( FREE ) AGENT OF CHAOS.

on the one hand, he has spent a lot of time alone in a void or in a sewer and isn’t used to casual affection, has a fear of being touched on the back of his neck ( animal instinct, it’s a blind spot and he doesn’t like it At All ), and is generally afraid of being attacked pretty much at all times ( which is his fight or flight response to the loud and crowded human world talking, on top of the few interactions he had with humans towards the beginning of time when things went Very Badly because he didn’t know how to act around people and didn’t know enough to hide his claws and 8′3″ true form ).

on the other hand, he’s spent a lot of time alone and isolated and dissociates easily and frequently, and needs physical confirmation that he’s present a lot of the time ( when he’s on his own he finds this through submerging himself in water or mud to have a constant pressure around himself ). he also wants to be more human, and thinks that since humans go around shaking hands and shit all the time, that means to be more like them he’ll have to acclimate to touch, so actively seeks it out at very awkward moments and usually regrets it. he craves the comfort of another person nearby after so long alone.

@shtriver

“ack!  fuck, don’t call me that– please!”  

( please? oof; if you were digging for a nerve, you’ve struck gold. )

oh,  he  could  not  look  more  delighted  to  have  found  a  place  to  dig  at.   he  leans  forward  on  his  elbows,  shoulders  wiggling  in  a  challenge.

               “     OH ,   THEY  ALL  ARE   TO  ME.     ”          head  turns  towards  the  other     /     eyes  aglow     /     a  moment  of  calm  while  rain  pours.          “     i’m  not  sure  what’d  make  a  BAD  storm.   i’ve   certainly  never  made  one.     ”          a  smile  flashes  in  the  half - darkness ,  as  does  another  STREAK  of  lightning  across  the  sky.  his  eyes  wander  over  the  other ,  curious.  wondering  what  to  make  of  him     ——     not  quite  wanting  to  bluntly  ask  just  yet.          “     fireflies ,  hm     ?          i  quite  like  that.  truth  isn’t  quite  so  ROMANTIC.     ”

and then the rebellion came, and angels fell, and he’s just barely coming to terms with that --- he didn’t think rebellion was possible to begin with, which is why he was in trouble: he never reported the questions and seeds of Falling that he overheard --- when he’s placed in charge of purgatory. and nobody really took the time to explain the reason for his placement to pincer; if someone had told him ‘hey, this is your punishment for taking absolutely no part in the war and not doing anything to stop it’, he’d be self-loathing, maybe spiteful, but he’d understand.

instead he spent the first days, weeks, months, years, decades, centuries that humans were on earth completely alone in a bubble, isolated from both heaven and hell, with no one but himself to talk to. he went from being surrounded by love and a sense of righteousness to complete and total absence in just a few seconds. and when a job finally came his way --- sow the seeds of drastic change in the people’s minds here please --- he finally interacted with humans, the creatures he’d always been told he was so much like, and they thought he was an utter abomination. he hadn’t had the time on earth to watch them and acclimate to them, he just went Oh I Know These Guys, I’m Basically One Of Them! and dove in headfirst, and he was rebuffed so immediately and intensely as Other that it shocked him and startled him.

and that kept happening. every time he was recalled to purgatory between assignments, he had something new to agonize over, something new to be confused and scared about, and having no one else to talk to, he talked himself into constant, frequent spirals of anxiety and paranoia, and eventually he became so convinced that he was irreparably different and wrong that he started to Become that way, physically and behaviorally. he started hiding more when he did his assignments, working his job from afar, and in doing so spent a lot of time hiding out in places like sewers and back alleys and swamps and all the gross nooks and crannies that most people never ever actively want to go to. being like those creatures there, then, became second nature; hence things like the sharp teeth, the way he likes to alligator-lurk in water.

“permit this.” shawn is able to keep their cigarette in place while flipping the bird ( a talent perfected over the centuries ) a look over their shoulder, and the hand drops altogether in mild surprise. 

“well if it isn’t pinny from the block…age.”  

shawn turns back, taking another drag, but now flicks ash right onto instead of over the side of the dock. “you know i never really saw the appeal of these things? they won’t kill me, i know, but it seems like such a long way to go to die. when did a noose become unfashionable? whatever happened to a tall glass of…furniture polish?” what a shame it’d been when billy joel tried to off himself; they’d pushed his soul back over the threshold tooth and nail. his time would come, but it wasn’t that day.

shawn had really enjoyed the 80’s.

scent pulled them from thought, and they’d only just remembered their company. fishy… “whatcha catch today.” ( though shawn tries to sound uninterested, the cat inside them is clawing at the proverbial bedroom door– lemme in lemme in lemme IN. )

