𓆩Au Clair De Lune𓆪

“A burglar indeed.”

@lesbiankiliel prompted ‘Bilbo pranking Thorin by nicking his crown, Thorin be like “and you said you weren’t a burglar”;

Sleep time

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I like combining that with the "hobbits immune to poisons" fanon, and, while Bilbo CAN feel the spice, it doesn't cause the type of, more intense, reactions it can for others.

Thorin, learning of how hobbits flirt with food, begins making uniquely dwarven meals and presenting them in a hobbity style displays of affection. Bilbo hearts-in-his-eyes Baggins takes a single bite and then asks when he'd like their wedding to be.

Thorin has the privilege of introducing Bilbo to new ingredients, and brings him to the mountain's gardens where he can see where they come from. Bilbo has been picking fruits to sample them the whole way, which of course Thorin is happy to allow. Thorin, who has been monologuing for some time now about the history of dwarven cultivation, stops walking.

"I ask that if you see a fruit which is red and curved, however, you refrain from touching it. For that is the infamous Ereborian Scythe Pepper. A single drop of its essence is enough to bring an entire army of dwarrow to their knee--"

Bilbo, who has a small collection of those very peppers in one hand and a handkerchief in his other, stops chewing and swallows. Sniffs.

"Oh. Well. That explains why my nose has been running so."

Bilbo wipes his nose and Thorin looks at him in confusion, then worry, then confusion again, and ending with a mixture of incredulity and amusement. After a bit of explaining on Bilbo's part about hobbit physiology, they both have a good laugh. Thorin says something incredibly sappy about hobbits always surprising him, and Bilbo, happiest he's ever been, gives him a peck on the lips.

A few minutes later Bilbo is bringing thorin jugs of goat milk and apologizing endlessly as Thorin, red and sweating up a storm, pushes through the pain of the Ereborian Scythe Pepper.