Catch me if you can

GO PLACIDLY amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant; they too have their story.

Avoid loud and aggressive persons; they are vexatious to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain or bitter, for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment, it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth.

Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here.

And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

But understanding is so hard to find. In this world where time is always flowing faster than you’re running, who has the time to slow down? Who has the time to listen, to understand and be understood? To reflect on your own life, and how crazy it actually is, the experiences that you have, and how however diverse they may seem, there are so many common themes if you’d only stopped to look? 

I’ve spent my life seeking self understanding - to understand myself and to let others understand me. It’s difficult, sometimes till now, no matter how much I try, I have to accept that my understanding of myself is never going to be quite complete. No matter how much I think, no matter how much I reflect, there will still be times that I fail to understand my own thoughts. 

And that is exactly why I’m reluctant to let you go. To say that you understand me perfectly is a lie, no one can ever completely understand someone, even if that someone is themselves (and you literally spend 24/7 with yourself). But it is exceedingly rare to find someone who is willing to help pick apart the mess that is my mind, someone who not only wants to see the best and finished product, but wants to be there to watch the process. Thank you for letting me be imperfect, thank you for letting me be incomplete, and thank you for still being willing to be my side anyway. 

Things are still complicated with you at times, and again it would be a lie to say that I have never doubted you or your intentions. I still do, not because you have given me any particular reason to doubt you, but simply because of the trust issues I have as a person. I get the sense that abandonment is only a matter of time, relationships are transient, and only very few are made to last, but even those are fragile and you can’t really let your guard down about these things. And when people talk, when people tell me things telling me to keep my options open (albeit out of good intentions), I do sometimes still waver. I have made the choice to stay, but I sometimes can’t help but question the rationality of my choice.  

But something about this feels right. People are cynical when I tell them this, but whenever it gets hard, I fall back on the things that I do know which are - (1) You are a good person, and you would never intentionally inflict hurt on anyone (which includes me), (2) You care an awful lot about the people around you and (3) You have invested so much time and effort into understanding me, that I hardly believe you would just walk away and leave me. I don’t trust most guys when they say they’ll stay, but I trust you. 

What do I want to remember?