Simon and Baz are in Love

OR 

Baz: Jeans, I know, you keep saying that.

Simon: No, I mean… yes, but not what I had on mind. *moves closer to Baz* *whispers* You should wear …suspenders!

Baz: *frowns* Are you sure…?

Simon: *grins widely, nodding*

~the next day~

Baz:

like a river flows surely to the sea darling, so it goes some things are meant to be.

What if like 70 years later, baz was taking a stroll outside while simon was resting in bed cus he was getting v old (baz too cus I don’t support the immortal baz theory, but like he’s more fit bc of his vampirism). And on his walk he sees this cute lil goblin in a park playing with flowers, even tho it seemed too old for that. And baz is like “what are u doing here? Aren’t u supposed to be planning the downfall of the chosen one?”

But then the goblin answers “no, I don’t want to kill anyone, I just want peace and flowers”

So baz has this wonderful idea and he takes the goblin home with him (after the goblin agreed ofc) and the goblin is free to live with them for a while.

Then when simon is really getting weak, the goblin starts to read books to him, which baz thinks is adorable and simon thinks is the best thing ever (they see the goblin kinda as their child now)(I’m just ignoring baz and simons future kids okay shh).

And then simon finally closes his eyes for the last time, when the goblin was still reading, and baz and the goblin are both sad but they know simon had a great life and blabla

BUT THEN (all the build-up for this lmao) a few days later there are lots of goblins at their door and baz is confused. One of the goblins says like “we’ve heard the chosen one has been killed by one of ours” (get it? Cus they think the smol goblin killed him bc he was reading to simon in the last minute of his life)

So then flower goblin gets to be king and now he rules peacefully over goblin land and honestly I have no idea where I wanted to go with this… That’s what happens when Im sick lmao

(honestly im basically shitposting at this point, but i just love carry on so much. leave me be)

CUSTOMER REVIEWS: 

“I like this better than fighting,”  - Simon Snow (The Chosen One) 

threaten him with a viking’s funeral

(“do you know what that is, snow? A flaming pyre, set adrift on the sea. We could do yours in blackpool, so all your chavvy Normal friends can come,”)

make him cry, then drop your handkerchief sarcastically on his bed

call him a disgrace to magic

make sure it’s first thing in the morning, too, for added effect

turn on the charm. Woo him with your best lines

example, (what if I took your magic, cast it against you, and settled baz versus simon once and for all?)

don’t just rely on words. Act on your feelings too

example, push him down a flight of stairs, attempt to feed him to a chimera, etc.

cavort with his gf in the woods

bonus points if he sees it (hell, hold her hands too while you’re at it)

cant accept your own feelings? Conspire with your aunt to take him down

no chosen one, no problem

hopeless love? Have a backup plan

example: marry his ex and find a thousand different men who look like him and break each of their hearts a different way

just try to be honest with your feelings. Tell him you want him by your side

(“what if I accidentally Turned you? Then i’d be stuck with your pious face forever,”)

oh baz. Im swooning

invite him to your victorian mansion for christmas under the guise of “truce”

first date ideas!

– bring him to the british museum, steal a few books, take a walk around the park and find a place where he can eat curry while you read your stolen goods

dont forget to be a good conversationalist

(“you should eat something,”)

(“piss off,”)

confused? Lost? Failed at something important?

Hell, set a few trees on fire and wait for the flames to consume you

bonus points if you’re flammable

(hint! Hint! This is a good chance for a >>>KISS<<<!!!)

if you do it right, HE’LL kiss YOU

sulk and stomp away if he doesnt pull you into his arms and say “good morning, darling” when he opens his eyes first thing in the morning

respond to his feelings properly

(“you slept in my arms,”)

(“fitfully”)

accept him for who he is

found out your bf literally couldn’t be a bigger mess/supervillian/insiduous humdrum?

Kiss him, anyway (because you match)

(“i’m not the humdrum! But why does thinking so make you want to kiss me?”)

(“Everything makes me want to kiss you”)

seriously, I was swooning when I got to this part. Like. Seriously. Swooning. (I think I was crying a little too)

cute nicknames:

you courageous fuck

you absolute nightmare

love

say I love you. like, a lot 

I was eleven years old, and I’d lost my mother, and my soul, and the crucible gave me you

You were the centre of my universe. Everything else spun around you

looking at you was like looking directly into the sun

I choose you

BONUS: HE WAS PRACTICALLY PROPOSING OKAY

who needs magic? I’m going to turn you into a vampire and make you live with me forever

endless list of favourite books: Carry On

THEINSIDIOUSPITCH ONE YEAR BLOGIVERSARY GIVEAWAY!!!

A year ago, I created this Carry On blog because I was super obsessed with a Baz Pitch-scented candle, and it’s still the best candle-related decision I’ve ever made. So to celebrate the one year anniversary of this blog, I’m sending these candles out to you!  

They smell amazing.  Start preparing yourself immediately.

THREE (!!!) WINNERS WILL EACH RECEIVE:

One bergamot & black cedar candle, the smell of which is guaranteed to make your roommate fall gradually and unknowingly in love with you*

Three sets of Rainbow Rowell-themed bookmarks from Happy Hello (one each of Eleanor & Park, Cath & Levi, and Simon & Baz)

Simon Snow and Baz Pitch tea sampler tins from Adiago Teas 

Rules, frens.

Giveaway will run from now through January 15, 2017.  Winners will be chosen on January 16, 2017 via Random.org.

Both likes and reblogs count; each reblog counts as one entry.  No limit to the number of reblogs, but don’t make your followers hate you.

You must be following @theinsidiouspitch to win. If you reblog from a sub-blog, please provide your main blog name when you are contacted.  

No giveaway blogs!

You must have your ask box open and be willing to give me your address for shipping (please ask for permission if you are under 18).

Open internationally!

Winners must respond within 72 hours of the win notification in your ask box.  If not, a new winner will be contacted.

Thanks for being the best fandom in the world, and good luck!  

it’s all a facade

“Penny, can you do my homework for me this week?  My hand’s frozen up.”

“Simon, have you been fighting with Baz again?  I thought you two were together now or something…”

*Awkward silence*

Until Baz and Simon walk into a classroom with the right ties and come out again with the wrong ones.

(They don’t realise until Niall points it out to Baz, smirking.)

NEED I SAY MORE?

guilty as charged

I REGRET NOTHING

baz is a kinky af (no pun intented (well actually) )

simon probably has a praise kink