siennanotes

October 29, 2025 | 4:03PM

It's been a long time since my last entry but you would be delighted to know where I have been.

After months (perhaps even years) of preparing for the board exams, the day finally came. I did not bring my phone with me during the written phase as I saw no use to having it since we are not allowed to use our phones anyways. During the practicals, I only used my phone to book a car ride to and from the venue. Basically, I don't really have pictures of what took place.

September 12, 2025 | 7:42PM

I am less than a month away before my big exams and to be completely honest, I feel physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted. I want to keep pushing myself but my body is demanding for rest.

One of the many purchases I had made during the review season was buying a set of headphones. I already owned ear buds and buying new headphones felt really unnecessary at first. I didn't want to spend my money on what felt like a temporary need to tone down the noise around me but since I don't usually spend money on cafes to study outside, the cash I do have to spare went to a pair of noise-cancelling headphones instead.

August 28, 2025

For a few days, I found myself weighed down by a one-paged document. I already had an old copy, but was told it is not being accepted for the exam applications. Reasonably, I decided to order a new one only for it not to arrive on time. I then ended up booking an appointment and visiting an office to get it myself.

Originally, I planned to go home right after and catch up with my review. But I allowed myself to stay a little longer--to stroll for a bit, get a cup of taho, and share Japanese food with my brother.

Even though the journey of getting to and from that building felt difficult and tedious, today was more than just resolving an errand. I stepped outside of my routine, was able to secure a paper for my peace of mind, ate a good meal for dinner, and paused for a bit.

As I prepare for the board exams, I realized how weird it is to be in this position; of being in between graduation and the exam itself. It feels like being suspended in between two worlds where you are no longer a student, but you also are unable to fully move forward. In this juncture, even the smallest things irritate me, and I find myself eating more than I should and overthink the littlest things. But I am learning that this too is part of the process.

August 8, 2025

The last time I wrote here about my licensure exam was more than a year ago. Time flew by so fast and a part of me just wants everything to be through but another part of me wants more time to study, to prepare, and to enjoy the last bits of university learning.

On my last entry, I hoped no one who knows me in person reads through my Tumblr not because I don't want to share my board exam journey with others, but because it is a sensitive matter to me--something that holds so much weight and meaning that I try to protect my peace about it from the world. But I guess it would be nice to look back on these words three months from now when all is said and done.

The past few months of review haven't been easy. I had to go to school early to secure a good seat, pay for a space on a study area during our online classes, try to enjoy our graduation season despite the piling backlogs, and now days have been filled with uncertainty on what the schedule for tomorrow would look like.

Above it all, I try my best to pray every morning. Today, board exam results for a certain course were released and the person who topped the exam had a similar name with mine. Earlier this week, I sat on my chair in class and my professor told me that it was the exact seat the board topnotcher was sitting on in every lecture they had. I don't believe in luck, nor do I believe in signs. But I do believe in a one, true God who will deliver me to that microphone, that seat in front during our oath taking day.

❓ Have you heard of hard contact lenses?

Rigid gas permeable (RGP) contact lenses are a type of contact lens made from durable, rigid materials that allow oxygen to pass through to the eye. They are suitable for correcting various vision problems, like higher degrees of nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism.

RGP lenses are often recommended for individuals who have tried soft contact lenses but have not achieved satisfactory vision correction or comfort. They may also be prescribed for those with irregular corneas or certain eye conditions that make it difficult to achieve clear vision with soft lenses.

Comfort with RGP lenses comes with consistent wear. RGP lenses allow more oxygen to reach the cornea compared to soft lenses. They are more durable and resistant to deposit buildup compared to soft lenses. They typically have a longer lifespan with proper care.

Just like what is shown on the photo, RGP lenses can be designed with a toric periphery. This just means the edges of the lens is designed in a way that it will remain stable. This is usually worn by patient's with a significant amount of astigmatism. Astigmatism occurs when the cornea or lens of the eye has an irregular shape, causing blurry or distorted vision.

March 1, 2024

I have always wondered whether people do read my captions here on Tumblr. This blog has become a back up account of my studygram and for the longest time, I only visit my website to upload new photos then never visit again for weeks straight.

But today is different. Today, I have made the decision to start reviewing for my board exam. I am not sure how. I am not certain where to start. But what I know for sure is that I am ready to start my review.

Unfortunately, I have chosen a terrible time. Earlier today, I scored low on our quiz in a subject I know I am weak at. My four patients in the clinic cancelled on me and I have two meetings tonight. Yet here I am. Trying to squeeze in the time to write this because I know I want some form of documentation of what will happen in the remaining 20 months before our boards.

If you know me from primary school, you would know that I am not a spectacle wearer. Oddly enough, I started wearing glasses when I entered Optometry school. My first ever prescription glasses is during our training before entering clinic year.

Truth be told: I hated wearing my glasses. It wasn’t how I imagined it to be in elementary where those who wear frames look smart. I didn’t like how I look with glasses. Mostly, I hated how I now have to wear my specs to see things better and avoid having eyestrains.

