i like to think i'm an artist

First of all, for anyone who doesn't know, intrusive thoughts are a big OCD thing, these are disturbing or disgusting etc. thoughts that are obviously unwanted and distressing and frequently focus on certain themes.

Skwisgaar struggles a lot with really horrible sexual intrusive thoughts about his mother, one of the most common ones that keeps popping up in his head is the flashback of his mother when he was trauamtized by her as a kid. Its like reliving it all over again and it leaves him feeling sick and disgusted everytime.

Seeing his mother triggers it the most of course, and whenever she visits mordhaus, he obviously hates being near her for a multitude of reasons, one of biggest ones being how sexually explicit she is with no concern for boundaries or other's peoples comfort, and he'll vent to the other guys about it, but only to a very small extent, comments that we see talking about 'why ams she wearins that fuckins dress, ams she a strippers' etc.

Skwisgaar keeps it all to himself, disgusted by the thoughts and obviously never wanting to share them or talk about them. Maybe after so many years of knowing and living with each other, the more perceptive members start to get an inkling of what he's dealing with (if you wanna go the charles has ocd too route, maybe charles senses he's suffering with it too and tries to offer a bit of comfort without addressing the ocd itself but we know Charles isn't the best at comforting and skwisgaar isnt the best at allowing himself to be vulnerable around people)

Anyways, so you can imagine just how extra horrible all those serveta scenes are for skwisgaar, like the end of the cursed christmas special, and of course, when he moves back to sweden only to be retraumatized all over again. He keeps these thoughts secret for years and never intends on sharing them with anyone.

After Toki gets kidnapped by Magnus, he starts getting a lot of intrusive thoughts about Toki getting tortured etc, and the image of Toki hanging upside down, all bloody and beat and starved is burned into his mind forever. For a while after doomstar, maybe skwisgaar even avoids toki because seeing him triggers these thoughts even worse, and it builds up until Toki finally confronts him.

Now as you know I love skwistok lol and I think if they were at a point in their relationship where Skwisgaar chooses to trust Toki with Knowing him and all his vulnerabilities and struggles etc he would open up about it, sobbing and not being able to bear looking at toki but needing to explain what horrible shit is happening in his head and why it makes it so difficult. "It ams likes, my worst nightmares, yous just, gettins stabbs overs and overs, and Magnus ams deres and he ams doings... De worst tings to you... Sometimes it amnsts even hims, sometimes it ams mes .." you get it some real big angst hurt and comfort stuff. Toki understands, sees his distress and tries his best to reassure him that he knows him and knows skwisgaar would never want to hurt him and never want to see him hurt.

Okay, now for the contamination OCD side of things.

Skwisgaar takes really long elaborate showers, has a whole routine and process to decontaminate that he has to repeat over and over until it just Feels Right, and if he wasn't a god with life & healing powers (and a bunch of expensive creams and products) his skin would probably be scrubbed dry. The sheer grossness of dethklok and their party till you vomit lifestlye though acts as really good exposure therapy lol and over time he gets better and better with all his contamination ocd related compulsions like showers handwashing, and just generally feels less repulsed and anxious going about life than he used to. He's never felt so liberated getting nasty with dethklok lol

Alright, a big ocd thing too is this whole 'just right' thing, where you have to keep repeating something over and over until it feels right. It makes recording sessions even harder when he has to keep playing the same lick over and over until it feels right, even tho the guys swear the last one was fine.

He also has the whole perfectionist thinking (another big ocd thing) too, when it comes to recording sessions and obviously, releasing albums. He and Nathan kind of share this, and will keep rerecording, redoing, and rewriting trying to get things perfect until they get exhausted, and become too overwhelmed to finish. This is pretty much canon, we see this esp in Nathan deleting albums over and over and being concerned about it not being perfectly brutal enough. It seems like they're either working on the album really intensively trying to get it perfect, or not working on it at all and avoiding deadlines.

(initially this was a convo about how Murderface would be into Semen Retention and claiming being with women is gay, and pickles doesnt get involved because hes had sex with men before)

Friend: I feel like one interpretation of Pickles could be that he doesn't think it's "gay" to have sex with men. so he thinks he's "straight" and that fucking the same gender occasionally is a thing EVERYONE DOES Me: pickles doesnt strike me as a 'has thought deeply about his sexual identity' or 'has done research on terminology'. if he has any terminology at all its some rare 80s term that was thrown around casually in 1 district of LA during a 2 year period. hes like 'oh im just what they used to call a butter nutter' and no one has any idea what that is

Friend: he's from the generation where "bisexual" means a girl fucking two men in porn or something, he never considered it's a label that can apply to real people

Me: this all came out because he was accidentally being interviewed by an lgbt magazine and didnt know it, having a great time with dudes that understand him and can relate to big gender-weird sex parties

and then the article comes out and its front page like 'pickles is bisexual' And hes SO MAD and he spends half the episode making a big deal about it, until someone finally defines it for him (i think swkisgaar wouldve been trying but wouldve reached a language barrier, hes getting so pissed)

until finally someone explains it to pickles and hes forced to deflate like "..oh. i guess that is.. what i .. am.. then… '. Hes so upset to have a label though. He wants himself to be UNLABELLED. he liked the mystery

Friend: Like a younger version of creed https://youtu.be/2JO3oJybBTw

Me: Thats funny XD "im not offended by gay people" and then relates about how he fucked this dude 15 times over a 3 day bender and how it was some of the best sex he ever had and they met up every saturday night for the entire summer until that dude came out to him as gay and pickles had to end it which always bummed him out because they had a real connection you know

Friend: the poor guy thought they were gay dating out and proud and it turns out Pickles didn't realize kissing another man in the mouth and holding his hand while getting ice cream is gay

Me: pickles talks about it in a way that strongly implies he was in love and wanted to spend the rest of his life with this dude, they bought a puppy together "but then i found out he was gay so i had to break up move out"

Friend: RIP

Me: in that dethklok way where youre just like "what the fuck goes on in your head, how do you think anything works"

Friend: he thought they would have to get a little purse dog and both of them would become hairdressers

Me: 'i dont wanna be a wedding planner'

Friend: "I don't want to move to San Francisco :("

Me: i am really pleased by my mental image of skwisgaar like yelling at pickles trying to explain that bisexuality is fine and normal but not having the language to do so. just fully not in english, and the parts in english Can Not Be PArsed. he means well and keeps trying to help and he just gets angrier every time