Sherry

It’s been four days since you found your family dead. Four days since you left them behind. Four days since the end of the world came crashing down on you. 

Two days ago, you crossed the border between Nevada and California. Everyone is so close to reuniting with their friends and family now Everyone except for you. 

“Alright.” Steve’s voice is soft as he fixes the hair tie at the end of your braid. “Done.” 

You open your eyes and take a deep breath. You turn to face him. He is already looking at you – soft brown eyes filled with guilt and sadness. He insisted on doing your hair, you started neglecting it, no longer bothering to braid it after getting dressed, he does it for you now. 

His eyes are scanning your face, looking into yours intensely, like he is trying to find something.

You place your hand on his knee and squeeze it. You don’t smile or kiss him like you normally would. He doesn’t expect you to. He doesn’t deserve it, he thinks. 

“Thank you.” For taking care of me. You don’t say it, you don’t have to. 

Steve nods. His eyes soften, and his heart clenches in his chest. Before you remove your hand, he places his own on top of yours, giving it a tight squeeze. 

“Of course.” He whispers. He wants to kiss your hand so badly. He wants to pull you into his arms so badly it hurts; he wants to do so many things, but he is afraid. 

You try to smile, but you can’t. You look into his eyes for a moment before you pull away. You get up and walk away, leaving the RV. He stays there for a moment longer. He sits there, staring into a blank space. His chest is aching. Everything in him is aching. The guilt has been eating at him, dragging him down slowly, pulling him back into the pit you pulled him out of when you stumbled into his life. He feels like it’s his fault. He feels like it’s all his fault. Like he was the cause of it all. He told you what you would walk into so long ago; he laid it all out for you, and then he spent months hoping that what he said wouldn’t be true, but it is, and now he doesn’t know what to do with himself, with you. 

You are still standing. You are still breathing. You are still talking, not much, but you talk when you have to; he didn’t even do that when he lost Robin. He can tell that you are trying to stay strong, even after losing your entire family, after losing everything you fought for. You are strong, so much stronger than him. He carried so much hate in his heart when he was grieving. Hate that you don’t feel, not even towards him, not even when he deserves it. 

You are strong. 

But you are suffering. 

You don’t eat. Your face is losing color, a little more day by day. The light in your eyes has faded that day on what once used to be a sunflower field. It’s gone. And Steve, he feels dead inside, now realizing more than ever that he can’t, that he could never live without you, that if this means losing you, it also means losing himself with you. It means death. 

He wants to be there for you. He wants to fix this, but how can he? He can’t bring back your family.

He doesn’t realize that tears are running down his cheeks until he runs his hand down his face. He wipes them away quickly and gets up to walk into the bathroom. He splashes his face with cold water and fixes his hair. He looks into the mirror for a moment before he turns away with a heavy heart. 

He walks outside. 

Eddie and Nancy greet him with tight-lipped smiles, and he nods at them. His eyes instantly look for you. You are sitting on your camping chair, holding a cup of coffee in your hands. Your face is turned away from him, eyes focused on the hills afar, though your mind is somewhere else. He looks down, seeing the untouched bowl of oatmeal on the ground next to your chair. The steam is still rising from it, and an extra amount of brown sugar melting on it. He takes a deep breath and glances at Eddie, who is already looking at him, and he knows that he was the one who handed you your breakfast. 

Your friends are worried for you, in the same way they worried for him. Steve remembers it now like it was yesterday, how Eddie brought him food when he was hauled up in his room, grieving Robin. How Eddie kept showing up despite Steve yelling at him to leave, how he sat beside him, and even tried to feed him when he refused to pick up the food himself. 

Steve clears his throat and nods at him. 

“You guys can get some sleep.” Steve mumbles, looking between Eddie and Nancy. “We will sit out here for a while before we get back on the road.” 

Nancy tears her eyes away from you, though she lingers by your side for a moment longer. She puts her hand on your shoulder, squeezing it before she makes her way inside. 

“Yeah.” Eddie sighs. His eyes look for yours, but your gaze is still stuck on the cup in your hands. He can’t even be the cheerful self he always is. He can’t bring himself to be the comedic relief the team has. He is hurting for you, and he feels like he is selfish for having some people waiting for him while you have none.

Nancy feels the same way. She is excited to finally find the community, to be reunited with the rest of her family, her friends, but there’s some place inside of her that she refuses to feel that excitement. It felt unfair. Unjust. You didn’t deserve this, you of all people, didn’t deserve what happened to you.

She gets up reluctantly, walking towards Steve so she could whisper to him, even though she knew you didn’t even listen. Not because you couldn’t, you just wouldn’t process anything if words were not directed your way.

“Make her eat… I tried, but–”

“I know. I’ll take care of it… Just go rest.” She gives a final nod, looking towards Eddie. His eyes finally leave your figure, not really knowing what to do anymore. His way of handling grief had always been physical touch… Which is something he knew you weren’t particularly welcoming right now.

“Just call us if you need something… I marked the map…” He looked at the sky, passing by Steve to pat his shoulder before letting Nancy go into the RV first. The door closed, and now it was just him and you. 

He walked over towards you, pulling a chair to sit next to you. He licked his lips, grabbing the pot of oatmeal from the floor, stirring it a bit as he tried his best to smile.

“Always a lot of sugar. Eddie and you probably have your blood sugar on the very floor.” He tried making a joke, anything that would get a reaction from you, but he got nothing. He had envisioned this moment differently from what it was now. 

The winter was coming to an end, the weather turning warmer and warmer the closer you got to the coast, where everyone was waiting for all of you. He imagined your smile, jumping around, excited to finally settle, to finally be with him the way you two had talked about. He imagined you sitting here with him, talking about how you two were gonna live together. If you would get a cottage, a bungalow, an apartment, anything that’s there. 

He imagined that you two would be bickering about what decorations you could have inside the home. What roles would the two of you decide on to contribute to the community. He imagined you… With your family. He imagined that your mother, your father, and your brother, would be around all of you right now.

He imagined a happy ending for you… But now, he doesn’t even believe he is worthy of being that for you.

Not when you look like your soul is gone. Not when you look like a puppet. Not when you look like… Like Max did two years ago… How he probably looked like before you even met him. Everything he imagined was gone in the lapse of hours, and he doesn’t think he’ll see it again. 

He can’t see a future, not because he doesn’t want you… But because he doesn’t think he deserves you.

“Baby… You need to eat…” He softly spoke, trying to make you look at him. He grabs a spoonful of the oatmeal, and raises it towards your mouth. Your eyes dart to it, and you shake your head slightly.

“I am not hungry, Steve…” Not Stevie. That little nickname was gone. 

“I know… I know, but you need to eat. I’ll be happy with just a few, okay?” Your eyes meet his for just a moment, before you nod and open your mouth so he could feed you. Your eyebrows meet in the middle, and your eyes closed as if swallowing hurts you. You put the cup down on the floor, before grabbing the bowl from him as well as the spoon.

He was trying not to shake as he grabbed himself a bowl, and he wasn’t hungry either, but if he ate, maybe that would make you eat more too. Your bites are small, just taking bits of it every ten seconds. You eat slowly, almost as if you were a robot and you were commanded to do so. 

The silence killed him, but he didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if apologizing would gain anything at all. Maybe you hated him and you were not voicing it. Maybe you found him despicable now. Maybe you didn’t want to be by his side any longer. 

He didn’t want you to remember that day. He didn’t want to say anything at all that would make you revisit that memory, but he wanted to. The lump in his throat grows each day, and it’s turning painful. Yet, he cannot speak a single word. 

“Smell the corpses around you!”

He can’t believe himself. He can’t believe he said something like that to you. The words keep repeating in his brain, and even if he holds you at night, it was as if he was holding a cold doll. You never said anything. You never kissed him, held his hand, nothing. He cried himself to sleep the past few days, making sure you were asleep so you wouldn’t hear him.

And even when he held you, the nightmares began creeping in. That same scene, in front of Robin’s grave, over and over again, and each time your face becomes more and more visible. Clearer. Then, the scene changes, to you standing over your family’s graves. 

Graves. Everything involved graves.

You put the spoon down, and Steve snapped out of his thoughts, looking at how much you ate. Not even half. Fuck. Should he push you to eat a little more? He didn’t want to command you to do anything, but he was worried that you were withering away. That it was what you decided instead of following him into the community. 

“You… can you eat a little mo–”

“No.” Your voice was cold. Colder than the entire winter the four of you went through. Fuck, it hurt. He was afraid that he would turn away from you for just a second and that you would run off. He was afraid that you… would–

Both of you straightened up when you heard an animal cry. Steve immediately stood up, grabbing onto the first thing at hand, which was Nancy’s rifle. It wasn’t far away, and it sounded like a painful noise. You slowly got up from your chair, looking towards the far end bushes.

The RV’s door opened, Nancy and Eddie rushing out with guns in their hands, wearing their sleep clothes.

“What was that?” Nancy asked quickly, looking at the same spot. Steve pointed the rifle, waiting for whatever was grunting behind the bushes.

“I don’t know, but there are no red clouds, can’t be monsters.” Another cry came out, making the four of you straighten up, and all guns were pointing at one specific bush that was rustling just a few feet away.

Suddenly, a deer came out, stumbling on its feet, blood smeared over the belly, as if mauled by another animal. Relief washed over, because this meant that wildlife was living in this side of the country. 

Nancy had flashbacks to 1983, seeing an injured deer in the forest, and her hand could not pull the trigger… Just like now. She didn’t want to kill this deer, even if it was suffering and bleeding to death. 

But Eddie and Steve were too. You all got closer, as the deer finally stumbled over, breathing heavily. The opportunity of eating meat, fresh meat, appeared in front of you, yet, no one could give the final blow.

“Eddie… Do it…” Nancy asked, but Eddie’s hand was trembling as it pointed at the deer’s head. Images of your mother’s corpse falling onto the ground before him after he pulled the trigger flashed before his eyes. Just like your mother, the deer didn’t ask to be bitten. The deer tried to run away most likely, yet it got to her.

“I– Steve–” Eddie was borderline panicking, and Steve noticed. His rifle pointed at the deer’s head, but again, he stopped. What would you think of him if he killed an innocent soul, even if it were to help it? Would you look at him in disgust? Would you look at him differently? Would this death remind you of what happened four days ago?

“Maybe… We can leave her to… go by herself…” He said with a trembling voice. Eddie and Nancy were still petrified, looking down at the bleeding animal, knowing it will suffer until it finally decides to part.

“I think that’s… for the best–” Nancy couldn’t finish talking before she saw something slamming down on her peripheral vision, and next thing she saw was that the deer stopped moving after a final cry. 

The three of them turned their heads your way, as you straightened up with the machete in your hand, the blood of the animal dripping down from the blade. You had cut the head off, or well, almost. They were frozen, because you were the last person they thought would do this. 

Even before knowing what happened to your family, there were many times where you rushed to the RV so you wouldn’t see Eddie hunting a rabbit. You would sometimes eat with guilt, but you knew that you had to eat meat. 

But this time, you were the one to strike.

“She is not hurting anymore.” Your voice was made of steel as your eyes never left the nearly decapitated animal before you. Steve’s eyes were wide, tears threatening to fall at any given moment. This wasn’t you. This definitely was not you. 

“Sun–”

You didn’t let Steve finish that nickname. You didn’t like it anymore, and he could feel that. He saw you turn around, and walk back towards the chairs to clean your weapon with a water bottle. He heard a sniffle, and he turned to see Nancy looking away, hiding the tears that formed in her eyes.

“I-I don’t think it’s safe to eat,” Nancy mumbles, wiping her cheeks. “We don’t know what bit her… so…”

“Yeah, I’ll uh… I’ll carry her away, don’t think it’s safe to have a bleeding animal lying around our camp.” Eddie says, looking down. 

Steve nods, though his mind was already elsewhere. Nancy immediately left, passing by you without a second glance because she couldn’t bear to see you this way. Normally, you would be crying your eyes out if you were the one that had to do that. You would be saying sorry, over and over again. You would be asking her to reassure you this was the right thing to do for the animal. 

But you were outside, cleaning your machete as if you hadn’t just cut the neck off that deer. She couldn’t blame you, and she couldn’t be mad at you for who you were now. But she could be scared. She didn’t know if you would return to your old self anytime soon, but it was scarier to think that it would not return at all.

After an hour, Eddie and Steve were washing off the blood from their hands and arms. They did their cleaning behind the RV, in a bucket, soaking their arms in. 

They were in silence, already noting that it was 9 AM, and Eddie had yet to sleep. 

“You can go finish washing inside, Eds. I think Sunshine is done with the shower… I’ll hit the road soon–”

“Steve…” And he knew that tone. He knew that Eddie was going to talk to him about something that Steve was not sure he wanted to talk about. 

“I know. I know, and–”

“What can we do? She is not herself… It’s been days–”

“She lost her entire family, Eddie, what do you expect?” Steve’s voice was loud, angry, and his eyes snapped to meet his best friend’s. 

“I understand that. Don’t snap at me as if I didn’t!”

“What do you want her to do? To just wake up and smile and be her cheery self again?” Steve scoffed, trying to pretend as if his own words were not cutting through his heart. Eddie frowned, looking down at the reddened water, pulling his arms out of the bucket. 

“Steve, she is not the only one who changed.”

And Steve froze. He could feel his fingers shaking underneath the water, and a cold sweat wrapping all around his neck. 

Finally, he couldn’t handle it anymore, his hands coming out from the water, not caring that it was cold or if there was still blood on his skin. The palms of his hands came to cover his eyes, shaking his head as the tears started flowing down, the lump in his throat breaking loose.

“I can’t pretend that I didn’t cause this… I can’t pretend that I wasn’t the one who broke her–” Eddie’s eyes widened, his hand coming to rest on Steve’s shoulder.

“You can’t blame yourself for this Steve… Her family didn’t die because of what you said–”

“I destroyed her that night, Eddie.” The metalhead’s hand fell, tilting his head in question as Steve’s hands finally dropped. His cheeks were stained with tears, water, some dirt and blood from not washing thoroughly. “I killed some of her hope that night…”

Eddie just stood there, a frown in his face. 

“You didn’t destroy her, and you shouldn’t blame yourself for it…” 

“It’s not a matter of me manifesting it or whatever. It’s not about me telling her the future or some shit. It’s the matter that she is like this because this is how she felt when I said those words. At that moment, it was a split second of her hope fading, yet she held onto it… But now, that feeling is permanent because it’s true. I caused it. She already knew what her reaction would be, because I put that thought in her head before.”

Steve finally sobbed, frustration clear in all of his features. He kicked the bucket with his foot, making Eddie jump at the action. Steve wanted to scream into the sky, but he didn’t want you to hear. He didn’t want you to feel like you had to act that you were okay for his sake. Eddie slowly approached him, putting a hand on his shoulder, but Steve instantly turned to wrap his arms around his best friend, sobbing into his shoulder.

“Steve, she is not like this because of that… Please, understand that not everything is your fault…”

But he wasn’t listening. He wasn’t processing any of his words, because he knew that he was right. He knew that he fucked you up all those months ago. Then he kept fucking you up by saying that your family was waiting for you, that your family was alive, that your family would be welcome at their community.

His voice broken, his soul crashed, and the reality of the situation finally settled in,

“My sunshine is gone…”

–

Another day passed, and you were still nowhere to be found.

Body, you were present. Spirit, it was missing. Steve’s fear grew, and grew, and each day he was more sure that you were not in there any longer. He didn’t know how to bring you back. He didn’t know how to fix you. He didn’t know what else to do, nor how to interact with you. 

Your embraces were becoming nonexistent. That clinginess he had learned to love from you was gone. You preferred alone time, rather than spending time with everyone. Nancy tried to talk, but your responses were just hums and nods. No one knew how to converse with you anymore. 

He felt as if his own soul were leaving him. He felt like he was losing you, and it was killing him slowly. Will he ever get you back again? Will you ever come back to him…? And if you do, will you ever be happy again? Will he get the chance to make you happy? And… How can he compare to your family? 

He can’t.

No one can.

“Do you really think… she is gone? That this is her new self?” Nancy asks Steve as they both sit at the steps of the RV’s door. You are sitting under a tree, looking at nothing in particular as the wind blows through your hair. Hair that Eddie helped wash because lately, Steve couldn’t help you eat or take care of you like in the past days. He couldn’t because he believes he shouldn’t be the one to do it, thinking that he is doing you a favor, because why would you want him to help you? He who broke you long before you found your dead family. 

The lingering fear that you don’t want him around grows bigger and bigger, that you no longer feel what you felt for him before that day, that you feel the opposite now. He fears that he makes you uncomfortable, that you feel disgust when he touches you. 

“Yeah…” He says with a broken voice. He doesn’t want to accept it, but for now, it did seem like it. It might take years if you do return to your old self, but even then, he doesn’t know if you would ever act like it again. 

“I tried… Eddie tried… I don’t know if I should even talk about it with her, you know… About her family… I don’t even know if she accepted what happened yet…” She spoke softly, nervously, looking at Steve for some advice, but she saw his eyes starting to lose their own spark. 

“I don’t know…” 

“Steve–”

“Nance, I tried too… We are not her family…” At that, Nancy finally recoiled, looking at him.

“We can be–”

“Nancy, she is gone. She doesn’t feel that way, and she shouldn’t need to. We can’t force her to settle with us.” His words were knives, swords, spears going through every inch of his body. He didn’t want to accept that fact, but there really was no more hope in him either. 

Nancy stares at him in confusion, in shock, like she can’t believe what she is hearing. Anger rises inside of her. 

“What… so you are just gonna give up on her?” Nancy asks through gritted teeth. 

Steve’s head snaps towards her, and his blood runs cold, color fading in his face. He frowns at her. 

Nancy’s blue eyes are glaring into his; her nostrils flare. 

“After everything she did for you? After everything you two have gone through… you are just gonna give up on her, leave her to suffer through her grief… by herself?” Nancy’s voice trembles. “You are gonna do this… to her?” She points at you. 

Steve’s hazel eyes are full of pain, of heartbreak. 

He would rather die than do this to you, but her words make him realize that this is exactly what he’s been doing these past few days, and it shatters his own heart. But how can he explain that he’s keeping his distance, not because he doesn’t know how to handle you, but because his guilt is killing him alive, because he fears that you hate him after what he said to you.

He shakes his head and his eyes water. 

Nancy’s eyes soften when she sees the tears in his eyes, though her anger is still burning inside of her. 

“Eddie told me what you said to her.” Nancy says with a clenched jaw. She turns away from him and looks back in your direction. “But I think you should know her well enough to know that she would never hold some stupid words against you, words that were said when you were still grieving–”

“I told her that–”

“That is Sunshine we are talking about, Steve.” Nancy talks over him, shaking her head. 

Steve closes his mouth. He runs his fingers through his hair. 

“She is grieving her family, she is suffering not because of what you said, but because she lost her entire family, and now she is losing you too? Why? Because you can’t forgive yourself for what you said to her months ago? Because you worry about something that she probably isn’t even thinking about. You think you are doing her a favor by staying away, by pushing her away, now when she needs you the most?” 

Steve almost chokes up. She is right. He knows she is. 

But it wasn’t only his worry that kept him away from you; it was also shame. Shame for all the words he threw at you. 

“If you love her, which I think you do… then be there for her the way she was there for you. Fight for her the way she always fought for you. You hurt her before, don’t do it again, not now, not ever. She needs you. And if someone can bring her back, it’s you.” With those words, she leaves him sitting by himself, though she lingers by the door of the RV for a moment. She turns around in his direction, but her eyes are on you. “She brought you back, didn’t she?” She taps the door before she walks in, closing it softly. 

Steve’s face softens. His eyes well up with tears once more as he watches you. Your eyes are closed, leaning against the tree. It looks like you are enjoying the sun. 

Nancy is right. 

He knows she is. 

He knows what a fool he is. He knows the mistakes he made, the same ones he is repeating again; pushing you away. He is already regretting so many things he could have done differently; he could have done better. And now he is on his way to making more mistakes, causing more regrets, something he never wanted to do with you, not you. 

A tear rolls down his cheek, watching the wind mess up your hair, which you tuck back behind your ear. 

You should be the one to decide whether you still want him or not, not him, right? 

He brings his hand up to his face, wiping his tears away. He looks down at the grass, and his eyes catch onto something by his boot, something he didn’t notice before. A little flower, the only one growing on this field it seems. He picks it, holding it between his thumb and forefinger. You didn’t even notice it. You love flowers, you are always looking for them, yet you didn’t see this one. 

He gets back up on his feet, his eyes finding your figure again. He stands there for a moment, twirling the flower between his fingers as he looks at you. His heart aches for you, and it aches even more when Nancy’s words repeat themselves in his head. 

You fought for him, you always did, even when he pushed you away, even when he was mean to you, when he tried to keep you away from him by throwing awful words at you. Even when he gave you the cold shoulder. You always fought for him. 

Seeing you like this, all alone in your grief, it breaks him. 

It’s not that he gave up on you; he never would, not even when Nancy threw that at him. He would never give up on you, but going over her words makes the guilt twist even worse in his chest, the same guilt that kept him at arm's length from you, the one that made him keep his distance.

Distance he needs to close again, so he can try, try, and see if you are really better off without him by your side. 

He approaches you slowly, careful not to startle you. He doesn’t call for you, doesn’t say your name. He just settles down beside you, sitting on the grass next to you. You don’t move at first, still keeping your eyes closed, enjoying the sun. 

He is looking at you, eyes trailing over your face, the crease between your eyebrows, the softness of your skin, your lashes that flutter from the kiss of the wind, the curve of your lips that he misses so much. His eyes get stuck on the small scar on your cheekbone, the one you took when you fought one of the guys that attacked you that day on the road, the day when you killed for him. 

Steve’s breath gets caught in his throat when you open your eyes and turn to look at him. His heart stops for a moment as he scans the look in your eyes, like he is trying to find something that could absolutely break him – he doesn’t find it, he won’t, not even if it’s something he feels about himself. If anything, your eyes soften. 

For a moment, you both just look at each other. No words, no exchanges, nothing. Your eyes stay connected, and your knee bumps into his when you angle your body towards him. 

Your body language speaks enough words. You wouldn’t do this if you didn’t want him around, right? 

His lip twitches when your eyes find the flower between his fingers. Your eyebrows rise up in surprise, and he sees something he hasn’t seen in what feels like forever; hope. 

“The flowers started blooming for you, Sunshine.” Steve whispers shakily.

Your brows scrunch together, lips parting for a second before they close again. You look up again, and the look in your eyes kills him. Emotions he thought were gone completely flash in them. It makes his heart beat strongly, aching yet feeling alive again. 

Without second guessing it, he scoots closer to you. He brings his hand up to your face, shaky fingers tuck your hair behind your ear, before he puts the flower in your hair. His heart screams for you as he feels you so close again. Everything inside of him starts hurting, like his body, his soul can’t understand why there was this distance between you in the first place, like everything in him was dying slowly the longer he kept away from you. 

He can feel your eyes taking in every inch of him; he can hear your soft breathing, matching the shakiness in his own. 

He can’t help but place his palm against your cheek, cupping it. He caresses your cheekbone with his thumb. And he almost breaks right there when you close your eyes and lean into his touch. Your eyebrows are still drawn together as though you are in pain, as though you are suffering, but his touch is slowly mending it. You bring your hand up, and for a moment, he fears that it’s to remove his touch from you, but instead, you press your palm against the top of his hand, lingering there for a moment before it slides down to his wrist, and you wrap your fingers around it, holding onto him. 

Steve feels his heart beating strongly at the gesture.. His eyes well up with tears, and the coil in his throat tightens. He has to hold back the sob that starts rising up. 

You are still in there. 

You are still here. 

You are still here, and you need him. 

You need him more than anything. 

And he knows exactly what he needs to do, what he’s been wanting to do for so long now. 

-

On your next stop, which seems to be your last before reaching the community in California, Steve goes off on his own. You are completely unaware of it, waking up to an empty bed isn’t new these days. You lay there for a while, staring at the ceiling. The sun is already up and bright, peeking through the blinds and the curtains, casting a warm orange light over the RV. 

Steve’s scent lingers on your pillow, the only comfort you get when he isn’t next to you. It takes you a while to sit up on the bed, to let your feet touch the ground. Your eyes fall on the flower he gave to you a few days ago. You found a small glass and filled it up with water, wanting to keep the flower blooming. 

You make your way into the bathroom, splashing your face with water and brushing your teeth. You take a look at yourself in the mirror, something you had been avoiding these past days or maybe even weeks. You don’t know how much time has passed since leaving your house, but your chest tightens when you look at yourself. Your skin is dull, and the circles under your eyes are dark despite getting enough sleep. Your cheeks are hollow, and your collarbones are more prominent than they were before. You stand there for a moment, staring at your reflection, staring at it like you can’t believe what you are seeing. 

You know why he looks at you like that. 

Every time you catch him staring, you see the pain in his eyes, the sadness, the grief. He looks at you the way you looked at your dad, the way you looked at your mom. Like you are already gone, and he is grieving you. 

But you are not gone. Your heart is still beating. At least you can feel it when you press your palm against your chest. It’s still there. 

You don’t know how much time passes while you're just standing there and staring at your reflection, but you almost yelp when the RV door bursts open. Your hand stays pressed against your chest, and you turn to look at whoever hurried inside. 

“Sunshine.”

Steve stands in the doorway, and his eyes shine with something that’s been missing in your eyes; excitement. His expression falls a little when he notices the way you are still clutching your chest. 

“Are you okay?” He asks softly, taking a step towards you. He looks you up and down, the look in his eyes now replaced by worry. He holds his hand out to you, though not touching you. 

“Yeah, just startled me, that's all.” You nod and remove your hand from your racing heart. “Did you need anything?”

Steve blinks. His lip twitches when he remembers what he came for. 

“I– I want to show you something.” His voice is filled with excitement. “Get dressed, I’ll wait outside.” He is determined, not taking no for an answer. He looks you up and down once more before he leaves again, closing the door behind him. 

Confusion grows inside of you when you hear bickering outside, or well, it sounds more like Steve getting scolded by Eddie and Nancy for something. You stand there for a moment, listening, but you can’t make out their words. Their scolding continues even after you are done getting dressed; they only stop after you step outside. 

The anger in Nancy’s eyes that was directed at Steve instantly fades when she looks at you. Eddie’s expression immediately softens too. 

“Is everything okay?” 

Eddie nods, his eyes flicker back to Steve for a moment, glaring. 

“Yeah, peachy.” 

Steve steps forward, and he holds his hand out to you, ignoring his friends who are looking between you. 

“Come.” Steve murmurs softly to you. 

Your confused eyes find his, and he only nods at you, like he is encouraging you to take his hand. 

You take a deep breath and place your hand in his. His fingers instantly curl around your hand, and he squeezes it. “Let’s go, Sunshine.” He pulls you away from the RV and from your friends. You give them a puzzled look, but they only shrug at you. 

You don’t know where he is taking you, don’t even have an idea of where he could lead you, but you still follow him without questioning him. You would follow him everywhere. You look around as you follow his footsteps. He is leading you through a huge field, one that leads to a forest. 

