Everyone I love leaves Everything I touch dies

I’m not sure about where to start that but here is a fact : I’m happy.

Really.

For the past years my Tumblr was all about depression, sadness and suicidal thoughts. I had many reasons for that. I just needed a place to express my feelings without being judged. And honestly, it felt good to be able to do so. It’s an horrible thing but it just felt comforting to see that I wasn’t the only one struggling with life. I wasn’t the only one cutting myself to feel alive. I wasn’t the only one crying all night long. I wasn’t the only one stealing meds to get high and feel no pain again. I wasn’t the only one trying to find the best way to kill myself properly. 

After almost 3 years living on the edge I decided to change everything. I moved to a new and unknown city, I went back to university to get a MA, and the most important : I cut myself off from all my past relationships. 

It might seems like a lot but I had nothing else to do. I wasn’t expecting anything and I hadn’t hope for anything either. Being miserable somewhere new didn’t scared me. 

For once, I had good idea. Life has changed a lot in the past 7 months.

I got to meet new people, discover new places, learn new things and even if I didn’t want to at first, met someone. My someone. 

I didn’t want to give that person a chance because I suffered so much before because of my love for someone else. And so I thought that being alone would be better for me. But what I ignored is that this new person wasn’t a random human crossing my road. 

Ever since we have been together there isn’t a single time I thought about hurting myself / cutting my arm. 

It’s like every negative thing in my life disappeared. I thought it would never happened to me again, but I’m happy when I wake up every morning. I don’t fake smiles anymore. I don’t have to lie to everyone about my mental health. I feel like I’m living my life fully, I’m not watching myself live any longer.

 It feels good to be alive.