic interactions, and bonds we formed. You can find me on Discord if you ever want to talk. Good luck on all your lives and I hope you all have fun. I may be gone on here for now, but I treasure all the good times I had here, really. I wish I was that person I always dreamed to be, and I tried my best, which is all I can do. Even if I'm gone, I hope you all still continue to be your wonderful selves. I'll be doing my best! Thanks for everything!
hihihiii sam !!! thought i'd check up on you (^^;) of course, you can totally ignore this ask if you wish to ! no worries <3
i saw your posts T^T i don't want to offer words of comfort since i don't know if that's what you need right now but !!! reminding you that you're very much loved <3 and the new year's just starting so there will surely be brighter days to come for an amazing person like you. take care of yourself okay !!
Hi! I appreciate this, really. I honestly don’t know what I need either, since I feel so hopeless. I have trouble seeing that I’m loved at times, especially in times like these. Still, I’ll try to see that more often. Yeah, the New Year’s starting, so it will hopefully be better as time goes on. I’ll try to take care of myself, but it’s getting hard. Sorry if this was too depressing, I’m very draining and miserable to be around. I don’t want to hurt you… Thanks anyway, though! I hope everything goes well for you too!
I also think there’s something really wrong with me. Like a lot of unknown mental health problems. My mood shifts through every emotion throughout the day and I feel so exhausted by it and can’t control it. My intense fears of abandonment and nonexistent self esteem are also a part of it. I shouldn’t be feeling this bad, but I do. I have no money or resources to look into it, though. I’m all on my own to figure it out, it seems. I’m also starting to lose the will to live… There’s no point to keep on living like this and I don’t matter all that much. Not many would remember my presence on here, I think.
I hate myself so fucking much. I’m so helpless and can’t do anything right. My efforts to be genuine and honest and help others is something I try to do so I can give others the love and support I don’t have in my hellish home life and a way I can feel like I’m not useless. I wish I was truly selfless, but I’m not. I’m selfish in every sense of the word… I keep hurting everyone I care about and it sucks. It doesn’t matter if I didn’t intend to, I’m toxic and dangerous to be around. I don’t think I’m worthy of having friends or human connection if I can’t even change. I’m a lost cause and people shouldn’t get close to me, I’ll end up hurting and driving them away eventually, even when if I try my best not to and change very hard. I don’t want to make people feel bad. However, it’s what I do best over the course of my pathetic little life. I’m no better than my piece of shit mother. I’m a monster…
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I don't eat or sleep much anymore. I don't have the motivation to. I'm starting to lose weight from it; a lot of my clothes don't fit me anymore... I just don't care, none of it matters. Feels like nothing will ever really change.
I really need to get out of here. I feel like a prisoner in my own home. I can’t leave or have anyone to help me. I’ll get insulted and screamed at no matter what I do or say… I don’t know why my mom hates me so much. She says I don’t deserve any rights and I’m her “little scapegoat”. What did I do to deserve this? It sucks, being afraid of your own home and not being fully loved by your family. I don’t feel real or that I matter. I don’t want to hurt others like she hurts me, but it’s so difficult to change and be seen in an environment like mine. And it feels like I’m alone and no one fully understands…
I’m thinking about going back to being a recluse and not trying too hard to put myself out there. I feel like I’m a danger to others and can never do anything right. I wish I could actually help people and not keep screwing up with everything…
I'm genuinely sorry for not interacting with anybody on here lately. I'm worried that I'll make others feel bad and uncomfortable, and I don't want that. I'm annoying and draining to be around, since I feel like my attempts at being honest and supportive just feels like too much at times. I wish I didn't have so much self-doubt...
