Clint Barton

Jubilee  wasn't exactly in the best of moods. She felt like nothing was making any sense to her, Eva was in a coma, and her two best friends were going through the worst of times. Since her return to the present time, Jubilee had one thing on her mind: her future son. It had served as a distraction of sorts. She didn't have control over finding considering it would be years until she adopted him. So she decided to do some detective work on someone she at least had met once: Matt. Unfortunately, her search didn't come back with positive results. Matthew was really Ashton and he was married. This meant that Ashton couldn't have possibly have been the man she agrees to marry in the future. Her head was spinning. Nothing made sense. She had pushed Clint’s sudden disappearance to the back of her mind blaming it on her rotten luck when it came to matters of the heart. As she made her way down in her building's elevator, she was sure to offer a small smile to any incoming citizens. She was always so good at hiding her true feelings.  And just when she felt she was clear to make her way home, her heart stopped at the sight before her. It was like she had seen a ghost. Nothing could have prepared her for this. She struggled to find the proper words, not one making sense in her head. Jubilee was angry. She was confused. She was in shock. “What are you doing here?” 

Clint being back in New York felt so alien to him. It used to be home but now it just felt cold and unwelcoming. He had spent the last months trying to piece back together what was let of his shattered personality. Clint hadn’t wanted to leave everything behind but shield had gave him no other choice. He had his mild controlled by some unknown reason left the avenger with very little choices, he could have stayed or leave till everything had calmed down. He had hurt a lot of people and he knew that. He had almost killed his fellow teammates and there was no way he could have stayed. The guilt that was eating away at him inside his head was nothing compared to if he had actually gone killed someone. Guilt was now part of the long list of reasons why he was stood outside of the J Crew building. Out of all the people he had hurt, knowing he had broken the promises he had made to Jubilee. He shook his head trying to clear his thoughts. Why was he there? Clint crossed his arms tighter, he couldn’t meet her eyes. “Because I owe you an explanation.” He owed her a lot more then that and he knew it. 

Jubilee stood frozen in front the ghost from her recent past. She should say something else. She should scream. She should wake up from this nightmare. Jubilee gripped the strap on her messenger bag, brown eyes burning into Clint. He looked so….worn. “I don't need an explanation. I'm fine really.” She had convinced herself that his abandonment didn't affect her and that it never would. The less she gave into her feelings the better oh man did seeing him bring back some memories.  “It's fine you're busy being a hero and this was just whatever it was.” Good. She was doing good. “Now if you excuse me, I have somewhere I need to be.” 

Clint had to shook his head at her words. He was far from being the hero everyone thought he was. “No I wasn’t.” His blue eyes looking up to her before she walked away. “I’m not that anymore.” He frowned slightly letting his arms fall to his sides. “I can’t be that anymore.” He didn’t want to be. That life had cost him his happiness for so many years. He had lost everything and everyone he cared about for it and he was done. He wasn’t going back this time. “I’ve done some terrible things but why I left had to be the worse.” His breathing was uneven and how he was still holding himself together he would never understand.

Jubilee could keep the facade up longer wanting to truly dismiss the man before her. Clint would serve as just another reminder of how things weren't going well. She had grown used to this by now. They come unto her life, they promise her the world, they plan futures, they leave. Rinse, lather, repeat.  Same old shit.  Different day. So why was she letting him talk? It was me more than just the fact that she wasn't an asshole. Jubilee felt something. A tug at her heart. A pull that wouldn't let her cuss him out and go on her way. In was in his eyes.  The very ones she claimed as her favorite. It was in his defeated tone. How could she leave when he sounded like that? And suddenly she lost her poker face. Her features melted into something softer and she walked up to him, inches apart. “What did they do to you?” Assuming there was a “they”, Jubilee was open to hearing him out.  “Let's talk in my office.” She added in a whispered tone before leading him upstairs. 

Clint. well this wasn’t what he had expected to happen, far from it actually. His whole body was just numb. Whoever had got into his head had pulled apart everything that had made him who he was or what he was. The man had been a stranger to himself for months. Maybe he shouldn’t have come back? When she moved closer everything in him was telling to move away, not because he didn’t want to be close to her again but because he didn’t trust himself with her. “They got inside my head.” He wasn’t sure who “they”was. Why was even bothering to hear him out? He didn’t have time to answer her being she was pulling him through the doors and upstairs.