‘ fuckstick. ‘      someday  he’s  gonna  stop  having  some  vague,  grudging  respect  for  humanity  and  really  start  chopping  necks,  just  to  shut  some  people  up.   but  not,  apparently,  today,  since  PRESENT  COMPANY  isn’t  exactly  human  to  begin  with.      his  tongue  clicks  against  the  back  of  his  teeth  in  surprise.      ‘ a - ha - ha.   SHORNNN.   fuckstick  incorporated.   hiya. ‘

no  pretending  humanity  here;  he  stretches  and  lets  himself  grow  a  few  inches,  lopes  up  the  dock  to  crouch  a  little  ways  behind  them,  bare  toes  wiggling  off  the  edge  of  the  splintery  wood.   there’s  a  crack  in  his  ankle  that  he  needs  to  patch  up.      ‘ nn.   tasty.   people  drop  ‘em  in  the  water,  y’know.   they  float  like  little  boats.   it’ssss  a  drug,  they  want  more  of  it.   want  to  live  and  smoke  more,  they  get  HELP  when  they’re  feeling  bad. ‘

pincer  and  the  80s  have  one  relationship:  one  tells  the  other  to  go  fuck  itself.   he’d  slept  a  lot.

@kerflooey​ said:  never been thrown out of anywhere before in my life - any of my gomens children; for ikimunch!  /  LUCIFER  STARTERS !   (  accepting.  )

‘ you’re  LYING. ‘      a  handful  of  licorice  is  waved  accusingly  in  her  direction;  he  doesn’t  know  if  she  is  or  not,  but  it  makes  him  feel  better  to  assume  he’s  not  the  only  one  to  get  kicked  out  of  a  7 - 11.

not  that  he  actually  left.   which  is  why  he’s  banging  insistently  on  the  side  of  the  slurpee  machine,  trying  to  get  it  to  change  cherry  into  the  banana  flavor  through  sheer  force  of  will.      ‘ i  EAT  liars.   for  breakfast.   or  not.   trying  to  work  on  lifestyle  habits,  read  about  it  in  a  magazine.   half  a  liar,  i  guess. ‘

    lucifer sentence starters     episode 4 - 6.

you broke into my house?

you were taking forever in the shower.

are you sleeping with this idiot?

never been thrown out of anywhere before in my life.

something very disturbing’s just happened. it’s horrific, really. for the second time, i’ve been thrown out of a woman’s house.

i mean, i appeal to the virile urge in all wo/men.

you need to go undercover, because you’re our best way in.

why is she able to refuse my charms?

people don’t have power over us. we give it to them. you have to take your power back.

i need to take back control. i need to behave like i always have.

i mean, it seems obvious now, actually - i need to have sex with her.

are you gonna help me or not?

you’re quite adorable when you’re flustered.

i’m not flustered, i’m nauseous.

okay, look. let me make myself perfectly clear: i will never, ever, ever sleep with you.

playing hard to get? i like it.

wow. you’ve never been rejected by a woman, have you?

the odds are definitely in your favour out there - probably not batting for the same team, but you never know. go forth and conquer. i know you want to.

i promise, if anyone here hurt your sibling, i’ll find them. and i’ll punish them.

if you weren’t so pent-up sexually, we’d be firing on all cylinders, i’d say.

i certainly don’t need any help getting wo/men into bed.

do you honestly think you can just ask people to have sex with you and they will?

you forget. i love pain.

men - they always want to talk!

we can get him/her back to where s/he belongs, if you could just provide me with a weak spot.

seriously, darling. are you well? the berries are ripe and ready to be harvested - i mean, look at me.

don’t. please.

if i get an STD from this thing, i’m gonna kill you.

is there anyone you suspect that might do this to you?

do not shush me.

a deal’s a deal - especially one with the devil.

i do believe there’s good and evil and right and wrong.

does it scare you?

i mean, how could i be scared of something i don’t believe in?

do i scare you?

either way, he’s going to get someone killed. probably himself.

this love thing makes you all quite stupid, doesn’t it?

just hand over the cash, and no one gets hurt.

i believe that’s a fair request, actually, so just pop her around and the money’s yours.

greedy little jackal, aren’t you?

what is it about you and guns, eh?

what’s up, jackass?

hell truly hath no fury like a woman scorned.

i happen to be an expert on punishment, and i’m not sure it fits the crime here.

chlamydia, the clap, a raging case of crabs - that’s what you deserve. not death.

why do humans think they can rectify one evil with another?

why does everyone say that before they’re punished?

come on, shoot me.

son of a bitch, that really hurts!

i don’t bleed!

i don’t lie. but i don’t always tell the whole truth.

can’t sleep when you’re not home.

the models don’t appear to be wearing any clothes.

you were shot and you bled. no sharp objects until we find out why.

the danger of getting hurt is positively thrilling.

now come on, tell me your most dangerous desire.

we need to get out of here now.

i am dreamy, but try to contain yourself.

i got a taste of danger, and i want more.

that whackjob’s gonna totally get me killed.

tomato, tom-ah-to.

see, that’s why we make such great partners - the ‘he said, she said’ of it all.

when do i get my own gun?

i wouldn’t trust you with my kid’s lightsaber.

if i’m gonna be forced to work with you again, i call the shots.

bloody hell! that hurt! do it again.

you know, i’m quite skilled in restraints.

let me guess, you did him a favour.

i process tragedy through my work.