Overtime, wearing glasses before my 5th year started was a blessing in disguise. Through this experience, I developed a deeper appreciation for lenses. I have gained empathy in personally getting to see a fraction of what my patient’s have to deal with to carry on with their everyday tasks. Through this experience, I saw firsthand how even a small amount of grade can change a person’s life. That spectacles, when dispensed properly, can create a lasting impact. I gained interest in binocular vision. I always re-check, refine, and balance my refraction. I search for frames that will complement the face shape of my patients. I try to do my best during patient education—noting and customizing what I say depending on who my patient is.

It took a while before I posted this picture because I have always been known for my white wall filled with notes—or atleast that’s how I heard one to two people describe my feed to others.

I never really liked the dull moments. I kept my studygram bright and full of light, hiding the bad days of my academic life. Studying has not always been easy; and it certainly isn’t this time around in Optometry school.

January used to be a month I look forward to. In January, there’s a new milestone to celebrate. In January, I get to be with my loved ones. In January, there’s a new beginning. In January, I get to open my new planner. And like what I wrote a few weeks ago on my blog (you can see it here), January marks the start of our Clinic 2.

This semester took me by surprise. It was no longer light notes and colorful pens. It was no longer early patients and bearable expenses. Bad days came after the next. Words were said and regrets were spilled as I try to get my life together. Every aspect of my life feels like what it is: gray.

Okay, hear me out. One of the things I enjoy most during clinic year is the thrill of having my labsheets approved. Before our forms are signed, we have to answer particular questions or perform procedures. Without the labsheet approval, you will not be able to dispense your patient's lenses.

You never really know what question or task will hit you and the uncertainty of it all challenges me to be on top of my active recall game. It allows me to revisit past lessons and gauge which areas I have yet to read more of.

It's also during this time that my past notes come in very handy. There are days I regret wasting my time from the past for not studying as productive as I hope to be. It was tiresome scanning all of my notes, backing up files, and never really opening them as much as I want to.

Earlier this month, I attended a youth summit geared towards research innovation. One of the instruments available in the fair was a weighing scale that also measured muscle and visceral fat. I haven't worked out in a long time. Hence, I was both surprised and happy to see that most of my weight still comes from muscle and that my visceral fat is at 1%.

One of the reasons why I don’t usually post about test performances is because of my fear of what other people would say but you know what, it is my account and it’ll be fun to look back on these words years from now. This is a reminder of how students have the capacity to put in the effort and triumph over obstacles for our dreams and ambitions.

Weeks before our battery exam, my heart went from being happy to being broken then mended again. Tears were shed, and I felt the pressure brought upon by the expectations on me. I started browsing through my notes, but the time supposedly spent for the review was mostly allocated to studying for the final tests, as those came first. Hours supposedly spent at study areas were spent running errands for our organization’s last major event. Balancing my responsibilities and having emotional fluctuations affected my focus and concentration, and left me with limited hours to review.

The day before the exam, I spent the morning teaching kids. In the afternoon, I read as much as I could. After dinner, I felt sleepy before 11PM and told myself I’d wake up early instead. Next thing I know it was 6 o’clock in the morning and I was not able to rise on time.

The battery exam is a comprehensive examination taken by the 4th year students of our school before they could proceed to their clinic year. It was nerve-wracking going through the pages of the tests and finding difficulty on the provided questions. In the wide spectrum of things, this may seem like a small win but a wave of gratitude, joy, and relief washed over me when the results were announced.

Ever since I was in my first year, I have feared the thought of finally entering our clinic year. Now, I am a few months away from it and I have never felt so clueless about everything that's happening. We're taking things one day at a time and trying to learn as much as we could.

We took high-yield subjects this semester starting with the second part of our Contact Lens course. Contact Lens 2 focused on fitting toric and hard contact lenses. It was interesting to discover different ways to insert and remove the lenses. I particularly enjoyed the removal of the rigid gas permeable CL.

During our Contact Lens 2 class, we were also lucky enough to attend lectures on Myopia Management. There, I have learned the various lenses we can prescribe someday to help control myopia progression. I loved learning the mechanisms of how myopia can be prevented and sights can be saved.

This month, one of the subjects we are taking is Clinical Pediatric Optometry. I look forward to it as it is one of the specializations I consider on taking in the future. We are also looking into Vision Rehabilitation which has been fun as we have finished our Clinical Low Vision class from the previous months.

The case report from my story the other day is from our Clinical Neuroanatomy. It took some time before we had a grasp on what was happening with the case but I missed immersing myself in academic reading and ended up enjoying looking into the articles available.

Fear is not something I am totally unfamiliar with. I have felt it as a kid when I visit the dentist. I was scared of dogs, of syringes, and many other things. I have, however, always enjoyed school. I play my academics like a game I want to win. I enjoy unlearning, learning, and relearning things. I love studying and showing up to class every day.

But I have never felt this scared for my academics before--not when I got drowned by extra curricular activities in 9th grade, not when I was running for batch valedictorian in senior year, not even when I took the presidential post for student council and shoved my academics aside. As clinic year draws near, the stakes rise higher and higher. One failed quiz could cause a delay. I often operate with the base assumption that I don't know nearly enough. This time, I don't have to operate on that base assumption because I genuinely do not know nearly enough. I am currently on an academic crisis and I am not sure how I will deal with it. All I know is that I have to keep getting up early and just mask my impostor syndrome.