Jubilee hurriedly made her way past the security desk,flashing her ID and taking Clint by the hand so she could better lead him. The faster she worked, the less she gave herself time to think. Thinking would prove to be dangerous especially when she wasn’t sure at first of what Clint’s intentions truly were. They had gotten into his head. Of course. Something had happened. How could she have been so obtuse? She was silent on the way up in the elevator and when they had reached her floor, Jubilee walked into the dark studio towards her office, opening the door for her….ex? boyfriend. Finally, she let out a breath she didn’t even know she was holding in and plopped down on the couch that decorated her space. Her eyes were glued to her carpet as she tried to take it all in and slowly, they flickered upwards to meet Clint’s. “You can sit down.” She felt her heart beating slightly faster--still confused by what this all meant. “What do you mean they got into your head? Are you going to be alright?” Even when she tried to come off as cold, she couldn’t quite pull it off. “Where did you go?” 

Clint When had he start shaking? His hand ran through his light brown hair. He wasn’t  okay. Not anymore. He was a shell of the person that he used to be. Silent seemed to be something that became a norm for him. He shook his head. Sitting meant being still and he didn’t want to stay still for too long because that meant thinking things other. “They pulled all me out and stuffed something else in.” He closed his eyes and shook his head. “I was was trapped in my own head. I could see what  was doing but…” He took a breath. “But I can’t stop it.” His eyes flicked open and over to her. “I’m still getting there. This is something I’m never going to be able to walk away from and I’ve been through some truly horrible things but nothing like this.” He started twisting his fingers into fits, it probably hurt but he didn’t feel it. “Whoever it was broke me, Jubilee. I…” He took a deep breath and looked at the floor. “I don’t know if there anyway back from that.” If there was a way. “As far away from here as I could get. They made me do things that I can’t forgive myself for.” He never would forgive himself for anything he did in the last few months 

Jubilee listened intently, her eyes never tearing away from him. He wasn’t lying. She had learned about observing others. She had learned about body language,about ticks, and mannerisms and everything about Clint screamed for help. What kind of person would she be if she made this about herself? If she made this about abandonment and not about being a decent human being? She wanted to reach out to him and hold him but she wasn’t sure how she’d be received. She had been on the other end of Clint’s PTSD before and she had learned what to do and what not to. Right now, she’d listen and wait for enough time to pass between them before she could say anything back. Jubilee knew the risks that came with being a hero. Or so she was learning since she was involved in heroics of her own. “Clint...listen to me.” She requested softly. “I will not allow you to have that kind of defeatist attitude. You’re Clint Barton and whatever was done to you, you’ll climb that obstacle. I know you. But with that said, I can tell that it has done a number on you and right now you need to focus on getting better. You need to focus on you. Whatever happened, it’s in the past and you’ll move towards a better future.” The <i>future</i>. The word made a shiver form down her spine and she stood up from the couch, taking cautious steps toward him. “Don’t give up, okay? There has to be a way. Someone at SHIELD has to have the training to help you. You need to embrace your resources. Now isn’t the time to push away the help. Alright?”

Clint listened to her. She was still one of the few people he did actually listen too. His PTSD had never been this bad before. The last time it had been this bad was when he was 20 and went deaf. What was the point in focusing when he had nothing worth focusing on? He had nothing again. He had lost everything that made him. He had lost her and that hurt him more then anything else. “I almost killed good innocent people, Jubilee.” He whispered before adding, “People who had families,people who love them, who would miss them. I couldn’t bring that home with me. I wouldn’t make you have to pick me up from that.” He normally never told her the triggers of his PTSD but maybe he should have done that instead of holding it inside. “I gave up when I let SHIELD send me away. I can’t go back there, it was apart of the agreement. Nick gets me out till everything calms and I leave SHIELD.” Maybe him telling her that would help her understand just how bad things was. “I’m trying.” That had to mean something didn’t it? That he was trying to get other this but it was hard when he was on his own. “Y’know I haven’t even been home yet.” Could he still call his apartment that now? He had been gone for so long. There was a dull laughed the passed his lips for a moment that was followed by him crossing his arms again. A long silence followed after that because what could he say? What could he possibly do? It was like she said it was in the pass now.  “I didn’t want to leave you but I was more scared of the fact that I could have hurt you or worse.” He knew that she had been through with Cole and he could have lived with himself knowing he had done something like that to her again. 

