Simon Porter

As thanksgiving is drawing near I hope you all have a lovely time at home!

I’ll be here so let me know if you have plants that need watering or animals who need fed. I will do any feeding or watering except birds. They just don’t like me, I can’t explain it. 

I wouldn’t word it like that, but yes.

Do you actually prefer drama?

I don’t want to be a part of the drama, but I don’t mind watching it unfold.  It’s like a live soap opera.

That is so depressing. Honestly I get zoos for conservation and for research but a lot of the zoos that are completely for profit seem pretty shitty for the animals and I am totally not about that shit ya dig? It’s very true they are hella smart but then again so are dogs.

No, not ever.

I certainly hope everyone is done being dramatic™ now.

That is so wild my man, like nobody in Ireland was keeping anything weirder than like a lizard or maybe the odd goat. Idk where people get the idea that they should keep alligators knocking about in their house, feels so surreal to me. Though I think a monkey would be somewhat of a cool pet tbh.. Captain YumYum sounds like a porn name though..

I hear that foxes don’t really make good pets because they literally pee everywhere and I’m not about that life, me and my boyfriend just have to decide on a breed and then we can become dog parents. People have alligators as pets… I don’t know why I’m surprised but like I really did have to read this shit twice.

I mean I don’t think I’d actually get a raccoon as a pet, because my boyfriend and I are both really into the idea of getting a dog and I don’t know how well they’d blend. But like.. I was just stunned that it wasne expensive to get one, I guess I just thought there wouldn’t be many raccoon breeders

I want to expand my current playlist. I’m looking for suggestions. 

So I started looking up how much it costs to buy a pet raccoon as a joke thinking they’d be one of those exotic pets that’s really expensive. Only to find out that they’re less expensive than like a cat, I saw a legit ad for one that only cost like $25 dollars?? Like Jesus H Christ… America explain?

I hope so - we’ve got to cherry pick all the best parts to keep here.  I like to think so, at least, I’m sure you’ll hear me playing somewhere on campus at some point and you can judge for yourself.  Oh awesome - are you looking to be like a public service librarian or more of a behind the scenes role?

It’s lovely meeting you too, Simon.  Ooh, an Alabama boy, we’re getting all the South in here.  It’s what I went to college for, so it’s potentially a career - or at least a hobby that I’m pretty good at.

So after like three flights, four bags of mini jaffa cakes, one very dodgy burger king, and a whole lot of “so where are you headed?” we made it! I’m Doctor Fauna Eloise Flanagan, queen of making Tom Nook my bitch and of crop tops. I’ve come over from Ireland to prove that the second time you move to America to get claimed is the charm, and that the most hilarious things come in tiny packages. Now I’m pretty sure I’m supposed to be unpacking, because we have like 10,000 copies of pride and prejudice to find space for and I have to try and hide all my melody merch in creative places. But please introduce yourself, I need a reason to delay ‘organising’ as long as possible and I feel like I can sell socialising with my classmates as a valid reason to the bossman.

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