morally ambiguous heroes

dm: alright, so here's a situation with a choice, and i cannot emphasize enough that there might be huge consequences in your decision

almost every other player: ok, can we like.. investigate... i dont want to jump int-

The only way I’m going to hell is if you go first!

I forgot I started biblically insulting you last time.

Oh Ivel, cry me a river. I’ll cry you a fucking coffin.

After trying to steal from a general goods store and nearly getting drowned, the party is wandering through the jungle.

They found the temple, but there was a magical barrier keeping them out. They found out a pedestal that had an inscription, mentioning a sword of destiny in the elven settlement. The party headed there and found the Keeper of the Sword.

The Keeper was an extreme hoarder, but Ivel found it by pure luck. Rushing back, they returned to the temple to confront the God.

They had an epic battle where Ivel stole the show; wielding the Sword of Destiny he leapt up and put the sword through the Warrior God’s head as a final blow, shouting the words EAT MY ASS. Sadly enough this epic display also took a bit of his life force.

They freed Aesthetic, who was imprisoned there, before going to the Temple’s vault where they found money and various artefacts with their name on it.

They returned to the mainland after, finding that the Regent was overthrown, the Prince had ascended the throne, and their dog and horses in good health.

our heroes(?) helped capture a navy ship and then paid the captain 15 gold and an egg for it. they called it the friendship. pirate captain stone egged ival.

the crew arrived at polemos, the warrior city. they went to the tavern after talking to a random commoner who was a stickler for grammar.

they talked to a handsome adventurer who told them that the temple was four days north.

then they talked to a grump man who didn’t give them much information.

then they talked to a goth hivemind cult who stole an idol after telling them about an elven settlement on the island that didn’t like them.

“I want to ship” “You bourgeoisie fuck”

“how about instead of paying, I pay you with how high I can stick my leggy in the air”

“that’s nearly all my gold, can anyone spot me?” “[points at ival] there you are”

“inside this soul is my egg”

“bitch, you didn’t bring that up” “I did you just weren’t listening” “you weren’t relevant enough to be listening for”

“will you be nameless? How will we find you in a crowd?” “don’t”

“I will trade other bodily fluids” “uh….” “I will cry”

this time the crew got to talk to Fennec in his incredibly lavish room, where he told them about that every hundred years or so there’s a Red Moon and the warrior god and his challenger have a rematch.

He also gave them a trinket to gain safe passage from a pirate captain.

And roundhouse kicked Gnipper for sitting on his bed, so that was fun.

After a night in the tavern they went to the harbour where they talked to the pirate Captain and to the Navy Admiral. They decided to go with the Admiral.

After a party celebrating a win they got InterrogatedTM by the Admiral who’s got very strict values about morals and saving people trapped in rooms.

Gnipper and Ivel got marooned, and the others had the chance to join them or not. Ruby tried to convince the Admiral not to do this by being a hysterical pregnant woman but failed. They all got marooned and out of pettiness tried to set the flagship of the Navy on fire.

who is sending you all these gifts, friend? why was my first thought the pope

it’s always sunny in dnd: gnipper destroys the moon

wait they have meals why am i buying so much cheese

‘lets go talk to my pirate friends’ ‘i thought you said you had no pirate friends’ ‘well im going to make some ye bitch’

‘also my backup singer is a seal’

‘i have a question: what’s worse, murdering people or interrogating people during a party?’

‘so these two are gonna get marooned’ ‘PLEASE DON’T LEAVE ME WITH HIM’

‘whatever gods there are, i’m gonna lick their asses’

he’s not an assassin, he’s an assman. he’s into butts. - just end yourself

he doesn’t like us, i pissed on him

“i can’t take you seriously whe you’re just waving a hammer around” “so you can take me seriously with elf ears and dots on my face?” “when do I ever take you seriously?”

the crew talked to the Fennec for a brief moment. At first he was reluctant to talk but after convincing him they were sent by Persephone he became more talkative.

the Fennec talked about the war god’s cult and the challenger who potentially defeated him under the Red Moon. But before the Fennec could come to the conclusion of the story, four guards burst into the tavern to kill them and Gnipper almost died :(!!!!!!!!!

The group killed three of the guards and let the fourth one, who in his own stupidity stabbed himself in the foot, go.