kinda ambiguous

—On Love, Marina Tsvetaeva

[text ID: I just want a humble, murderously simple thing: that a person be glad when I walk into the room.]

for a lovely nonnie who i wish all the best to with their writing career!

" i've never had a family before. not like this. it's... nice. "

" jesus, don't do that to me ever again! i thought you were dead! "

" blood of the covenant is thicker than water of the womb. that's how the saying goes, you know. not the other way around. next time someone spouts that shit, you correct them. "

" what did that asshole do to you?! stay here, i'll go kick his ass! "

" next time they go after you, you've got my whole hearted permission to punch them in the teeth. "

[ to someone else ] " hey! HEY! that's my kid in there, you hear me?! you wanna go after them, you go through ME first! "

" i love you all... you dumbasses. "

" i'm going to protect you. not because you're blood or i need to, but because you're my family, and i got your back no matter what. "

" who hurt you? huh? hey, you want me to go kick their asses? "

" my parents were never any good at caring for me. i'm... i'm really happy you're here instead of them. "

" i'm putting you down as my emergency contact and next of kin. okay? "

" in my will, you're my dependent. if something happens to me, this bit of paper says you get everything. alright? "

" you're my family. i take care of my family! "

[ said to a threat ] " HEY! YOU WANNA HURT THEM, YOU GO THROUGH ME FIRST! "

"As for Charles, well..." A pause as he pursed his lips, pensive. "He's the best man I know." Even more than Dutch himself. Charles had this goodness in him Arthur couldn't explain well. The man understood life the way it was, and he still kept loyal to his good side. "We was lookin' for a camp spot, and we found this German family... lost and the father was kidnapped by some fools. I was 'bout to send 'em away without even tryin' to help, but Charles? Charles protested. Couldn't say no to 'im." He never could. "Then, I had some time to give thought on wha' happened... he's one of the few guns who actually cares 'bout folk. I feel safe wit' 'im 'round."

He rubbed his hands together, pondering about his gang for a while before focusing back on Mary-Beth. "You're a good woman, Mary-Beth. The world rarely shows good people to me. I'm glad you're 'round." He confessed honestly, giving her a half smile. "You and the girls are very important to me. Provide me wit' some time to listen... this fool talkin'." A laugh, then he rubbed the back of his head, somehow timid. "It don't seem much in the eyes of the rest of the gang, but I appreciate the time you spend wit' me and guide me when I'm so lost." Especially now, that they were on the run. It felt hard to keep faith when Dutch wasn't acting like himself.

When Mary-Beth touched his arm, he glanced at her with a concerned look. Perhaps she was right; he wasn't betraying Dutch, in fact he loved the man so much, he could give his own life to save him. Dutch saved him long time ago, when things seemed to be over. At the same time, Arthur knew something was wrong with him -- Hosea also told him to start thinking, which was a bad sign. So many things to worry about, and Arthur felt so lost.

Although it was surprising to hear him call Charles the best man he knew (she could have sworn at one point that he would have used those words for Dutch), Mary Beth couldn't say she disagreed and even thought it was good that Arthur had someone that he felt safe around, when it seemed like he thought it his job to keep everyone else safe. "He is a good man. I can't say we really talk, but even if he's quiet around me, he seems… steady. Safe, like you said." Charles was something you held onto like a lifeline when you were going down a river, that was the best way she could think of to describe it, and everyone else? Well, that had as much chance of being something to bash you unconscious in that river as being something to hold onto.

Of course, for as surprising as it was to hear him talk about Charles, it was perhaps more surprising when Arthur took his turn flattering her, and Mary Beth hated the way she felt her cheeks heat up and could only hope that they were already red enough from the sun and from scratching at the irritation of a mosquito bite that Arthur wouldn't notice. Still, she ducked her head all the same, staring at a knot hole in one of the planks that made up their small pier for a heartbeat. It wasn't all about her, of course, he'd said and the girls, but it was still sweet.

Well, if she was such a good guide, best to guide him, even if Mary Beth had the feeling that Arthur wouldn't like what she had to say. "Well," she started off gently. "It sounds to me like maybe John isn't the only one hiding behind the excuse of being a killer."

Maybe Arthur didn't have a lot of practice at being something else, but Mary Beth knew he could be. He didn't rob and kill the German family, after all. "Maybe the gang will break, and then we'll all need to figure out how we're gonna deal with that, but I don't think it's happening today or tomorrow. You have time to figure out who you want to be and don't go telling me that you can't change. Charles got you to change what you were going to do with the German family, so you can do it."