Simplified

I want to rage, to erase this crushing sense of helplessness in my lungs. To snarl instead of sobbing. I wanted to be shocked at this injustice. To be surprised and treat this as a horrific incident and not just a symptom of a bigger problem.

But I've witnessed how racist bigots reacted to Floyd, the instinctive racist response and "jokes" when people identified China as the one who was at fault with the whole COVID-situation, and how I immediately thought that those "low-key" racist thoughts will escalate someday to deadly actions. I listened to some of my friends when they said that I'm exaggerating.

And I wish- I wish I was. I wished that they were right and I was wrong. But look at our bloodied history. Look at where we are now.

One step forward, eight bloody steps back.