He doesn’t talk, and neither do you.It’s darker in here, but rays of sunlight peek through the trees from above. You hear the birds singing, feel the wind nip at your skin, blowing through your hair. The smell of soil and pine lingers in the air. You can’t help but take a deep breath. You have always liked the smell of the forest; in a way, it gave you a sense of freedom and safety. When you adapted to the new world, you had always looked for shelter in the woods; they always kept you safe. 

Steve’s warm hand keeps squeezing yours, his thumb brushing over your skin. You look down at his hand, and you realize just how much you have missed his touch. The lack of his presence by your side didn’t go unnoticed by you. Even in your grief and in the state of numbness you were in, you noticed how he touched you less and how whenever he looked at you, there was pain and guilt in his eyes. You know him well enough; he stayed away, thinking he was doing the right thing for you. 

You’re so lost in thought, looking down at his hand, you don’t realize that the trail through the forest is already ending, and he is leading you out to a clearing. You squint your eyes when the sun hits you directly in the face. Something yellow flashes in your peripheral vision, and you turn towards it. Your lips part in surprise when you see the butterfly; your eyes follow it. 

It’s been so long since you’ve seen a butterfly or any other insect, for that matter, and it shouldn’t surprise you as much since you’ve been stuck in the cold states for the past few months, but even before that, you barely saw any butterflies or bees or even animals out here. 

You almost bump into Steve’s back when he stops walking, too distracted by the butterfly. He turns around, still holding your hand. His hazel eyes shine so bright with hope, while yours mirror the emotions he felt when you just met him. 

Your eyes don’t stray away from his. His lip twitches slightly, curling into an anticipated smile. 

“Look around, Sunshine.” Steve whispers, squeezing your hand. 

You furrow your eyebrows, staring at him for a long moment before you slowly tear your eyes away from him. You look down, noticing how green the grass is, noticing the little flowers growing, not just one or two, there are so many of them. 

Steve is watching your face, taking in the way your expression changes, how your eyes widen, and your lips part. You look up at him, and his breath gets caught in his throat when he sees the look in your eyes. 

He nods at you, smiling softly. 

You squeeze his hand and look over his shoulder, only now noticing that the flowers didn’t only grow in the little spot you are standing in, they are everywhere, blooming in different colors, taking up all the space in this field, filling it with life. 

You walk around him and take a step forward. Your hand slips from his grasp as you take another step and then another, walking further into the field where the flowers grow bigger and taller. You turn, and everywhere you look, you find another flower, yellow, orange, pink colors, everywhere. 

Steve’s feet carry him to you slowly. His eyes take in all your reactions. His heart beats so strongly, squeezing in his chest as something he can only describe as fascination crosses your features. Your eyes light up, and he sees you. He sees traces of you coming back again. Your hands reach out to touch the flowers, and your lips curl into a smile. The sun shines down on you, kissing your skin. The wind blows through your hair that grew even longer in these past few months. You look like an angel. His angel. 

“You saved me.” Those words fall from his lips easily. His voice is shaky, and his heart beats strongly, especially when you turn around to face him. “You saved my life, Sunshine.”

You stay quiet, standing still in your spot as your eyes trace his features. He steps closer to you, closing the distance between you with each step he takes. Your breath gets caught in your throat when you really look at him. The circles under his eyes are prominent like your own. His cheeks are more hollow too. His face lost color just the way yours did. His features are etched with pain. He is suffering because you are suffering. 

“That day you stumbled right into Hawkins… I don’t think it was a coincidence, you know?” 

You tilt your head in confusion. 

Steve takes another step closer. He huffs at the memory, smiling slightly. 

“I wasn’t supposed to be on patrol that day, and you weren’t supposed to walk down that route. You once told me that Robin would send me a sign… I think she sent you, or well, she sent the bat that ripped the map from your hands, so you would walk right into Hawkins because, knowing you, you must have tried to follow the bat.”

You scrunch your nose up, making him smile. 

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Steve murmurs, and finally, he stops right before you. He reaches for your hand. “You found me. You found me during a time in my life when I was dying, when I wanted nothing more than to close my eyes and never open them again, but then you happened and god… I’m so fucking happy you happened, Sunshine. You are everything I dreamed of.” He stops for a moment, taking a deep breath. “And you are the light in my life that pulled me out of the dark hole I was trapped in. I… I wanna be that for you now.”

He doesn’t realize just how much his hands are shaking until you tighten your hold on them. His eyes well up with tears, and he closes them for a moment, needing to collect himself before he continues. Everything he’s been holding back is ready to be spilled. 

He opens his eyes again, and he breathes shakily as he looks into your eyes. 

“I know I will never replace your family– and I don’t even want to do that!” He says, wide eyed, like he worried that he said the wrong thing. “But–” He stops as a tear runs down his cheek, the sob he’s been trying to hold back is rising up now. “I want to start a new one with you. I want to become your family. Eddie too, Nancy too– but especially me. I want to marry you, have children if you desire so, and I want to make you feel safe and loved… Because I love you so much. I love you so fucking much, you have no idea.” He cries. Tears cascade down his cheeks, and he is shaking so much. 

And you, you stare at him for a moment, wide-eyed and lips parted. 

And the world started making sense once more, despite the darkness that surrounded you the last few days. The skies cleared from the red clouds that invaded your mind. The world had color again. And finally, you took a breath. A breath that you felt so strongly, as if you had been drowning or lacking it lately. 

Your heart beats stronger than it has in a while. Your knees nearly buckle. You stare at him, at the tears in his eyes, at the way he looks at you with nothing but love, with nothing but despair.  

Your family is gone. 

But it’s not. 

You have found one on the way here. You found him. You found Eddie and Nancy. You still have one. And the one about to come with him, the man who just gave you his heart. 

“So please… please come back to me, Sunshine. I need you. I–” You cut him off by pressing your lips against his. He sobs against you, though it’s one out of relief the moment he feels your arms wrapped around him, the moment he feels your lips moving against his, the moment he feels you again. He doesn’t even know where to touch first. His hands cradle your face, wiping your tears as he deepens the kiss, swallowing your whimper. 

His hands then slide down to your neck and your shoulders before he pulls you against him, wrapping his arms around you so tightly that he pulls you flush against him. Neither of you knows how long you stand there in each other's embrace, kissing, but it’s all you need right now, all you want. Only when the lack of air breaks you two apart do your lips stop moving, and you pull away, but only enough to catch your breaths. He leans his forehead against yours, sniffling. 

“I love you, Steve. I love you so much.” Your voice is shaky, full of tears, just like your eyes that get blurry all over again as you look at your man. “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry… I was just so afraid, after losing them… all I could think about was losing you too, and I can’t lose you, not you.” Your voice breaks once more, tears continuing to roll down your cheeks. 

Steve’s brown eyes widen, and his heart nearly explodes in his chest. Light rushes back in, and he can’t even help the cry from falling from his lips. 

“You– You love me? Sunshine, did you say you love me?” He whispers, his hand finding your cheeks again. 

Your heart almost breaks when you hear the surprise in his voice, like he can’t believe that you feel this way about him. 

“Of course I do,” you whisper, leaning closer to peck his lips. “I love you.”

The look in his eyes kills you. He is genuinely surprised and shocked that you actually love him. Another tear rolls down his cheek, and you catch it with your thumb, wiping it away. 

For the first time in a while, you both feel joy, happiness. Your souls are beginning to heal from this pain. 

Steve can’t help but smile through his tears, and his eyes light up when you do the same. 

“I love you so much more, my sweet girl.” Steve whispers before he leans in and starts pressing kisses all over your face, pulling that beautiful sound of your giggle out of you, making his heart flutter and his smile widen. 

Your hands catch his face again, and you pull him away from your face so you can look at him. 

“You… You want to marry me? You want to have kids with me?”

Steve nods so quickly, “yes I do, baby.” 

You could feel every emotion crushing towards you at once, your lips trembling, and Steve knows. Steve can feel it as your body starts shaking. He knows you will finally let it all out.

“They’re gone…” You start talking, small, almost a whisper. Your eyes had so many swirling emotions that he couldn’t keep up with. They look lost and ready to burst. He nodded slowly, his eyebrows falling, and his eyes softened. 

“Yes… They are… They are, Sunshine…” 

And finally, finally, you break.

You pull away as your breathing starts to become erratic, hunching as you grab at his biceps for support as your cries fill the field. Your tears start coming down heavily, your grip is bruising but he holds onto you by your elbows as he helps you to not fall on the ground. Your stomach is twisted as if you had been punched, but you just sobbed. You were heavily crying, letting your suffering out.

“They didn’t deserve that! They– My mom! My dad! My brother! They’re gone! They’re gone!” He just lets you cry, tears running down his own cheeks to see you like this, but he knows you have to cry. Your mind is flashing with the images of that day, the bodies, your house, the sunflower field, the graves. 

Your cries continued, and finally your knees gave in, falling to the ground and he followed, still holding onto you. You were trying to breathe, chest heaving rapidly, and Steve suddenly grew worried because he didn’t bring the inhaler with him. He sat on the ground, quickly pulling you to his chest. His arms wrapped around you, as he rocked the two of you, trying to soothe you.

“I know… I know, love…” His voice was choked up, and the side of your face was against his chest as you held onto him. You were still crying, choking on your spit. 

“Why them… Why…” Your voice was lower now, slowly calming down from your breakdown, and he kept rocking the two of you, kissing the top of your head and keeping his lips there as he clenched his eyes. If you were in pain, he was in pain. 

It took minutes for your breathing to come back to normal, or at least a bit. Your eyes opened, spotting the flowers that were all around you, waving at you thanks to the wind. Slowly, another emotion started creeping in. The one you had lost. The one you almost forgot existed. 

Hope.

You slowly pulled away, straightening up to sit next to Steve, but his arms were not leaving you. Your eyes searched for his, and then the images of him trying to feed you came. The ones of him doing your hair, helping you wash yourself, even helping you sleep. So lost in your grief, you didn’t realize how much he was showing that he loves you.

You felt completely… loved. Realizing that not only he loves you. Eddie and Nancy love you too. They all tried. They all tried to bring you back… And the feeling of being abandoned, or lonely without any family… Vanished. 

Your blood family is gone, and that pain will never go away. Nobody will replace them… But that doesn’t mean you don’t have a family at all. The man before you wants that. He wants that with you. He wants a forever with you. He wants a little one with you. He wants it. He wants to be in your life for as long as you let him.

Which is forever.

“You’re… Through this whole winter… You have been my sunflower, Steve…” Your whisper is soft and filled with so much love. A kind of love he never thought he would get to feel. 

His eyes well up with tears all over again. He can’t describe the feeling that is coursing through his veins, not even if he tried. He cups the side of your face and he looks down at you with nothing but adoration. 

He can see that the wall between you, your wall of grief had vanished again and now he gets to see you, to feel you again. 

“Winter is over, can I still be your sunflower?” 

His question makes you laugh softly. You nod and lean into his hand, closing your eyes as another tear rolls down your cheek. He wipes it away and kisses your forehead. 

“Please.” You whisper. 

Steve pulls you into his arms, needing to hug you, needing to hold you and you don’t hesitate to bury your face into his chest, breathing in his scent as he buries his face in your neck. 

For a while you sit there, surrounded by the flowers, by the nature that stayed untouched from the dead and the evilness that spread across the world, the one that touched you both. The one that took Robin. The one that took your family. The one that led you to finding each other. 

“You said that Robin sent me to you…” You whisper, pulling away from his chest to look at him. 

He nods, smiling softly. 

“I think… I think my mom sent you.” 

You know that she was gone long before you met Steve. It didn’t happen on your journey. It didn’t happen while you were in Hawkins or after you left. It happened long ago. Your family was gone by the time you left New York. 

Steve's lips curl into a sad smile. He brings his hand up to your face, tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“Yeah? You think they teamed up?” 

You nod, blinking away tears. 

“You know… I would have found you in the old world too.” Steve murmurs, face suddenly growing serious. “This, us, we belong together. Perfect world or this one, I would always choose you.” 

Everything inside of you bursts into joy, feelings that you were afraid of lately rushing through you again. The love in his eyes makes you melt into his arms even more. 

“I would always choose you too, Steve.” Your voice breaks and his trembling hands pull you in, closing the gap between you so he can kiss you once more. And he keeps on kissing you, holding you the way he couldn’t in these past days. 

You don’t know how much time passes of you sitting out here on this field, loving one another but when you finally return to your camp, you feel like yourself again. The aching in your heart won’t disappear anytime soon but you feel so much lighter than you did this morning. 

Eddie and Nancy get up from their chairs when they see the two of you coming back, hand in hand, a sight they haven’t seen in a while. 

You squeeze Steve’s hand and turn to him to find him already looking at you. He gives you a sweet smile and an encouraging nod. After a moment, your hand slips from his and you pick up the pace, making your way back to your friends. You stop before them, looking between them for a moment. Eddie’s worried but hopeful eyes, Nancy’s sad ones. And then, you take another step forward and throw your arms around both of them, pulling them into a hug. 

They both freeze. Both stiff beneath your touch. Eddie’s eyes lock with Steve’s, who is standing a few feet away from you. His eyes are glassy, red rimmed. It’s clear that he cried, though his lips are curled into a smile, eyes filled with the softness that was missing. One look at him and Eddie knows, he brought you back. He is the first to wrap his arm around you. 

A shaky breath falls from Nancy’s mouth, a sigh of relief. Tears well up in her eyes as she slowly wraps her arm around you. 

“Oh Sunshine.” She whispers, pulling you closer. 

Eddie wraps his arm around Nancy as well and for a moment, the three of you hug, holding each other. And Steve, he stands there, watching with a smile on his face. He hears your sniffle, he sees the tears that Eddie is trying to hold back, he sees the way Nancy clings to you. 

He always knew how much they loved you but seeing this fills his heart with warmth. You are so loved. 

“Whatcha standing there like a creep?” Eddie calls out to him, wiping his tears away. “Get your ass over here, man.”

You and Nancy giggle at that. You let go of Eddie and hold your hand out to Steve, smiling at him over your shoulder. The smile he missed so much. The smile he yearned for. He walks over, his eyes never breaking contact with yours. He moves in between you and Eddie, wrapping his arm around his shoulder and his other around your waist. He gives Nancy a nod, a silent thank you for talking sense into him. She knew just what to say. And Eddie, he squeezes Steve’s shoulder and gives him a proud smile. 

He has come a long way since leaving Hawkins. 

“Thank you.” You whisper, breaking the silence between you all. “For everything… For being my family.” You don’t need to say much more to touch their hearts. You don’t need a speech to show gratitude. These words, the tears in your eyes, the love you showed them all on this journey and how much you fought for them was enough. 

“Thank you for coming into our lives, Sunshine.” Nancy whispers, reaching for your hand. “You’re my family too, my best friend.” 

Eddie’s brown eyes are glassy. He tries to hide the tears but it’s hard to do so when he sees you back again, when he sees the smile on your face and the softness in your eyes that he wasn’t sure would come back again. 

“You’re my family too. You are the only one who knows who my sweetheart is, I think it’s safe to say that you are my favorite family member.” Eddie chuckles, ruffling your hair.

Nancy rolls her eyes at the mention of his sweetheart. 

Steve chuckles and shakes his head at his best friend.  

The sound of your giggle makes them all light up though. 

You lean your head against Steve’s shoulder and he doesn’t hesitate to lean his cheek against the top of your head. 

“Okay…” You whisper, wiping at your cheek yet again. “You two should get some sleep.” You look between Eddie and Nancy, who share a glance before they look back at you. 

“We wanna stay up.” Eddie clears his throat, his arms falling to his sides as he is the first to break the group hug. “If the roads stay clear we’re gonna arrive at the community tonight.” 

Nancy nods, looking down. 

Steve might have managed to bring you back, but you still need to come to terms that you will be the only one without a family there, without someone waiting for you. You are the reason why they are finding their families in the first place. 

Steve’s hand stays pressed against your waist, he pulls you closer against him. 

“Oh.” You nod, eyes finding Steve’s for a moment who is already looking down at you, who will stick by your side no matter what. “Okay, yeah. You still need some rest though.”

“I will drive, Sunshine will keep me company, right?” Steve speaks, his hand reaching for yours. 

“Yeah, I’ll keep you company.” 

Nancy and Eddie both feel relief seeing you smile again, seeing you back again, seeing you be yourself again, even if not completely yet. Though they both feel their heart aching, knowing that tonight you will have to watch them reunite with their families, the way you couldn’t. 

“Now go… lay down for a bit, Steve and I will have some breakfast before we hit the road, right?” 

Steve’s eyes light up, a mixture of hope and relief swirling in them. It’s been a while since you have eaten a proper meal, a while since you had been the one to bring it up in the first place, even when you don’t end up finishing your bowl of oatmeal fifteen minutes later, he is still satisfied with the small step towards healing. You finish your cup of coffee that is too sweet as always and you clean up, getting ready to get back on the road one last time. 

You get comfortable in the passenger seat while Steve settles down in the driver's seat. You welcome his touch when he reaches for your hand and you give him a small smile that he returns instantly. 

“Ready?”

You look outside, at the sun beaming down, at the road waiting for you. The sky is blue, clear of any clouds. For the first time in a while, the feeling in your chest is one of peace. You know the rest of this journey will be smooth. You know that this is the last time you will be sitting in this seat, looking out onto the road, looking out for any danger. This will be the last day where you will have to fear for his safety, for his life, for your friends’ life. 

This journey won’t end the way you always thought it would. Your parents, your brother were supposed to be here now with you. They were supposed to greet the gates of the community with you but instead they greeted the gates of heaven. 

You didn’t think it would end like this. 

It wasn’t supposed to end like this. 

But life had different plans for you, for your family. 

But the darkness didn’t claim you, not even when you thought it did. 

You look into the eyes of the man you love, and you know that everything will be okay. He squeezes your hand, his lips touch your knuckles, his eyes shine for you. 

“Ready.”

And your future with him is just in reach. 

Because by nightfall you are greeted by the breeze of the ocean and the gates of the community. 

☀︎

“Now… The two of you will stop this nonsense, and we will harvest these sunflowers, like every year!”

“Kit kat started it!” Your brother yelled, completely muffled, and you whined as your father let go of your cheeks. You both rubbed them, pouting, and then you whispered to your brother.

“We are young adults, and he still treats us like kids.”

“Cheek pinching? What am I, five?”

“Lunch is ready!” Your mom yelled from the backdoor, and your brother and you looked at each other, a few seconds going back, and you moved first, and strongly so.

You shoved your brother into the sunflowers, running towards the backdoor to get to the kitchen first, knowing that your mom made fried chicken. You wanted the drum of it, and your brother always fought for it.

His screams could be heard from behind you, laughing as your mom cheered you on to get inside first. 

Your father's body is on the kitchen floor.

Partially decomposed, the smell nauseating, the flies all over him... The decomposition is pure black, no red blood, or stains around... Your father didn't go as a human. 

You don’t know how long you stand there, frozen in place, your eyes fixated on the body in the open kitchen. Your hand is still in the air, inching towards your chest in slow motion. You don’t hear Steve’s voice behind you, don’t even feel his touch when he places his hand on your shoulder. Your head is underwater, and everything moves so slowly. 

Out of everything you expected to run into, this has never been a possibility in your mind. You were always supposed to find your family. You were always supposed to find them here, alive, well. Your dad is gone. He is dead. He has been dead for a long time now. 

The floorboard creaks beneath your boot when you take a step into the house you used to call your home. Your feet carry you to him. You are clutching your chest now as each step brings you closer. Your face crumbles, your lips curl downwards. The smell is awful, so awful, worse than anything you have ever witnessed in your life. 

You see the hole in his head. A bullet that put him out of his misery. Your eyes flicker to the gun lying next to his hand, and your heart drops. Oh god. 

“Dad…” You whisper, knowing he’s long gone. You want to reach out to him so bad, but you know better not to touch him, even through your grief. You kneel down before him, eyes flickering over his body. You recognize the plaid shirt on him, the one he always wore whenever he worked on something in the garage or the backyard. He was working that day too. Your heart is filled with pain when you look back down at the gun. He shot himself. He still had enough control to do this, to make this decision to protect your mom, to protect your brother. “I’m sorry, daddy.” 

Your sniffle, your broken whisper, is enough to shatter Steve’s heart as he stands in the doorway watching you mourn your dad. Eddie and Nancy didn’t dare to step inside just yet, your reaction was enough for them to see what was inside, they decided to check the area outside, the red lightning over the town was enough of a warning sign for them to know that this place is far from safe. 

Brown eyes are watching you, filled with nothing but pain, heartbreak, and guilt all at once. Steve’s lips part, like he wants to say something, like he wants to call out to you but no words come out. What is there to say? He hears your sniffle, knows there are probably tears running down your cheeks. Tears he wants to wipe away so badly, just like he wants to pull you into his arms, comfort you, say he is sorry. But he can’t. He stands there, unable to move, unable to speak, unable to reach out to you. He doesn’t know how much time passes of you just kneeling next to your dad, staring at him while Steve stares at you. 

The room, your house, is frozen in time. He notices the calendar next to the fridge, and his stomach drops when he sees the month on it, the last time the page was flipped. The same month all hell broke loose. The guilt inside of him sinks deeper and deeper into his veins, making his blood run ice cold, taking over completely when he realizes that he laid it all out to you months ago. That he told you back then, what was waiting for you here, and god, it makes him want to puke his guts out. He broke your heart then. He feels like he did it all over again. 

It’s so quiet in here, frozen. Not even the clock is ticking anymore, not even the birds are chirping outside, there’s none in this area, not anymore. It’s silent until it isn’t. It all moves too quickly, too suddenly, for you to react in your grieving state or for Steve in his state of shock. The footsteps are loud and aggressive, tumbling down the stairs too quickly for anyone to react. 

But Steve turns around just in time. His eyes widen when he is met by bloodshot eyes and baring teeth. The sound of hungry growls filled the once quiet room. 

“Steve!” 

Your scream is so loud, filled with fear and horror, loud enough to make your friends outside think the worst. You watch wide eyed how Steve gets tackled to the ground, landing harshly on the wooden floor. His hand moves quick enough to save himself from getting bitten. Your heart nearly beats out of your chest, and you’re back on your feet quicker than you've been before. You run towards him and throw the infected off him, shoving it hard enough that it tumbles to the ground in the hallway. 

“Steve!” You cry out to him, eyes filled with panic as you grab his sweater. Your eyes move over him so quickly, looking for any blood, looking for the bite that almost happened. Your shaking hands cling to him. Your glassy eyes show nothing but despair. 

“I’m okay, I’m okay, baby.” Steve rushes out, assuring you, though his eyes match the look in yours. His eyes move over your shoulder, and he suddenly grabs your body, hoisting you both back up to your feet. He grips you so tightly, holds you like he is afraid of what could happen if he let you go right now, as his eyes find the ones that look at you like you’re the next meal. He pulls you back, putting distance between you and the infected, rising to its feet, ready to lunge forward. He feels it all at once, panic, fear, despair. You had been in such situations before, though none have felt this heavy. 

You keep a tight grip on Steve’s sweater until you turn around in his arms, and your hands fall slack beside you, and everything inside of you shatters. You recognize the flowers on the dress. You recognize the ring on her finger. You recognize the necklace. You gave it to her. It was your gift. It was her favorite necklace, she never took it off, not once, not even when she–

“Mom?”

Your bottom lip is trembling, your throat feels tight. You feel like you can’t breathe, everything inside of you is aching. You are staring at her, eyes moving up and down what is left of your mother. You feel nothing but sickness as you stare at the black veins, the darkening blue skin, the bloodshot eyes, the saliva dripping down her chin, staring at you in hunger. 

Steve’s grip on you is so tight, his hand trembling against your shoulder. His heart is pounding so strongly against his chest, and everything in him is frozen. He hears your sigh, that broken sound leaving your lips as you stare at your mom. He pulls you back more, heart lurching to his throat when she lunges forward. 

“Mom, please!” You beg, even though you know it’s not her, it hasn’t been her for a long time now and yet… she stops, for a fleeting second, her body grows still, and her head tilts to the side like she is curious. And then her eyes meet yours, and your breath gets caught in your throat. 

It feels like time slows down once again as you stare at her. For a moment, you are back in the kitchen, sun beaming through the windows, as a ten year old you cried because a boy ripped a bit of your hair in class. Your mom baked you cookies, and told you to fight back. To always fight back, even if the consequences can be bad. You come first. You always come first.

You see the monster inside of her, see the hunger and the emptiness behind her once pretty eyes. You see the blood stains on the dress that was her favorite one. You see the chipped nail polish, her favourite colour. That’s your mom. That was your mom. And you want nothing more than to feel her warm embrace, to feel her arms around you, to feel her cupping the back of your head, to hear her say, ‘it’ll be okay, you will be okay.’ You would do anything to hug her one more time, to have her take care of you the way she always did when you were still her little girl. 

‘Always fight, no matter what.’

Steve feels you moving, and his heart almost stills, thinking you want to approach her, but instead your hand moves to the gun in your holster. Oh no. He can’t let you do this. He can’t. You turn the safety off and raise your gun, holding it in your trembling hand. 

You don’t even see her anymore through your blurry vision. You don’t even feel the tears running down your cheeks, don’t hear your own voice as you start crying. You don’t even feel Steve’s hand covering your own, reaching for the gun in your hand, but your hand doesn’t budge. 

“Sunshine–”

Your mom lunges forward again, but before she can get any closer to you, she is grabbed from behind by Eddie. He holds her arms against her back and manages to throw her down on her knees, holding her down against the ground with force. She is snapping her teeth, struggling against him. 

“Give me the gun!” Eddie orders, looking between you and Steve. He doesn’t want you to be the one to do it. He doesn’t want Steve to be the one to do it. This shouldn’t be on any of you. “Steve!” 

Steve hesitates, even after you let go of the gun and turn away, unable to watch. He hesitates. Eddie shakes his head at him slowly, his eyes filled with sadness when they flicker to yours. 

“Let me.” Eddie whispers. 

Steve blinks, and then he swallows the lump in his throat. He throws the gun to the ground and kicks it over to Eddie.

A whimper falls from your lips when Steve pulls you into his chest. He wraps his arms around you tightly, holding you against him as he places his hand over your face, like he is trying to shield you from what is about to happen. He holds you so tightly in a way that says, ‘I got you. I will never let you go. I’m here.’ 

You shut your eyes tightly, like a kid afraid of a storm raging outside at night. You curl your fingers around his sweater, holding onto him in a way you never did before. You breathe in his scent like you need it to be able to breathe. You listen to his heartbeat like you need to know that he is still here, that he is still alive, that he hasn’t left you. 

Steve’s grip on you tightens, his palm resting on the back of your head as he keeps you pressed against his chest. 

And then your heart stops, and your ears start ringing. A yelp falls from your lips. Your ears feel like they are bleeding. Your heart is broken. 

The loud thud indicates the gun dropping to the floor. She stops struggling. She stops growling. She stops moving. She is gone. It’s over. 

