Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Irene: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Irene: Oh my god, you have Shan Yuan.

Product Placement
will byers stan first human second

bliss lane
The Bowery Presents
Cosmic Funnies

ellievsbear

izzy's playlists!
RMH
Jules of Nature

#extradirty
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

h
noise dept.
Today's Document

Kiana Khansmith
Claire Keane

titsay
occasionally subtle

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@shitpostsfromtheinvisiblelibrary
Kidnapper: I have your partner.
Irene: What? I don't have a partner...
Kidnapper: Then who just called me a lowlife bitch and spit in my face?
Irene: Oh my god, you have Shan Yuan.

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Bradamant : N... No!
Irene: A fair rebuttal. However, consider this counterpoint: Y... Yes???
Kai, to Catherine: Look at you! All cute and small! I could just eat you up!
Catherine: *proceeds to kick them in the shin and run away*
Vale, walking past: Rule number 1, don't call Catherine cute or small.
Irene: WE THOUGHT YOU WERE DEAD
Bradamant: No I was down here taking a nap, what the fuck is going on?
Irene: you were very stillβ¦
Bradamant: Iβm a very sound sleeper-
Bradamant: IβM SORRY-YOU THOUGHT I WAS DEAD? SO INSTEAD OF CALLING FOR HELP OR GETTING A HEALER, YOU GO AND FIGHT THE FUCKING LIBRARY?!
Irene: The show must go on
Bradamant: oh this is BULLSHIT-
Cuifen : If I were a drink, I'd be Cherry Vanilla Coke. If you were a drink, what would you be?
Kai: Bleach.
Shan Yuan: Sewage.
Cuifen : ...Please calm down, edgelords.

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Kai: Sometimes I drink milk straight from the container.
Irene : The cow??
Kai: What?
Vale: Irene , W H Y?
Silver, drowning: Help!
Kai: Don't worry, I heard cowards float.
Shopping trip.
Catherine was hit with two things as she opened the door to the kitchen.
One was exhaustion and dizziness.
The other was the confusion of opening a door to a shop and ending up standing in a kitchen that she did not recognise, radio blaring in the corner and two dragons staring at her which shopping bags around them.
'What the fuck?' One of them, with green hair and eyes, yelped, reaching for The knife block on the counter in front of her.
'Catherine?' Shan Yuan looked as shocked as Catherine felt. 'What are you...' She swayed and he grabbed her shoulders. 'How did you get here?'
'Was just out shopping,' Catherine mumbled. 'How did I get here?'
'I don't know. Let's sit you down,' He guided her out of the kitchen and deposited her in an armchair. 'Cuifen, she's Kais Librarian's kid. Don't scream.'
'What is she doing here?'
'Can you go and fetch your cousin and the Librarian so that we can find out.'
'Irene is going to panic,' Catherine said. 'She's going to kill me.'
'I'm sure she won't. Why don't you sleep until they get here?'
'She looks exhausted,' Cuifen said as she started to do up her shoes that she had only just taken off. 'Do you think something has happened?'
'Catherine here is Fae,' Shan Yuan said. 'And I think she may have just accidentally learnt how to walk through worlds.'
Shan Yuan went back to putting the shopping away as he waited for Cuifen to get back, Catherine napped in the armchair with a blanket thrown over her.
He was just making lunch when he heard a shuffling sound and turned to see her in the doorway with the blanket around her shoulders.
'Where am I?'
'Beijing,' He said. 'Where were you before?'
'London,' She pushed hair out of her eyes. 'I just wanted to ingredients and couldn't find anything. Next thing i know I was here, sorry?'
'I've sent someone to pick up Kai and possibly miss Winters so that you can go home,' He said. 'Do you want something to eat or drink?'
'You're being weirdly nice.'
'I'll go back to being rude when you don't look like crap, don't worry,' He snorted. 'What shopping were you after?'
'Avocados,' She said. 'And condensed milk but I think that they wouldn't have it and I probably would have had to make my own. So cream, we had milk in.'
Cuifen opened the door and ushered Irene and kai in.
'Shan Yuan?' She called. 'I'm back.'
'We're in the kitchen,' He replied. Cuifen lead the way.
'You need cinnamon on it,' Catherine said.
'I don't like cinnamon though,' Shan Yuan said, smacking her hand away.
'It's better with the cinnamon. Just a little bit,' Catherine insisted. 'Oh good, my ride is here.'
'You take all of my avocados, the milk and cream and then try to poison me? Good. Go away.'
'You have no taste,' Catherine jumped down from where she was sat on the counter. Irene did not look impressed.
'I have been worried sick.'
'We,' kai said.
'We have been worried sick. You can't just walk off like this? You could have ended up anywhere!'
'In her defence, she was as shocked to turn up here as we were,' Shan Yuan said.
'That one wanted to stab me,' Catherine nodded to Cuifen. 'And this one has no taste. Cinnamon is delicious.'
'What have you been doing?' Irene pinched the bridge of her nose. Catherine picked up her green drink.
'Teaching,' She shrugged. 'Who would have thought I'd have to come all the way here to get a decent drink? London had no avocados.'
Catherine : Do you have a self-care routine?
Irene: "Keep going bitch" said to myself in different accents.
Vale: Kai was chasing a suspect and about to hit his head on a metal bar
Vale: So I shouted βduck!β
Vale: He turned, quacked at me and slammed into the bar

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Irene: [ at Kai] You're my significant other.
Kai: Yeah I am!
Irene: [at Catherine] You're my child.
Catherine: Yes boss.
Irene: [Bradamant] You're my bitch.
Bradamant: Yeah I am- wait, what?
Irene: [at Vale] My bestie.
Vale: Naturally.
Irene: HA, GAY!
Silver Fuck you.
*Kai dies in a game with ships*
Irene: This ship is no longer a ship of love, it's a ship of vengeance, a gavel of justice against all that is wrong in the world, showing no mercy, as no mercy was shown to us.
Irene: The spark of love will now fuel the fires of destructive glory as I wage my war across the world with righteous fury.
Catherine: Legend has it that Kai still haunts the ship, stealing my fucking drinks.
Kai: Of course I do.
Vale: I hate how you're just born out of nowhere, and you're forced to go to school and get education so you can get a job. What if I wanted to be a duck? No one ever asked me if I want to be a duck!
Kai: Do you want to be a duck?
Vale: [crying] yEA
Kai: Please say words of encouragement to me so I donβt murder someone right now.
Vale: There are no books in prison.
Kai: *sighs* Thank you.

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Irene: Not to be nsfw but I want someone to hold me while I sleep.
Kai: Did you hear that!? Bradamant just threatened to destroy my lego AT-AT!
Vale: ...You just threatened to kill her in her sleep.