I really need to beg for other things if that's what I have the power to do. But I dont want to/dont want to overwhelm my audience. Im viscerally aware how financial my platform is. I feel swamped. Yifan has canceled on me twice, Ive taken this long to be readt and I'm just sitting here worried and I feel lonely and stressed and not okay with myself honestly. And I just have to push through every month hoping it all works out. Dude if I had 2000 bucks on me right now I swear I'd make life my bitch. And here I am solving shit with 50s and hundreds like I always do. I'm eternally grateful to all those who are lifting me up but god I wanted this help to make even more change for me by now.
I want my business. I want my license. I want my career. I want my fucking transition and its just like. Im trying to pace out this shit but. Istg I'm about to set a gfm for 5 thousand because I feel in crisis again. I dont feel safe with myself. I feel like the teaching job is leading me on. I feel like my lease wont be renewed and while my gut can lie, I have no back up plans. If Im hospitalized, Im homeless, if I'm late on rent, Im homeless. If the job doesn't work out, i am begging for table scraps until the next opportunity or crisis. If I use to much dono money on myself, Im behind on bills. Its never ending and I just want something like a normal life.
Driving school, a good computer and a camera is what I need to stay alive I fucking swear.