Your knees give out, and you grow limp in Steve’s arms. 

“I got you. I got you.” You hear him say as he brings you both to the ground, his arms never letting go of you. His hand stays on the back of your head as he holds you through it all. “I’m here.” Steve whispers, kissing the top of your head. “I’m here, Sunshine.”

Steve’s eyes are hot with tears, and the coil in his throat grows bigger and bigger. His chest feels tight, heart breaking at the sound of your cries, at the feeling of your tears seeping through his sweater. He can’t look at it, he can’t look at the sight before him, at Eddie, who is hunched over your mom’s body, looking down at her with eyes full of sadness. Eddie huffs softly. He sits down, resting his back against the wall behind him. He rests his elbows on his knees, and for a brief second, his eyes flicker to your trembling body in Steve’s arms, pain crossing his pale features. Then Eddie’s eyes meet his, and they look at each other for a while, sharing the same thoughts. This is gonna hurt. 

A shaky breath falls from Steve’s lips, and he closes his eyes. A tear rolls down his cheek as he leans his chin on the top of your head. 

And Nancy, she stands in the doorway, blue eyes filled with shock, hand cupped over her mouth as her eyes are glued to the body on the ground. Her hand clutching her stomach as she listens to your soft cries. 

And just like that, silence takes over once again. Dead silence. 

No one talks. No one moves. For the longest time, you all just stay like this. Your boyfriend holding you in his arms. Eddie staring at your mom. Nancy frozen in place, unable to even step into your house. No one knows how much time passes of you all just sitting and standing in silence, frozen to your spots. 

Steve’s arms stay around you, hand moving up and down your back. He tenses up when you pull away slowly, sniffling. You bring your hands up to your face, wiping at your wet cheeks. His soft eyes follow you worriedly. His throat tightens when your eyes find his, and your hand settles back on his chest. 

“You’re okay, right…?” You whisper weakly, and it’s enough to make him tear up again. 

Steve nods quickly, a loose strand of hair falling over his forehead. He grabs your hand, assuring you. “Yeah, Sunshine.” He whispers, watching the relief flash in your eyes. A shaky breath falls from your lips, and you nod. His grip tightens on your hand when you push yourself back up to your feet. You are weak on your knees, and his eyes flicker over your trembling form. He stands up too, ready to catch you again. 

“I need… I need a moment.” You whisper, letting go of his hand. 

Steve hesitates. His eyebrows furrow, eyes flashing with worry. His hand still lingers in the air where you had let go of it. 

“Just a moment…” You gesture to the staircase. Your voice is trembling still, eyes staying watery. 

Steve takes a deep breath and nods, though not liking the thought of leaving you alone, even for a second, now more than ever. 

Eddie stands up slowly, and Nancy finally steps inside. Her blue eyes finding you instantly, eyes full of sadness and sympathy. 

“Can you…” Your voice cracks, and you stop for a moment, bringing your hand up to your face. You take a deep breath and close your eyes. “Can you please wrap them in blankets? I wanna… I need to bury them.”

Steve nods, his voice wavers just the way yours just did. “Yeah, of course.”

“Thank you.” You whisper before you turn around. You force your eyes away from the ground where your mother lies in the pool of her own blood. You ignore Eddie’s worried looks, Nancy’s sad eyes. You make your way towards the stairs, walking up them for the last time. 

Steve’s eyes follow you until he can no longer see you. His shoulders grow tense when you disappear from his view, and everything in him itches to follow you up there, to make sure that you are safe, to make sure that there isn’t another unpleasant surprise up there waiting for you. Your brother. Steve’s eyes widen when he remembers your brother. What if he is like your mother, what if he is still up there–

“Steve… If anything was up there, it would’ve been here by now… look…” Eddie gestures to your mom, to her wrists and the lines around them. “She was tied up.”

“Maybe… it was her brother.” Nancy finally speaks up, her eyes not straying away from your mom. “Maybe he got out…”

Eddie nods, eyes finding Steve’s again, “yeah… come on…” 

Steve is staring at the staircase , his heart is still pounding, hands shaking. It stays silent just like before, only the sound of your footsteps upstairs now sounds through the house. He blinks. What now? Everything you’ve ever known, everything that you’ve been fighting for, is just gone, dead. His eyes fall on your mom’s body, then your dad’s. Your parents, your loving parents, were taken from you in the cruellest way possible. 

“Steve.” Nancy whispers shakily, tapping his shoulder as she hands him a blanket, gesturing to your mom. He looks down at it, eyebrows furrowed. He takes it and walks over to the body on the ground. He halts his breath as he bends down. Her lifeless body, the black veins on her skin, the dried blood on her makes him sick. This isn’t fair. He closes his eyes for a moment, bringing his fist up to his nose. 

He wanted to meet your family. He wanted to meet the people who raised you, who turned you into this strong, loving woman. He wanted to meet your mother, tell her how special her daughter is to him. He wanted to meet your dad, despite how intimidated he would be by him, knowing how protective that man must have been over you. He wanted to meet them, and looked forward to being a part of this. His arms are moving, wrapping your mom’s body in a blanket, careful not to touch her skin. He is moving but he feels nothing. 

Eddie and Nancy share a glance before they turn to your dad, using the bigger blanket for his body. Their eyes are filled with sadness, just pure and utter sadness. 

And you, you are frozen in the hallway upstairs. Stuck between your room and your brother’s. His door is wide open, the room just as messy as always. Clothes thrown over his desk chair, papers and books lying around, guitar in the corner of his room, dumbbells lying around– the ones he would always trip over. His room is a mess, but his bed is made. He always made sure to make his bed. Your eyes find the empty spot on his wall, the spot that was always reserved for his baseball bat and for a moment, you feel a sliver of hope. He isn’t here. And maybe you should step into the room, maybe you should look for a hint, maybe you should look for a sign that he might have left for you, but you can’t. You hold onto that hope and look away from his room, which looks just as frozen as the rest of the house, and you don’t dare to step inside, just like you don’t dare to step into your own room when you turn around to face your door. 

Your hand reaches for the door handle, but you never touch the metal. Your hand freezes mid air, lingering there. You have looked forward to this. You have looked forward to being back home, to visiting your room, and to showing Steve your room. You did. You look down at your trembling hand, unable to grab the handle, unable to open the door to the past, knowing that it will only shatter your heart even more, knowing that you will be reminded of a version of you that doesn’t exist anymore, that will never exist again. You can’t. 

You take a step back. 

You let your hand fall to the side. 

And then you slowly turn away again. With a heavy heart and a blurry vision, you make your way back downstairs. You don’t look at your parents. You halt in your tracks when you reach the last step. You breathe in shakily. 

“My brother isn’t here.” 

At that, your friends light up a bit. Steve stares at you with his hope in his hazel eyes, the kind of hope that you had at the beginning of this journey. 

“He must have ran away… escaped from here” Nancy speaks up, her own eyes wide. Eddie nods beside her, his eyes flickering up and down your body in worry. 

“Maybe we can find him.” Steve says softly, already stepping towards you. 

“Yeah…” You whisper, nodding. “Yeah, maybe… At least not all is lost, right?” 

Steve watches you almost painfully, hearing that fading hope in your voice, seeing that panicked look in your eyes, makes him feel so goddamn scared and helpless. He can see how much you are trying to hold yourself together, to keep your head up, to stay strong, to look strong. He can see the way the light has already begun to fade, and it breaks him. 

He nods, giving you the smallest smile. 

You try to smile back, but it’s weak, barely there. You look down and brush past him, making your way out of the house without saying a word, forcing your worried friends to follow you out. You walk down the steps, passing your dad’s truck as your feet carry you to the garage where your dad always kept shovels and other gardening utensils. 

“M-Maybe we can check some nearby towns, maybe there’s a community somewhere.” Steve says behind you, trying to keep your hope up. 

You only nod, not saying anything to that as you walk past the gate, using the side door to walk into the garage. You open it and step inside, letting light in through the open door. 

“Yeah, o-or we could… I don’t know, is there a place he always wanted to go to?” You hear Eddie ask. 

You look around, breathing in the cold air. The garage is dark. Your mom’s car is still in here. Everything is still in here. Your brother's bike. Your old bicycle that you kept telling your dad to get rid of. Your dad's toolbox. You look around, not realizing that you could even miss this – Saturday evenings, watching your dad work on your mom’s car while you sit on the stacked up boxes, sipping on fresh lemonade, rambling his ear off about the new town gossip that he always laughed at. 

Your friends talk behind you, trying to keep your hopes up, trying to assure you, trying to fix this, trying to save this. 

But a wave of nausea washes over you, and everything in you stills completely when your eyes catch onto something else. You move towards it, hand reaching for one of the rags on the shelf. 

Steve steps inside as well, watching you with furrowed eyebrows, his words die on his tongue. He watches you stand over something, and then you lean down. 

“Sunshine?” Steve whispers as he takes another step forward, wanting to approach you. He freezes instead when you turn around. 

“It’s my brother’s.”

Steve stares at your face, eyes filled with confusion, before they move down to see what you are holding. His blood runs cold once again. And his heart continues to shatter. His face flashes with realization. Purple, dark blue skin covered in veins. The forearm of an infected. A silver chain around the wrist. Your brother’s. 

Your brother was infected just like your dad was, just like your mom was. He was infected, and this is all that is left of him. 

Eddie’s confused eyes move from Steve, to you and then down to the arm you are holding. His face dawns in realization. 

Nancy pushes past the two men, her eyes catching onto it immediately, “oh god… Sunshine.” She whispers, bringing her hand up to her mouth. Her eyes water as they scan your face, watching your light go out completely. 

And Steve, he doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know how to move, doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t know how to keep you here with him, how to stop you from losing yourself completely, just like he lost himself back then. All is lost. All is gone. Everything you’ve been waiting for, everything you’ve been fighting for, everything you’ve risked your life for is just gone, and so is the life in you. 

He expects you to fall to your knees, to break down into tears, to cry, to sob, to scream, but instead, you do nothing and somehow that feels even worse. Without letting go of what is left of your brother, you reach for a shovel and start to walk out of the garage, brushing past him and the others. You make your way to the front yard, picking a spot close to a tree. You put your brother’s arm down and start digging a hole with the shovel.

For a moment, your friends just stand there and watch you, all frozen in place. The question hangs heavy in the air. What now? 

“Fuck…” Eddie whispers and leans back against the wall. He takes a deep breath. His eyes lock with Nancy's, whose eyes are filled with tears. He then glances at Steve, who looks absolutely lost. His eyebrows are furrowed, his lips curled downwards, and his brown eyes are filled with sadness and heartbreak at having to watch you do this. He stands there unmoving for another moment before he starts blinking. He runs his hand down his face like he just snapped out of it. He looks around and picks up a shovel as well before walking out onto the field. Eddie can see that no words are exchanged between you; Steve just starts digging the hole. 

“We should…” Nancy mumbles beside him, not having to finish the sentence. 

“Yeah.” Eddie nods. 

They join the two of you, wordlessly helping you dig holes for your family. 

The air is heavy now, making it hard to breathe, making it hard to move. It’s like they can feel your grief. It’s like they can feel death in this place. And the thing is, it’s everywhere; death. It’s all over the world, it’s every town they step into, every abandoned house they searched for food or clothes inside, but nothing has felt as heavy as this. 

This is pain, this is sorrow, and it’s so strong because it once was the complete opposite. You were happy. Your family was happy. Your parents loved each other. Your parents loved you and your brother. You loved family dinners. You loved holidays. You loved skipping parties to have movie nights with your parents instead. You loved playing hide and seek with your brother when you were kids. You loved baking and scolding your dad and your brother for eating it all away in less than a day. You loved sitting outside on the porch with your mom, talking about boys and giggling about it when she’d start teasing you. You loved your family, and they loved you, and now they are gone. 

This place, this home that was once filled with love and happiness, is now full of pain. 

You lost it all. 

Your shovel keeps hitting the ground angrily, digging deeper and deeper. Your forehead shines with sweat, your cheeks have some dirt on it from wiping tears off angrily with fingers covered in the soil from the earth. 

Your friends keep glancing at you, checking on you, but nobody speaks up, nobody asks questions, nobody says anything. Steve’s eyes stay on you the whole time. His heart continues to break in his chest from seeing your pained expression, your glassy eyes and your trembling lips. Your hands start shaking, arms growing weak from digging, but you refuse to stop, refuse to even take a break. He can see how much you are trying to hold it in, and he knows that it’s only a matter of time before you break down. Even as he and Eddie carry your parents out of the house, you try to stay strong. You don’t really look at your dad or your mom, though, when you catch a piece of her hair peeking out from the blanket she is wrapped up in, you instantly turn away. You clench your jaw and hide your face from him, from your friends. 

Steve can hear your shaky breath; he can see how you are digging your nails into your palms. He can see how much you are hurting, and it’s slowly starting to kill him, to tear him apart. He feels helpless, just as helpless as he felt when Robin was dying in his arms. 

You refuse to look down at your parents in the makeshift graves. Your friends keep glancing at you, watching you with sympathetic, sad eyes – you can’t stand it. You can’t bury your brother, not like you can bury your parents, all that is left of him are his remains. You don’t know what happened to him, whether he was eaten, and this was all that was left of him or if he lost his arm before he turned, if he is walking around somewhere, looking like your mother did before Eddie shot her. One thing is for sure: whether his body is gone completely or not, he was infected. He was a monster. He died too. 

You kneel down after putting your brother’s arm next to your parents. You stay there for a moment. You don’t look down at them. You just sit there for a moment, eyes closed. This overwhelming emptiness inside of you starts spreading at this final moment. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. 

You feel his touch, feel his hand on your shoulder. Not everything is gone. Not yet. Your chin starts to tremble, and your heart starts beating against your chest painfully. 

Steve can hear your shaky breathing, he hears your sniffle and he feels the tension in your shoulder. You are still trying to keep yourself together. 

“Sunshine…” Steve’s broken whisper fills your chest with pain. 

“We should bury them…” You whisper and get up. His hand falls from your shoulder. “We should… before it starts raining…” You point at the darkening sky above you. 

Steve hesitates but grabs the shovel nonetheless. It feels like a blow to his chest watching you throw the soil into the hole; it lands on the bodies loudly, harshly. And he sees the expression on your face, the way you freeze when you truly register just what is happening, just what you are doing as you bury your family in your front yard. 

This is the opposite of what you wanted. 

This is not how it was supposed to end. 

You were never supposed to lose them, not like this, not so soon. 

Steve and Eddie help you bury your family while Nancy is carving the names of your parents and your brother into a wooden board, a makeshift cross she made. 

The wind picks up, blowing through your hair. Goosebumps rise on your skin as the cold nips at you. Your vision is blurry, your whole body is aching and shaking. You can no longer see them as they are covered now by inches and inches of soil. You drop the shovel on the ground and look down at your trembling hands. Your palms are burning, skin raw. Your breathing gets heavier. 

You hear your name being called. You hear his voice. You feel his touch on your shoulder. Your vision starts to blur, and your throat starts closing down on you, especially when you see Nancy and Eddie digging the cross into the ground. 

“Sunshine.” Steve whispers, standing before you now, both hands on your shoulder. Brown eyes filled with worry. “Hey… baby.” He tries to shake you softly, noticing the state you are in. Frozen. Paralyzed. Your wide eyes are not on him; they are on the ground where your family is buried. 

Steve starts calling your name, not Sunshine, not Baby, he is calling you by your name. Your chest rises up and down heavily. Your knees start shaking, and you take a step back, his hands falling from your shoulders. 

“Sunshine–”

You freeze once more when a raindrop hits your forehead. Your eyebrows knit together and you look at him before you look up into the sky. You knew it was gonna rain, you said it yourself. Though the expression on your face is more of a realization than confusion. 

“What–”

“This isn’t good.” You mumble. “This isn’t good for them.”

Eddie and Nancy glance at each other, questioning looks on their faces. 

“What do you mean?” Steve asks softly. 

You turn around. Without another word, you start walking away, away from your family, away from them. You start walking slowly at first and then you pick up the pace and start running. 

“Sunshine!” Steve yells as he starts running after you, thinking that you are gonna run back into the house. Instead, you run past it, making your way to the backyard. The rain starts falling harder, thunder starts rumbling. Your boots dig into the dirty ground, leaving footprints. Your heart starts pounding harshly out of fear, out of panic, out of sadness, you don’t know it. You run and then… just like before, just like when you saw your dad on the ground, just like when you saw your mom’s bloodshot eyes staring back at you, just like when you found the remains of your brother, you freeze. 

“No.” You whisper, turning in every direction, looking around wide eyed, terror written all over your face as you continue to whisper; “no, no, no…”

Eddie is the one who freezes the way you just did. This was one of the things you had told him about in the very beginning, when he took you fishing in Hawkins. This was one of the things that made you smile from reminiscing about it. 

“There used to be this big sunflower field behind my parents’ house, it was beautiful. I got lost in it as a child though… once or twice.” 

Now there is nothing to get lost in anymore. There is nothing left. The ground is rotten, nothing but black soil beneath your boots. The remaining sunflowers lie dead on the ground, rotten and dry. 

Steve’s eyes flicker across the field that once bloomed with flowers, that once bloomed with life, with happiness. He can feel your pain, your heartache. He can almost hear the echoes of the past, of your laughter in these fields. Now it’s your cries that leave an echo when your knees hit the ground, and your fingers dig into the rotten soil. The tears you tried to hold in, the tears that you kept wiping away every time they tried to roll down your cheeks, fall freely now. Sobs you didn’t want to let out fall from your lips. 

Pain spreads inside Steve’s chest, watching you break completely. Everything inside of him turns, the knife twisting deeper and deeper. His body moves on its own accord, and he drops down beside you, not hesitating to pull you into his arms. He almost expects you to push him away in your grief, but instead, you bury your face in his chest. You sob with an open mouth, yelling, screaming your pain, and everything you once knew is gone.

Everything is gone. Every single memory is now a stab to your heart. The happy memories are now stained with dark blood. Not a single memory could bring you joy right now, not ever. You were never getting back what you just lost. It was gone, forever.

Nancy couldn’t hold it anymore, and she turned to dig her face into Eddie’s chest, trying not to sob so you wouldn’t hear her. Eddie’s arms enveloped her, and he looked up at the sky trying to hold it all in. He could feel her trembling in his arms, and he knew what she felt. He knew it because he felt it too.

Their families are waiting for them at the community. Dustin is waiting for Steve, Wayne is waiting for him as well as his sweetheart, and then Nancy has her entire family. You are gonna go into that community… and have no one. They will be happy, while you are left with no one. 

It felt unfair that they have the happiness that was just ripped away from you. It felt selfish. He was now afraid of being way too happy when he gets to the community, because he didn’t want you to feel broken. Nancy felt the same. How could she hug her parents and siblings, while you stood on the side, no one coming to receive you?

“They–They’re gone! They’re–” Your sobs never stopped, and they only made your throat start to hurt and pulse from how loud they were, from how much they were painfully coming out of you. Steve nodded, his hand rubbing at the back of your head as he rocked you back and forth.

“I know, I know, baby, I’m so sorry–” He didn’t know what to say as he clenched his eyes tightly. He was trying to keep himself together for you, but he couldn’t, not when he was basically feeling your pain. 

“Dead! They’re dead!” You screamed in agony into his chest, your brain pounding in your head, and your heart probably wishing to stop. Wishing to just go with them. Wishing that you could turn back time, and change so many things. The fact of it all, was that you couldn’t. But you couldn’t accept this either. 

Because they weren’t just gone. They didn’t go somewhere for them to return. Gone is very vague. They were dead. They weren’t coming back at all. They were now underground, no air coming into their lungs, their hearts completely still, and their memories of you gone as well. 

The rain was starting to get heavier, and Eddie was looking around to make sure they were not going to get jumped at by anything or anyone. If your family was turned, then it meant there might be monsters or turned nearby. He didn’t want to interrupt. He didn’t, but the soil was getting muddier, and the terrain was getting tricky if they were caught in a predicament.

He patted Nancy’s back, and she sniffled, looking up at him. She pulled away from his body, getting her hands on her rifle, her pained eyes looking down at you and Steve. She took a deep breath in, before slowly whispering.

“Steve…” His eyes opened, and he looked up at her. She was frowning in worry and sadness, and his gaze finally looked around. Fog started building from how heavy the rain was falling, mixing with the humidity of the soil that built up underneath. 

And there was a point where he couldn’t see anything at all. They needed to move. That’s what Nancy’s eyes were telling him. He didn’t want to interrupt your grief. His eyes begged at his friends for just one more minute, but as he begged for that, he could feel your body relaxing, or rather, growing a little limp on him. 

Your sobs stopped, your body stopped shaking, and he grew worried that you might have passed out on him. He gently moved, pulling away, still keeping his arms around you, and what he saw was as terrifying as when he saw your father lying on the kitchen floor.

The tears running down your cheeks, leaving traces of them because of the dirt that was on your face when you dug up the holes. The rain all over your hair, your clothes. Your lips… no longer trembling. Your eyes are void of any feelings, of any spark. Your body was swaying slightly, and Nancy’s eyes widened, moving forward, remembering the state you were in when you saved them from the three people who were gonna do unspeakable things to all of you.

Steve stopped her with a hand, shaking his head.

“No… I…–” He looked back at you, and he rubbed your cheek gently, wiping away the mud, the tears, the rain. “Sunshine? Are you there?”

“-- Leave.”

“What?” His eyes widened for a second, but you took a breath and continued.

“We need to leave.” He nodded, feeling a lump forming in his throat. For a second, he thought that you were deciding to stay behind, and that thought hadn’t crossed his mind until now. 

If you had decided to stay… He was gonna stay too.

But instead, you got up slowly, the soil on your knees, on your pants, just everywhere in your clothes. He followed right after, holding your arms gently, but you were not looking at him. You were looking at his chest, as if he were see-through. He turned his head around, and Eddie nodded at the house.

“Okay… Okay, baby… We’re gonna go to the RV, and we’re gonna shower, okay?” You didn’t reply. Nancy was still crying, so before you could see her, or hear her, she started walking, quickly, towards your house. Eddie took a deep breath in, his eyes worried as he looked at your still form. 

“We’ll be there in a few minutes… Take your time…” He mumbles to Steve, and the latter nods, wrapping his arm around you as Eddie walks after Nancy. Steve could only assume that they would scavenge the house either for supplies or just letting you two have a moment to yourselves. 

“Come on, Sunshine…” He started walking the two of you towards the RV. Your feet digging into the soil, the mud covering your boots, but even if it was tricky, you didn’t complain. You didn’t twitch. You didn’t make a sound, which only made Steve’s worry grow. He kept an eye out for danger, making sure that there was nothing around the two of you.

Once you reached the RV, the two of you got inside, and he started taking the jacket and dirty clothes off, as well as his boots, leaving him in just his shirt and underwear. You were still looking at nothing, standing at the entrance of the RV after he closed it. He whispered your name, and helped you take the clothes off.

You were like a ragdoll. Your arm fell when he took a sleeve of your jacket off, then the other. You let him take off your pants, helping him just slightly to step out of your boots and the denim. He grabbed all the dirty clothes and threw them in a basket that was on the kitchen counter. He left the boots close to the entrance, noting that they had to be cleaned later. 

He rushed to the shower, turning it on so it could start heating up. His eyes found your form, standing in the middle of the vehicle, eyes… not even lost. He didn’t know how to explain it but it felt as if your body was vacant. Empty. 

He had seen horrible things. He had seen monsters, friends dying, friends almost dying, people getting possessed, but seeing you like this, had to be in his top five. You looked terrifying like this. With no emotions. With no twitch of the eyebrow. With no tears. He didn’t expect you to smile right now, but he just hoped… he hoped this was just the shock.

He ripped his shirt off, and tested the water with his hand. It was rather hot for him, but he knew you liked it like this. He held your hand, gently, your eyes finding his. A shiver was sent through his body, your body automatically moving towards him as he guided you towards the shower. 

He fully undressed the two of you and stepped into the crammed space, taking you with him. You stood under the stream, and he closed the small door. He helped you wash yourself, or well, you let yourself be washed. You weren’t moving. He felt his heart racing, dread slowly dawning on him the more you two stood underneath the shower.

He cradled your face, making you look up at him. He started to slowly wash your face, and he knew your eyes were unfocused. He knew you weren’t looking at him. Your breathing was steady, and he wondered what was going on inside your head… But he had a guess… Nothing.

There was nothing.

He lifted your arms to wash you thoroughly, bent down so he would wash your legs, the water running down in brown and dark colors, falling into the small drain. He got up and turned you around to start washing your hair, as softly as he could. You didn’t whimper or complain. He didn’t know if he was tugging too hard, or if he was being rough with his scrubbing. 

He washed himself after he was done with you, doing it as quickly as possible, wanting to put you in bed and for Nancy and Eddie to have a chance to clean themselves before they head out. His mind was racing as he moved, turning off the water to wrap you in a towel. He stepped out after you, grabbing a towel from a cabinet so he could wrap it around his waist.

He pulled the blind door open, making you sit on the bed. He was breathing heavily, his eyebrows furrowed as he stood there. The water only helped with cleaning you, but it didn’t help your soul. Was your soul even here? Or did it bury it alongside your parents?

He gulped heavily, bending down, pressing his hands on your knees. He tried finding your gaze, but you were still… nowhere.

“Sunshine… Talk to me? Please…?”

You remained silent, but slowly, your eyes moved to find his, and he expected something. Anything. He expected you to light up, even if it sounded too selfish of him to wish for it at this time, but he wished for your eyes to glint with happiness every time that you looked at him. He knew them because that's exactly how he looked back at you, whenever you moved, talked, or kissed him.

But what he didn’t expect was for you to talk. Low, rough… lifeless… And his heart broke even more.

“You were right… I should have listened… I shouldn’t have come.” Those words aren’t meant to make him feel guilty, they aren’t filled with anger, they aren’t directed at him in a way that could make him believe that you didn’t forgive him back then and now. No. You just agree with his past words, now knowing that what he said was nothing but the truth. He can see there is no hate in your eyes, not the kind he had in his when you stumbled into his life back then, when you tried to pick up his broken pieces. But it hurts. He felt like something just struck him in the chest. You remembered. You remembered what he said all those months ago. You remembered every word and how he manifested and predicted what you were going to find here.

And it slowly dawns on him… You had always thought about it. You had always remembered. You had always gambled on this option. That day, in front of Robin’s grave, he killed a bit of your hope. He was the beginning of the void you are now… and he was now only realizing this. 

His eyes averted from yours, and he was stunned into silence, a ringing falling in his ears. Everything stood still for a moment, and he felt so awful. He felt like he was going to be sick. Your parents were now resting underneath a broken patch of sunflowers and he had predicted all of it. 

He only snapped out of it when he heard the RV door open, and he closed the blinds from the room. He put one of his shirts over you, and he put on just boxers as sleepwear. He got you in bed, and he laid down next to you, almost mechanically.

