bark bark

texts from the gard3n  (1/3)

█████ - I mean, you could. He’d probably fight you right back as well. But let’s be real here, you’d likely win because he’s got shit luck and would trip over his own feet and knock himself out. Is that even a real victory? You decide. Fight Bagman.

Delacour, Pénélope - Dude, she’s only got one lung. She looks and dresses like a fairy. She’ll probably snap in half. Don’t fight Penelope.

Wanwan - If you want to punch the guy made of metal, be my guest. But keep in mind you’ll break your hand, cry, and then he’ll probably bandage it up while gently scolding you in a sincerely loving manner. Don’t be that guy. Don’t fight Wanwan. 

Sylvain Clément - Despite all his dancing muscles, Sylvain isn’t one for a fight. He might fight back if you did attack him or someone he likes, but somehow it would probably end up a boring fight and he might get a lucky hit in on you. Either way, you’re being a jerk. Don’t fight Sylvain. 

Lucky - Lucky will beg you, on his knees, for you to fight him. But listen. Listen. Lucky is halfway through 4 different flavours of identity crisis and grief, he was halfway through them when he got here, he was BORN missing a fucking eye and with a tragic backstory. Kid’s had it rough. He just wants the touch of another person. Hug him instead. Don’t fight Lucky. 

Pines, Joseph - Do it. Absolutely fucking do it. Punch him in his smug, drug-dealing fox face. Fight Joseph Pines.

Kimura Shun - Give the kid a break, man. He barely sleeps and when he does it’s full of night terrors. He’s starting to freak out his own friends and family. He needs a nap and a cuddle. Also he’d lay you out in one hit. Don’t fight Shun.

Kimura Yoshiro - You know those assholes in 80s high school movies who were always practically murderous towards the dorky main character? That will be you if you fight Yoshiro. He’s an utterly harmless nerd. He’s also hiding a knife in his metal hand. And Shun might be driven to homicide if you touch him. Don’t fight Yoshiro.

Kawakami Sayuri - She’s a smol. A teeny smol. One of the smollest in the cast. And even if she challenges you to fight her, even if she insults you, even if she throws a potted cactus at you, do not fight her. She’s more fragile than she seems. Don’t fight Sayuri.

London - This asshole eats green peppers with ice cream. What the fuck. Literally what the fuck. That body’s a rental though, and purposefully damaging it would be kinda dickish of you. Don’t fight London. 

Shiroyama Kuro - The Germans have a name for this. Backpfeifengesicht. A face that is begging for a fist in it. Unfortunately Kuro is afflicted, and he also can’t keep his mouth shut 80% of the time. He’s no stranger to fighting, but watch out, he fights dirty. Fight Kuro.

Leva-Megalos, Pyrros - Are you nuts? The kid’s built like a brick house and punches like the hammer of Vulcan’s forge, with a temper to match. Don’t do it you suicidal idiot, he’s chopped people’s heads off by sheer ACCIDENT. Don’t fight Pyrros.

Luk Văn Amrit - Remember that thing from earlier, about the 80s movie asshole thing. Same again. He’s a bookworm who’s just trying to get by. Don’t fight Amrit.

Mizushima Mitsuko - Holy shit, the girl has a sword and is absolutely willing to use it. She wears the bullet that killed her brother around her neck. She’s taken nastier beatings from her own caregivers than you. Are you fucking nuts? Don’t fight Mitsuko.

Komatsu “Morino” Yuuya - Sure. Why not. I mean you’d be kind of a dick. But why not. Fight Morino.

Yoshida Yoshima - Oh, so you’re the kind of asshole that targets the support players. The dick that snipes the healer. What the hell. Don’t fight Yoshima.

Barca, Felicia - If you come at her with any sort of malicious intent she drops to the floor and seizes. You win, but not really, because that could kill her, you fucking asshole. And then you’ll be executed for murder. Don’t fight Felicia.

Newton, Elaine - I mean, she’s nosy, but why fight her. You could, but you wouldn’t really get anything out of it. It wouldn’t even be a good fight. Then again, she is a lawyer. Fight Elaine.

Munroe, Kaliki - Kaliki has two speeds: Faster Than You, and Much Faster Than You. Fun as it would be to watch you get the shit kicked out of you, don’t. Don’t fight Kaliki.

bwah,