And that was when the sadness hit Jubilee. “Oh.” She replied as she carded her hand through her locks. He had been brainwashed. His mind had been messed around with. “I...I’m so sorry this happened to you. I know. Of course you’re trying. Don’t worry about that. I…” She shook her head. Where would she begin? “I don’t think we should talk about that right now. You leaving was terrible and I thought about awful things and then I pushed it to the back of my mind. I made it seem like it didn’t trouble me. If someone asked, I wouldn’t elaborate on it. It’s my defense mechanism. I’m sorry if it seems like you don’t mean anything to me. That’s far from the truth. I care about you and I want you to be alright. You need to go home, Clint. A shower, a meal, close your eyes and just let sleep come to you.” She took a deep breath, a few more steps towards him. “I’ll take you. I can make you something. Make sure you at least fall asleep. How does that sound? We can talk about this...us...all of this when you’re settled again.” How would she explain her glimpse of her future? A future that didn’t include him? 

Go home she made it sound so easy.Clint didn’t have the energy to even try to argue with her. Maybe going back to his apartment would be a good thing. He was hopping that it would be. “I know all of your defense mechanism. You’ve used most of them on me.” He just knew her to well. He knew that she should play with her hair when she was nervous. “You don’t have to be that.” He let his eyes go back to her brown ones and he saw that no matter how much he told her no or you don’t have too that she was going to help him home and stay with him no matter what. “There are still a few things I need to tell you.” He wanted to tell her everything because this time he could and not have to worry about losing his job because as far as he knew they didn’t want him back at all.

Jubilee let out a soft, almost quiet chuckle at his reply. She would be lying if she said she didn’t miss him but things were different now. At least that’s what the future told her. The confusion she felt when Clint’s eyes rested on hers made her sigh and she reached for his hand, pulling him gently towards her so they could sit together on the couch. “I’m listening,Clint. Go ahead.” She spoke softly and tried to sound as welcoming as possible. “And I’m not taking “no” for an answer. Unless of course you really do not want me to go with you. At least...call me in the morning so I know you’re alright. But before you decide, tell me what you need to say.” 

Clint settled down on the couch. Her hands were as soft as ever, he knew that wouldn't have changed. Clint had missed her laughter because it always seemed to brighten his mood no matter what. “The reason you couldn't find me was because I had to chance my name for a while.” He explained that part first. “Fury gave me my new identity, I had to go by Matt Simpson for a while, not the best name I know but they why even if you did look for me that you wouldn't have found me.” His face soften at that. “I know so I'm just going to agree with you because you are always right.” She was always right when it came to him. If the past few months had taught him anything it was how well he knew Jubilee and just now much he had missed her.

Jubilee kept one hand over Clint’s in a demonstration of support and encouragement. She was glad he had accepted to at least sit and took note of his comfort level rising a bit. “You had to change your identity because you were a threat when your mind had been taken over, right?” All of this might have seemed like some bologna story but truth of the matter, like the Cuckoos had told her, this type of occurrence shouldn’t be a surprise to her considering who she was and who she was dealing with. She lived in a time when things like power swaps and time travelling was possible and that meant that Clint’s story had plenty of truth to it.  She listened carefully, her heart skipping a beat at the mention of his new identity. “Wait...what?” She whispered, the feeling of confusion pouring over her once more. Matt Simpson. Matthew Simpson. The dog tags on her nightstand when she woke up that morning in the future had the initials ‘M’ and ‘S’. This couldn’t be a coincidence. She felt her mouth go dry, another small but nervous chuckle escaping her lips at his words. “So you hid for me? You didn’t want me to find you?” And then the guilt struck her once more. She had been so caught up in being angry. “I know why you did what you did, Clint. I...probably would have done the same.” She reached to caress his cheek with her knuckles. He didn’t look like himself and it all made sense to her now. “I’m sorry for judging you so heavily. I really am. And thank you for coming back to tell me the truth.” 