I have panic attacks and cry every day now. I wake up and my whole body hurts, my heart rate is ridiculously high, and my thoughts are scary. I can’t stop it or have anything to treat it with. And having to deal with it all alone is so painful. I’m exhausted and wish things would just get better and calm down…
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The thing that sucks the most about my depression is that I can’t really enjoy anything anymore. Things that used to make me feel fun and satisfied no longer do. It feels horrible, having nothing that makes you smile…
2025 was genuinely the worst year of my life. My home life reached a breaking point, I lost a parent unexpectedly, and my mental health issues have gotten the worst they’ve ever been. I’ve lost so much and it hurts so fucking badly. I can’t escape, either. It makes it so difficult to keep going when there’s no hope in sight and I’m all alone… I really fear that I’m going to lose everything and everyone I love and care about, by my own doing. I feel like I’m going to die a sad and lonely death. I’m so dysfunctional and fundamentally broken as a social human being that I don’t think I can be changed or helped. I drive people away and hurt them, even though I don’t want or intend to. I feel like I don’t deserve love or happiness. I’m so, so scared, and I’m trapped and powerless to stop my life and mental health from collapsing all around me. This all sucks so much…
I can’t believe my mother is once again blaming my lack of a job on not saying “yes or no, sir/ma’am” during interviews. That sounds ridiculous and I hate using honorifics like those. They feel outdated and assume people’s genders. Why can’t I have sympathy for trying my best in a bad job market?
I have fully returned early. I wish it were under happier circumstances, but if I'm being honest, I'm really sad and my mental health is at an all-time low. My life is completely falling apart and I'm pretty helpless to do anything about it. I'm trapped here and don't have anyone to really help me out. I've been so depressed, I don't eat or sleep much and can barely get up. I think I may have deeply unaddressed mental health issues. In fact, I thought about deleting everything in my online life and isolating myself forever... I don't want that, though, so that's why I wanted to address what can be expected from this blog going forward.
I have no idea when I'm going to write again, it won't be for a long time and I considered quitting altogether. A lack of passion from myself and support from others is a big factor. So, I have no idea what will be next. I'm sorry for this, I just don't know what to do anymore...
I'll still make posts, but the focus will shift to more vent and expressing the struggles I'm facing in my life. I understand this is a big change and will drive people away. Feel free to ignore me if they bother you, I understand. I can't think of much else to do, though. As for reblogging other people's stuff, I'll still do it, but perhaps reduce the frequency so I don't spam the dash and upset anyone.
In short, I'm not leaving, but will generally be inactive and open about what I'm going through. I appreciate everyone who supports me, you mean the world to me. I sincerely hope things get better for me and that I don't make anyone upset by my posts, I just don't know how to fix my life, if I even can...
Anyway, that's about it. I know this was a lot and I hope you can all understand. I'll still support people if they want my help, that will never change. If anyone wants to talk to me, you know where to find me. Have a great day and I'll try not to give up, I promise!
ANOTHER YEAR DONE AND DONE , HAPPY NEW YEAR HVNTERS !
hello hvnters !!! as 2025 draws to a close and 2026 opens its doors, the staff team would like to extend our most sincere gratitude to all of you who have made all of this possible. whether you are active or not, we love and appreciate each and every one of you for being alongside us during all this time. may this journey take us starward!
This absolutely incredible! The way everyone is drawn is true and accurate to the characters. I love the wine glass in Kafka's hand, Blade posing, Silver Wolf gaming, and Elio looking cute. I especially love Firefly's face smiling and the SAM suit soaring. The billboard angle is amazing as well. Overall, thanks to Illu for making this wonderful piece as a great way to start off the new year!
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Anya is LIVE right now
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happy late new year, Sam!! welcome back, i missed you while you were gone. here’s to hoping 2026 treats you well—you deserve it! ♥️🎉
Happy late new year to you as well! I'm glad you missed me. I'm really hoping 2026 is better, since this last year and the last few months of it have been dire for me and I'm struggling to keep going at my lowest. I'll soon make an announcement on what I'm going to do online here going forward. Sorry I'm saying all this, I really appreciate you specifically for still caring about me. I hope things are better for you as well!
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