Your head was on his chest, but there was no warmth coming from you. No sobs, no cries, no heavy breathing. Steady, silent, and no words were exchanged. He couldn’t even say he didn’t mean it. He couldn’t even tell you that he didn’t expect it, and that this wasn’t supposed to happen. He started being hopeful that he was wrong, thanks to you.

He couldn’t talk. He couldn’t tell you how sorry he was… He couldn’t speak to you… What if he said something else? What if he made a mistake? Did you need to hear him right now? Even as he laid there on the same bed as you, his arm wrapped around your frame, both awake… It felt lonely. You weren’t there.

Your body was in the room, but you really weren’t. He wanted to hug you, calm you, rock you back and forth, and for some reason, he couldn’t. You weren’t doing anything. Only then did your breath started being slower, deeper, and he realized you were asleep. You probably passed out.

After an hour, he was still staring at the ceiling, the RV moving away from your house, away from that horrible moment you had gone through. But the grief remained in it. His eyes watered, and tears started slipping down the sides of his face. He felt guilty. He felt like a complete piece of shit. He felt unworthy of everything that had happened the past few months. 

He couldn’t even be mad if you hated him now. He couldn’t be sad because, why wouldn’t you? You lost it all, and he had told you so. 

He held in his sobs as your body felt cold against him under the blankets. It felt as if you were dead, and maybe you were. Maybe you were as buried as your parents and brother were back in your house. 

He had someone, Nancy had family, and Eddie had family. You had no one.

And no one could replace your family.

Not even him.

Much less him.

☀︎

“Good morning, Sunshine.” 

He hears the way your breath stutters, and it makes him smile. He peeks his eyes open to find you looking at him now, your lips curled into a smile, cheeks flushed, the smallest amount of shyness flashing in your eyes, like you didn’t do the most unspeakable things on this bed last night – much to Eddie’s and Nancy’s dismay. 

“Hi.” You whisper and lean closer to peck his lips. A simple sweet kiss that turns heated in a matter of seconds because he can’t resist you. He pulls you on top of him completely, wrapping his arms around your body as he kisses you breathless. His tongue swipes along your bottom lip, and you don’t hesitate to open your mouth wider, moaning as the kiss gets more intense. 

Steve smiles against your lips, his heart beats strongly against his chest as your soft whines sound like music to his ears. His fingers run through your hair. Hands sliding down your back, squeezing your hips and then your butt, fingers digging into the flesh. 

You moan both at the touch and at him growing harder against your inner thigh. Your core is burning with need already and by the way he is growling into the kiss, moaning and grabbing at you while his hips start grinding against you, you know he wants you too, badly so. 

But you want something else today, you’ve been wanting something else for a while now. Steve is so good to you, perfect even. He puts you and your pleasure first. Every chance he gets, he spends his time with his head between your thighs, tasting you, devouring you. He fucks you so good, no matter what position he puts you in, he always makes you see stars and of course you know that he feels good too, you can see it in the way his eyes roll to the back of his head when he comes, you can hear it in the way he whimpers your name, you can feel it in the way he holds you extra tightly and how his hips stutter when he is inside of you but you want him to feel a different type of good, you want to make him feel the type of good that he makes you feel when his face is buried between your thighs. 

Steve begins to push you to the side, and you know what comes next, he wants your back pressed against the mattress so he can get on top of you, so he can kiss down your body, so he can taste you. 

But today it’s your turn. 

You press your palm against his hairy chest, keeping him down against the mattress. His lips slow down against yours, and when you pull away from the kiss and open your eyes to see the confused look on his face, you almost giggle, especially after taking a longer look at him. His hair is a mess, both from sleep and from your last night’s activities. His cheeks are flushed, and his lips bruised. 

“What–”

You shush him with another kiss to his lips, giving him the softest peck that makes his hazel eyes soften. 

“I wanna try something else today…” You whisper. Your cheeks start to burn so badly. 

Steve’s eyebrows shoot up, and his lips part. His throat bobs when he swallows, and he pushes himself up on his elbow. He scratches the back of his neck, “oh?” He squints his eyes at you, noticing how sheepish you look now, how shy. 

He brings his hand up to your face, cupping your cheek as his thumb comes to rest on your chin. He pulls your bottom lip free from your teeth. 

“What is it, baby?” Steve asks, unable to stop the smirk from spreading. It’s been weeks since you’ve started dating, since you’ve started having sex, and still you get so shy at his nicknames, at his touches. He loves it. 

Your heart pounds against your ribcage, nerves going wild inside of you, and the way he is looking at you isn’t helping your case at all. You take a deep breath and lick your lips, still aware of his thumb on your chin and how it’s still brushing against your lower lip. 

“I wanna make you feel good, Steve.” 

Steve gulps. His stomach flips once again. He has an idea of what you mean but he needs you to say it. 

“How?”

You blink at him. Desire starts burning in you, just the thought alone at making him fall apart drives you insane. 

You could tell him, or you could show him. 

Or both. 

“Wanna make you feel good with my mouth,” you murmur, not breaking eye contact, you watch his reaction closely, watching the way his eyes darken. “Wanna suck your dick, Steve.” You whisper before you wrap your lips around his thumb, teasing with your tongue before you suck a little. And by the way he twitches against your inner thigh and how a low moan falls from his lips, you know he wants it too. 

“Can I?” You ask sweetly after releasing his thumb. “Please?”

How could he ever say no to you? 

“F-Fuck…” Steve murmurs, nearly whining. “Are you sure, baby?”

You nod, and he can see it in your eyes how badly you want this. 

But he suddenly grows shy, and his cheeks start burning too now. He clears his throat, “I just–” He huffs, eyes moving away from yours for a split second. His jaw clenches as he looks around before his gaze returns to you. For a moment, he doesn’t speak, just stares at you. 

Uncertainty bubbles inside of you. Does he think that you won’t be good at it? 

“I know I don’t have the kind of experience you do, but I wanna make you feel good, Steve.”

Steve’s eyes widen at your words, and he quickly shakes his head when he realizes the kind of thoughts that are running through your mind right now. His hand falls to the side of your neck, and he leans in to peck your lips. He tucks your hair behind your ear. 

Your brows are furrowed when he pulls back again, eyes soft and wide with confusion. God, you are so sweet – wanting to make him feel good, wanting to do such things to him. 

“It’s not about you, Sunshine.” He assures you, cheeks heating up more and more. “It’s just… no one has ever… you know…” His words come out awkwardly, shyly, which is something very new to him and to you. 

The shock is written all over your face, but once that wears off, Steve can see the way your eyes flash with something that can only be described as satisfaction and excitement. 

“You– never?” You whisper, eyes stuck intensely on his face, watching every reaction, enjoying the red cheeks and the shyness he is expressing so freely. 

“No.” Steve shrugs. 

“How…” You mumble. “Why?” You tilt your head to the side, like you don’t understand how no one’s ever gone down on him. You know about his past, that he was some kind of casanova back in high school and even after… in a way. He’s had plenty of sex, but no one has ever sucked his dick? Your mouth is salivating at just the thought of doing it. You have been thinking about this for so long, perhaps longer than you would ever admit to him. You have been dying to watch him fall apart because of your touch, to watch him throw his head back, to watch him lose himself in pleasure, to feel him pulling your hair, to see him looking down at you like you are the only thing that matters, to hear him moan your name, to please him in ways only you can. 

Steve shrugs once again, chuckling softly at the frown on your face. 

“No one’s ever offered–”

“What kinda girls were you sleeping with?” You roll your eyes. There’s a hint of annoyance in your voice, but also jealousy, despite it all being in the past. 

Steve runs his fingers through your hair, his hand falling down to your shoulder, rubbing up and down your arm. 

“Doesn’t matter anymore, baby.” Steve smiles at you, kissing your lips. 

“You’re right, it doesn’t.” You nod. “Cause I wanna be your first if you’ll let me.” Steve can tell that this news gives you a kind of confidence you didn’t have before. He can tell that you love knowing that you get to be his first in a way the same way he got to be yours. And his heart flutters strongly at the fact that you wanna do this without wanting anything in return. 

“I would never say no to you,” he murmurs against your lips. 

“No?” You smile, gazing into his eyes as your lips keep brushing against his. “Then ask me.” 

Steve gulps. His hazel eyes wide as he looks at you. Something in him stirs, not just his heart or those butterflies in his stomach, something else, something that makes him feel hungry, feral for you, for your mouth on him. 

His eyes darken, his grip on you tightens. The air between you is thick and heavy, burning. The sweet atmosphere changes so quickly, evolving into something else. 

He doesn’t ask. 

He bites his lower lip as his eyes flicker between your own eyes and your puffy lips. And you admire him, the light stubble on his cheeks, his mustache that you begged him not to shave, his messy hair, and those beautiful dark eyes that make him look absolutely desperate for you. 

“Touch me.” Steve murmurs. His voice is low, rough from just waking up. 

Your stomach flips, excitement bubbling inside of you. You breathe heavily as you wait for him to say it. 

He stares at you. Emotions going wild in his eyes, his cock stirs against you and you have to press your lips together to stop yourself from moaning as desire runs deeper and deeper. 

“Suck my cock, Sunshine.”

Your stomach flips, and the excitement in you snaps. Steve can see it in the way your eyes basically light up, and your lips curl upwards. Your enthusiasm is almost amusing by how quickly you are to push him back down on the pillows, not even wasting your time to attach your lips to his neck, not wasting time to make him moan. You suck and bite on his skin, marking him. You love covering him in hickeys, and he loves showing them off. You kiss down his chest. A strand of your hair gets stuck on his chain, something that he notices immediately. He gently removes it from his chain, careful not to pull it… yet. His palm comes to rest on the side of your cheek and he looks down at you in adoration and anticipation. His chest starts rising up and down faster and faster, heart pounding in his chest. 

“Fuck…” Steve breathes, clenching his jaw at his throbbing dick, the twitching almost becoming painful when he reacts to all your little touches. From the way you kiss down his stomach softly, to the kitten licks you tease his skin with, to the soft sighs escaping your lips, and your hands on his body. The closer you get to where he needs you, the harder he gets. His eyes follow your every movement, glued to you, and god you are a sight for sore eyes – your hair is sprawled across your arched back, cheeks flushed and glowing beneath the sunlight peeking through the blinds. Your back arches more and more as you move lower down his body, and it only makes his case worse, knowing that you are completely bare beneath the sheets that are low on your hips now, exposing you more. He knows you are aching between your thighs, knows that you are wet already, aching for him. 

Steve jolts when you trail your tongue along his happy trail, tearing a moan from his lips. Holy fuck. 

“You’re so hot, Steve.” You moan, kissing the veins that lead down to his dick. You clench around nothing when you wrap your hand around his throbbing length. His tip is an angry red, leaking already. Your nerves are running wild, heart pounding against your chest. You want this so bad, and by how he’s been reacting so far, you know he wants it just as badly. Still, you can’t help but feel nervous, worried about doing it the wrong way. Though when you press your lips against him, giving his heavy cock a kiss, confidence rushes through you when he lets out a loud moan, followed by your name. You do it again, again, and again. 

“Sunshine… Holy fuck–” He breathes and his stomach tenses, his eyes widen, stuck on you and the way you kiss down his length. He can’t believe this is happening. 

“Does that feel good, Steve?” You ask sweetly, glancing up at him as you press your tongue to the underside of his dick, licking up to his tip, you swirl your tongue around before enveloping it with your lips. A mewl falls from your lips as you slowly take more of him into your mouth. You try not to think too much while trying not to forget; no teeth, hollow your cheeks, spit, jerk him off where you can’t reach. 

“O-Oh my fucking…. baby!” Steve’s broken whimper pulls you out of your thoughts. One look at him is enough to have you moaning around him like you are the one getting pleasured. He looks like a mess, and you've only just started. He moans your name. One hand curled around the sheets beneath him, the other hand sprawled on the top of your head, fingers ready to sink into your hair. His eyes are wider than ever as he watches you pull away from him, releasing him, but only to spit down on him. For a second, you watch your own spit dripping down his length like you are fascinated by it. 

Steve’s fingers curl into your hair, knuckles turning white. He can’t tear his eyes away from you. He is watching intensely, gulping. Everything in him is burning in a way it never did before. Not only is this feeling overwhelming in the best way possible, but watching you play with him, watching you be so filthy with it, awakens something else in him. 

And then you take him back into your mouth, only this time, you take him deeper than before, deep enough that you nearly choke on him, and Steve has to try so hard to stay put, to not buck his hips up, but fuck… you feel so good, and you feel even better when you hollow your cheeks around him and start bobbing your head, slowly and unsurely at first. 

Steve couldn’t describe this feeling even if he tried, but besides being inside of you, this is the closest thing he’ll get to heaven, he is sure of it. 

“Sunshine…” Steve whimpers, fingers gripping your hair tighter now, giving the weakest tug as you start bobbing your head faster while jerking him off where your mouth can’t reach him. Your moves are a bit sloppy, but only you notice it. Steve is so far gone in his pleasure, all he feels is your warm, wet mouth around him, hollowing more and more. Your moans vibrate against him. He bites on his lower lip hard enough to draw blood. His eyes grow heavy, threatening to roll to the back of his head, especially when you keep moaning like that. He breathes your name, again and again. 

“Please…” Steve begs, tugging at your hair to get your attention. “Look at me, baby… I need to see your eyes… Baby, please…” He is so desperate for you, despite you drooling over him, being so hungry for him, for his dick in your throat, he still needs to be close to you, closer. 

Steve’s dick twitches so painfully in your mouth when you give him what he wants. Your glassy eyes locking with his as you don’t slow down your movements at all, if anything, looking at him only spurs you on even more. You whimper loudly around him, bobbing your head now faster. You are drooling all over him, tears pooling at your lower lash line. Something dark twists in his chest, something wild, something that makes him pull your hair harder, and yet his heart flutters at the same time, seeing you get so lost in making him feel good. You are enjoying this, he can tell. He can see how your brain is turned off now, no worries, no nerves standing in the way, nothing but pleasure. 

“Fuck… you are so hot… oh… what do you do to me…?” Steve whimpers loudly, keeping a tight grip on your hair as he feels his release coming close already, too soon. 

Your breathy moan sounds through the RV. A tear rolls down your cheek that he wants to wipe away so bad, but he can’t even function when you pull out yet another new move, your fingers squeezing his balls gently, all while swirling your tongue around his dick like you know exactly what you are doing. 

“Sunshine…” Steve suddenly tenses up, the muscles in his stomach aching. His breathing gets heavier as his eyes get wider. His voice is warning you. “I can’t– I’m not…” He curses under his breath as everything in him tightens. “I’m not gonna last.” He whines in a way that would have made him pathetic under normal circumstances. He can’t hold it in, not like this, not when you do this to him. “Baby…” He warns you again, but you don’t listen, not in the slightest, if anything, you move your head faster, hollowing your cheeks around him even more, moaning like you are lost in your own world.  

And Steve doesn’t know what to do with himself, how to stop his hips from bucking up, how to stop his fingers from tugging harshly at your hair. He knows he can’t hold back, and part of him feels so embarrassed for not lasting that long, but he can’t even blame himself. 

You moan around him so sweetly, slipping your free hand up his stomach, touching his hot skin. His hand finds yours quickly, and he curls it around your own almost bruisingly. 

“I’m gonna cum, Sunshine…” Steve doesn’t bother to hide his whine, trying to pull you off him, but you don’t budge, not in the slightest. You want it, you want him to cum in your mouth, but despite his pleasure, he doesn’t want to overwhelm you — not that you seem to be in any way. You look like you are right where you want to be. 

And when you twist your hand around him, sucking him off like you personally need it, and you blink at him with your tear-filled eyes, he can’t help himself anymore. Your name rolls off his tongue in a loud whimper as he cums inside your mouth, painting your tongue and your throat, making you choke a little before you pull off him. Hand still wrapped around him, replacing your mouth now as you continue to stroke him slowly. 

Your lips are wet just like your cheeks are. His cum trickles down your chin. You are a mess, you both are. Steve can barely catch his breath. His chest shines with sweat, his hair is stuck to his forehead, and soft moans continue to fall from his lips. He softens in your hand – your hand that is covered in his cum just like your mouth is, just like your chin. He twitches yet again at the sight of you. Hair messy, cheeks flushed, skin glistening because of him, puffy lips, and doe eyes, staring up at him in awe of what you were able to make him do. His heart swells in his chest. His girl. His Sunshine. 

You release him, looking down at your hand, blushing. He is about to sit up, to get something to clean you up when you do something that stops his breathing. You lick his cum off your fingers, eyes closing, moans falling. 

“Holy fuck… Sunshine.” Is all he can say, in absolute shock. You are so… freaky, filthy, and it only makes his obsession with you worse. He can’t help himself when he finally sits up and reaches for you. He grabs you under your armpits and pulls you up and back to him, this time he doesn’t hesitate to get your body underneath his. He pins you down and starts kissing all over your face, making you giggle. 

“Was that– was I good?” You ask when he has his face buried in your neck, lips attached to your skin. 

Steve can hear the uncertainty in your voice despite the mess you made of him just now. He pulls back from your neck to look at you. His eyes are hooded, his cheeks are still flushed, his sweaty chest pressed against yours. 

“Baby…” Steve murmurs as he brings his hand up to your face. He caresses your skin and tucks your hair behind your ear. Your lips curl into a smile at his touch. Your eyes light up, and your lashes flutter. You lean into his touch, lips following his palm to give him a kiss, and oh the way it makes his heart skip. For a moment, he stays quiet and takes the sight in under him. Your hair is sprawled on the pillow beneath you. Your soft skin, your body bare and exposed for him only. His eyes follow every mark his lips had made. He sees the way goosebumps rise on your skin and hears the way your breathing stutters when his hand runs down your stomach. The sigh that falls from your lips is so sweet, you are so sweet. He can’t believe what you have just done to him, what your pretty mouth has done to him. He leans down to kiss you, “I think you sucked my soul out.” He murmurs against your lips, and it makes you giggle. 

You throw your arms around him, beaming up at him. His words satisfy you. 

“Good, that’s exactly what I was going for.” You grin at him, gazing into his pretty eyes. 

Steve chuckles. He can’t believe you are his. 

“Oh, Sunshine.” He sighs softly and buries his face back in your neck, pressing his lips against your skin. He melts against you, and you embrace him happily. Your hand runs up and down his back, your lips find his shoulder. “Where’d you even learn that?” Steve asks after a long moment of silence, not really thinking anything of it. 

Your hand halts on his back. 

“I asked Eddie.”

Steve freezes against you. With furrowed eyebrows, he pulls back to look down at you. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say it’s jealousy that crosses his face. 

“What…?”

“I asked Eddie…” You shrug, giving him a sweet and innocent smile. “I wanted to surprise you, Steve… who else was I supposed to ask for advice?”

You can’t help but giggle when he rolls his eyes. Yeah, clearly jealous. 

Steve sighs dramatically. He pushes off you, but not without kissing your lips first. He sits up and turns his back to you. He runs his fingers through his hair, huffing. 

You lay there for a moment, eyes tracing the moles on his back. Your smile lingers.

“Steve…” You whisper, poking his back. He huffs again, and it amuses you. There is not a single reason for him to feel jealous, and he knows it. You sit up too and wrap your arms around him, placing your palms on his chest. You lean your chin on his shoulder. 

“It’s not like he showed me how to do it.” 

Steve freezes again at both your words and the bratty tone in your voice. The jealousy and the irritation in him spark so strongly that not even a minute later, he is dressed in jeans and a shirt, stomping out of the RV like a madman, leaving you behind giggling on the bed. He throws the door open, startling Nancy, who is sitting on a camping stool with a book in hand and her rifle leaning against her chair. She raises her eyebrows at him, eyes flashing with amusement when she sees the mess on his head, eyes fixated on Eddie, who is munching on a granola bar, standing there with his back turned to him, none the wiser, humming with his headphones on.

Steve walks up to him and smacks him on the back of his head, startling the metalhead, who starts choking. Eddie takes his headphones off and turns around with nothing but confusion on his face. 

“What the hell, man!?” 

“Why are you teaching my girlfriend how to suck dick!?” 

Nancy’s eyes widen. The interest in her book is gone right away; she closes it and puts it down, looking between them. 

Steve is seething as he glares at his best friend, and normally, Eddie would have felt intimidated by this type of anger, but instead, he feels amused and smug, especially when he realizes just how flushed Steve’s cheeks are, not from anger but from something else. His eyes fall to his neck, exposed and covered in your marks. The jealousy in Steve’s eyes isn’t very hard to miss, though it only makes Eddie wanna laugh even more. He can’t help but fuel it.

“Don’t worry, we only did the theoretical part.” Eddie bumps his shoulder, wiggling his eyebrows with a shit-eating grin. 

Steve’s face drops, and Eddie knows he fucked up. 

“Too far?” Eddie chuckles. 

Steve takes a step closer, nodding with a clenched jaw, “too far.” He reaches forward, and Eddie discards his granola bar and makes a run for it. 

“Hey!” Steve yells and starts running after him. “Get back here, asshole!”

Eddie laughs loudly as he runs through the field of grass. His eyes widen when he turns around to see Steve much closer than expected. A yelp pours from his mouth when he trips over nothing, running hunched over for a second. 

“Who better to give advice than someone who received and also gave?” Eddie yells, laughing like a maniac. 

Nancy watches them, sighing. She rolls her eyes and leans back in her chair, “children.” She mutters under her breath. Her eyes flicker to the open door. She hears you shuffling around the RV, probably getting dressed. And then she straightens up and jumps to her feet when she registers just what Steve is so angry and jealous about. You sucked him off. She rushes into the RV for some much-needed girl talk, leaving the bickering boys behind. 

Only when they are both out of breath do they finally stop running across the field like kids. 

Eddie is hunched over, holding onto his knees as he tries to catch his breath. Steve is standing beside him, hands on his hips, breathing just as heavily as he still glares at the red-cheeked metalhead. 

“Are you gonna thank me now or keep pretending you’re mad at me?” Eddie huffs, wiping his mouth. 

Steve stares at him, his face unreadable. His eyes flicker across his face, and then his shoulders slump and his features relax. 

“I love you so much, thank you.” 

Eddie snorts. His eyes light up as he breaks into a grin. He straightens up and reaches his arm out to pat Steve on his back. 

“There it is.” 

Steve shakes his head, falling quiet again. He runs his hand through his even messier hair now. He looks back at the RV to find the door now shut, Nancy’s chair empty. His cheeks heat up again, knowing that you are probably sharing every detail about how much fun you both had, about how much fun you had. His stomach flutters at the freshly made memory. You looked like you enjoyed it more than he thought you would. You looked like you were in your own world, going dumb around his dick. 

Steve swallows. He turns back to Eddie, who is watching him intently, like he knows exactly what he is thinking about. 

“She was so into it… is that normal?” Steve asks quietly, face burning up. 

Eddie’s smirk only widens at that, and he throws his arm around Steve’s shoulder. 

“Told you she was a freak.” He whispers, chuckling. 

Steve can’t deny that. A smile creeps up on his face, and he looks down at the grass and the melting snow beneath his boots. 

“You’re gonna learn more from her than you teaching her shit.” 

And Steve’s smile vanishes just as quickly, replaced by a frown. He looks back up. 

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Eddie places his hand on his chest, grabbing Steve’s shoulder now as his face gets serious. 

“...Harrington, I will say this with all the love and care I have for you.”

“Huh?” Steve looks at him dumbly. 

“You’re vanilla as fuck.”

Steve’s jaw falls slack. His eyes widen. 

“One would think you are the virgin, not her.” Eddie adds, throwing more fuel into the flames. 

“I…I am not vanilla!” Steve gasps, pushing Eddie’s shoulder.

“Tell me another position other than missionary, doggy, or cowgirl.” Eddie raises one brow at him, waiting for Steve to save himself from the title he just gave him. 

Though Steve has nothing to say. His hazel eyes flicker back and forth, mouth still open. He places his hand on his hip, huffing. 

“That uh…”

“Uh huh.” Eddie hums and points a finger at the RV. “I bet that girl there would be into 69, reverse cowgirl, lotus, and butterfly.”

Steve is stunned, staring at him wide-eyed. Eyebrows furrowed still. 

“...What the fuck is lotus? Like lotus flower?” 

Eddie’s face falls, and even his teasing smile vanishes. He shakes his head like he’s disappointed. 

“...You’re just digging the hole deeper for yourself now.” Eddie sighs and walks off and back to the RV. 

“Hey!” Steve follows him, huffing. “What are you– what is that?”

Eddie picks up his discarded granola bar, looking down at it with a frown, checking to see if it’s still edible. He ignores the disgusted look on Steve’s face when he removes the grass and takes a bite. 

Steve opens his mouth again when the door bursts open, and you come skipping out, like you are having the best day of your life. Your smile is wide, your face glowing. You don’t hesitate to rush to his side, cuddling up to him. His arm curls around you instantly, pulling you into his chest. 

“Hey, watcha talking about?” You beam up at him before you glance at Eddie, whose smile returns when he looks at you. Amusement flickers across his face when he watches the way Steve’s cheeks get redder. 

“Vanilla chocolate chip cookies.” He winks at you. 

A moan falls from your lips at the mention of cookies, and Eddie nearly bursts out laughing when Steve’s eyes widen at the sound that just left your lips. Only one word comes to his mind when he looks at his best friend. Hopeless. 

Later that day, you and Steve set up camp miles and miles away from where you spent the previous night. Eddie and Nancy slept through the drive all the way there, still dozing off in the back of the RV while you and Steve catch the last rays of the sun peeking over the hills across from you. You are sitting on a picnic blanket by the stream. The air is crisp, slightly chill but not unpleasant, and spring is finally coming closer. 

A comfortable silence is settled between you two, the sound of the water rushing and the birds chirping all around you. Your eyes are closed as you lean back on the blanket, basking in the warmth of the sun. A small smile appears on your face when the wind blows through your hair, and Steve reaches his hand out to tuck it back behind your ear, palm lingering on your cheek. You lean into his touch, and his hand stays there. 

Steve’s eyes trace your face. Your soft features, the curve of your nose, your lips, the tiny scar on your cheekbone that reminds him to kiss it every day. He leans in and places his lips right there, pecking you softly. 

Your eyes flutter open, and you are met by the sight of him staring at you, admiring you. You can’t help but grow flustered. No matter how much you are starting to get used to his shameless staring, you still get shy every single time. Your fingers curl around his wrist, and you lean closer to nuzzle your nose against his. 

Steve’s breathing stutters, the lingering smile never fades, but his eyes close. He falls weak at your touch every time. Something he was once so afraid of is now coursing through him, growing stronger each and every day. You make him feel something he can’t even put into words, not even if he tried. But it’s so pure, so strong yet so fragile, easily to tear him apart if it was taken from him. 

You whisper his name, and he doesn’t hesitate to press his lips against yours, kissing you softly, kissing you in a way that makes you feel all that he has for you; everything. His hand cups the back of your head when he lays you down on the blanket. 

Your lips move softly and slowly against each other, savoring every moment, every hum, every soft moan. His hands cradle you so softly, and you hold onto his shoulders, fingers digging into his sweater. 