Clint just nodded. “I had a lot of people looking for me.” He wasn’t going to lie to her anymore because that had never helped before. “They gave me to choices stay and be locked up or leave till the dust settled and come back. I guess I choice the second one because it gave me time to clear my head.” That had helped a bit but he had missed home and Jubilee so much it hurt. He frowned a bit when she looked at him confused. Had he said something he shouldn’t have? “Have I said something wrong?” He had to ask her that. He knew he had missed a lot anyway. “Yeah and it’s was the worse choice  I made.” That really wasn’t a lie, he regretted leaving everyday. “You were just getting better from what happened with Cole and I didn’t want you to go through that again.” He sighed as her knuckles brushed his cheek. “Well that I’m used to people doing.” He chuckled ever so lightly. “It’s the least I could do after everything I’ve put you through.”   

Jubilee felt awful. She was out and about doing research on some guy who wasn’t even a for sure thing--a future that probably wasn’t close to reality when Clint was sitting in front of her pouring his heart out. “N-nno. Clint, no. You made the right choice. You did what you had to do. You did what you had to do so you didn’t end up hurting anyone and it was probably the best thing for you so that the news would have spread. You know that as soon as that information fell into the wrong hands, your name would have been all over the news. This could have been a lot worse and you did what any good person would have done. You did what a hero would have done.” She reassured him. “Thank you for that.” She sighed. “I told you when we first started to get to know each other that I had been in a couple of rocky relationships. My longest and the one where I had started planning a future with...well, he just got up and left. But before and after him, there were several that just ‘poofed’ on me. I started to think there was something really wrong with me.” She said half jokingly. “I lost a lot of my trust in romance or anyone with romantic intentions. The most recent, before you and I decided to try things out, was a mess and a half. Not that she’d call whatever occurred between her and Aiden a romance. Jubilee scowled at the thought. “I haven’t heard from any of them...not like I want to now and when you left, I pushed you into that group of people that just got sick of me or something. I’m not trying to be the victim here either. I’m no saint.” She shook her head. “But I shouldn’t have done that. I know you better and I should have had some faith in your return or inkling that you were out being a hero. I guess I thought it was safe to just forget you and I admit, that I got myself caught up in other things. There was work and taking care of Alma and just life ya know? And I was able to push all those thoughts aside. All the thoughts of Clint Barton. It’s like I conditioned myself to forget anyone that had the capacity to hurt me. But now you’re here and I don’t want to forget. And I don’t know if that makes me selfish or what but it’s the truth.” She sighed tiredly. “There’s a lot I need to tell you. I spent a good portion of the last month in the future. A few people did. I trust you with this information. And in the future I was sent to, I had a son. A beautiful little boy I adopted. I had named him Cole. I woke up in a home that wasn’t my current one. I lived in Brooklyn with a man who had been with me for many years and Cole even called him ‘dad’. His face, now that I think of it, seems blurred to me but it matched one of someone I had met before at fashion week. His name was Matthew. Matt Simpson.” She took a deep breath. “And he asked me to marry him the day before I had woken up in that future. He seemed so comforting. He felt like home but I didn’t even know this guy. When I got back to the ‘present’, I tried finding him and it turns out the man I met at fashion week is married and his name is Ashton. So, I was confused until you told me you took that name as an identity.” Jubilee tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Clint, before you left, I told you I loved you and I do. It’s just been months since your disappearance and so much has changed around me. “You have always been the exception to the rule. You’ve been patient with me and kind and forgiving and appreciative.” She’d be an idiot to let him go. “And I think we should rebuild what we had instead of just picking things right up. If...if you’re my ‘Matt’...I can’t just let this go. I know that doesn’t sound definite but I want you to be okay and I want to be in your life. I think we should probably try all over again. See what happens from there…” Her eyes flickered up to catch his gaze. “This is a lot isn’t it?” Here he was telling her this awful story and she was basically telling him she thinks they end up living together and engaged in the future. This was a whirlwind of an evening already. 

