WILDEST DREAMS

no    matter    the    length    of    time,    nor    distance    stretched    between    them,    her    warmth    remained    permanent    in    him    —    unforgotten.    nothing    of    her    had    dimmed    in    cerebrum,    she    lived    there    still,    glowing,    a    light    he    doubted    could    ever    extinguish.         ❛    you    wouldn't    be alone    for    the    holidays,    right?    ❜         his    tone    is    soft,    curiosity    wrapped    in    a    prying    whisper,    and    he    knows    it.         ❛    i    mean,    you    got    that    nice    new    job    now,    dating    that    guy    who    wears    a    suit    in    like…    every    photo    you    post    together.    ❜         didn’t    realize    it    then,    his    words    a    confession    to    social    media    stalking    he’s    been    committed    to    since    their    love    burned    out    —    brows    only    knit    in    confusion    instead,    cerebrum    drifting    to    image    of    peculiar    man    in    the    eternal    suit    and    mentally    debating    why    exactly    he    favored    such    attire.         ❛    i    never    agreed    to    that.    ❜         perks    up    then,    shaking    cranium.         ❛    i    called    you    every    day    after,    liv.    you    agreed    on    that    for    the    both    of    us.    ❜

for so long, his family had felt like her own. the more time she spent with him, the less she ever wanted to be in her own life. even now, the thought of spending christmas with her dysfunctional family made her skin crawl with the idea. “ um.. no, i didn't really have any plans for christmas.. ” she admitted quietly. his next comment caught her off guard, her heart racing as he delved into her personal life that oddly he had no part in anymore. her own photos plastered on her homepage sending the wrong message inside his head, arranged pictures with careful angled shots. her coworker's hand resting just close enough to look like something it wasn't. “ when did you become so active on instragram? ” she questioned, anything to avoid responding to his other remark, the title of boyfriend being handed off like it meant nothing to them. “ you were supposed to be focusing on school and i was trying to figure out my life here. it was for the best ”

❛    it's    no    big    deal.    ❜      lie    slips    past    brims,    elder    now    fading    down    the    hall,    leaving    him    the    dishes,    and    her.    he    dodges    her    gaze,    jaw    tightening,    hands    moving    on    autopilot    as    he    shelves    clean    plates,    each    clink    confessing    what    he    won’t.         ❛    i    wasn't    planning    on    coming…    but    knowing    how    alone    she's    been,    i    thought    i'd    surprise    her.    ❜         he    turns    to    her    at    last,    bones    tired,    leaning    himself    against    the    kitchen    counter.         ❛    how    would    you    make    things    more    complicated?    think    seeing    your    face    is    gonna    remind    me    of    all    the    feelings    for    you    i've    tried    for    two    months    to    get    over?    ❜         and    it    did,    seeing    her    in    the    flesh    did    exactly    that. 

somehow the silence between them was louder than the clatter of dishes in his hands. she tried to focus on helping him, stepping in behind as she moved silverware from the sink into the dishwasher. distracting her hands and her mind but every small sound only seemed to echo in her head. this was becoming to feel like a mistake. “ that's why i came, no one should have to be alone on the holidays ” the words hung in the air for a moment, more to remind herself than convincing him. “ i know we haven't really talked since... everything and we agreed not to see each again, but we can survive the weekend together, right? ”

“ well,   that   would   have   been   nice   to   mention   earlier,   don't   you   think? ”   sami   didn't   quite   feel   the   right   to   be   as   upset   as   she   was,   but   she   was   exhausted   with   it   all.    “ you   could   have   been   open   with   that   from   the   start.   i   mean,   fuck,   how   long   have   you   been   waiting   to   tell   me   that?   we've   talked   about   it   so   many   times,   thiago. ”

“ i didn't realize marriage was such a deal breaker for you, ” he said quietly, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “ i honestly thought.. i don't know, maybe this idea of being married would fade, or you'd see it the way i do. it's always felt like just a piece of paper ” he exhaled, “ i know, that's why i'm saying this now. i don't want you building expectations around something i can't give you ”

“ if   you   remember   correctly,   you   invited   me   here.   don't   you   tell   me   you   expected   me   to   forget   —   we   might   be   done,   but   we've   still   got   appearances   to   keep   up, ”    her   voice   was   almost   cold,   estelle   trying   her   best   to   not   give   him   much   room   to   argue.   it   was   something   she   did   best.    “ at   least   i   do.   you   don't   look   too   happy   to   see   me   —   should   probably   change   that,   hm? ”

“ yeah, i invited you here when we were still fucking but those days are over and whatever invitation you think you still have .. it disappeared the second my dick went dry ” harsh? most definitely, but wes simply didn't care. he was done pretending he could stomach being around her for even a second without feeling everything he'd been burying claw its way back up. his jaw tightened as she stood there, stubborn as ever, “ why the hell would i pretend to be happy to see you? you were always the biggest pain in my ass ” he bit out, eyes rolling as frustration burned in his chest. “ now you're making it impossible for me to go home with anyone else by showing up ”

HER REACTION IS PREDICTABLE and despite himself harrison has to laugh. it's hard to stay mad when she's so sweet, and besides he's always known this could be a consequence of being with her. he wouldn't have it any other way. « it is already special, » he coos, pressing his cold lips against her forehead. « i don't think amputating a limb suffering from frostbite is what we should aim for. » and still he follows her diligently, eyeing the next contender as if he has the faintest clue what to look for. he's pretty sure his eyeballs might be frozen now too.

he wasn't wrong their first christmas together would be perfect regardless of which tree they lugged home but that didn't stop her from wanting the one. her body warmed as he pressed a soft kiss to the top of her head. his theatrical sighs enough to make her smile and laugh, giving his chest a playful shove before wandering farther down the row. “ are you seriously not having fun? ” she asked over her shoulder, pausing beside another tree as she studied it. “ just imagine how perfect it'll be when we finally find the right one. we'll take it home.. together. decorate it.. together.. ” her voice dipping into a teasing promise as she stepped closer. “ .. and after all that? ” meg rose onto her toes, whispering against his ear, “ we get to have sex under the tree, ” she pulled back with a smile, “ but if you want to keep whining about your cold feet and your aching back then don't expect any of the special christmas traditions that come after we find the perfect tree ”

she looks up at the house again, head tilting. « you know you don't have to do all of this, right ? she's just happy to spend time with both of us. » and she feels guilty every day for how they never quite worked things out — if not for themselves then for their daughter. sera clears her throat before the emotion gets the best of her and starts climbing the ladder resting against the wall. « okay, do not let me fall. i can't imagine she'll be particularly happy with a dead mommy. »

of course he didn't have to go overboard with the decorations but guilt had a funny way of whispering that he should. “ yeah, well, she deserves a real christmas even if she's far from home, ” his lips curved into a soft, defeated pout. without another word, his hands found her hips, steadying her as she climbed the ladder. the warmth of her burning his fingers through the layers of her clothes. “ i've got you, ” he said, a soft laugh threading through his words. “ don't worry ” he released his grip and braced the ladder with both hands. “ you really are supermom, i don't know how you are so good at everything ”