this is fucked up

my life is in shambles. I’m so depressed I don’t want to ever leave my room. Nothing matters anymore. I thought he was the one but I am too much for him. We were talking about moving in together. And now he doesn’t want anything to do with me. No I didn’t cheat, he’s the only one I want. I loved him, I still do. He said he knew what he was getting into when I shared my history. And I was truthful about my one slip up. It’s understandable to be upset, and demand some boundaries movie forwards. But he took it as an out, and along with a list of things he already didn’t like about me, it was classic recipe for a breakup that was at the back of his mind for weeks now.

I don’t know how to move forward and I don’t even want to. I’m tired of getting hurt but this time it actually matters because he made me happy, he pushed me to be my best self, he took care of me and always made sure I had food to eat. He helped me with school work. I met his friends. He was going to meet my parents just next week. He dyyid so much for me and I couldn’t even do enough in return.

And it’s over. I still don’t even want to believe it. He was my person. I swore I’d never have to do this whole awkward stage of dating someone ever again. I don’t have it in me, I’m so tired. But I can’t make him want me because he’s made up his mind, which is fine but I don’t think I can get out of bed and face the day without crying. I’m not perfect, I never claimed to be. I know he wanted me to work on a lot and that in itself showed me how serious he was about me. But now I’m just not even sure if all the things he needed me to work on, were just reasons he couldn’t be with me.