Silver GM

"It clearly was not a good fit for you."

"Not at all. I suppose you must have ran into one of Shelyn's airheads at the enclave you trained at?"

"A few times one would take shelter with us while following their quest, or when helping us keep the road clear." Jocelyn frowned. "They were kind enough, and quite merciful."

Valerie chuckled darkly. "That is putting it mildly. Executing Kalannah made the world a safer place. Shelyn would have demanded you believe her blatant lies and release her so maybe she could maybe make a piece of art. At least Iomedae does not fall for that nonsense."

"Iomedae does not forbid mercy," Jocelyn pointed out, before reciting something. "When in doubt, I may force my enemies to surrender, but I am responsible for their lives."

It took Valerie a moment to process it, but she nodded as she could see the pragmatic wisdom there. "Hmm. Well, regardless, Shelyn thinks that if a brigand raped a farmer but then begged for mercy with your sword at their neck, you are obligated to spare them. You defeat such a wretch, then inspire them to create a work of art later!" Valerie snorted, not bothering to hide her contempt. "It would be hilarious, if it were not true."

They fell quiet, as if Jocelyn was trying to decide whether to give an opinion, perhaps to defend her fellow paladins, or if maybe she agreed with Valerie but was not certain on saying it aloud. Still, that also left a question unanswered, one that Valerie realized deserved an answer.

She sighed, shaking her head. "Yes, I was training to be a paladin, even though I never wanted to be. I took well enough to fighting with glaives, the agilities, even the history, but the painting, the poetry, the calligraphy? So much time wasted on irrelevant things."

Silence hung in the air for a few more moments, and Valerie felt an old aching emptiness gnawing its way up. She forced it down, as she always did. That was the child she once was longing for the wrong thing. Valerie still remembered what it felt like to touch that armor, though…

"What about you?" Valerie asked to turn her thoughts away. "You said you were a lay-squire, were you not sent to be a paladin?"

"They sent me to the enclave to learn in another's house." There was no need to explain it, as both of them knew the usual upbringing of a young noble, even a lesser one of the knightly class. To learn many of the skills needed for noble life with those who did not have the blindspots and indulgences of a parent. To learn to lead through service. "The hope was that there, I could learn my place in the community. To protect, to pray, perhaps both?"

"It seems the answer was both, though forgive me if I hope for more of the former."

Jocelyn smiled ruefully. "Forgiven, though you are not wrong. I am one who fights, too much to stay with my community, even if I wished to."

"Why couldn't you?"

Jocelyn took a moment to compose herself, like this was something that needed to be explained in a particular way. "The same reason I became Iomedae's paladin instead of Erastil's. My family, my community, is safe and sound. Not without danger, but if I stayed I would have been an idle noble. Unworthy in Erastil's eyes, of what my parents taught, of what I believed. I want to help those who still need it, people like the Levetons and Bokken, or those Kalannah held in chains."

"Or this 'Guardian'?" Valerie retained her doubts of the story, but was leading them to the source of this fog and genuine dangers that needed to be dealt with.

"Or her."

The conversation paused there as both looked to the horizon. Valerie mulled over what she had said and learned. Even though she was devout, it seemed like Jocelyn was not looking to judge her for her past. That, at least, was reassuring, though deeds would prove what words only promised. Though, there was one thing Valerie wondered.

"You mentioned becoming Iomedae's paladin instead of Erastil's. What was that like?"

Jocelyn's eyebrows raised in surprise, but she nodded along as she recovered. "Imagine that you were going down a road. There is nothing wrong with it, and it is a road you want to go down, yet you feel like something is missing, something you can't name. Your guide shows you another road, not to take you down it but to help show you how to walk yours, as both go to similar destinations. Then one day, you realize that his was the road that you were meant to take the whole time. The old road was how you got there, where you learned to travel before finding the road you were meant for." The paladin grinned. "At least, that's what Old Deadeye says."

Valerie rolled her eyes, but felt a small smile form on her face. She had heard that turn of phrase more than a few times from Ezvanki when he finished telling one of his parables to Lady Jamandi's court.

"I suppose I should have expected a sermon," she admitted with a shake of her head. "Though, I do not view my old road as fondly as yours."

"With the pedestal they put you on, I do not blame you," Jocelyn admitted. "Still, there must have been something in Shelyn's paladin code worth following."

"Of Shelyn's code? Only leading by example, and only if you drop the nonsense about not using your blade and that cutting down scum lessens the world's beauty." Valerie exhaled sharply. "To think I once swore to uphold such a thing."

Jocelyn paused, frowning. Looking closer at Valerie, meeting her gaze. Was she looking for something? But what? It was not as if Valerie was flippant about oaths. Admittedly she did not know Iomedae's code for her paladins, but surely there was no reason to take offense on behalf of Shelyn's dullards?

"Valerie," Jocelyn asked, and to her surprise she could tell how worried the paladin seemed to be, "when you left Shelyn's service, how did you sever your oaths?"

"My actions, and their inaction, spoke clearly enough," Valerie answered, though she could not help but feel like there was a hole gnawing at her again. Maybe she should have eaten more for breakfast after all. "I tore up that annoying poem, and when the paladins wanted me to be punished as part of some repentance, I gathered my things and left. I would say their inaction served as my release."

"And when you left, you didn't feel anything?"

"Besides anger and exhaustion? I suppose the next morning I felt empty, listless." Valerie paused, that familiar sensation, and Jocelyn stood straighter… she hastily clarified. "It was the first time I was truly on my own, you see. It took me a few days to figure out what I would do next, but once I set off for Restov any doubts were easily pushed down."

"Valerie, a paladin's oath is not a thing so readily discarded. It is a knight's oath, a commitment of the soul. Even an honorable parting is a deep wound. When he was training me, Virn went out of his way to make sure I was willing to commit to Iomedae's cause, let alone to forge a bond with the Lady of Valor as one of her paladins. How far into your training were you when you left?"

Much as she wanted to brush it off, to dismiss it as spellbeggars having their vestments in a twist, Valerie could feel that there was something different. Or maybe it was concern that she could see without years of frustrations in the way. Genuine concern. For a hole in her heart where a broken oath remained.

Valerie shook her head. "You need not worry: whatever weakness that my leaving created has long since been trained out. I promised that I would support your cause, and I shall do so until my last breath."