One Neuron Short of a Synapse

me, holding up my cat: stinky

wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!

me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man

wife: No!!!!!!!!

my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat

The mom:

FEMA has been forced to transfer employees to ICE mid-hurricane season.

100 Federal Air Marshals are being offered to ICE. 250 IRS agents are detailed to ICE. The Postal Inspection Service too. 2,000 people from the Justice Department - FBI, DEA, etc - and Department of Defense civilians are now being authorised to be transferred, either to ICE or military operations like the border or the occupation of DC.

More than 6,700 personnel have been reassigned to ICE. 80% of the ATF has been ordered to focus on immigration instead of their other work. 24% of the Diplomatic Security Service.

"You're my biggest pain in the ass. Would you please annoy me for the rest of our lives?"

"I'm tired of pretending I don't want to share my food with you forever. Marry me?"

"I promise to always kill the spiders if you promise to always make my doctor's appointments. Deal?"

"We're both weirdos. Why not make it official and be weird together forever?"

"Okay, totally weird idea. How about marriage?"

"Will you be my emergency contact, life partner, and snack sharer for life?"

"Can I keep you forever, like you're keeping my favorite hoodie that you'll never give back to me?"

"We could annoy so many people in our lives by marrying each other. Wouldn't that be fun?"

"What would you rather, you marrying me or me marrying you?"

"I want to annoy you until we're old and gray. Say yes?"

"We're both a little weird and we have a bad track record when it comes to relationships. Maybe we're doing every potential partner a favour by taking us off the market."

"Would you marry me? Totally platonically, if you want. Or romantically. If that's what you're into."

Why do people act like this is a "gotcha" of some kind?

But the reason why they're annoying isn't because they care about the environment. It's because they want common people to give up any little thing that makes their lives easier while those who already have everything pollute with zero remorse so they can have more.