You stay like that for a while, just kissing each other, holding onto one another, enjoying this sweet moment. You both smile when you pull away from the kiss, he leans his forehead against yours, chuckling softly. 

“What?” You giggle, running your hand up and down his arm. 

Steve pecks your lips once more before he lies on his side next to you, holding himself up on his elbow. He shakes his head, “nothing.” He murmurs, keeping his hand on your cheek. “I’m just so happy.”

“Yeah?” Your eyes light up. 

Steve nods, smiling at you. He can’t help but lean in and kiss you again, and then again and again, and then he is peppering kisses all over your face, fingers digging into your waist. His heart is fluttering wildly in his chest at your giggles. The sound is like music to his ears. His heart is so happy, so full… full of… the words that are on the tip of his tongue, ready to be said. 

“Steve!” You whisper his name breathlessly. Your cheeks are hot from all the laughing, from all his kisses. 

“I’m sorry, baby.” He laughs, pressing one last kiss to your cheek before he pulls back. “Couldn’t help myself, I just adore you so much.” 

“I adore you too.” You bring your hand up to his cheek, caressing him. “So much.”

You see it in his eyes, you see the softness, the one that could make you melt right there. It makes you feel goosebumps, it makes you feel warm, it makes you feel excited, it makes you feel everything, all at once. Most of all, it makes you emotional because you almost didn’t have this. If he didn’t allow himself to give you a chance, you wouldn’t have this, you wouldn’t get to feel him like this, to be able to kiss him, to be able to have a piece of his heart. 

“Thank you.”

Steve’s hazel eyes flash with confusion. He shakes his head, “what are you thanking me for, baby?”

“For giving me a chance, for giving us a chance.” You whisper softly. “I know it wasn’t easy for you after everything that happened.”

Steve’s face softens. He presses his lips together, nodding. 

“It wasn’t, but only because I was dumb, a total idiot. I should be the one thanking you, Sunshine. For coming into my life– god, if only you had stumbled into Hawkins before the world went to shit, I would have been chasing you from the start, you know that right? None of that grumpy bullshit you had to deal with before.” He scoffs at himself for how he treated you in the beginning. 

“I don’t know, I kinda liked the grumpy Steve. I mean, if I didn’t, I wouldn’t have followed you around so much.” You blush. 

“Oh, is that so?” He asks, intrigued as he pulls you up with him, sitting across from each other now, his hand reaches for yours, and he intertwines his fingers with your own. 

“Mhmm.”

He can’t help but blush, wondering what was going through your head back then when you just met. 

“Well, Honey, if we met back then, maybe you wouldn’t have liked me then if grumpy is your type.” He teases you, bringing your hand up to his lips, and he kisses your knuckles. 

“Pfft. You would be my type no matter what, Cowboy.” You remind him of the nickname you gave him in the beginning. 

“Oh yeah?”

You nod, gazing into his eyes. 

“Even in that sailor outfit.” You say, giggling. 

Steve groans, throwing his head back, exposing his marked neck – your work of art. You stare at it for a moment before your eyes find his hazel ones again. 

“It was hot! I loved the shorts, especially, they showed off your strong thighs.” You giggle as you climb into his lap, settling your knees on each side of him, and he envelopes you in his arms happily. “I would have been all over you if you served me.” You murmur, pecking his lips. 

His arms tighten around you, hand sliding down and sinking into the back pocket of your jeans. 

“Oh? Well, in that case… I would have totally embarrassed myself in front of you, trying to get you to go on a date with me.” 

“And I would have loved every second of it; it wouldn't take much for me to say yes, but I would have let you suffer a little.” You tease him. 

“Oh, I wouldn’t expect any less from you.” Steve chuckles softly, eyes never straying away from yours. “But I would have gotten my date, and I would have treated you like a princess.”

“You already do.” You smile. “I love that that was your job after school. I think it’s cute.”

Steve huffs, still blushing in embarrassment over it. His interest piques when he realizes that you never told him about your job between graduating high school and starting college. You told him everything about how high school was for you, your friendships, your first and only relationship before him, your family, stories from childhood but you never told him this. 

“You never told me about your summer job before college!” 

Your eyes widen as you’ve only realized it now as well. 

“Oh! I was a server!” 

Steve raises his eyebrows, smiling softly. 

“At Hooters.”

His smile falls, and his mouth drops. He blinks at you, trying to see whether you are joking or not, but you are not. 

He had heard of Hooters, about the uniform policy at the restaurant, the tiny outfits that Eddie beamed about when he told Steve about having been there once in Chicago two years back. 

So many questions are running through Steve’s mind as he imagines you in that tiny, exposing outfit. It makes his cheeks flush, and his pants tighten, but at the same time, it turns his grip on you a little tighter, knowing the kind of perverts whose eyes followed you. 

“I–” 

“Hey lovebirds!” Eddie yells across the field, standing there with his arms crossed in front of the RV. A bird's nest in his hair, plaid shirt messily on his body, he clearly just got up. “No fucking in public!” 

“Okay dad!” You roll your eyes. 

Eddie flips you off, mumbling something under his breath before he turns away and gets started on making the fire for the night. 

You look back at your boyfriend, smiling innocently. 

His eyes are still wide, his face shocked. 

“Hooters!?”

Giggles pour from your mouth at the shocked expression on his face. You nod, tucking your hair behind your ear. 

“I made a lot of money!” You say smiling, and by the mischievous look in your eyes, he already knows what kinda thoughts are running through your mind. You lean in and press your lips to his ear, “but I would’ve loved your tip the most.” You whisper seductively, pressing your lips to his cheeks before you get off him and walk away, joining Eddie. 

Steve’s cheeks are bright red, his jaw slack again as his wide eyes follow you. His pants feel tighter than before now as your words replay in his mind like a broken record. His eyes follow your swaying hips and the way your curves look in those jeans. 

“Jesus Christ.” Steve mutters under his breath when you look over your shoulder at him, flashing him a sweet smile. 

Eddie was right. 

You’re a freak, and he is the luckiest man alive. 

He takes a moment to calm down from both the image you left in his mind of you in that little outfit you used to call a work uniform and your words. He joins you both by the fire a few minutes later. Eddie is pushing around the wood with a stick, letting the flames grow a little higher. The metalhead glances at him, eying the flushed cheeks. 

“You okay there, Harrington?” Eddie snorts, glancing at you to find you biting back a smirk. 

“Mhmm, yeah… yep.” Steve nods, scratching the back of his neck. He looks down at you, watching you get started on dinner. Chicken noodle soup. 

“Sunshine, did you check the date on the soup?” Steve chuckles, thinking about what happened the last time Eddie scarfed down the soup. 

“Not expired, but I warned him already.” You sigh. 

“Dude.” Eddie gives him a disapproving look, holding the stick up with a warning glance. 

You and Steve share a glance, chuckling softly. 

“Fuck you, Harrington.” Eddie sighs, shaking his head, but even he can’t stop himself from chuckling. 

Nancy steps out of the RV, carrying bowls and spoons. You look up, noticing her wet hair and a fresh outfit; she must have been up for a while already. 

“Good morning.” 

“More like good evening, Nancy.” You laugh, though, greeting her with a smile. 

She claims the chair beside yours, much to Steve’s dismay. She puts the bowls on the ground and squints her eyes, reading the label of the soup you start pouring into the pot. 

“Eddie, are you trying to shit your pants again?” 

Eddie turns to face her with a clenched jaw. He takes a deep breath and glares at her, making the three of you burst out laughing. 

“It’s been months, why do you guys even remember that!?” He exclaims and drops the stick on the ground before he sits down in his camping chair. 

“Because it’s funny!” You say laughing, thinking back to that day. It was the same day you found out the truth about what was the cause of the world turning into this. “But don’t worry, the soup isn’t expired.” You assure him with a serious look on your face before you start laughing again. Steve looks down at you, smiling. 

Eddie shakes his head, sighing. 

“Yeah, yeah.” He nods and leans back. 

Silence stretches between you all, the comforting type as you and Steve move around, preparing dinner and getting some soda from the RV that you found a couple of days back. The sun goes down, and only the light from the fire stays, illuminating just enough for you all to see each other as you fall into a quiet conversation about the rest of your journey ahead of you. 

Not much longer, and you will get to Nevada. 

But the thought of it suddenly steals your hunger and the happiness you have felt at the beginning of this road trip. The fear that lingered deep inside of you all along suddenly spreads wider, making you feel a sense of dread that you try to push away as best as you can. You return to your conversation with your friends, put that smile back on your face, but it doesn’t go unnoticed by Steve. His own smile fades when he notices the change in your eyes, when he notices how the color drains from your face a little, when he notices the tension in your shoulders. 

He instantly reaches for your hand, giving it a squeeze that you return. 

He knows what you are feeling. 

And god he feels it too. 

And a part of him wishes you could stay here, in the unknown, safe from whatever is waiting for you at home, because part of him feels like he was right all along. 

And it scares him so badly. 

-

The atmosphere in the RV is tense. The heavy, thick air makes it hard to breathe. A few days had passed since your sweet moment with Steve by the stream, where you shared kisses and funny memories. You knew then that it would only take a few more days to find your way back home but you didn’t realize just how anxious it had made you until Eddie said it out loud how the journey to your home was coming to an end, just how strongly you pushed your nerves aside but now that you are closer than ever, you can’t stop your knee from bouncing or your hands from shaking. You keep sinking your teeth into your bottom lip, not caring about the blood you draw. It’s getting progressively worse, especially after Eddie takes the exit on the highway that will lead you to your town. 

Both Eddie and Nancy keep glancing at you through the rearview mirror, noticing the state of anxiety you are in now. 

And Steve, he feels all that is cursing through you at this moment. He sits next to you, holding your hand, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. He tries to comfort you, but he knows how nervous you are. He is too. You woke up this way earlier, the usual smile you greet him with every morning was weak today, missing the usual enthusiasm. You didn’t finish your breakfast; you couldn’t. 

He always thought that you would be fueled by happiness knowing that you will finally get to see your family again, but right now, he sees nothing but fear across your features, fear that you won’t find them the way you always said you would. 

He feels the same kind of fear. He fears what you will find. He fears what you could lose. His soft hazel eyes stay on you. He squeezes your hand, and you turn to face him. Your eyes find his, and your lips curl into a small smile. Hope. There is still some hope in your eyes. 

“Maybe you can show me around your town.” Steve smiles, trying to distract you from whatever is running through your mind right now. 

You nod at his words, scooting closer to him. You lean in and kiss him on the lips. He wraps his arm around you, bringing you closer to him. You return your attention to the window, watching the passing trees. 

Steve kisses your temple and rubs your arm. He can feel how scared you are, he can hear it in your silence, he can hear it in your touch. And he tries his best to keep you up right now. 

“Sunshine?” Steve whispers as he places his finger under your chin, turning you back to him. He tries to be gentle with his next words. 

“Yeah?”

“I’m here, okay?” He reminds you, looking into your worried eyes. “No matter what, I’m here.” 

No matter what. 

You swallow the lump in your throat and nod. Holding onto his hand tighter than before. 

“I know.” You whisper softly. “Thank you.”

Steve’s lips curl into a small smile. He brings your hand up to his lips, kissing it. “Of course, baby.”

The RV is so quiet, you only hear the tires on the road. Even Eddie is silent, not bothering to turn on the music, not bothering to hum the way he usually does. His brown eyes are fixated on the road. He feels a sense of dread in his chest, the kind he felt before he faced the bats in the upside down, the kind he felt before Robin died, the kind he felt before the attack on the road, before you killed for them. 

The welcome sign of your town is still intact, and so far, there is nothing but the road and the trees. Nancy shifts beside him, closing the map now. She takes a deep breath and turns around to take a look at you. 

“Whoa…” Eddie murmurs under his breath when he takes a turn on the road that leads to the downtown area. Nancy turns back around, eyebrows furrowed as she glances at Eddie before she follows his gaze. Oh. The ground is dark, black, like it’s been burned. Windows of stores are broken, not only that, but some of the buildings are burned down. Ashes. She looks out the window and up into the sky, dark clouds, and red lightning. She and Eddie share a look. 

Eddie slows down, careful not to drive over anything that could mess up the tires. He gulps. The nerves are now running wild in him too. The town is not only completely destroyed, but also burned down. It’s abandoned. No sign of life. 

Something twists inside Steve’s chest, like a knife buried in his heart, when he watches your face fall more and more, losing color each passing minute. You are staring out the window stoically. He knows your heart is pounding, sinking deeper. 

Your eyes are stuck on the burned-down military truck. The remains of the soldiers that must have been assigned here to protect your town. You swallow the lump in your throat. Sickness spreads inside of you more and more as you take in your abandoned hometown, which is left in ruins. 

Steve doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what to say as he watches the hope slowly vanish in your eyes. His heart is racing in his chest, feeling helpless. Suddenly, he wants nothing more than to go back in time, to take you back to the stream where you kissed on the picnic blanket, or the house you had your first date in, or even the community back in Wyoming, anywhere but here, where your heart could break. He can feel it. He can feel the sickening realization dawning more and more, knowing that you won’t find what you had been hoping for all these months. 

But he can’t. 

Eddie clears his throat, “alright… uh… Sunshine? I need you to guide me now, okay?” Eddie tries to say with a smile, but it comes out weak. The happiness, the light feeling you all had a few days ago, is gone now. 

You blink, looking away from the window, glancing at Steve, who gives you an encouraging nod before you turn to Eddie. 

“Yeah… Okay, yeah.” You mumble, your voice shaking as you straighten in your seat. Steve expects you to let go of his hand now, but instead, you hold on tighter, and he can feel it shaking; he can feel you shaking. He covers your hand with his other one. 

You close your eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath. You straighten in your seat and clear your throat. You start giving Eddie the directions to your house, no longer looking out the window next to you, ignoring the burned down buildings and the blood stains on the windows of the houses you pass by. You focus on the road and that alone. 

Nancy’s fingers cling to the barrel of her shotgun; she has the sickening feeling that she needs it. 

It feels forever as Eddie drives through your small town, following your directions to your house, but when it finally comes into view, he suddenly wants to turn back, not because it’s burned down like the rest of the town, but because it isn’t, and he knows nothing good is waiting for you in there. Maybe it would have been better if it had been burned down, gone like the rest of the town, leaving you with an ounce of hope that your family is somewhere else and no longer here. The dread inside of him grows stronger than ever. 

Steve cranes his neck, seeing your house, your home, still standing. No blood. Nothing burned down. No sign of life either, except for a truck in the driveway that must belong to your dad. The driveway is long, and wooden fences are around the property, your house has a large porch with a swing. It almost looks like a small ranch. Steve is sure that it was beautiful before, now it looks… cold, abandoned. Everything is there, and yet something feels wrong even from afar. 

He notices how your breathing gets heavy, he notices the anxiety in your eyes now burning stronger than ever, and for a moment, your hand clings to him so strongly before he loses your touch. You move too quickly, too suddenly for him to stop you. The moment Eddie parks the RV behind the truck, you bolt, you run for the door, rushing out of the RV, ignoring everyone yelling your name, trying to stop you. 

Steve calls out to you, not wasting a second to follow you out. His heart is pounding in his chest out of fear. His blood runs cold as you rush up the stairs of your house. A wave of nausea washes over him because you are no longer in reach. 

You should know. You should know what could be waiting for you in there. You should know that your family wouldn’t leave the ranch open for anyone to just drive into, but there is no rational thought in your brain right now. You should have taken a closer look. The fence was open. Some of the windows in your house are open. No wooden boards. No fort. Nothing. No sign of life. 

The floorboards creak beneath your boots as you rush up to your porch. Your eyes are already burning up. Your heart is in your throat, and you feel a kind of sickness you haven’t had since the day on the road. 

Time slows down, and yet everything moves so suddenly when you reach for the doorknob. 

Steve’s panicked eyes are on you as he watches you open the door, and everything inside of him stills when he sees you freeze. You don’t even step inside, your body just grows still, and you even take a step back, like you are revolted by something. 

And Steve, he freezes too when he sees your reaction and then he hears your broken whisper, and his heart shatters. 

Suddenly, you are both back in Hawkins, standing in front of Robin’s grave in the pouring rain. You are both crying. You are both hurt. And he is throwing all these ugly words at you. 

“Smell the fucking non-existent sunflowers, they’re dead by now!” 

“You think you’re going to find your house surrounded by a gate of protection? You’re fucking delusional if you think so.”

“Smell the decay of the corpses around you, and tone down that hope of yours before you end up even more hurt than you thought you could ever be. Open your eyes for once and stop acting like an immature little girl.” 

Words he wished would never come true. Words he wished he could take back. But none of it can be undone. None. 

☀︎

You heard his key in the lock, then the door open and shut, followed by his shoes being kicked off with too much enthusiasm.

Fuck.

This guy had had a good day.

“Babe?” he called, voice bright and echoing down the hallway.

You contemplated keeping quiet. Maybe, if you stayed perfectly still, he wouldn’t pick up on you. He would maybe think you were in the bathroom, or the bedroom, or that maybe you’d fled the country. Would it be too late to flee the country?

“Babe?” Joe called again, closer now, footsteps carrying him into the living area where you turned your head and pressed your cheek harder into the sofa cushion to try your best and hide inside of it.

He stepped into the doorway and stopped. There you were. Sat on the floor by the sofa, head turned away from him, phone in your lap.

“Oh,” Joe said, but soft this time. Not alarmed, but just adjusting his tone slightly. “Hey. How we doing? How was your day?”

You made a vague noise that was meant to serve as a nice greeting as well as a warning regarding how you were currently feeling.

Joe took a couple of steps into the room and stepped around the coffee table. You could see his socks out of the corner of your eye now.

“Why are we on the floor?” he observed. “Sofa not good enough?”

“Mm,” you hummed, voice flattened into an annoyed groan.

Joe chuckled softly as he pulled at the fabric of his trousers on his thighs before raising a leg to step over you. You ducked into your shoulders slightly as Joe sat down, right by your face, and his thigh became your new view for just a second before you turned to look down at the phone in your lap again.

“It’s very comfortable up here, you know,” Joe said casually, shifting to settle in, one leg either side of you. His weight dipped the cushion under your forehead, making you sink a little further into it.

“I know,” you muttered dryly. “My face agrees.”

“Then your bum would too.”

The lack of argument or playful offense made Joe frown slightly as he leant forward a little. He was fully expecting to at least have gotten a head raise so you could show him an eye-roll, but all he got was meek agreement and an unusual lack of energy.

“You all right?”

“Mm.”

Joe shifted in his seat and you could feel the movement through how the cushion dipped beneath your face. Then, warm careful fingers slid gently into your hair right at the crown of your head.

Your throat tightened instantly, and you couldn’t help the slight flinch away.

“Sorry, I can stop?” he replied, fingers stilling.

You paused.

“No, keep doing that, actually,” you corrected quietly, shoulders sagging somewhat. Joe’s fingers resumed, and the soft scratching at your scalp made you shiver.

“What happened?”

“Nothing.”

“All right… what kind of nothing was it?”

You frowned into the sofa where Joe couldn’t see it as he waited for your answer in silence.

“Just, regular nothing.”

“Was it I-spilled-coffee-on-my-white-shirt nothing, or my-entire-nervous-system-is-crumbling-under-unmet-childhood-needs nothing?”

You inhaled the deepest breath you’d ever inhaled and held it for a moment before letting it out in a huge sigh. You didn’t really want to talk about it.

“I’m just trying to get an accurate reading on what I’m looking at here,” Joe said softly, moving your hair all to one side of your head with both his hands as fingers raked through.

“The second one.” you admitted in a mumble.

“Ah, the premium nothing.”

You bit your lip and thought of not saying anything else, but then before your brain could really catch up, your mouth had already said the words, “Dad called.”

You kind of thought the world would stop for a second. That Joe would freeze, and that his tone would shift and that everything that already felt terrible would go to absolute shit.

Except… nothing changed.

Joe’s hands kept doing what they were doing at the exact same pace. The rug underneath you still felt just as soft, and the sofa you were resting your head on still felt comfortable enough for you to not want to move much.

“Mm,” Joe hummed, and then maddeningly gently repeated himself. “What happened?”

“It doesn’t matter.”

Even if your father had just called to ask how you were doing, the fact that he called at all was enough to have ruined your day. The week, even. You hadn’t been able to shake the absolute dread you’d felt when his full government name popped up on your phone screen as the call had come in.

“I think it does,” Joe countered as his fingertips now started moving your hair over to the other side, causing tingles all the way down your spine. “You don’t usually deem yourself unworthy of comfort like this.”

You didn’t answer, simply because you didn’t have any words to share. Instead your just focused on breathing for a second, lungs a little shuddery, but not enough to for you to cry.

Joe nudged your shoulder with the inside of his knee.

“Hey. Look at me?”

You shook your head the smallest amount, forehead rolling along the fabric.

“No.”

“Why not?” His fingers slid slowly from your scalp towards the nape of your neck, scraping lightly with his nails.

“Because.”

The harshness of sweet friendly eyes that belonged to someone who supported you only existed because you’d grown up with a pair of eyes which had done the exact opposite. That contrast was a lot and even though it wasn’t Joe’s fault, the reminder that laid within that difference was really difficult to bear sometimes.

You felt how two careful hands moved your hair aside before fingers found the neckline of your top and Joe let a hand sneak into your shirt to rub down the warm skin of your back.

“Mmokay. We can do it like this, too.”

You grumbled a little.

“Yea, yea, I heard you,” Joe smiled. “I’m just not going to let you sit like this for the rest of the night. Sorry.”

Your chest did a weird traitorous thing where it relaxed and tensed up at the same time. Joe’d inflicted a small wave of panic by ignoring your perfectly clear instructions to abandon you. How dare he.

“My batteries are empty,” you told your jeans.

“You know what I’m going to say,” Joe leant forward a little more to get his palm all the way down your back before it rubbed back up to the nape of your neck where he let his fingers disappear into your hair again. “I’ll recharge them.”

“It’s fine, you don’t have to.”

“You’re sat on the floor, darling.”

You scooted a little closer to the sofa, attempting to burry your face even deeper into the cushion and make yourself even smaller.

“So what? Let me sit. I’m allowed, there’s no rules against this. It’s none of your business.”

“Hey.” Joe raised his voice a little, not having what you were dishing out. “I feel like it’s at least a little my business. Can you tell me what happened? Why did he call?”

“He just…” you started, but then stopped. Your brain hit a wall it didn’t know how to climb over. “I don’t know. I’m tired.”

“Okay,” Joe then said on an exhale, no skepticism or challenge, just soft acceptance. He flattened his palm against the side of your head before giving it a little push to tip it to the side. “So you’ll just be sad and tired on the floor tonight?”

“Mhm.”

“All right.”

You blinked into the cushion, confused by how quickly that knot in your chest loosened a bit at his permission. You didn’t actually want to be sad on the floor all night, but the lack of expectation to be anything else felt like a relief.

The sofa dipped a little to the side, and when you looked up, you saw it was because Joe was trying to make eye contact. You granted him some for just a second.

“Hey,” Joe said softly, eyebrows knitted up with pure sympathy at the look of you. “I’m going to ask you some other annoying questions, okay?”

“Okay.”

Joe’s hands kept moving steadily through your hair, sometimes tracing the line of your skull, sometimes scratching lightly at the base of it. It felt disgustingly good, soothing in a way that made your eyes sting.

“Have you eaten today?”

“Yes.”

“Coffee doesn’t count.”

“It’s bean soup.”

“Doesn’t make it count.”

You swallowed and shifted slightly, your bum started going pins-and-needles.

“Then no.”

“And like, water? Did we have any? Have we hydrated at all today?”

The mug you’d left on the coffee table was still full, Joe’d seen.

“Mmno.”

Joe’s thumb dragged a slow line along your temple through your hair.

“Do we think sorting that might change your mood, a little?”

You knew he was right. Dealing with childhood trauma as well as adult disappointment was logically going to be easier without the brain fog and the slight headache you’d given yourself by not looking after yourself properly. You gave Joe the tiniest of nods, followed by, “And a shower.” in your smallest voice possible.

“And a shower, or... a bath?” Joe suggested, and yes, actually, you would fucking love a bath.

“A bath.” you exhaled, that knot loosening half a millimeter more.

“And then, maybe–” Joe lowered his voice, like he was sharing a secret. “Have a think about this, because if you don’t want to, you genuinely don’t have to, but if you asked me, I think it would actually really help and make you feel better… maybe, after, like eventually, you can tell me about what happened? Perhaps? No pressure, but, you know…” Joe tried making light where you only felt darkness, and you couldn’t help but let a humourless chuckle escape you.

“I don’t want to make it… a thing, though,” you mumbled. “It’ll become a whole thing if I talk about it. I’d rather it stayed nothing.”

“Things are fine. I can deal with things.” Joe’s hand never left your hair. “You’re a thing, and look at how I’m dealing with you. Nothing I can’t deal with.”

“I’m not a thing.”

“You’re my thing.”

You tried to smile, eyes flicking up to see Joe with your cheek still squished against the cushion.

“Look,” Joe started gently, but you could tell you were in for something that he called ‘tough love’ which was actually the exact opposite. It just so happened to be that Joe giving you the softest love ever imaginable made you react in a way that made Joe feel like he was being a bit harsh. “You’re allowed to be a bit of mess– a thing, sorry, a thing, without wanting it to be a massive crisis, but… you also don’t have to pretend it’s nothing just so I don’t worry. I’m already worrying, anyway.”

You let out a noise of protest that absolutely wasn’t a whimper as his knuckles brushed your ear, tucking a stray piece of hair away unsuccessfully.

“I’d actually love it if you shared, because then at least I’d know how much to worry.”

You wanted to be annoyed, but unfortunately his fingers had found that perfect spot at the base of your skull and were making little slow circles there.

“You gonna let me worry the wrong amount?”

“I just… I don’t even know what to say. How to explain it.”

“You can start from the beginning? If that would make you stop freaking out…”

“I’m not freaking out.”

“No?” he asked gently. “What does it feel like inside of your head right now?”

You hesitated for a moment, and then finally lifted up your head to look Joe in the eye. You could see how Joe had to try his very hardest not to say anything for fear of reacting wrong and sending you right back, face down, into the sofa.

“Loud.” You admitted. “Like, static.”

Both of Joe’s hands found your cheeks to cup as he ignored the way his heart splintered from the look of you, and instead focused on solutions.

“So food, hot drink, bath? Or hot drink, bath, food?”

You swallowed against the lump in your throat.

“Or, at the risk of a meal tasting of soap, all at once?”

You let out a wet little laugh that surprised you.

“Yea? All together at the same time?”

You let your eyes close as you nodded, and Joe took the opportunity to lean down and press some soft kisses to your cheek, right under your eye.

“Can you stand up?”

“Mm,” you groaned, not because you didn’t want to, because Joe’s quick fixes did actually sound great, but the effort that was going to be needed to get your up onto your feet felt like a mountain you weren’t equipped to climb. The rug had moulded to your hip, and sitting upright already felt like a lot of change for a brain that didn’t want any, let alone standing up completely.

“Need a hand?” Joe moved to get up from the sofa, but then paused in case he was going to have to take you with him on the journey to being vertical.