that favour you owe me… i’m calling in my IOU.

i was trying to prevent more death.

well, aren’t we the little saint?

you are the oldest young person i’ve ever met.

i’m not gonna drink at a bar where everyone hates me.

did you ever consider that they hate you for that very reason?

well, somebody’s not being crowned homecoming queen, are they?

surely you’ve heard the expression ‘deal with the devil’…?

people come to me to ask for favours and more often than not, i’m happy to oblige.

i don’t need your sympathy, but thank you.

firstly, let me state that i’m in no way standing up for my associate, but on behalf of myself, and only myself, i think you’re a complete sack of arse.

sadly, the only thing broken was that incontinent troll’s nose.

if i’m not going to look out for you, who will? hm?

maybe next time, i won’t be around to save your ass.

you and my backside used to get on well.

is it my thanks you want, or a kiss?

i don’t do favours for guys like you.

what is it with the men in my life?

act like a child, get treated like a child.

witnesses said they heard you making threats at the door.

no wonder he can’t get it up.

so you’re just gonna sit around and wait for revenge? that’s rather lazy.

i was promised a gang war, and instead, i get a crybaby. this is boring.

you know, they really don’t make bad guys like they used to.

after five years behind bars, a brothel would be my go-to.

i can’t be held responsible for what happens after i give someone a favour.

if there’s one thing the devil knows, it’s that people need to take responsibility for their own bad behaviour.

enough danger for you yet?

you do remember that bullets hurt, right?

you had your hero moment. stay down, or you’re gonna get shot.

ass saved. you’re welcome.

you’re addicted to creating chaos and seeing where the chips fall, to hell with the consequences.

you’re having another one of those ‘gut feelings’, aren’t you?

you’ve already wasted so much of your life.

oh, well the good news is that whilst all dogs go to heaven, you’d be surprised how many pigs are waiting for you in hell.

you were never as good as me.

keep your enemies close, right?

who gave that order?

if you come clean now, i’ll go easy on you.

if you really want to do something, you should.

shall we move the party upstairs?

so what unpleasantness felled this heap of unrealised ambition then?

let’s pretend for one second that you’re someone else - someone nice. someone mature.

i mean, getting murdered is probably the most exciting thing that ever happened to him.

i gave up an epic foursome to be here.

call me when you’ve got a murder with a pulse - or at least someone good-looking.

i was hoping for a good shag just as a palate cleanser to wipe the foul taste of boredom from my mouth.

i need your help like i need a third boob.

- knew that was a mistake the moment it came out of my mouth.

i’ll have two tropic wonders and your face smashed into the ground.

i believe they call this interrogating!

we were like fish and chips - salt and pepper - hipsters and condescension!

if we’re gonna work together on this, you’re gonna have to trust me.

nobody steals from me and gets away with it.

he’s not gonna change.

i thought you said lying was a bad thing.

you’re not from around here, are you?

you can’t just smash two people together like barbies and think that that’s gonna fix things.

pardon the intrusion, you village people rejects, but one of you has stolen something that belongs to me.

please identify yourself, so i can punish you accordingly.

i thought we were past you thinking you’re invincible?

a few bad apples shouldn’t paint us all in a bad light, now should it?

you like being considered a criminal, don’t you?

he’s hiding something. we need to force it out of him.

i’ve sat in a parked car and not had sex.

have i done something to offend you?

ooh, whip out the cuffs then.

why shy away from a little bondage fun?

despite all your weirdness, i actually really like working with you.

i have never lied to you. and i will never lie to you.

been a while since i had a good hunt.

you’d never lie to me, right?

stick within the limits of your intellectual capacity.

why do they blame me for all their little failings?!

CROWLEY ROLLS THEIR EYES, this slow movement that is – if one thought about it ( and Crowley chooses not too ) – actually quite HYPOCRITICAL. Crowley can be just as dramatic, after all. Casually, the demon snaps their fingers and the car CUTS OFF instantly. “To be a pain in your ass, clearly. To be STYLISH, mostly.” The use of their OLD NAME makes them flinch slightly, lip curling to BARE SHARP TEETH as a hiss pressed through them. “It’sssss CROWLEY, and I’m not doing it. I don’t start revolutionssssssss.”

“Well, that’s rude. You don’t lead a guy on for half a century just to kick him out and never call.” If the grimy surroundings are bothering him at all, he’s sure not showing it. He can get down and dirty with the best of them, even as pretty as he is. “I’m starting to think you weren’t into me at all.”

his  head  is  buzzing.   chest  is  hurting.   (  what  is  this  shit??  )   pincer  is  experiencing  emotions,  please  hold.   there’s  a  low  growl  in  the  back  of  his  throat,  something  like  wariness  and  simple  recognition.   it  is  kinda  nice  to  see  a  familiar  face;  he’s  been  getting  bored  up  here.   his  teeth  bare  in  a  sharp  grin,  paintbrush  tossed  from  claw  to  claw.      ‘ you  like  a  missionary  now,  goin’  doorrr - to - doorrr  hiring?   HAIL  SATAN  shit? ‘