Simplicity Of A Fangirl

I am a millennial. Generation Y. Born between the birth of Aids and 9/11, give or take. They call us the global generation. We are known for our entitlement and narcissism. Some say it’s because we’re the first generation where every kid gets a trophy just for showing up. Others think it’s because social media allows us to post every time we fart or have a sandwich for all the world to see. But it seems that our one defining trait is a numbness to the world; an indifference to suffering. I know I did anything I could to not feel: sex, drugs, booze. Just take away the pain. Take away my mother, my asshole father, the press, and all the boys I loved who wouldn’t love me back. Hell, I was gang raped. Two days later, I was back in class like nothing happened. I mean that must’ve hurt like hell, right? Most people never get over stuff like that and I was like, “let’s go for Jamba Juice”. I would give everything I have, or will ever have, just to feel pain again. To hurt.

‘Cause how is the man of my dreams not a man of his words? And how is the man for me Just a man that makes me hurt?

my condolences to anyone who’s ever lost me and to anyone who got lost in me or to anyone who ever felt they took a loss with me. my apologies. for the misunderstanding or the lack thereof. i’m sorry you missed the God in me. and i’m sorry you missed the light. i’m sorry you forgot the way i arose like the moon, night after night. with the burden to forgive eager to feed you everything. see.. i’m a holy woman. i know what it’s like to give life to a being without ever needing to press skin against one another. i’ve practiced how to hold my tongue long enough, i’m afraid i forgot to say goodbye. i’m afraid you’re under the impression that i was made to please you. i was under the impression, you understood me better. the truth is, i’m a super woman. and somedays i’m an angry woman. and somedays i’m a crazy woman. for still waiting.. for still loving harder even if i’m aching. for still trusting that I’m still worth the most. for still searching for someone to understand me better.