“No, I–”

His hands had already found yours to pull at as he stood, and through grunts and reluctant laughter, some kisses and a tight embrace, Joe got you onto your feet right in the spot where you’d been sat. He took a moment to hold there you as you stood together, two strong arms around your frame, before he squeezed your sides and blew a raspberry into your neck.

“Okay, you, get naked and find the words to tell me about your nothing, and I’ll sort everything else.”

Joe hadn’t fixed anything big or profound. The world outside was still the same. The phonecall that your dad had surprised you with had still happened. All the noise was still there, still loud, but… it felt a little less spiky.

On a scale of I-might-talk-later to the-vault-is-closed, you fell somewhere in the middle. Door cracked, but the lights still off. You knew Joe was going to sit by the door until you’d turn the lights on. He’d wait until your brain would come back to you a bit more.

This was nothing he couldn’t handle, and just that thought alone was enough to make you smile.

You hadn’t planned to have your evening turned around like this by Joe.

It’d just sort of… happened on its own.

Fortunately.

---

The Taglisted

@almightywdm, @alwayslindie, @beau-hawkins, @dailyobsession, @eddies-puppet, @everythinghasafacee, @gri959, @hazelenys, @iliwyshann, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @kravitzwhore, @lovelyblueness, @loves0phelia, @mandyjo8719, @nadixq, @niallersfreckles, @nunofurbusiness123, @overthinking-raccoon, @overtrred28, @readergf, @royale1803, @screaming-ontheinside, @sherrylyn0628, @shizlac, @solzi1420, @songforeddiemunson, @sunvick, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @xxladymjxx, @14ferluvr, @starry-swan

And because the universe has a perverted sense of humour, his eyes flick up at the exact moment you pass behind someone’s shoulder before they land on you.

“Oh,” a slow grin unfurls on his face, surprised but absolutely delighted to run into you like this. The person he’d been talking to seems quickly forgotten as he turns his full attention to you now. “Look who’s crawled out of the past.”

You give your politest smile in greeting – you’re in public, other people can see you – and find a spot next to him at the bar, seeking eye-contact with bar staff to order yourself a drink. “Bold of you to assume I’d crawl anywhere for you.”

Joe watches you order a drink, eyes trailing down your arms as you find your phone in your bag.

“Oh, darling,” his low tone of voice gives you pause. Makes you freeze for just a moment, eyes flicking up as you process how the smugness hidden in his voice still has a huge effect on you. “We both know you’d at least consider it.”

God.

You’d forgotten how much you loathe him.

You don’t.

Unfortunately, you really don’t.

The side-eye you give him goes paired with a badly hidden smile just before you receive your drink. You look down for only a moment, opening your card on your phone, but then when you look back up, Joe’s already paid for it. He raises his drink to his mouth as he watches you, awaiting your reaction.

You nod to yourself, then frown and mutter your most unwilling and hesitant, “Thanks.” which makes Joe huff a breath of laugh into his glass.

He’s close enough now for you to smell him. His cologne, layered over the faint smell of smoke he’s carried in from outside and the warmth that’s always just been him. It’s the smell that used to surround you when you’d step into his flat, the smell that overwhelmed you in the best of ways when you’d climb into his bed. You swear you could recognise it anywhere, and the old familiarity drops onto your shoulders like a heavy, warm coat.

“So… what are you doing here?” you ask, because small talk feels mandatory now that he’s paid for your drink, and chatting about small nothings is safer than God, hi, I see your face all the time, it’s everywhere, but it’s so much nicer to see the way your mouth curves in person.

“Work,” he says, casual and vague. You know if you were to ask more about it, he’ll explain it all in great detail but it’s actually nicer to not know, lest you get sucked into his world again. “You?”

“Drinks with some colleagues,” you lift your phone with a shrug. “They bailed early.”

He gives you a look. A raise of his brows, a pull of his lip.

“What?” you try asking lightly, but it still comes out a little defensively.

“And so you decided to come into this hotel bar to have a drink on your own. Makes sense.” he says jokingly, something accusatory in his voice that he knows will piss you off. Joe’s purposefully trying to make it sound like you saw him before you’d decided to get yourself a drink, and, Joe’s right… it pisses you off immediately.

“Still fucking annoying, I see,” you bite back. “Makes sense.”

“Well…” he starts, eyes dropping to your mouth for approximately 0.3 seconds, “Some things just don’t change, do they?”

The air shifts.

You feel it before you think it.

There’s a subtle tightening of the world around you, like someone’s pulled a drawstring. You suddenly notice how the bar’s too warm. Suddenly notice the lines of the muscles in his neck above his collar. Suddenly think of a question that is one you absolutely shouldn’t ask.

So he beats you to it.

“Want to go sit down somewhere?” Joe nods towards a quieter corner. “Unless you’re in a hurry.”

He knows you’re not.

You know exactly what he’s doing. And you hate how well it works.

When you sit across from him, the old rhythm of the two of you, your way of being around each other, it snaps back into place like muscle memory. He leans back in his chair and spreads his legs just wide enough for it to annoy you. You sit upright and lean forward just enough to pretend this interaction will be a short one.

“So,” Joe says. “Should we do the polite ex thing and pretend we’re both totally over it?”

“Are you saying that you’re not?”

“Oh, I’m perfectly well-adjusted,” Joe deadpans. “Remarkably stable, cheers.”

You laugh and nod your head to the side, eyes wide as you remind him, “You’re also a fantastic liar.”

“Also a fantastic liar.” Joe echoes, finishing the sentence along with you, laughing now. It’s a low, throaty sound that you used to fucking die for. You remember how he used to laugh into your mouth sometimes. How you’d be able to feel how his laughter would get stuck in his throat before he’d release it in warm breaths.

Hey.

Stop.

Maybe let’s not think thoughts like those when staring right at him. Maybe let’s tie these thoughts up and shove them into a box and forget about where we store it, just to be safe, you know?

Safety first.

“You look good,” he says suddenly, softer.

Okay, so. You’re definitely not safe.

“Don’t start.”

“What? Can’t compliment an old friend?”

“An old friend?” you make a face at him. That’s just about the last thing you want to be called.

“What would you want me to call you instead?”

Mayday, mayday! Safety fucking last – the bastard’s dimples are showing.

“Ex-girlfriend feels very… definitive, doesn’t it?”

For a moment, you’re not sure where to rest your eyes. It’s silent between the two of you, and the weight of the past settles between you in this new space you’ve not shared before. It’s not heavy or bitter in any sense. It’s more like a bruise you’d forgotten about until Joe just poked at it and you were reminded, Oh. Right. That.   

You ignore the questions he’s asked you and instead decide to ask about his earlier mentioned work. It turns things normal for a moment. You know exactly which questions to ask to get him to tell you more than he’s probably allowed to share, and just when he’s about to spill something he’s definitely signed an NDA on, he changes the subject.  

You briefly wonder if Joe’s thinking what you’re thinking. You don’t have to wonder for long – you never had to with Joe. The conversation quickly slips sideways, something fun and electric humming underneath. It kicks up even more when Joe gets up to come sit next to you in a bid to hear each other over the music better.

You remember this.

You remember it too well.

“I forgot how expressive your face is. Stop doing that with your eyes.”

“I’m just looking.” You scan his features. His stubble is at the perfect length.

“Have I got something on–” Joe rubs a hand down his face.

“No.” You really were just looking.

“Just handsome, then?” Joe asks it like it’s a serious question, speaking right into your ear. He expects you to laugh, but catches you staring somewhere near his collarbone. Moving his hand to touch himself there, he feels how his shirt is unbuttoned enough for you to see into it right there.

“No. I know that look.” Joe smirks, boyish and confident.

“What look?” you sit up slightly, trying to sound as innocent as you can. “I was just looking, look, you’ve got– there’s about six buttons you forgot to do up.”

There’s two. Three if you count that extra one right at the top.

“Mhm,” Joe hums, his smile not wavering in the slightest. “Tell your pupils to dilate a little less next time.”

“Could you just–”

You don’t have to finish your sentence, because Joe leans away from you just enough to get both arms up to fiddle with his buttons. Instead of closing them though, his fingers move to open another one, just to fuck with you. Before you can even think about what you’re doing, your hands are moving to slap his out of the way.

You only get to close one of his buttons before his fingers wrap around both your wrists. And then, because Joe has never once passed up an opportunity to ruin you with a single line, he leans in a little bit to get his mouth right by your ear and says, “Come upstairs with me.”

You swallow. Hard. “Absolutely not.”

His smile is slow and devastating as his grip on your wrists tightens. “Absolutely yes.”

“You don’t get to decide–”

“Darlin’…”

It hits like a knee to the spine.

He says it the exact way he always used to in order to get what he wants, deep and coaxing, with an awful lot of confidence that comes with knowing how to get you to fold instantly.

He’d say it casually, and it’d be fine. But then he’d drop his voice and use the baritone in specific moments, like right before you’d get into the shower, or right before he’d drag you into his bedroom.

You hate that he uses it on you like this.

You hate yourself for reacting in the way that you do.

“That’s not fair,” you whisper too softly for Joe to hear, which isn’t a problem since he was already looking at your mouth anyway, and he can lipread just fine.

“No,” he agrees, letting go of your arms now. “But neither was you showing up here looking the way that you do.”

You take a breath so shaky you hope he doesn’t hear it.

He definitely hears it.

“So, we’ll call it even…” you try, sitting up a little.

“Not yet,” he frowns slightly through a head shake. “One night. Come on. If I remember correctly, we’ve got excellent…” Joe waits a moment for you to finish his sentence. You do, at the same time.

“Coordination.” Joe says when you say, “Chemistry? Oh. Coordination. Yea, sure.”

“Chemistry.” Joe squints his eyes and points a finger at you, picking your answer over his own. “That’s what I was gonna say. I was just… being coy.”

“You’re terrible at being coy.”

He bites his lip. “Yea, well. I’m decent at other things, so.”

You groan and close your eyes in agonized, frustrated, embarrassingly fond defeat.

When you open them again, his gaze is steady. You’re not moving away from him, and you’re still smiling. That’s all Joe needs.

“Let’s go,” he says, standing up, holding his hand out for you to grab.

And you hate that the answer is already yes, simmering under your skin, waiting for you to stop pretending. If you’re totally honest, it would’ve been yes back at the bar after saying hi, but he doesn’t need to know that.

You take hold of his hand, and Joe looks at you like he’s proud of you. A little surprised, amused that whatever he was trying has worked out, but it’s mostly pride.

“This doesn’t mean anything.” You can’t help but warn him, letting go of his hand after he’s helped you up.

He grins, “Of course not.”

Fucking liar.

The walk across the lobby, the wait for the lift, the ride up to his floor, it’s all torture.

Joe has slipped both his hands into his pockets and keeps them in there, not touching your back as he guides you, no fingers secretly trying to find a way to sneak under your top. You’re just following him like a dog, and the air between the two of you might as well be made of static electricity at this point. You can feel it crackling along your forearms, down the back of your neck, across your ribs…

And Joe’s just watching you.

In the lift he leans back against the side and watches you, like he’s remembering every single version of you he’s ever peeled out of an outfit.

“Stop staring…” you mutter.

“Can’t.”

“Well, try.”

“Don’t want to.”

The lift dings.

You accidentally inhale his exhale.

It’s a whole disaster.

You should’ve turned around right when you’d walked in and saw him pretending to listen to whoever that other person was.

Yet, here you are, being welcomed into Joe’s hotel room for the night.

His hotel room oozes old money. It’s too large, too patterned, every detail  around you curated to make you feel like royalty. It’s all meant to convey that the people staying here didn’t pay the amount they did for nothing, because look at the brass wall lights and the curves of the doorhandles.

Pretentious bullshit, is what it is.

Joe looks a little out of place, which you like, but he’s also got this ability to fill the room the way he always fills every space. It all sort of fits him just right, doesn’t matter where he is, and in here, he makes the room feel a little more casual, like it had been waiting for him to walk in and it can finally relax now.

You don’t even get your jacket off before he’s in front of you, one hand braced near your hip against the wall, not touching you, not yet, but close enough that the intention throbs between you.

“Still sure about this?” he checks.

“No,” you smile, which makes him move even closer. “I might need some extra convincing.”

He huffs a laugh, and you feel it warm against your cheek.

“What are you going to do about it?” you challenge, which results in a low throaty sound from Joe.

“God, I missed that mouth.”

And then he finally, finally kisses you. His wide palms find your sides to hold, warming your ribs as he breathes you in, and, shit, it’s terrible how good it still is.

It’s immediate, and greedy, and devastatingly present.

He doesn’t give you a chance to slip into nostalgia, into reliving something that you’ve lost. Before you can, he’s moving you, mouth warm and hands confident in ways that bypass your brain entirely.

You melt.

You try to fight it.

But you fail.

He tastes like the drink he had downstairs. That and old patterns. Patterns you’d grown bored of a while back, but that feel fun and exciting to be a part of again for a night. Joe still knows how to undo you with depressing efficiency, and he uses what he remembers of familiar gestures to make your ribs constrict.

This kiss is better than it has any right to be.

When he pulls back, both your breathing is uneven. Your half choking on air, embarrassed at how disheveled you feel already.

“Still nothing?” he asks, teasing softly.

“Shut up,” you breathe.

He laughs against your throat. “I’ll take that as a no.”

You shove him onto the bed.

He goes willingly, grinning wide, hands already reaching for you as you follow him there.  

You undress each other in a blur of heat and limbs and the specific type of instinct that Joe responds to on autopilot. There once was a time where you fit together as perfect puzzle pieces, and you’re surprised how easily you both fall back into your slots together. You remember every sound he makes, every place he likes to be touched, every button that he’s got hidden from view which your hands know by heart.

He remembers, too.

The familiarity of it all is infuriating, and the pleasure of it worse.

When you find yourself straddling him in nothing but your underwear, he looks up at you and the glint in his eye looks like he’s going to say something heartfelt. Something that he’ll likely regret later, you think. If not that, it’ll at least be something you’ll regret having heard him say whilst underneath you like this. He opens his mouth to speak, and to quickly shut him up, you undo the clasp of your bra behind your back.

It works.

You knew it would.

His hands are firm on your hips as he sits up a little, and instead of using words, Joe lets his mouth do the talking with slow tracing patterns down your chest.

“Still hate pet names?” he murmurs against your skin.

“With a passion,” you gasp with both your hands in his hair now.

“Good,” he whispers. “Darling.”

Your head drops back and you swear out loud.

All Joe can do is laugh, his breath warm on your sternum. This is stupid. It’s ridiculous. It’s perfect, and it’s so fucking doomed.

Joe lets a hand slip into your underwear as you sit up on your knees to give him more room. His other arm is hooked around your hips, holding you close to him, and you go a little quiet as you focus on where Joe’s fingers are going.

He looks up at you to study your face, then asks “Same spot as–”

Before he can even finish the question, Joe touches you just right and you jolt slightly as your breath hitches. “Oh yea, same spot as always.” he smirks, answering the question he didn’t even finish, too sure of himself, and you decide to just… let Joe be smug. Let him be his dickhead-self if it means he’s going to keep doing all the right things, because, honestly, you’d tell him off for it any other time, but right now, you’d rather just let him win. If he thinks he knows exactly how this is going to go just because he’s been here before and can predict every note you’ll hit, that’s okay. You will let him play at confidence until you decide to take it away from him.  

When Joe starts trying to pull at the last bit of fabric on your body, you sink your weight down onto him until his breath catches and both his hands grip onto your thighs.  

“Same spot as always?” you flip the script on him.

“W-why don’t... why don’t you find out?” he teases, though it comes out a little breathless, a little cracked around the edges.

You lean in close, ducking so your mouth’s near his ear. “That’s cute.”

He laughs, and you feel it, a pulse beneath his ribs, and his hands, predictably, move up to your waist. “Yea? You’re cute. Take this off.”

You do, and when you try to get back into the same position, Joe flips you over onto your back and grabs hold of both your legs, pushing them upward. He sways his hips forward and back a few times, testing the waters, letting his skin meet yours, watching your face.

He does it for just a second too long.

“Are you done showing off yet? Because this isn’t doing it for m–”

Joe sinks into you, cutting you off mid-sentence and turning it into a sharp gasp. When you look at him, he’s smiling, and you move a hand up to cover it.

There.

That’s better.

Joe can be a smug bastard all he likes, but that doesn’t mean you have to look at it.

You stay like that, hand over his mouth, as Joe starts to move, slow and measured, like he’s testing the limits of your patience. It’s not even been a fill minute and you can already feel him falter slightly. You can feel how the smile disappears behind your palm, smirk then gone and replaced by something darker, a little more helpless.

“Fuck,” he breathes through your fingers, and you almost smile, because there it is: the slip. The crack. The moment where Joe stops performing and starts feeling.

He picks up his pace.

Bites into the fleshy bit of one of your fingers and pushes your legs down, folding you in half.

When you moan a little louder, Joe bites down harder too. It makes you yelp and finally pull your hand away from his face, and with his mouth free, he takes his chance and bends down to kiss you.

It’s truly something to be kissed exactly how you want to be kissed during sex.

There’s no need to nudge your nose into his a certain way, no need to grab onto his neck to guide him. He’s doing what you want before you can think to tell him what to do, and it feels like coming home.

In your movement, your legs slink to the side, and Joe uses a stretched-out arm to hold them down there, finding the best angle to make this nice for you.

Idiot.

It’s been nice for you since downstairs.

Suddenly, he slows down. His breath stutters, and his throat works around your name, soft and desperate, as he leans down and lets your foreheads brush.

“What’s the matter, da–” your own giggles cut you off. You wanted to say it because you know he was going to if you didn’t, and you can see the exact millisecond the words you haven’t finished hit him. The flicker in his eyes. The way his mouth opens and closes like he can’t decide whether to groan, or laugh, or beg.

Joe looks absolutely ruined.

That’s when you move, switch places with him and get back on top of him like you were before.

“Are you warm enough?” Joe asks, just checking in, words he’s used hundreds of times before with you. It’s sort of cute how realizing how he still fits and still feels has turned him into absolute mush for you.

For a second, it’s almost too much.

All of it, way too much.

The closeness as you ride him, as you writhe in his lap, the heat coming from your bodies, the strong arms behind your back that press you firmly against his front, the sound of your name from his mouth like it means something again.

It’s why you press your forehead harder to his, grounding yourself and avoiding eye contact as you finish the job for the both of you.

You move until you feel him unravel beneath you, his breath catching on every half-word, his fingers twitching like he wants this, wants you, and doesn’t care about the past.

You move until he forgets himself entirely, until the confidence he had mountains of before is gone, and it’s just Joe and just you, raw and wordless, moving in a rhythm that makes you both feel good until it builds enough and you both feel great.

After that, it goes quiet.

The air settles.

Your heartbeat slows, and you let yourself breathe again.

You move like you’re about to get up, but Joe reaches for you instinctively and moves his arms around you, holding you in a way he used to, before. It’s like he’s remembering every single bit of vulnerability that ever existed between the two of you at once and needs a moment to come to terms with it all.

Joe’s thumb finds a spot below your collarbone to slowly rub, and for one dangerous heartbeat, you almost let it mean something.

Then, you pull away.

He looks a little dazed and soft-eyed, and you know he’s thinking of poetically sweet words to say that’ll make the moment special. You don’t let him, and instead get up to go and find your clothes, hoping you’ll also find your composure and your backbone on the carpet somewhere.

Joe gets the hint.

Just offers you his shower, if you want it.

You don’t answer. Just smile as you pull your top over your head. It makes Joe chuckle a little, and you can’t help but laugh yourself.

No other words are shared until you sling your arms back into your jacket and reach the door.

“This is never not going to happen when we run into each other,” Joe says, voice a little rough from the weight of what just happened. “You know that, right?”

You take the words in with your hand on the doorknob, then turn back and take a few steps back into the room so you can look at him, still in bed, hair a mess, his grin trying its hardest to make a comeback and almost making it.

“Take those words with you.”

You give him a knowing smile that grows wider when you think of what you’re going to say next.

“We’ll see, darling.”

And you leave him there, sprawled across now-damp hotel-white sheets, a ghost of a smirk on his lips.

“Never not!” he calls out when he hears you open the door.

You let it shut without saying goodbye.

You leave smug and satisfied, with a newfound confidence in your chest and words heavy in your pocket that you’ll never cash in.

---

The Taglisted

@almightywdm, @alwayslindie, @beau-hawkins, @dailyobsession, @eddies-puppet, @everythinghasafacee, @gri959, @hazelenys, @iliwyshann, @keikoraven, @kennedy-brooke, @kravitzwhore, @lovelyblueness, @loves0phelia, @mandyjo8719, @nadixq, @niallersfreckles, @nunofurbusiness123, @overthinking-raccoon, @overtrred28, @readergf, @royale1803, @screaming-ontheinside, @sherrylyn0628, @shizlac, @solzi1420, @songforeddiemunson, @sunvick, @sweetberry47, @take-everything-you-can, @thebellenouvelle, @tlclick73, @werepartnersnow, @xxladymjxx, @14ferluvr, @starry-swan

He wipes the surfaces clean and makes sure that the space is clear of any dust or dirt before he gets one of the mattresses from upstairs, carrying it down into the living room, the plastic cover all over it crinkling with the movement. It would feel weird to use someone else’s bedroom. He places the mattress close to the fireplace that he plans on lighting up later. 

“I found some clean sheets; they were inside zipped plastic bags.” Nancy walks into the living room. 

“Cool.” Steve nods at her, giving her a small smile. He lifts his hand and runs it through his hair, taking a deep breath. 

Nancy puts the sheets down on the coffee table and reaches for one of the pillows. She cocks an eyebrow at Steve, taking in his restless figure as he looks around the room. 

“Don’t tell me you are nervous, Steve.” Nancy chuckles as her eyes flicker in amusement. 

Steve narrows his eyes at her. She looks down, picking up the sheets, she throws them towards him. 

He catches them with a sigh, shaking his head at the teasing look on her face. Just like Eddie. 

But yes, he is nervous. It’s gonna be your first time together, your first time with him, your very first time. He wants and needs it to be perfect for you. He wants you to feel as comfortable as possible. He wants you to feel safe, happy. 

“I can’t believe I’m helping you get laid.” 

Steve rolls his eyes at the tone in her voice, though a chuckle falls from his lips. He had known her for such a long time now; she would have never made such jokes back then. He knows it’s Eddie’s influence and her bond with him; he is rubbing off on her. Or… Robin’s influence. 

“Wheeler, who would have thought you’d ever speak like that.” 

Nancy snorts at him as she watches him spread the sheets over the mattress. She looks around, noting the candles he gathered before. She starts spreading them around the living room. 

“Who would have thought that I’d help you take someone’s virginity.” Nancy jokes, chuckling to herself when he snorts. 

“Don’t make it sound like I’m sacrificing a virgin tonight, Jesus Christ!” Steve mumbles. 

The girl laughs at the dramatic tone in his voice. She passes by the window and takes a look outside. Her eyes light up in amusement when she sees Eddie clapping his hands at you as you siphon gas from a car. 

“I just need it to be perfect.” Steve murmurs, pulling her attention away from you and back to him. 

“It’s gonna be perfect.” Nancy smiles at him, placing the last candles on the coffee table. “You worry so much about it when there’s no need to. You got a perfect house for the night, you set up the room nicely,” she gestures around herself, pointing to the string lights he found in the bedroom. “You even got her Kitkats, and you’re making what, pasta for dinner? I checked the stove, and there’s some gas left; you can prepare it there. Sounds like a perfect first date considering the world we live in!” 

Steve’s shoulders slump a little as the tension wears off. He can’t help the nervousness inside of him when it comes to you. You deserve more than just perfect. 

“Do you think she’ll like it?” Steve asks, scratching the back of his neck. 

Nancy breathes out as she tilts her head. She had never seen him like that. In all those years she had known him, she had never seen him be this nervous over anything. A smile tugs at her lips, “she will love it. She would have loved just the RV because it’s with you, that girl is obsessed with you, Steve!” 

Steve’s lips curl into a smile, and he tilts his head down. The feeling is so very mutual. He nods his head, “okay yeah, you’re right.” 

“I’m always right.” Nancy mumbles, making Steve snort. “Besides, once we get to California, you can take her on a picnic date at the beach!” 

Steve smiles at that, nodding. He can’t wait to get to California, to have that peace with you. He feels safe with you, and you feel safe with him, but you are still out here, where anything could happen at any moment. You still have to look over your shoulders, risk your lives driving through unknown territories, and he can’t wait for that to be over. 

Nancy fixes the curtains while Steve starts preparing the bed, taking the plastic cover off, making the mattress free of dust, and putting the fresh sheets on. A smile tugs at her lips when she watches you and Eddie laughing about something. She crosses her arms over her chest, her eyes linger on you for a moment before she looks back at Steve, whose brows are tugged together in concentration. 

She notices the light flush in his cheeks, the color that came back into his face because of you. It’s been a second since he finally pulled himself together and made you his. When she saw how he attached himself to you after, how scared and anxious he seemed whenever you weren’t around for even just five minutes, she started to realize. It’s something she meant to talk to him about, something she meant to apologize for. 

“I get it now…”

Steve glances at her, still with the same concentrated look on his face, “huh?”

“Why you were afraid… Why you initially rejected her.” 

“I don’t–”

“I was the same, behind closed doors that is.” Nancy reveals, uncrossing her arms. “When Robin passed, I just holed myself up when no one was watching. I pretended to be okay because I knew she would want me to be okay for my mom and my siblings…” 

Steve gets up from his crouched position. His eyes flash with sympathy, “Nancy…” 

Nancy blinks, not wanting to tear up in front of him. She hates crying in front of others. She clears her throat. 

“And then when she was gone… I gave up on the idea of moving on… I-I gave up on trying to look for someone else because, it’s the fucking end of the world right?” Her laughter is humorless, watery. She is fighting the tears now, thinking about her. 

Steve stays quiet, watching the sadness burst in her eyes. He never knew she was going through the same thing he was going through. 

“And then she appeared.” Nancy says softly, glancing at you again. “Seeing her… have these eyes for you made me feel so nostalgic… To the point where I realized I wanted to feel it again. I wanted to– I wanted to feel alive, and yearn, and feel human.” 

Guilt rushes through him when he realizes how badly he treated her back in Wyoming. He closes his eyes and runs his hand down his face. 

“I’m sorry… I shouldn’t– You were trying to move on. I didn’t– I shouldn’t have said what I said to you…” 

Nancy shakes her head at him, “I deserved it… besides, I wasn’t trying to move on with Tommy,” she chuckles, though her cheeks burn a little. “I think that she made me feel alive again. I grew protective of her. She is my best friend, but Eddie was right, you were there first, and I was so angry at you for hurting her, I didn’t even glance at you or think about how you must have been feeling… and now I know why you really pushed her away. You were scared.”

“It’s okay, Nancy.” Steve gives her a nod. “I’m not angry at you.”

