āāāā td:*:dļ¾āā
,td:*:dļ¾āācharles / crowley
He shook his head. There was no blocking out the voices. The only gift heād received so far from Woodshore was that it limited the amount of them in his head at any given moment. Outside of the Woodshore bubble, he was hearing voices from miles and miles around, but whatever magic kept this place going was also affecting his telepathy. He could only hear the people of Woodshore and honestly? That made it difficult to hate being stuck here.
āYou are right. I havenāt met very many people but weāre all here for a reason right? Perhaps there is something truly unique about us all.ā
Again, he found Crowleyās words to hold much truth. Good could mean different things depending on who one asked. Good, evil⦠all a matter of perspective really. He could recall an old friend saying something like this to him but everything about that friend was a blur.
āYouāre right. Itās all a matter of perspective really ā and very well. We donāt have to talk about anything you donāt want to. Promise.ā
He looks down again, almost unsure of what to say. He had been teasing, yes, but Crowleyās reaction was noted. Heād have to be mindful of that in the future, especially since they were still getting to know one another.
He was going to respond but thought the better of it. Some of Crowleyās thoughts were filtering into his mind again and try as he might to shut them out, they were overpowering many of the others. There was a lot to unpack here but after everything thatās happened so far, Charles was unsure if openly addressing them all would be best. He certainly didnāt want Crowley to feel intruded upon. No matter what they said, these private insecurities were their own. Charles had no right to them. On the other hand, Crowley was dead wrong about some things. Some of their assumptions were way, way off, but how to even address them without making things even more awkward?
He wasnāt trying to push them awayā not really. Was Charles confused? A little. He wasnāt used to connecting to people like this and having that connection being returned so quickly in the process. Itā¦shook him a little but he wasnātā-
And then the words that spilled from Crowleyās lips had Charles feeling like a knot. How was he to explain that some of his actions was just plain old anxiety and insecurity? Would they understand? Charles didnāt know anymore and was far too intimidated to say too much on the matter.
So he squeezed his bag, hoping the right words would follow. The night had gone so well. He didnāt want to end it on a sour note so he was going to speak what he could and hope for the best.
āNo, itās⦠I thoughtā Saturdayā¦ā He paused, taking a moment to breathe again. Anxiety was not going to keep him from getting his words out ā at least not yet. āI never said that I didnāt want to talk to you ever again. Thatāsā¦a little extreme donāt you think? Perhaps it is just me, but a few light disagreements shouldnāt be the end of everything. Yes, we are very much opposite, but we still have things in common. Perhaps much more ifā¦ā
He paused again, looking down and fidgeting nervously. He wasnāt sure he was making things better, but at least he was trying which was a lot more than heād normally do given his personality. āI would still like to see Woodshore with you on Saturday, but if things are just too awkward now, I understand.ā Despite his nerves, he looked up again because he needed Crowley to see that he was very much sincere. āIāI did not mind the kiss, Crowley. It was good ā and I gave you permission so⦠but it escalated in a manner I did not expect. It got heated andā¦. My pulling away wasnāt a rejection. This is fast. I am used to slow and⦠Iām⦠I donāt want to get hurt again.ā
āOh well that has to be tiring.Ā Yes I can see why you wouldnāt be jealous if you were in my shoes.Ā Are there ways to make it quieter?Ā Can you just tune people out?Ā Is it easier or worse with crowds?ā they asked unable to stop asking questions once they started.
āI guess yeah we must be.Ā I canāt think of a reason that makes sense but itās probably part of someoneās plan.Ā This is too odd for it to be completely random.ā
They nodded in response to Charlesā not really sure how to expand on that or really wanting to.Ā Talking about what they were was a challenging topic.Ā Certain aspects about it hurt to talk or think about and other parts were confusing like figuring out appropriate phrasing and behaviors now that they didnāt have a side, they just had Aziraphale or well currently just them.
The more Charles looked away from them the more certain Crowley became that their thoughts were right.Ā Charles was uncomfortable around them, didnāt want them around.Ā He thought the kiss was a mistake.Ā The rational side of his brain would tell them they were overthinking things and Charles wouldnāt have give them permission to kiss him, wouldnāt have kissed them back if he didnāt want it or end up enjoying it.Ā No they were too busy focusing on every little negative thing and assuming their fear of rejection was playing out right before their eyes.
This is absolutely ridiculous, youāre over six thousand years old you shouldnāt care what he thinks.Ā You shouldnāt be so hurt by him pushing you away.Ā Who cares if some human doesnāt want you?Ā Youāre a demon, you arenāt supposed to care about humans, about anyone else.Ā But that was the problem wasnāt it?Ā They cared too much, they always had.Ā They werenāt supposed to fall for an angel or become so attached to humans and the world they created.Ā Times like this made them wish they were either more like the others of their kind and didnāt have these emotions and concerns or that they had never fallen at all.Ā At least then it would make sense for them to like humans and it wouldnāt have been wrong for-Ā
No, no, no they were not going to let themselves go down that route again.Ā They didnāt need to start a whole what if inner monologue, especially not when their present company was a telepath.Ā Charles most certainly didnāt need to hear any of that nor did they want to think any of that themselves.Ā It was best to keep everything related to heaven and those kinds of what ifs in a box tucked away in a far corner of their mind that was never acknowledged.
They stared at Charles, their eyes blinking a few times behind their dark sunglasses trying to process exactly what they had heard.Ā Charles still wanted to spend time with them?Ā He wasnāt disgusted or horrified?Ā Well that was... that seemed almost a little too good to be true.Ā Ā āYou didnāt exactly say anything.Ā You never finished your sentence, just left the end hanging there like a... like something that hangs.āĀ They shook their head at the mention of disagreements.Ā Ā āMy words had nothing to do with that.Ā Donāt care if we disagree or are opposites, spend plenty of time with beings opposite of me.Ā Iāve found I rather enjoy it.Ā I thought this was what you wanted, that you were dismissing me.ā
ā...You still want to do that?ā They asked removing their sunglasses to get a better view of Charlesā face.Ā They wanted as clear of a view of his facial expression and body language, they needed more information.Ā This conversation, this whole evening in fact was just too confusing for them to keep up with and make an accurate read on anything.Ā Ā āI thought- you were saying you need to leave so I just- you still want to spend time with me? ...You didnāt mind the kiss,ā they repeated trying to get that bit of information to sink in.Ā Ā āRight, yeah escalated, didnāt plan on that happening, didnāt really plan on doing it in the first place.ā
āThis is fast. I am used to slow...ā the words echoed in Crowleyās head, the rest of the sentence falling on deaf ears.Ā Those words were much too similar to ones they heard decades ago.Ā āYou go too fast for me, Crowleyā.Ā They could hear those words coming out of their angelās mouth again, see the look on his face. It didnāt take much for that set of words to remind them of their disagreement at the bandstand, of another set of words that had felt like it could break their heart in two.Ā Ā āWeāre not friends ⦠I donāt even like you!āĀ Fuck, they could feel tears welling up in their eyes.Ā No, no, no they were not going to cry over a disagreement that had been settled, over heated words during the stress of Armageddon.Ā And they most certainly werenāt going to let themselves fall to pieces in front of a human.Ā