˚₊‧꒰აstarxel໒꒱ ‧₊˚

the beautiful garden you tended to has been fully demolished.

sometimes i feel like i died in my sleep 4 months ago and i'm living in damnation. as though the previous year was a burning, fleeting memory that i'd get called insane for fabricating.

this would drive a sensitive person to death. this feeling. this perpetual conflict between rage and guilt. holding onto the ghost of someone you know used to mean the world to you, and now only serves as a symbol of your insecurity.

sometimes he holds my face and hugs me tight and kisses his words down my spine and mutters, "you deserve better". and it works, for a little while. a very, very short while. he gets mad when i bring it up again.

im clinging to the husk of a living, breathing person, who i can't let go of.

a rational person's downfall will be their own rationality.

no matter how many assurances kiss my chest and caress my neck,

like lowkey just run towards me and punch my head in 200 times and give yourself the satisfaction of hurting me

and then i die with the satisfaction of knowing you lost your composure and i didn’t

you get the consequence of murdering someone and i get fucking death

you get your execution

1C I don't know how long it's gonna take I know the end is near You're moving on to somewhere else 내 손을 놓는 널 바라보며 (watching you let go of my hand) I'm slowly drifting away Far away from you

PRE Tick-tock, tick-tock 떠오를수록 조여 와 (the higher it rises, the tighter it becomes) 언제든 터져 버릴지 몰라 (i don't know when it might burst) What should I do? I loved who I was, filled with you I'm afraid, but it has slipped away

2C I don't know how long it's gonna take I know the end is here You're moving on to somewhere else 멀어지는 널 바라보며 (watching you drift further away) I'm slowly drifting away Far away from you

1A 거리를 가득 채웠던 (the times that we shared) 우리가 나눈 시간들 (that once filled the streets) There's nothing I can do 높아지면 질수록 더 (the higher i go) 작아지는 기억들이 (the more the memories shrink) Yeah, it's making me feel obsolete

PRE 휘청휘청 (stumbling and swaying) 아직도 헤매고 있어 (i'm still wandering lost) 다시 돌아갈 수 없는 걸 (i know i can't go back again) It was you, you You blew me life I never had You were the one who held me close in the storm

3C I don't know how long it's gonna take I know the end is here You're moving on to somewhere else 멀어지는 널 바라보며 (watching you drift further away) I'm slowly drifting away Far away from you

BRIDGE Tick-tock, tick-tock I know it's time to let it go 좋았던 기억들은 두고 가 (leaving behind the good memories) I still love you 이젠 닿을 수 없어도 (even though i can't reach you anymore) 행복하기만을 바래 (i guess i only wish you happiness)

OUT Still today, I miss the time we had I wish you feel the same But I know that it won't change a thing 아득히 멀어진 널 그리며 (you've become too distant to reach) Forever drifting away Far away from you

ok so i'm the opposite of suicidal right

like my ego is way too high for me to want to leave this world. i have people i want to be better than, people i want to leave an impact on, i actually have a fear of death at a young age because there's so much i want to accomplish and i have a huge fear of leaving this world as an insignificant cog in the machine

but theres like one person who makes me want to kms so bad and im not even joking like whenever i see them i'd rather be six feet under or beheaded or burned at ANY sort of stake than be even in the same room as them

and i don't even really wanna be friends w their friends tbh like it's js so bad this person ruined my life there's no way i'm moving on for at least another year

i hate people who don't know what they're doing.

i hate people who walk into a CLEARLY creative space just to bum around and do NOTHING.

i HATE people who don't contribute. not to a project - that's something they're forced to do. i wouldn't wanna do my share either.

i mean when you voluntarily sign up for something, and you don't want to put in the effort when everyone else does, i immediately dislike you. same goes for those who sign up for something advanced without being skilled at it. that's how you get benched in a sport. that's how you get badmouthed in a club.

don't try to prove yourself. don't try to show off. don't try to appease someone who doesn't care about you, or make unfunny jokes for no reason.

do your part.

excel in what you're good at, something you know you're good at. grow in that field.

and she's all like "just dream of her, link, isn't that what you want?"

and he goes INSANE and his composure completely cracks and you're unable to parry or flurry rush for the rest of the battle

you're the most standard human there ever was - you want to live. you want to have a normal life. you want to love, hate, mourn, feel. however, your own desires are of little importance compared to the possible regeneration of the human race.

so you choose to grow into something that would aid just about everyone else.

seldom, i dream.

rickety walls closing in on me, rooting into my body, stems and branches vivisecting my torso and protruding out my arms. supplanting my heart, taking my head, securing a radix at the base of this vessel.

this frightful surgical transformation leaves its traces on my countenance, but not on my mind. to disfigure, to create, would be better than to kill. you are masked forever by your own flesh - what could be more ingenious?

and i see him.

the victim of this true phantom agony, being subjected to the torture i live vicariously through sleep. he is grave and religious, bearing no affinity to other patrons, and incapable of theft. the people for a long time wrongly confounded him with arsonists, terrorists.

christened by blood.

this solitary man is a modified savage, accepted by civilization before their forced sacrifice. the man is a nomad. to remain in one place for too long suffocated him with the sense of being tamed.

he has the irascibility of a time bomb. he looks at you askance, which was not his fault. they had done him the honor to take him for a mad man, but killed him on discovering he was only a savior.

have you ever witnessed the sight of a man's lungs being uprooted by oak and bramble?

veins branch out like rays from a star. ligaments tear, and arteries are replaced with heartwood. where god had painted the perfect picture, humankind had traced and used the poorly drawn sketch.

nature is our canvas. man retouches creation, sometimes for better, often times for worse. all natural and artificial work done on earth is destined for retrogression.

trees.

the man is now a tree.

the frontispiece of creation.

crucified as a patron saint of a one-way, inescapable trip.

a saint is nearly a lord.

a lord is nearly a king.

a king is nearly a god.

the earth is a lordship.