But had Clint? he didn’t think he had in the last month. “I’ve still hurt the people I care about. Maybe not in the physically way but emotionally. I can’t tell which one is worse anymore. Please don’t thank me for doing any of this. If the new had got hold of this I would be in jail now, It would have made my brother right about me.” He knew about her past relationships and what had gone on with them. “I remember because  I told you that sometimes I might not always be able to be there but I want to chance that, I want to be here.” He listened to her words and it made his heart feel heavy, like it could just drop at any moment. “I’m not a hero Jub. I’ve always told you that because I know you never choose to listen to me when I say that.” He head started shaking at her next choice of words. “You’re not being selfish at all. You did what you had to do in order to protect yourself from your own pain. I get that Jubilee. I would have done the same thing” He nodded at her next words. “You know you can tell me anythin’ and I’d listen.” He would listen to anything she had to say even if she thought it was pointless because is wasn’t to him.  That was a lot of information to take in all at once. “You went to the future?” That would have been hard to believe if he didn’t have the job he did or well had now. He let out a long breath when she mentioned that she had an adopted son in the future. Funny thing being he had always told Natasha that he wanted to adopt a child in the future because he knew how hard it was to be put into care. He never told Jubilee that so her telling him that was strange. “I used to tell Natasha that one day I wanted to adopt a kid. I’ve been in care I know how scary it can be.” He met Jubilee’s eyes again. He brown eyes were always so soft. “I guess I can’t hide from you,huh?” That was small joke. He actually the first joke he had made in a while. He remember what she had told him before he left. “I told you that I loved you too and I still mean that. I’m not the same guy you knew a few months ago. I wouldn’t want to just pick up things like everything fine because let’s face it nothing okay at the moment.” He put his over hand over her’s and sighed a little. “I tried to let you go for your own good but I couldn’t do it, god help me I couldn’t. I’d like to try again and if at anytime you feel like stopping I’ll understand.” He keeped her to know that. He had to chuckled as she asked if it was a lot to take in. “Just a little bit.” He agreed. 

Jubilee felt a weight lifted off her chest as if she was unknowingly holding onto a grudge. Maybe deep down inside, she was. “We’re not going to fight over this because you know what I think about you and that topic.” She had always considered him a hero and had even often told him he was underappreciated for what he did. Clint was humble, sure but Jubilee wished he’d see his own worth. Maybe with time, that would change. Now with everything that had gone on with him, it was probably going to be a little more difficult but she wouldn’t lose out on hope. “As soon as I ended up back in 2016, my mind started doing somersaults. I had no time to think really. Not until now. There is a lot I discovered about not only mine but also the futures of people I care about. Coming back was a bit of a rude awakening. I found myself missing that life. I miss my son even though technically, I’ve never met him. A lot changed in my life when it came to me personally. I was no longer working at J Crew but I had made a name to myself. I was an independent but popular designer but I also dipped into other extracurriculars. So, this hero thing I’ve been trying? Yeaahhh...I’m still out saving the world. Among other things.” She’d tell him more a little later. “It has been a lot to take in. But the others are going through worst times.” She was starting to see how easy it was to talk to Clint. She had missed this more than anything. It was the friendship that had brought them together from the moment she asked to borrow his maple syrup at the diner. His revelation to her was something she didn’t know and wished she had shared with her before. He knew her parents had both passed away and that she had two adoptive ones, Nadia was also her adopted sister but he didn’t know the full story. “Wait...you were in foster care?” How could she have not known that important piece of the puzzle? “Clint, I was too. I...escaped actually. Lived on my own for a while--that part you knew. As I got older, I realized I wanted to have kids of my own but more importantly, I wanted to adopt. Nadia and I went to highschool together and when she had no one, my adopted parents took her in. I can’t imagine my life without her. Seeing that and seeing the importance of having parental figures, I made it a point that when I’m ready, I’d adopt.” She confessed. “And now that I have Alma living with me until things settle with Nadia and now that I’ve seen a piece of my future with a son of my own, I realize how much I really want that. Not now of course but definitely in the near future…” Jubilee offered him a small smile. “I’d like that. Slow and steady wins the race, right? And I thank you for coming to me because believe it or not, I haven’t really had that luck with anyone I’ve been with before. Your forwardness means a lot more than you think, Clint. So, thank you again.” She leaned in and kissed the corner of his lips. “It’s okay. You’re home now.” 

