rara avis

hey y’all,

so you’ve probably noticed by now that i haven’t written here in a while. my life has sped up in ways that haven’t left time for blogging; i’ve also been working hard enough and writing enough that this space hasn’t felt-- mm, necessary’s not the word, but it hasn’t felt as essential as before. i also don’t want the last thing on here to be an essay about rape, so here’s an official... not goodbye, i’m typing this and i’m already missing writing to you all, but a see you later? a see you infrequently? 

you can find me, as ever, on insta & twitter at /lrsphm, and on email if you’ve got mine, and if you don’t, message me and ask. it feels weird to acknowledge i’ve let go of a platform i’ve been writing on since i was fifteen, but i’m twenty-two now, and a lot of you have sure seen me grow up through it all.

yesterday i published an essay at the hairpin. it’s about my complicated thoughts on being raped a year ago. you can read it here.

not much to say here because i want to save some of it for the piece i'm writing for the magazine that sent me so instead here are some tableaus that i will share with you

notes to self while i go through a weird time:

let love in even if it isn't called love. let people care for you. let down your guard when goodness is at the door. yes this is very hard.

resist the urge to self-sabotage. resist the urge to be upset about the way you constantly hurt yourself.

think a bad thought to the full end of the thought and then let it out of your body. you'll find most bad thoughts end up being a little ridiculous.

you're more than the sum of what you produce or even what you're capable of.

you are so capricious and flighty and this is what is lovely about you. remember too that your moods influence so many things. if you don't feel pretty today it's okay you will another. in fact a few weeks from now you probably won't even remember this.

i wrote about the not-so-radical, kinda capital underpinnings of BDSM this month at full stop.