You Found My SHPAM @shpam - Tumblr Blog

Whenever i think i do something wrong i will sometimes desperately try to fix it and usually it ends up making things worse

#this time im going to ask if i did something #and if i get a response i will THEN act and try to better myself

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My love language is *boops your nose* *sits so that our legs are touching* *pokes your foot with my foot* *ruffles your hair* *pokes you* *walks close so we occasionally brush limbs* *leans against you when I’m tired*

#annoying people is definitely a love language

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this post has been a wild ride for me

Cant tell if my friend is suicidal right now and im crying and i want everyone around me to be ok

#like i feel like im watch a giant storm happen #i cant do nothing cause no one responds to me when i try to help which is fair cause people might not want my help #but jesus christ i just want to know that mu friends are gonna live with me till highschool is done yknow #dont rb

Oh to be someones special someone. I want someone to look at me and think. I love this guy so much and ill take care of him and she’ll take care of me

#ive realized quite a few people in my life have stopped loving me #they still like me but they dont love me and i the friends i know love me #i aint feeling loved as of late and maybe thats me and if it is ill work on myself

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Posting this here cause im going to feel way too embarrassed about it but should i buy fake boobs online cause like yo. What if they help with dysphoria

#yeah i feel really embarrassed posting this please be nice kf you follow this account #dont rb

I gotta stop having that thought in my mind that people dont want to see me like god. Cause km going to eventually end up damaging relationships.y friends want to see me and they love me.

#like for example today i haf fucking 3 scenarios where this happened #one i was gonna ask james if he wanted to hang out this weekend but i didn’t #then at the game j didn’t go talk to june #and i was gonna fucking start a conversation with dee but ohhh no my brain wont let me think that #im trying to erase these toxic behaviors and its slow and steady

So ive had some of the same friends since i was 5 and some of them are transphobic and oh my god its tiring cause i love these guys and im trying to yknow. Convince them but yeah notngoing well

#and now im afraid that some of relationships are destroying my ones with other friends like june

Sometimes i wish i could be helpful in a non angry way like emotionally helpful

#cause i can be i know i CAN #but most of the time I usually just get angry #not only could that start more confrontation which isnt what i want #it doesn’t help alot of the time #dont rb #and actually don’t interact either thank you

Currently loading confidence to ask a question

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I need to work on certain things like my mom ALWAYS loves to have ever single thing planned out and i kinda just do stiff so obviously hanging out with friends isnkinda jarring.

#i also repeat myself when i do something stupid #or what i think is stupid #but imma start really trying to correct that

I hate the fact that i have a chance of moving to montana in coming year cause i just got like a good group of irl friends and poof that shit might just go down the drain

#not jappy about it #but hopefully my dad doesn’t have #that company move and hopefully we dont

Oh my god dude i have been blessed with the best friends. Like my online friends my irl friends. Love them to death. Like if i constantly tell that i love you just know you mean the world to me/gen

#dhh in dnwj #like heres the thing im getting back into my stronger self that i was before my brain decided it was gonna fuck itself over #and i tell uou what #i am ready to take my friends out on dinner #call my online friends more #mwah mwah

I am missing the day that when all my friends who were willing and able to come to my house came for dinner around Christmas and we had reghomi and mash potatoes with some lemonade. We made eachother laugh so fucking hard.

#i love those guys #i know probably have several posts making fun of cishets on my blog but #i really love my cishet friends

I am missing the day that when all my friends who were willing and able to come to my house came for dinner around Christmas and we had reghomi and mash potatoes with some lemonade. We made eachother laugh so fucking hard.

#god do i love those guys #like i know i probably have several posts on my account making fun of cishets but i genuinely love those guys

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Anyone who uses force and threatening to lead people i immediately stop listening to cause it just shows that you cant lead people without them being afraid of you which immediately leads me to believe that person is weak and pathetic

#another weird draft that i do remember writing at like 5 am

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