Clint was just listening to everything she was telling him. He was still playing catch up with everything that had happened in New York over the last few months. In a strange way her telling him everything she had was helping him to focus more. “I’m not going to start on the topic Jub” He agreed that was just who he was, he couldn’t see himself as the hero everyone else did. He hopped that one day he would be able to see what other did. “I knew you wouldn’t pack that in and I still want to help you with that in anyway I can.” He wasn't going to promise anything but he could try to help. “The first time I was put into care I was 4 year old and I remember my mom being heartbroken and promising she would get me back and she did for about 6 years. My dad was drunk and he took my mom out, the next thing me and Barney knew he had the police knocking on the door telling us our mom and dad are gone. We both got put back into care till I was 16 then I joined the army for a while.” He had already told Jubilee about the army. He couldn’t remember why he had been put into care the first time but all he could remember from it was being terrified of everyone around him because it wasn’t home. “I wanted to tell you about that Jub but I could never find the right time.” He knew she would understand that. “You and Nadia are like sisters? Who is Alma again?” He remembered Nadia telling him about Alma but that was awhile ago. “I just remember being in care and just wanting a family one day in the future. One I made for myself and I can honestly say you are the first women I’ve ever even consider possible starting one with but that was before everything happened.” He smiled a tiny bit and nodded. “Slow and steady is always the best way to go. Neither have I but you know that and you always understand why I haven’t. I’m going to try and open up more to you.” He might have froze a little when she moved forward and kiss him. “I’m starting to think it going to be.” 

Jubilee took a moment to reflect on everything they had both shared to each other and to truly appreciate Clint’s calm despite his own problems. He was so much stronger than he gave himself credit for. There was a mutual respect there that she cherished and would tell him someday. Now especially that he had been vulnerable to her and revealed such an important aspect of his life, Jubilee felt like this could grow into something truly special. Was it possible that the future she went into wasn’t completely solid but showed her glimpses? They were just snapshots and maybe Matt Simpson was really Clint Barton. Only time would tell, of course. “I’m sorry you went through that. We both had some past, huh? Strange how we could have had a different upbringing in a different time but still share similar experiences. Life's funny like that. And here we are meeting and facing the world together. If someone would have told me I’d be sitting in my office with Clint Barton, discussing not only our past but our future, I’d probably laugh.” She grinned. “Thank you again for sharing. I’ll never stop saying it. It’s so important to me. Alma…” Her lips widened. “She’s the most precious child I swear.  She is gifted like me and Nadia. She was raised in a troublesome home and on the verge of exploitation. She was going to be molded into a killer…” Jubilee shook her head. It wasn’t her story to tell but she told him enough so he’d understand. “I’m trying to give her the childhood she deserves. This is all new to Nadia so I’m taking over for a while. I’d love for you to meet her. Honestly, I’d love for you to grow close with my sister and parents. I think they’d love to have you around. And perhaps, meeting Alma, you’ll see if being a dad is what you truly want, you know?” Her heart almost melted at the thought of Clint being a father figure to someone. She remained close enough and smiled softly. “Good. We’ll get through this together.”

Clint was reflecting on everything. He had missed so much and he had so much more to learn about but for right now all he really cared about was what Jubilee had told him. He would always put her problems before his own ones . Her problems always seemed more important than his anyway. He was used to being this vulnerable with someone, letting his walls be fully down never end well but this time was different. He felt it was safe for him to talk about theses things with her. He knew he could trust her and that never had come easy to him. “I got over it pretty quickly. Joining the army is a great distraction.” That really wasn’t a lie or him it had helped him in ways. He had to smile at the way her face lit up when she spoke of Alma. “She sounds pretty special.” He thought about her question this would be a big step for him but he nodded. “I’d love to meet your family Jub. Sadly I’m not sure if you’ll ever meet Barney.  I wish you could have met him before.” He smiled at her. “I’d like that.”