Wonderland

(via renzotbh)

To the people who say depression/self harm is a beautiful struggle: Have you ever felt so bad you cried till 2am? During this crying, did you ever keep thinking “I don’t know what’s wrong with me?” Have you ever just broke down in your parents arms and kept repeating”I hate myself” and “I mess everything up.”? Have you ever cut yourself because the physical pain is better than internal? While you did this, did you watch the blood flow down your skin with tears running down your face? Have you ever convinced your self you’re worthless? Have you ever told your self that nobody will ever love you and they’ll leave? When you did that, did it get so bad you ended up pushing everyone away? Did you ever dumb a bottle of pills out, ready to do it, then your mom walks in and starts talking to you? Then when she leaves, you start crying as you put them away, because you don’t want to put your suicide on her shoulders? No? None of it? There’s NOTHING beautiful about it. Its horrible. It’s a living hell. Even being blade free for 3 years, I still have a hard time shaving because I struggle daily.

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