She smiles at him, taking a deep breath before she continues, “I-I think I would be the same. If I found someone like her, after losing Robin… I think I would be afraid to the point of pushing them away too…”

Steve shakes his head, smiling. “You would have Eddie to kick your ass and also me because I would not stand by and watch you make the same mistake.” 

Nancy chuckles. She tilts her head and scratches the back of her neck. 

Steve looks over her shoulder, smiling at the sound of your laughter that he can hear through the crack of the open window. 

“I just… I feel like I was at the right place at the right time when she stumbled out of those bushes…” Steve smiles, recalling the day you first met. 

Nancy smiles, “and it was Eddie’s turn. Remember? You weren’t supposed to patrol that night.”

“Yeah… I remember.” Steve whispers. 

He had to be the one to see you first. 

The door creaks open, and Steve nearly panics, thinking it’s you. He doesn’t want you to see any of this yet. It’s supposed to be a surprise. He sighs in relief when Eddie waltzes in, wiping his hands with a rag. 

Eddie wiggles his eyebrows at Steve, unable to hold back his chuckle. 

“Your girlfriend sucks like a hoover.” 

“Excuse me–”

Nancy rolls her eyes and shakes her head at her best friend. 

“She needs a little practice, but hey, we got a lot of gas now thanks to her. It was fun watching her; she choked a little at first, but got the hang of it pretty quickly.” The metalhead grins, nudging Steve’s shoulder as he stops beside him. 

“This… You just had to say it this way, didn’t you?” Steve grumbles, squinting his eyes at his friend. 

Eddie chuckles, clapping his hand on Steve’s shoulder. 

“Shouldn’t you be out there with her to make sure that she won’t come inside?” Steve raises his eyebrows at him. 

Eddie takes a look around, his eyes settle on the bed, and he instantly begins to wiggle his eyebrows, “oh you are so ready to get in there, aren’t ya?”

Nancy holds back her laughter as she looks between them, her eyes crinkle when Steve scrunches his nose up at Eddie. 

She clears her throat, making them both look at her. 

“You know what, I go and distract Sunshine, and you,” she points at Eddie. “You help Steve with the rest.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” Eddie salutes, grinning at her. 

“You got this, Steve.” Nancy says, chuckling when she sees the annoyance on his face at the teasing smile Eddie directs at him. She walks out and shuts the door. 

Steve stands there with his hands on his hips. He closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before he looks at Eddie again. 

“It’s been so long, you’re basically a virgin too now, Steve.” Eddie snickers. 

Steve gives him a deadpan look. 

“Okay, okay…” Eddie holds his hands up. “So how can I help?” 

-

Nancy finds you in the garage that is connected to the house. You are humming a song as you fill up the gas tank. A smile tugs on her face as she watches you – you have no idea what is going on. So far, you still believe that you are here for a one day break to fill up on gas, supplies, and to get some proper rest. 

“Oh hey!” You grin when you notice her. “What’s up?” 

“I checked out some houses.” Nancy shrugs, “I was hoping I’d find more guns but…”

“No luck?” You frown, closing the gas tank and setting down the canister. 

Nancy shakes her head and purses her lips as she crosses her arms over her chest. “Nope.”

“I mean, we found a good amount of things yesterday already.” You shrug, being optimistic as always. “Plus, we are here to get some rest, right?”

“Right.” Nancy nods, smiling at you. 

“We’re gonna eat some great food tonight, maybe have a drink or two – ooh! Do you think we can take a shower in the house? Maybe we can check it out!”

Nancy’s eyes widen. You can’t go in there, not yet. 

“No, unfortunately, there isn’t any warm water… I checked already.” Nancy lies, almost feeling bad when disappointment flashes in your eyes. 

“RV shower it is.” You sigh. 

“I know, I can’t wait to take a bath again when we’re finally in California! It’s gonna feel so rewarding!” 

A groan falls from your lips as you tilt your head back, “I used to love taking baths! I’d stay in there forever and make it a spa day.”

“All while playing Madonna, wearing a face mask while shaving your legs?” Nancy asks, giggling. 

Your eyes light up and you nod, “exactly!” 

“You could do that right now!” Nancy smiles at you, trying to give you a hint without giving the surprise away, but she knows you packed the razor and moisturizers for a reason. “I mean, not a bath, but you can take a long shower and just… do everything you didn’t have the time to do in the past few months!”

“We can’t waste too much water, Nance.” You sigh, though it does sound tempting. 

“There’s cold water coming from the taps inside… just no warm water, we can stock up on it later on.” Nancy shrugs, smiling. “I shaved my legs last night after months! They feel so smooth again!” 

You hum as you take a look at the RV. You grabbed so many things yesterday, new bodywash, moisturizer, soap. 

“You know what, I’m gonna do that.” You cave in, smiling in excitement. “But first, I wanna see what Steve is up to.” 

You don’t even manage to take a step forward before Nancy stops you again. She shakes her head, waving her hand, “oh no no, go and take your shower! Steve and Eddie are…” she pauses as she grabs your shoulders and pushes you towards the RV, ignoring the confused look on your face. “They’re getting a new battery for the RV. Boring stuff!” She laughs. 

“I–”

“You go and uh enjoy the shower while you can before Eddie comes back and uses up all your vanilla scented stuff!” 

“Do I smell or something?” You laugh as you step inside the RV. 

“No,” Nancy chuckles. “I just want you to enjoy that peaceful shower for a change.” 

She’s got a point there. You don’t get many chances to take long showers, let alone do any self-care, while you’re on the road. The longest shower you were able to take was seven minutes long, and even that was ‘too long’ according to Eddie. 

“What are you gonna do?” You ask as you grab some fresh underwear and clothes. 

“Uh, I think I’m gonna just relax…” She trails off, reaching for some random magazine before she plops down in the passenger seat. She kicks off her boots and stretches them out onto the armrest of the driver's seat, “right here…” She grins.

You giggle at her, shaking your head at her display. 

“We can paint each other’s nails later!” Nancy smiles, flipping through the magazine. 

“I’d love that, but first…” You reach for the body wash and moisturizer you hid from Eddie. “I’m gonna smell like a vanilla pound cake in a second.” 

“Oh, a pound cake for sure,” Nancy murmurs behind the magazine, holding back a grin. 

“Did you say something?” You ask, one foot into the bathroom. 

“No, no.” Nancy shakes her head at you, smiling. You don’t seem to suspect anything yet, not even with the lack of Steve’s presence, which seems surprising considering how much he hates to be away from you. 

“Alright.” You give her a smile before you step into the bathroom and close the door. 

Eddie walks in a few minutes later, looking around for you. 

Nancy glances at him over the magazine, raising an eyebrow, “she’s in the shower.”

“Ah.” Eddie nods as a smirk grows on his lips. 

“What are you smirking about, Munson?” 

He shakes his head as he starts looking through the drawers, in search of something, “nothing, nothing.” 

Nancy squints her eyes at him, waiting for him to spill whatever is on his mind. 

His tongue pokes out from between his lips, eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he fumbles through the knives, “got it.” He grins, grabbing a pair of scissors. He turns back around, leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. 

“What are you doing with those?” 

“Playing hairdresser.” He wiggles his eyebrows. 

Nancy’s jaw drops in surprise, she puts down the magazine, and leans forward. 

“He’s letting you cut his hair?” She gasps. “Steve Harrington is letting someone touch his hair. You!?” 

Eddie almost looks offended, and he places his hand against his chest. “Why wouldn’t he? I give my uncle the best haircuts.” 

“Your uncle is bald.” Nancy states.

Eddie rolls his eyes, “that was sarcasm, Wheeler.” He shakes his head as he makes his way towards the door. “We still have a long way to go – besides, I always do my hair and I look hot as hell.”

Nancy rolls her eyes at his cockiness, but he has a point. His ends were not split at all, because he made sure to trim them every once in a while. 

“Alright, I’ll go get my guy ready for–”

“Don’t be a pervert.” Nancy points at him, and he instantly stops wiggling his eyebrows. 

“Alright grandma.” Eddie rolls his eyes before a smirk makes its way on his face again. “Are you ready for a cozy night here with me? I’ll grab some candles for us, make it romantic–”

“Go!” Nancy throws the magazine at him, making him step out before it hits him in the head. His laughter echoes in the garage before he disappears into the house, slamming the door shut. 

She shakes her head and gets up with a sigh, reaching for the magazine again, she sits back down, “idiot.” She murmurs. 

-

It dawned on you in the shower that something was going on. You haven’t seen Steve all day, and every time you tried to go look for him, either Eddie or Nancy would stop you. He never even leaves your side for five minutes, let alone for this long. 

You are clueless sometimes, but not this much. You try not to dwell on it too long, not wanting to wonder about what your boyfriend is planning, not wanting to ruin that surprise for yourself and him. 

Nancy insists on doing your hair after painting your nails, and you almost feel a little ridiculous doing all that in a world where you have to fight to survive every second of every day. Yet you can’t help but enjoy that moment of peace, that moment that gives you a glimpse of the old world where you didn’t have all that. A friend who takes care of you like this. A friend like Eddie, who is always there to cheer you up and make you laugh. A boyfriend who treats you gently, who looks at you the way you look at him. 

“Where’s your head at?” Nancy asks as she brushes your hair. 

“I don’t know… I just… This feels nice,” you shrug as you look down at your nails. “All this, I mean.” 

Nancy nods, smiling down at you, “we’re gonna have more of this in California.” 

“Yeah…”

Nancy notices the hesitation in your voice and the worried look on your face. She pauses, putting the hairbrush aside for a moment. 

“What’s wrong?” 

You shake your head, furrowing your eyebrows as annoyance creeps up in you for feeling that sliver of pessimism. “I don’t know, I just– things have been going so well lately… No monsters, no bad people, no infected, now this place? I-I don’t know, I can’t help but feel like something is waiting around the corner.”

Nancy’s eyes flash with sympathy. Her chest aching a bit at the feelings you are dealing with. It’s not even about this world. It’s about your past life, and the things that got taken out of your hand every time things were going great. 

She nudges your shoulder as she settles down beside you. She offers you a kind smile, “Sunshine… where’s that optimism we all love so much?” 

You take a deep breath and exhale, smiling a bit at her question. 

“That’s my kinda thing, to worry and be negative.” Nancy jokes, reaching for your hand. “You’re the hope!” 

“The hope?” You chuckle, turning to face her. 

“Yeah!” She nods in honesty. “Don’t lose that part now.” 

You nod, taking a deep breath as you push aside the fear creeping up on you. 

“I won’t.” 

“Good.” Nancy smiles and squeezes your hand before she gets up again and picks up the hairbrush. “Don’t start to doubt yourself now. You proved time and time again that you can beat this world, Sunshine.” 

You can beat this world. 

Your dad said the same thing to you. The last time you talked to him, he was so worried, you were on the other side of the country, and he could do nothing but talk to you on the phone as you were packing your things to leave the city. Talks of the military bombing places with huge crowds made him call you in panic. You promised to get out of there as soon as you could. Your brother was panicking in the background as the first bombings were announced on the radio. Your mom was crying. 

You promised that you would come home, and your dad believed you. You remember his last words before the line cut off; You can beat this world, Sweetheart.

“Yeah, I can.” 

You take a few deep breaths and close your eyes. Now is not the time to worry, to be negative, and think about things that haven’t and won’t happen. 

“Just a couple of more weeks and we’re in California!” Nancy smiles. “Have you thought about where you will stay?”

“What do you mean?” You ask. 

“I mean, in the community, are you gonna stay with your family or… with Steve?” 

Oh. 

The truth is, you haven’t thought about that yet. Steve hasn’t asked you to stay with him, but it’s been implied, and the thought of not being with him makes you feel uneasy. 

“We haven’t talked about that yet, but… I can’t imagine being without him. What about you? Are you gonna stay with your family or…?”

Nancy chuckles behind you. She picks a few pieces of your hair and starts braiding it. 

“Well, I’d love to be your roommate, but I doubt that Steve will allow that. I’m gonna warn you, with the way he clings to you now, he won’t get a place without you.” 

Your heart flutters in your chest and your cheeks heat up. You want that. 

“But yeah, I miss my mom and my siblings. I know they have a house there and an empty room waiting for me.” 

“That sounds nice too though.” You smile. “I wonder if Eddie will stay with his uncle or go live with his Sweetheart.”

“You still believe he has a sweetheart?” Nancy scoffs.

“He does!” You exclaim, giggling. “He told me all about… their story!” 

“Yeah, I’ll believe it when I see it, Sunshine.” Nancy snorts as she ties a hair tie around the lone braid in your hair. She taps your shoulder, “now come on, get up.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

You get up and turn to face her. A smile is lingering on her face when she leans closer and brushes her fingers through your hair. She takes a step back and looks you up and down. 

“Hold on.” She murmurs before she brushes past you and towards her backpack. 

You chuckle and shake your head. Now you are certain that something is going on, especially when she pulls out the yellow sundress you eyed in the little boutique yesterday. 

“Nancy!” You gasp, staring at it wide eyed. 

She walks back to you and holds it out for you. “You really wanted it, so I just had to get it.”

Your eyes soften as they flicker between her face and the dress. 

“And… I know you’re not as clueless as you pretend to be right now…” She laughs softly. “Steve’s waiting for you in there.” She says with a warm but teasing smile.

Oh. 

So this is happening tonight. It’s not just a little date night, it’s so much more than that. 

Your cheeks heat up at the realization. Excitement and nerves spread through your whole body, and you can’t help but squeal as you wrap your arms around Nancy, making the girl giggle as she hugs you back. 

“No one’s ever been this excited to get laid.” Nancy laughs, squeezing you tightly before she lets you go again so you can get dressed. 

“Shut up.” You murmur, laughing. You lock yourself in the bathroom and quickly take off your clothes. You fold your jeans and your sweater and put them aside. You kick off your boots and reach for the dress. A smile tugs at your lips as you begin to put it on. The mirror in here is too small for you to see much of the dress, but you stop as you are about to pull the straps up your arms. 

You bite your lip as you think of Steve’s reaction to the dress and what’s underneath… or what isn’t. You reach behind and unclasp your bra, taking it off and placing it on top of your sweater. Goosebumps rise on your skin when you think of his bare hands on your body, of his bare skin on your own… 

You breathe in shakily as you finish putting the dress on. You look down at it, smoothing down the material. Your heart beats stronger in your chest, wondering what he will think. 

When you walk back out again, you are startled by Eddie’s presence in the doorway.

“Goddamn, Sunshine.” Eddie whistles as he looks you up and down. “I might have to switch places with Steve cause…” He whistles again as he takes a step closer. 

You shake your head at him, blushing at the comment. 

“You are gorgeous!” Eddie grins at you. 

“Thank you,” you giggle and purse your lips. You glance at Nancy, who is smiling at you. 

“Yeah, you are gorgeous.” She nods, putting her hand on her cheek. “I feel like a proud mother.”

You and Eddie laugh at her, shaking your heads, and then Eddie opens his unfiltered mouth. 

“Proud that she’s getting dicked down tonight?” 

“Eddie!” You gasp and slap his shoulder. Your cheeks heat up at his words and his laughter. “You are such a perv! Maybe Steve doesn’t even want to–”

“Sunshine.” Eddie gives you a pointed look as his eyes move up and down your body. “Don’t finish that sentence. Now go, don’t leave your man waiting.” He grins as he grabs your shoulders and pushes you towards the door. 

“Wait–” You mumble, looking down at your bare legs. “It’s too cold for just the dress–”

“Honey, it’s not cold in there, besides that dress isn’t staying on you for long.”

You look over your shoulder, glaring at him while Nancy chuckles in the back. She takes a few steps closer to Eddie and reaches out to pinch your cheek, “go get him, tiger.” 

You shake your head at them both. As you’re about to step out, you wonder about them. You turn back around, frowning as you look between them. 

“Wait, what about you two?”

Eddie wraps his arm around Nancy’s shoulder, “oh, don’t worry about us. We got condoms too.”

Nancy slaps his chest, “oh my god, you’re disgusting! Don’t listen to him.”

You giggle at the annoyance on her face. 

“We are staying here. Don’t worry, the area is safe. We did another perimeter check. We shut the gates,” he gestures to the closed garage gate. “We’re gonna make some food and relax, but you don’t have to worry your pretty little head about anything tonight.”

You bite your lip and nod, taking a deep breath. 

“Now go!” Nancy smiles at you.

“Okay,” you whisper, smiling at them both before you turn around and finally make your way out of the RV. Once you walk through the door that leads into the house, Nancy and Eddie turn to face each other with satisfied smiles on their faces. 

“We make a great team.” Eddie says proudly, high fiving the girl. 

“We do.” Nancy nods. 

-

The house is dark, the sun has already set a while ago. You follow the golden flickers of light coming from the living room, the sound of music, and the smell of food. Your lips curl into a smile. Your heartbeat quickens even more the closer you get to him. Nancy was right, the house is warm, and the closer you get to where the lights are brightest, it just gets warmer.

You pass by a mirror in the hallway and take a quick look at yourself. It’s too dark to really see yourself, but you already knew you would love the dress. The boots, in contrast, look a little silly, and you contemplate kicking them off, but you doubt that Steve will care about that. 

“Sunshine?” 

You tear your eyes away from your reflection and step away from the mirror. You follow his voice and step into the living room. The sight of it all steals your breath – the burning candles spread around the room, the string lights hanging from the ceiling, the flames burning in the fireplace, the round dining table in the corner with two glasses and a bottle of wine. And then, there’s a mattress in the middle of the room, close to the fireplace, two pillows, and a huge blanket covering it. It looks cozy. It’s perfect. 

While you are taking in the sight before you, Steve is taking you in. His hazel eyes are wide and soft as he stares at you. His heart is beating so strongly against his ribcage, chest warming at the sight before him. A smile appears on his face as he takes a step closer to you. 

“Wow.” You both whisper at the same time. Your eyes lock, and your giggles sound through the room. 

“You are so beautiful, Sunshine.” Steve whispers as he takes your hand and brings your arm up, “give me a twirl.” 

You giggle at him, squeezing his hand, and you twirl around. 

Steve holds back a groan when your dress lifts up and he catches a glimpse of the black lace on your skin. He wraps his arms around you and pulls you against him, cupping your cheeks. He looks down at you with a smile. 

“Pretty girl.” He whispers, tucking your hair behind your ear. He smiles when you grow flustered beneath his gaze. “I missed you today.”

“I missed you.” You whisper as you rise to your tippy toes and press your lips against his, greeting him with a sweet kiss that he happily reciprocates. You end it too soon for his liking, his lips follow yours when you pull away again, and they quickly curl into a pout when you don’t continue the kiss. You peck his lips once more before you lean in for a hug, placing your head on his chest, you look around the room with a smile on your face. 

“So that’s why Eddie and Nancy kept me from seeing you.” 

Steve kisses the top of your head before he leans his chin there, smiling nervously, “they helped, well– Nancy helped setting up the room.” 

You look down at the makeshift bed again and a giggle falls from your lips when you tilt your head back to look up at him, “Nancy helped?” 

Steve meets your eyes and looks down at the amused smile on your lips. He scrunches his face up and scratches the back of his neck when it dawns on him. 

“Now that you mention it, it sounds kind of weird,” he murmurs, making you giggle again. “I think she would have fought to be in my place right now though.” He says cockily. 

You roll your eyes at him, biting your lip to keep yourself from smiling. 

Steve smiles at you so fondly as he once again takes in the sight of you. He cups the side of your face, brushing his thumb against your cheek. His eyes move down to your pretty dress, the thin straps on your shoulders, touching your soft skin. He leans down, unable to stop himself from kissing your shoulder and your neck. He inhales your sweet scent and his heart flutters wildly. 

“You smell so good, baby.” He murmurs against your skin, making you shiver. He pulls back again, the smile never fading on his face. 

“So do you,” you whisper, noting the cologne he is wearing tonight. “You shaved.” You point out, reaching up to touch his soft cheek. Your eyes roam his face, and then his hair that is now much shorter than it was before, still long enough to grab but it’s not a mullet anymore. “And you cut your hair!” You exclaim as you reach up to run your fingers through it. 

Steve blushes, and his chest feels all fuzzy when you touch his hair. 

“Do you like it?” He asks, reaching down to grab your waist. “Eddie cut it, so if you don’t, please kick his ass.” 

“I love it!” You smile. “You’re so handsome.”

Steve’s eyes light up at your compliment. His stomach flutters, and his heart skips a beat at the flustered look on your face. 

“And you are gorgeous.” Steve whispers, squeezing your waist. “Now come on, before the food gets cold.” His hand moves to your lower back, and he begins to lead you towards the round table. He pulls back the chair for you and grabs a thin blanket to cover your bare shoulders once you’re sat. 

“What’s for dinner?” You ask, wrapping the blanket tighter around yourself, feeling a bit cold in the thin dress, even with the fire burning. 

Steve walks towards the kitchen counter, he grabs the plates he already cleaned and prepared, and starts filling them up, “guess.” He grins at you over his shoulder. 

“Rice and beans?” You ask, chuckling. 

Rice, beans, tuna, and corn are the only things you have been surviving on for the past two years. Sometimes when you get lucky, you’ll find some stale chips, cereal or candy but that’s all. You miss proper meals, the ones you had in Hawkins, or maybe Wyoming. But most of all, you miss the food you had before the world went to shit. You miss pizza, pasta, fries – especially fries. You miss coffee and pastries. 

Your lips part in surprise, and your eyes widen when Steve places a plate of pasta before you. The tomato sauce smells fresh, making your mouth water. You can’t remember the last time you had pasta, let alone with sauce. 

“I– how?” You mumble, looking up at your boyfriend, who is now across from you, watching you with a smile on his face. 

“I found the pasta at a grocery store a while back, and then I found canned tomatoes in another store a few days ago, along with some herbs and seasoning – that shelf was completely stocked, so I had a lot of options.” Steve chuckles as he pours you a glass of white wine. “I saved all that stuff for a moment like this. Don’t worry, I gave Eddie and Nancy some too– whoa, baby what’s wrong?” He panics when he notices the tears in your eyes. He instantly puts down the bottle of wine and makes his way over to you, kneeling down before you as he reaches for your hand. “Sunshine…” He whispers softly, noticing how you are trying to blink away the tears. “What happened?” The tone in his voice is so soft, so caring, just like the look in his eyes, and it only heightens your emotions. 

You squeeze his hand and turn towards him, shaking your head with a smile. 

“Nothing, I’m just so happy, Steve.” You whisper as you bring his hands up to your lips, kissing his knuckles. “You did all this for me… You managed to do all this,” you gesture around yourself and then the dinner table. “In the world we live in now.” 

Steve’s eyes soften, yet his heart aches when he realizes what you are getting at. Nobody had ever done these things to you in the old world, when things like these used to be so easy and simple to do. It’s something you wished for, something you craved, but only got through reading books or watching movies. Steve knows you are a hopeless romantic, like him. 

And like him, you didn’t get the love that you deserved. 

Every day, he wakes up feeling grateful to have found you. You give him everything that he always wished for, that he thought he would never have, and it scares him so badly because you are still out here, and still so far away from safety. 

But one thing he knows is that you will both make it to California, and you will have this every night, no matter what happens, you will get this every night, he will fight like crazy to make sure that it happens. 

“I would do anything for you, Sunshine.” Steve whispers, raising his hand up to tuck your hair behind your ear before he wipes your tear away softly. He isn’t sure if you know just what he would do for you. 

“I would do anything for you too, Steve.” You whisper and lean down to press your forehead against his. “These are not sad tears, I’m just so happy that I found you.” 

The emotions in your voice, the softness of your touch, and the look in your eyes prove to him that you are on the very same page – you are not just bound by circumstance. It makes his heart swell knowing that you feel the same about him. 

“Yeah?” Steve smiles, feeling his own eyes burning now. “I’m happy you stumbled into me and offered to sing Madonna.”

A giggle falls from your lips, and your eyes crinkle, “you remember that?” 

“Of course I remember!” He laughs, squeezing your hands. “You offered to get naked.” 

You slap his shoulder softly when he wiggles his eyebrows at you. 

“Took you long enough to accept that offer,” you giggle, gesturing to the bed. “Let’s eat now, I’m starving!” 

Steve’s eyes darken at your teasing. He hums as he gets up again. He leans down and kisses your temple, running his fingers through your hair before he sits down across from you again. 

He watches in anticipation as you take your first bite. Your eyes widen, and then they roll back as you moan loudly. His stomach flutters at the sound, and he shifts in his seat. 

“Steve… that is so good!” You hold your hand in front of your mouth. “I’m sorry, but you will be the one cooking dinner every night once we’re in California.” 

You are unaware of what those words do to him, of how they make his heart flutter. 

“Oh Honey, you know I’m gonna take good care of you.” He winks at you and picks up the fork, taking his first bite as well. 

You blush at his words, knowing he means more than just dinner. 

But you want to take care of him too, and you will show him that, with time. 

“Only you could make a good pasta from scratch.”

Steve smiles at your words, his cheeks burning beneath the golden light. 

“I always liked to cook, I can’t wait to get my hands on some real ingredients so I can make a full course meal for you.” He says, reaching for your hand. 

“This is perfect, Steve.” You squeeze his hand. “You’re gonna have to teach me some of your favorite dishes so I can surprise you for dinner.”

His hazel eyes soften, and that warm feeling in his chest spreads further. The thought of coming home to you after a long day of work makes him feel like he has accomplished everything in life. 

“I will.” He promises.

“I always liked to bake more. Cooking is nice, but I was always more of a baker.”

“Well, I guess I cook and you make the desserts, baby.” He hums, caressing the top of your hand with his thumb.

“Mhmm,” you nod as you reach for the wine glass. You hold his gaze as you take a sip. 

A smile lingers on his face as he looks into your eyes. The golden light from the fire kisses your skin so beautifully. The blanket on your shoulders falls when you giggle at something he says, exposing your bare skin that he can’t wait to kiss and touch. He feels a kind of happiness he never thought he would from just sitting across from you, his ears blessed by the sound of your voice and your sweet laughter. 

Despite the lingering fear of the future, he is also excited for it – excited for a future with you. 

Even when the plates are empty and you are both on the second glass of your wine, do you still sit at the dinner table, talking and laughing with each other, enjoying the time alone. You ramble about random things, and he lets you, watching you with an adoring smile on his face the whole time, asking questions that you so happily answer. 

He wants to capture this moment, another one to keep in his pocket. You giggle and blush when he stands up in search of the polaroid camera he had grabbed from the RV this morning. 

“Steve…” You give him a bashful smile, hiding your face behind your hands when he points the camera at you. 

“Hey now,” Steve whispers, reaching for your hands, he gently pulls them away. “Don’t hide from me.”

“You’re making me blush!” 

“And you look adorable,” Steve smiles, watching as you fix your hair and reach for your wine glass. His eyes follow your every movement, softening whenever they meet yours. You adjust the straps of your sundress. He finds it so endearing to watch you do the simplest things. Everything you do makes his heart beat stronger. 

Steve slowly lifts the camera again, the smile never fading as he takes a picture. 

“I wasn’t ready! I probably look stupid.” 

