Rumi teaches Aeri to play guitar when sheās 12. Aeriās fantastic at it, a natural even.
They spend hours together whenever they both have the time. Eventually they move on from the basics, to learning a complete song. Thereās one part she just canāt seem to get a hang of, but she works at it relentlessly until it feels like sheās got it down.
When Rumi thinks sheās ready, they perform it together in front of their family. Itās a good audience; professional musicians and a few harsh critics (hello Miyeong Jr.), but people who would never tear her down for making a mistake. They would only ever encourage her.
It starts off well. Sheās a little offbeat, a little out of tune, but elsewise sheās perfect.
She messes up the part she was struggling with. It makes her pause, too in her head to continue.
Until she looks to the side, and sees Rumi staring at her encouragingly.
She tries the part again, and gets it right.
At the end of the song, she stands up and takes a bow, grinning from ear to ear.
Celine, Bobby, and Poppy applaud her from their seats.
Jihae whoops, Hani whistles so loudly it starts Taeyong, who was messily smacking his hands together.
Hayun snaps her fingers, nodding in approval.
Miyeong Jr is 2 years old and grumpy, but even she applauds her.
Mira claps, gushing about how wonderful she did.
Zoey shouts out praise between cupped hands.
Beside her, Rumi places a hand on her shoulder, and grins at her in pride.
At the funeral, Aeri plays the song again.
Sheās better now at guitar, much better. She decides to break out the first guitar she ever had, the very one that she played that song on the first time. She tunes it perfectly, makes sure it plays just as well as it used to.
It feels strange, playing the song alone. Sheās never had to do that outside of practice. Sheās somehow more focused at 45 than she was at 12. She sounds better than she did back then, thatās for sure.
She plays it wrong again.
She stops. All performance etiquette flies out of her in that moment. Aeri knows you have to just keep going if you make a mistake.
Thereās no hand on her shoulder. No encouraging smile. Rumi isnāt sitting beside her, playing along.
Sheās cold and dead in a box behind her.
Itās with shaking fingers that she moves on, not even bothering to try that part again.
At the end of the song, there is no round of applause. Itās a funeral, why would there be.
When she dares to look up, she sees more family than were there at her last performance. Nieces and nephews, a few cousins, in-laws, and even her own husband, partner, and children.
But none of them smile brightly. Neither do the family members who were there at the last performance of this song.
Celine, Bobby, and Poppy are dead.
Jihae and Hani stare at the ground solemnly.
Taeyong is openly weeping in his wifeās arms.
Miyeong is staring at the coffins and holding her own daughterās hand for support.
Mira sits, vacantly staring at the floor. Aeri wonders if her Eomma even knows she just played anything.
Thereās no shouted compliments. Zoeyās cold hands rest on her stomach in the coffin adjacent to Rumiās. Her mouth remains closed.
And of course, Rumi doesnāt smile with pride. She canāt, when her lips are forever frozen in place as a hard line.
Thereās no success in this performance. She hasnāt learned anything except for the sheer size of the two empty holes that have now opened up in her life. Sheāll continue to learn it more and more over the weeks and months and years to come.
For now, though, she walks back to her seat, guitar still in hand.
(Once she places it in its case, she never opens it again.)
