Some little guy

ThESE HIT HARDDDDD

This post jumped me in an arby’s parking lot

When I was a kid, I hated the Smurf cartoons so much that I’d go into a bloodthirsty rage every time I saw the Smurfs. It got so bad that my family had to make a code word and a plan. My mom would scan the area as I looked down, and if she saw anything Smurf-related, she’d scream “ADIDAS!” and I’d cover my eyes and be held by my mother as she took me to a safe space. I’d fantasize in depth about biting off their heads and seeing blue blood rushing out, spitting their disgusting little hats out of my mouth. I’d think about putting binder clamps on their little Smurf tails and hanging them from my drawer knobs. I’d fantasize in depth about watching them struggle until the blood flow finally fucked them up into oblivion, or if they were hardy little Smurfs, until they starved or became fully dehydrated. I’d think about using pliers to pull at their Smurf noses. I wanted to press their eyes into their skulls. God. I never hurt anyone during these rages, I’d just drop onto the ground as my vivid imagination overtook me. I think I may have thought so hard about a scenario that I shifted into a reality full of dead Smurfs, actually. Right in the middle of my elementary school teacher talking about the Cold War and giving a really really basic and inaccurate description of communism. I saw a mountain of dead Smurfs, and I felt their bones crackle under me as I stepped on their bodies to get to a throne at the top. But I also could’ve just passed out and had a surreal and vivid dream because I hadn’t slept in two days (I saw an episode of Family Guy and the baby scared me since babies don’t do that). Anyway it all wore off because I had to be hospitalized due to a medical emergency and I was put into a Smurf-themed ambulance. I just began associating them with being helpless and in pain. Now I fear them. This picture makes me sick. I don’t like Smurfs. Fuck the Smurfs. Gargamel was right and I would have sex with him.

evil mario im concerned

I was given a sponge bath by a handsome manager at a Wal-mart while on the run from the police last year.

@onehookeduphedgehog

Good boy, Boris.

great job everyone lets hit the showers