For the past few posts, I noticed how I usually write about my musings in life and what I've been to lately. With this, I noticed how these lengthy captions can actually become separate blog posts themselves. Hence, the creation of siyenna.

I am grateful for the year 2022. It is the year when we finished our student council term. The year we have achieved many things. The year when the people we have only worked with online, we have finally met in person. The year I have relearned how to cook, to take care of my health seriously, and to look deeper into my ikigai. Exciting as 2022 has been, it has also been a tiring, tiring year.

Moving away from home and juggling my academics with everything else going on in my life has been exhausting. The fatigue has dawned upon me during the last few days of the year. I am learning that if there is one thing I should know how to manage, it is not my time, but my energy.

How I would love to focus on things that matter to me. But the world is simply a combination of things we can and can't control. This year, may I realize how it is to live comfortably between effort and surrender.

Here's to the new challenges we will conquer this 2023! ❤️‍🔥 For now, I might try to write more academic captions on my next posts seeing that captions like this will now be published on my blog.

Apologies that it took this long for me to write another post. Life lately has been better than what I have described it to be in my previous uploads. I have recently reconnected with an acquaintance from the past who has brought clarity as to how I should be approaching my plans for the future.

Suffering, as I have experienced it to be, is because of my resistance to the things I could not change. I have officially passed the key of responsibility from my last term and we are now working on our first event for our new tasks. I don't feel as competent as I do before in leading people. Mostly because I feel tired and no longer have the time and energy to wake up early every day, put on my shoes, and lift those weights.

Right now, we are taking things one day at a time. Life has to be lived and experienced, not intellectualized. Inhale deeply and dive back into the stream of consciousness. Here's this week's reminder that everything you need and everything you want will find you at the right time that it is meant to. Put on the shelves those worries about the future and anchor yourself in the present. All good things take time.

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Technicalities: Notes taken above were written using a drawing tablet (XP-PEN Star G640) but captured on the iPad Pro 2021 12.9”

App: Microsoft OneNote

Camera: iPhone 11 Pro Max

Photo Editor: Instagram Stories + Snapseed

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Lost is a word I can probably use to describe what I feel lately. I am lost on what to do with the new responsibilities placed on my shoulders. I am lost on how I feel on certain things. Nonetheless, I try to get up every day, keep moving forward, and just see where my shoes bring me.

Our first learning block just ended, but this semester already feels like it is lasting for ages. I am starting to cultivate a routine and find balance on things, but I am also beginning to miss home. Despite everything, I surrender to what is. I do not resist the flow of the river and just do what it is that I have to do.

It's in these moments of progress when I am reminded of the importance of pauses; of how freeing it felt when I decided to take one day off even though I had to face tons of workload when I got back. I will never understand why the culture of hustling and never taking a break is glamorized so much by the studygram community. Know that I am not a supporter of it and will never be. -

Technicalities: Notes taken above were written using a drawing tablet (XP-PEN Star G640) but captured on the iPad Pro 2021 12.9”

App: Microsoft OneNote

Camera: iPhone 11 Pro Max

Photo Editor: Instagram Stories + Snapseed

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The past few days have been tougher than what I expected them to be. Minutes, that felt like hours, were filled with tough conversations. Studying felt like a distant task I could not seem to do. My actions felt empty; like I am here in the present moment but my mind escapes reality.

Juggling Optometry school with my student leader duties, volunteer work, household errands, and keeping my self sane reminds me how important it is to make sure I am at my optimal state. With this, I apologize if it takes extra time for me to respond to messages.

I am currently looking for the balance between everything I have to accomplish. But just like the book featured in this post, The Myth of Sisyphus, may we continue to find joy and meaning of what we do no matter how tiring things may seem.

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Technicalities: Notes taken above were written using a drawing tablet (XP-PEN Star G640) but captured on the iPad Pro 2021 12.9”

App: Microsoft OneNote

Camera: iPhone 11 Pro Max

Photo Editor: Instagram Stories + Snapseed

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I apologize it took this long for me to write but I am safe and well in my new residential place for university. Life lately has been filled with hugs and smiles as I get to personally meet those I've only interacted with online. It feels odd to no longer be part of the student council and it's sad to think that we never had the chance to host an onsite event; but I guess, it was all for the best.

The transition to online classes called for resilient and adaptive leadership--the leadership we were able to bring to the table, and the leadership that kept the community running virtually. We had a good term and although I would have loved to take my time and rest for now, I realized that certain situations sentence you to rise up to the challenge.

In the upcoming months, and even years, I don't think I would ever go back to the time where I was never in the frontlines. Tiring as it may be to always be putting myself out there, it is heartwarming to think that I get to touch and be a part of other people's lives.

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Technicalities: Notes taken above were written using a drawing tablet (XP-PEN Star G640) but captured on the iPad Pro 2021 12.9”

App: Microsoft OneNote

Camera: iPhone 11 Pro Max

Photo Editor: Instagram Stories + Snapseed

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