Steve chuckles at the cute frown on your face. He waits for the picture to develop, “honey, you never look stupid, don’t even– oh yeah, I’m definitely putting that one in my pocket.” He looks down at it with an adoring smile on his face, putting the camera on the table as he holds the polaroid picture. 

You reach for the camera, taking the chance to snap a picture of him while he is distracted. 

Steve looks so handsome in his white sweater, skin kissed by the golden light, and his freshly cut hair. Despite it being shorter now, there’s still that one curl falling over his forehead. His hazel eyes shine with so much adoration and care, on this night especially. He is yours, all yours. 

Steve faces you with a surprised look on his face when the flash and the snap go off. Realization flashes in his eyes when he notices the camera in your hands. 

“I want one of you too!” You give him a cheeky smile. 

Steve chuckles. He takes another look at your picture before he places it down on the table. He reaches for your hand and pats his thigh with his other, “come here, we should take one together.” 

You don’t need to be told twice. You get up and step towards him. You wrap your arm around his shoulder as he grabs your waist and pulls you down to sit on his lap. You giggle in excitement, “I’ve always wanted a picture with you! Oh– look, you’re so handsome!” You grab the picture you took of him. 

Normally, he would groan if someone else took a picture of him, but not with you. He doesn’t even glance at it, his eyes are solely on you and the way your own eyes are filled with nothing but awe. 

He doesn’t even notice when you put it down and you lift the camera up, angling it towards the two of you. You lean towards him, smiling into the camera. 

“Ready?” 

Steve only hums in response. He squeezes your waist, smiling up at you in adoration as you direct your smile at the camera. You are so pretty. He just wants to grab your face and kiss you until you are both out of breath. The moment the flash goes off and the picture is taken, Steve takes it from your hand and puts it on the table. He cups your cheeks and surprises you with a deep kiss. 

You instantly melt into it, sighing in contentment as you wrap both arms around him. Your fingers sink into his hair, and you give it a tug, earning a groan from him that makes your lower stomach flutter. It won’t be the only one you will hear tonight. He swipes his tongue along your bottom lip, and you let him in. You part your lips and let him slip his tongue into your mouth. The taste of wine and the desire lingering between you. 

Steve’s skin is burning beneath his clothes, blood rushing through his body at the sound of your whimper. He already feels weak in the knees from just this. He will lose his mind tonight. 

He picks you up by your waist and gets up without breaking the kiss. He smiles against your lips when you get on your tippy toes, the moment your feet are back on the ground. You mewl against him, kissing him deeply and sensually as you take the first step back and towards the makeshift bed. His stomach flutters, knowing what is about to happen. His fingers dig into your waist as he swipes his tongue against yours. 

Despite growing breathless, you both refuse to break the kiss, only as your boots hit the mattress, do you pull away for a second. Your eyes flutter open at the same time as his, smiles growing on both your faces. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip as you blink at him. 

“Don’t do that.” Steve murmurs as he grabs your chin, freeing your lip from the sharpness of your teeth. The sight of it made his pupils dilate. 

You lean into his touch and lick your lips before you grab him by the collar of his sweater and pull him down for another kiss, just a short peck before you focus on getting him down on the mattress, and Steve has the same idea. Taking you by surprise, he lifts you up, making you wrap your legs around his waist. 

A giggle falls from your lips, and excitement bubbles in your chest when you feel the softness of the mattress beneath you as Steve settles in between your legs, getting on top of you without crushing you with his weight just yet. His lips found yours again, kissing you softly as his hands started running over your sides. The warmth of the fireplace, now stronger than when you two were at the table. 

The fire was cackling, and the sounds of your kisses echoed through the room. The heels of your boots were digging into his hip bone, trying to pull him closer. Trying not to break the kiss, he moved all over on top of you, trying to kick his own sneakers off, almost falling completely on top of you. He pulled away with a huff as you laughed at his clumsy display.

“Don’t laugh at me, this is part of my sexyness.” He joked, trying to hide the embarrassment. You nodded at him, trying not to laugh.

“So sexy.” He managed to take his sneakers off by pushing the heels down with his tip toes. He gave you a soft kiss on the nose as he kneeled up, grabbing your left calf. He kissed it gently as he started undoing the laces, and your body shivered at his touch. He took that boot off and repeated the process with the other one. 

His own stomach was a mess. Maybe it was a bad idea to eat before doing this. He was nervous. So nervous. He had the pressure to make this memorable for you, to make this as perfect as possible. Because you deserved that and so much more. He wanted to make you feel wanted, important, cared for. 

Your eyes were glossy, and you felt your core was becoming wetter just by looking up at him. His freshly shaven chin, his hair all tidy. All just for you, in the middle of an apocalypse. Your heart was warm, and not thanks to the cackling fire next to you.

“Please, don’t tell me you shaved your chest…” You mumbled out, and he felt his cheeks flush, a smirk forming on his lips.

“Oh? You like my chest hair?” You couldn’t help but feel a little ashamed, hiding your face in your hands as your ears burned. He took this opportunity to take his sweater and shirt off, in one swoop. You peeked through your fingers, and to your pleasure, he hadn’t shaved it. “Now I know I never have to shave it, because my girl likes it.”

His girl. It still sounded a little foreign. To be called something so precious, and them meaning it. A person who isn’t family, or a close friend, but someone who genuinely feels the same way you do. Some stranger you met, that for some reason, ends up being one of the people you would do anything for. Your eyes travelled to the scars on his stomach, then back at his chest.

“Yeah, I like it.” You confessed, and now it was Steve’s turn to blush, a groan vibrating in his throat, making you giggle. He dove back down, giving your right wrist a nip, and you pulled your hands off your face with a laugh. He then nipped at your neck, making you squirm underneath him. “It tickles– Steve!”

He chuckled into your skin, and his nips turned into soft kisses, making you relax. The tickles turned into chills, creating goosebumps all over your arms and legs. Your mouth was left open in a silent breath, and your hands went to run into his hair, feeling his warm lips on your skin. Butterflies erupted in your stomach with anticipation, with arousal, with nerves, with excitement. 

His kisses traveled all over your neck, leaving a few marks here and there, and even if primal, or possessive, he wanted to leave a claim on you. His lips moved downwards, kissing the crook of your neck and shoulders, and with his left hand, he started pulling your strap down, his lips following as your shoulder became bare. 

Your skin was warm underneath his kisses, and he could hear your breathing stuttering at each movement he did. He felt himself start to strain in his pants, and he cursed under his breath as his hips rolled into yours, just barely. You gasped at the sudden friction, your legs wrapping around his waist again, needing to feel him once more. 

The rational part of him was slipping away, just like that time that you two almost overstepped that line. But unlike that time, he didn’t need to stop. There was no need, because he made sure that this would be a safe place for you to enjoy yourself, for you to be able to feel everything and not worry about anything else.

His hips started rolling a little harder as his kisses travelled all over your collarbone, and towards your other shoulder. He repeated the process of pulling down your strap to kiss your skin there. His mouth was going dry, the need to see you was making his brain shortcircuit. Your lips were taken by his in a soft kiss, tender, and he pulled away, only a breath away from you.

“Sunshine… Can I take it off?” 

You gulped heavily, but the dress, even if thin, was suffocating you. You wanted to feel his skin against yours, the heat of his body engulfing you completely. But still, you were human, so you also had your nerves. Even if you waited for this moment to happen, you also had your own insecurities. What if he didn’t enjoy himself? You barely knew how to do things to yourself, let alone to someone else. 

But you slowly nodded, trying to push those thoughts away. He bit his bottom lip as he tried to keep himself calm, but he was barely holding on. He pulled away, making you drop your legs from around his waist. You sat up after him, looking up into his eyes as he devoured you with just one look. He bit his bottom lip as he helped you untuck your dress from under your legs, and then, finally, he helped you take it off.

And you were radiant.

He had seen you, but this time felt different. So fucking different, because– He could hardly believe you were his. It sounded possessive, but fuck, did he love it. You were his. All of you.

“You’re so beautiful…” You were staring up at him with those eyes that he would fight the whole world for. You had no bra on, just some thin laced panties covering that area he had already tasted, but fuck, did he want to do it again, and again, and again. 

His eyes ran over your breasts, wanting to latch his mouth on one of them, but he held back. His jaw clenched as his eyes looked for yours again. You licked your lips as you felt your heart beating into your ears. You could feel the rapid pulse in your neck. The heat of the fire allowed you to enjoy this moment without feeling cold. 

His hand came to cradle your face, pulling you into a deep kiss, while the other one wrapped around your bare waist. You let a sigh out, reciprocating the kiss, your arms wrapping around his shoulders. His chest came in contact with yours, and you gasped at the sensation of your nipples brushing against his hair, a ticklish sensation that went all the way down to your toes. 

He groaned into the kiss, his lips starting to move desperately against yours, getting lost in your taste as he held you close to him. His tongue licked your bottom lip, asking, begging, for entrance. Your mouth opened for him, and he dove in like a starved man. He was devouring you, and you were loving it. You moaned into the kiss when his fingertips dug into your waist, his self-control slipping away.

You two were becoming breathless as the kiss turned more and more desperate. Fuck, your heart was about to burst from your chest. You didn’t know if the fireplace was burning you up, or if it was your own body rising in temperature. You guessed it was a mix of both. You needed to feel him again. You couldn’t just stay like this anymore; you needed him.

You grabbed onto his neck and lay down on the mattress, pulling him with you, your kiss never breaking. You opened your legs for him, and he happily nestled in between them, and Steve slowly realized, that he was fucked. He could feel your heat through his pants, through his boxers, and he was hard. Way too hard. But he wanted you to know it. He wanted you to feel what you do to him.

So he pressed and rolled his hips against you, and one of those rolls hit against your clit just perfectly. You moaned into the kiss, and he pulled away to hear you better. He needed to hear you. He gave another roll that made you throw your head back. He kissed your jaw, and he sighed as he felt himself about to bust in his pants, but he couldn’t stop. 

You felt too good like this, and if this was with clothes on, what was going to happen to him when he entered you fully? When you lay naked for him to have, to taste? He will probably die. You were sighing out, and he started giving deliberate thrusts, making your clit throb as it kept being rubbed on. 

“Steve–” You were begging. You needed more than just this. You were wet, too wet, and you would have felt embarrassed in another moment of your life, but not with Steve. He should know how he makes you feel. He has to. 

Fuck. He had to keep going. He can’t dry hump you away, even if he was loving it. He pulled away from you, giving you a soft kiss on the lips, then your chin, then your neck, then your collarbone, and you sighed out, shaking your head.

“Steve…” You called out again, and he was already kissing around your breast, creating goosebumps all around your skin.

“Mmm?”

“You already did something for me, I should do something–” His face immediately perked up, shaking his head. You frowned, opening your mouth to ask him why, but he beat you to it.

“Some other time, Sunshine… Let me take care of you today, okay?” But you wanted to do something, anything, but the moment he started moving lower, and lower, until your nipples could feel his breath, you felt your body set aflame, and your mind started losing its rationality. 

His lips continued their path, not breaking apart from your skin for a single second. He came to find your perked right nipple, and his mouth instantly wrapped around it. Your back arched as your nails dug into his hair, a gasp escaping your lips. A delicious sound that made his hips roll into yours again. His tongue darted out to lick at the tip, and suddenly he got to finally savour something in his mouth.

He groaned loudly, feeling himself twitch in his pants, and he had to gather himself before he went a little crazy on you. You frowned, looking down at him with surprised eyes.

“Is something wrong?”

“Sunshine, you taste so fucking good… You got yourself all prettied up for me, didn’t you?” Your face heated up at his sudden words. They shook you to your core, shyness invading your every nerve. You squirmed underneath him, mouth opening to answer, but Steve never wanted an answer to that. Because he wasn’t talking to you. He was talking to himself, in his own haze of lust.

His lips engulfed your left nipple next as his hand came to grope the other one. You felt yourself clench on nothing, waves of heat going south at each roll of his hips, at each roll of his fingers on your nipple, at each nip at the other one. He was losing himself in your smell, in your taste, because you just were delectable today. You were so perfect, to the point that he wondered what he did to deserve someone as pretty as you.

His mouth clung to your nipple, but you felt the other hand slowly moving downwards. You felt a tickle running up your spine the moment your stomach was feathery touched. And then, the tip of his fingers played with the elastic of your panties, and this time, no one was going to stop you both. You had been in this position before, and he had backed out from it. 

Not this time.

His hand went past the elastic, and he could already feel so much wetness down there, making him groan against your nipple and give a tug at it, and– His eyes widened, pulling away with surprise to look down at your already kind of drunken face.

“Did you shave?” Your shame was gone at this point, wanting him to keep going more than anything. You nodded quickly, your hips rolling into his hand for him to keep touching you.

“Is it wrong?” He growled at your question, shaking his head. His mouth came down to bite onto your shoulder, making you gasp.

“There was no need, but damn… You really did get all prettied up for me, my sweet girl…” You trembled at his words, kind yet dirty. His mouth was uncontrollable by now, and never in his life was he this articulate while in bed. Never. But fuck, did he want you to know every single thing that went through his mind right now. You deserved to know every detail.

His hand went further, cupping your wet pussy, and shit. You were drenched for him. He barely did anything, and you were reacting like this for him. His cock twitched again, and he was probably leaking precum already. Even your panties were wet against the top of his knuckles and shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. He was going to bust in his pants again. He had to continue and hold it in, for you. But you were making it so hard, in all the possible senses.

And the lack of hair made it feel even wetter. Stickier. And he couldn’t help himself but tap his fingers against you, making a moan rip out of you. He could hear the wet slap, making him groan into your neck. His mouth, once again, ran wild,

“So wet for me already, fuck, Sunshine…” That made you shiver underneath him, the compliments just making you feel even hotter, needier. He ran his fingers through your folds, and finally pressed them against your clit. A whimper escaped you, hips bucking into his hand. 

He pulled away from your neck, kissing your chin and your jaw as he started moving his fingers in circled motions, keeping the pressure steady on your clit. Your mouth was open, looking up at him as he was making you feel utter pleasure, just like he did days ago. 

“Stevie– Steve…” You breathed out, and if he hadn’t lost his mind yet, that definitely did it. He could feel himself about to explode in his pants, but he didn’t want to stop touching you, and his other hand was occupied keeping himself from falling on top of you. 

“Sunshine, can you do something for me?” You were trying to concentrate, but you felt your cunt fluttering over nothing as he kept moving. So he slowed down to make you focus on him again, and he tried again, desperately, “Sunshine…”

“Y-Yes?” He licked his lips at seeing your glossy eyes looking up at him, half lidded, and god, he wanted to kiss you so bad. You were so hot like this, and under him.

“Can you help me with popping my pants open? Please…” You felt your heart thump in your chest, immediately jumping into action. Your hands moved, around the arm that was still inside your underwear, his fingers never stopping which was making your fingers fiddle a bit with the button.

You were trying to concentrate, and you could see the hard bulge that was hiding in those pants. Shit, he was probably uncomfortable. But you were going to help him, delightfully so. You finally popped the button open, and you could hear Steve let out a breath of relief. His hand stopped moving for a second, which made your consciousness come back to you for a second, which made you pull his zipper down.

And you were curious, so curious. You couldn’t help yourself, that your hand went inside the pants, cupping him in his boxers. Steve’s breath stopped, a grunt escaping him and your eyes went to his face. They almost widened as you saw him look like a sudden mess. His eyebrows were all furrowed together, his hair disheveled, his mouth open as he moaned out for the first time in the night.

And another thing you noticed, he was huge. Or well, you really didn’t have much to compare it to, but just by the shape of it, you knew he was well doted. Your hand moved along the covered shaft, and Steve whimpered at the feeling of it. His hand had completely stopped his movements against your clit, and his mind had completely gone to outer space.

He wasn’t expecting you to touch him. He didn’t expect it at all today because he had made his decision that it was your night. Your moment. Your ultimate pleasure. And here you were, being a brat and going against his orders. His eyes opened to find you looking up at him, a dazed look in your eyes. 

“I said not today, baby… You’re gonna make this night end quicker than it should.” You couldn’t help the small giggle that escaped your lips, your hand retreating from his pants reluctantly. He smiled, giving you a soft kiss before his hand left the inside of your underwear. 

He kneeled up, and finally took you in. Your hands were over your head, your hair all splayed on the pillow, and you were wearing just your black laced panties, with your legs spread so he could fit in the middle. 

And the polaroid camera was so far away. He can take a picture later.

He saw you looking at him as your chest went up and down, breathing a little heavy, and he put on a show for you, by licking the fingers that were soaked on you. Goddamnit, whatever scrub you used, it was mixing with your juices and you tasted fucking delicious. Your breathing hitched as you saw how his tongue swirled in between his digits, a moan vibrating in his throat.

You clenched around nothing once again, and you never thought you would be this turned on over someone, by just watching them. You licked your lips, wanting to reach out to him, wanting to get your hands on his chest, on his shoulders, just anywhere. But he had other plans in mind. His fingers hooked on the elastic of your panties, and he started pulling them off. You helped by straightening your legs upwards, and he took them off easily.

You didn’t return to the position you were in before. You curled yourself into a ball, and he chuckled, grabbing onto your knees.

“Now, baby, no need to hide from me.” But you pouted, your eyes darting to his pants, and back at him.

“Not fair…” He raised an eyebrow at you, but god, you were cute. His heart thumped harshly against his chest as he sat back, taking his pants off, but not his boxers. If he took his boxers off right now, and rubbed himself raw on your thigh, he was going to lose it. You opened your mouth to complain again, but he grabbed onto your knees again.

“Don’t be a brat, Sunshine.” Your body heated up again, because, what would happen if you were? What would happen if you got Steve worked up by you being a menace? He could see the intention in your eyes, and he shook his head at you. “Not today, baby…”

And you understood, letting him spread your legs open again. He gulped as he saw your folds separating for him, and– his cock was definitely leaking. Definitely. He could feel the warmth in the fabric. He took a deep breath in to calm himself down. He had to prepare you, that was his main goal right now.

He crawled up towards you again, but he moved places. He moved to your side, kissing your right shoulder as he held himself up with his elbow next to your head. His right hand was gripping your inner thigh, pressing his digits against it, spreading you even further as he inched closer to where you were aching the most. 

His lips went to your neck, and you stretched it so he could have more access. Your eyes closed as he sucked on your pulse point. Then you felt his fingers run through your slick folds, coating himself in your wetness, and you let a breath out of relief when he flicked your clit again. 

“Steve–” 

“Shh…” His breath hit your ear, making goosebumps appear all over your neck and chest. The fire cackled next to you as you closed your eyes to feel him even more, and then you felt his middle finger slowly pushing in, making you arch your back slightly, and his lips kissed your jaw gently, and he moaned as he felt how warm you were inside, how you fluttered all around him.

He groaned at how easily his finger went in, thanks to how wet you were. Your hands gripped the sheets below you as he started moving slowly, in and out. You had missed his fingers since the last time he did this. When he made you come undone thanks to his jealousy. You may grow a little addicted to him doing this, because he was just so good.

He rubbed his thumb against your clit as he kept thrusting his finger, stretching you out slowly. You moaned at a particular movement, sending a shock all over your body. And he looked at your contorted face, absolute pleasure on your features, and if somebody could take a picture of himself right now, he probably would look wrecked.

He was going to be ruined for everyone else after having you, wasn’t he?

He didn’t care. Not when you moaned so prettily when he entered his ring finger, the round part of his palm rubbing against your clit now. You took a sharp breath in as he curled his fingers inside of you, and he could feel himself drool at your sight. As you began to breathe heavily, as you began to squirm, as you began to beg.

“Steve– Steve, please–” Shit. His cock was in pain right now. He had to stop looking at your face. His head dipped down to suck on your neck, and your hands immediately ran through his hair, gripping at his scalp when he quickened the pace of his fingers.

You could hear your squelching, your eyes fixed on the ceiling, but not really. You could only see stars that were starting to form as the elastic band in your belly started stretching more and more. Your hips started twitching, and you could feel him nipping and moaning against your neck.

He could feel you fluttering more and more, and he changed his movements to an upwards motion, the tip of his curled fingers hitting against your g-spot while his palm rubbed against your clit, and you lost it. You never felt this in your life, and it was as if you were going to combust into flames; your belly ached from how hard it started to clench. 

“Yeah, come on Sunshine, you can do it, baby. Cum on my fingers, come on…” He was moaning desperately for you, and he didn’t even care. He got out of your neck and took your lips into a fierce and bruising kiss. Your fingers were almost ripping his hair out, but it still felt good. His tongue immediately searched for yours, and it was a messy exchange of saliva, moans, and whimpers.

Your hips stuttered against him as the elastic band finally broke. Your legs clenched around his hand, but he didn’t let up. He pulled away just in time to see you break before him, your eyes clenched tight, jaw tightening as you screamed his name. Your hands were around his scalp still, holding onto him like a landline. 

You were tight all around his fingers, and he kept moving them as best as he could to keep your orgasm going. The noise, the squelching, became louder as you rode your climax. He couldn’t help but rub his erection against your hip, trying to get some friction himself as he looked down at you. You were panting, almost sweating now, thanks to what he did to you, and the fire that was still blazing next to you both.

Your eyes slowly opened to find hazel ones that were looking down at you with wonder, amazement, and desire. Pupils blown out, and his mouth open as he breathed heavily over you. You felt the hard bulge against your hip, and you couldn’t help but lift your head and give him a kiss on the lips, as your legs trembled, and finally relaxed once more. 

He moaned into your lips, closing his eyes briefly as he slowly took his fingers out of you. You groaned as your fingers relaxed on his hair, rubbing his scalp apologetically. He kissed you back down onto the pillow, his lips moving against yours, and as much as it pained him, he wiped his fingers against the sheets so he wouldn’t stop kissing you for a second. 

He slowly pulled away, his eyes opening to find yours again. He felt his heart pounding heavily, now realizing how nervous he was. Because he knew what was going to happen next, and fuck he needed it to be perfect. He didn’t have to think of himself, not for a single moment. He took a deep breath, trying not to think of the ringing that was happening inside of his ears.

You saw how his eyes were still glued to you as you felt him shift, a hand moving downwards, and then his legs moving. You looked down, and your breathing stopped once you saw him out of his boxers. Steve was completely naked now, next to you. This was happening. This was really going to happen. Your belly fluttered, nerves, excitement, you didn’t know. 

“Will that fit?” The question tumbled out of your lips without noticing, and Steve’s laughter resonated through the room, a blush spreading on his cheeks.

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Sunshine.” He actually was a little self conscious, because this was going to be the first time you would see him, and honestly, you had someone to compare him to. It wasn’t like you didn’t. He’ll take this one as a win. 

He tried not to let his nerves get the best of him as he knelt up, and grabbed his pants. Thankfully, Eddie came rushing in with the scissors and a few condoms, because Steve honestly forgot. He was so nervous about making the room look impeccable that he forgot one of the most important things. 

He took one of the foils out of his back pocket, and you straightened up with your elbows as support. You could see the freckles on his back, and he had so many. The orange hue of the fire kissing his skin just right. He moved then, his left hand sliding between your legs, and you got the signal instantly. You spread them for him to settle in between them, kneeling. Your eyes were glued to his cock. It was up, ready, and it was glistening at the top. Your mouth salivated with the need to experiment. With the need to make him feel good as well.

He obviously noticed where your eyes were, and he lost focus for a second as he looked down all over your body, making him twitch. Just by looking at you, fuck. He gulped heavily, hoping to god that he would last more than three pumps in. He ripped the foil open with his teeth, and at the sound of it, you sat up. He stopped his movements, seeing your nervous face, your heavy breathing.

“Sunshine, we don’t have–”

“Can I put it on?” You looked at him, and he noticed the hunger in your eyes, and he got a little taken aback by your request. “I want to touch you too, even if it’s just this…” 

Right, he had denied you touching him before. God, how humiliating would it be to cum by you just putting the condom on him? But he cannot deny you again, not when you’re looking up at him with those eyes that drove him absolutely mad. He licked his lips as he handed the foil to you, and you bit your bottom lip, grabbing it and taking the latex out.

Your eyes were drawn back to his shaft, and you had to remember health class for this one. Pinch the tip, and slide down. He took a deep breath in as your hands got closer to him, and then, your hand enveloped him completely as you started rolling the condom down on him. He threw his head back at the sensation, holding in a groan as he ran his hands over his face in pleasure, and possibly in agony.

It was so gentle, yet it was enough to ignite every single nerve in his body. You, on the other hand, were taking advantage of the situation. You ran your hands down towards the base, amazed, seeing him twitch in your hands. He sighed out as he felt a bit dizzy at your touch. He didn’t know how bad you got him until now. He looked down to see you brushing his tip with your thumb, going over the little bit of latex you had pinched.

He hissed, grabbing your shoulders to make you look back up at him. Your hands stopped roaming, your eyes tilting to look into his. His hands went to cradle your face, his lips coming down to take yours in a gentle and warm kiss. Your arms wrapped around him, his chest pressing against yours as he moved you back down against the mattress. 

You could feel his heartbeat go wild, and it was most likely matching yours. Your legs spread further so he could squeeze himself in between. He pulled away from the kiss, his hands moving down your body as your arms wrapped around his shoulders. He kept his eyes on yours for a few seconds, brushing your cheek softly. His breath was hitting your lips, harsh, heavy, desperate.

He pressed his hips against yours, and you could feel him running up and down, caressing your clit in each small thrust. You sighed out, head falling back against the pillow. It felt so good, he felt so hard. He trembled a bit as he coated himself in your slick, gulping heavily as he saw the expanse of your neck. He felt his tip kiss your clit gently, making a moan escape your lips. 

“Sunshine…” You came out of your haze to look back at him, his pupils dilated, but still full of care, of wonder. “Can I?”

You nodded desperately, wanting him more than anything, wanting something you’ve been craving for a long time now. He licked his lips, glancing downwards as he got a hand between the two of you. He positioned himself, but before he went in, he spoke once more,

“Tell me if it hurts, you gotta talk to me, okay, baby?” You could feel his tip against you, and you nodded again, nails digging into his back.

“Yes, Steve, please–” And your mouth fell into a silent ‘O’ and your eyes widened as he slowly started pushing in. It felt like pressure. It felt like something was pressing against you, and you were trying to push it out.

He felt himself sweat heavily as he only got a bit of himself inside of you. He huffed loudly, not realizing he had been holding a breath in. He felt his belly twist at your fluttering, at your tightness. Fuck, you were tight. You were so tight. His jaw was clenched tightly, looking down at your features. He saw your eyebrows twitch slightly, and he knew why.

“You need to relax, Sunshine…” He stopped for a second, letting you take a breath in. You closed your eyes, trying to concentrate on your breathing. Steve was going to take care of you; there was nothing to be afraid of. You relaxed your body into the mattress, and he was fighting with demons in order not to move. 

He could feel you unclench a bit more, just a tad, but it was enough signal for him to know you were a little less tense. You opened your eyes, nodding again, with glossy eyes.

“I’m okay… Keep going…” Your voice was small, and he had to grip the pillow underneath your head to hold himself back. His stomach tensed as he pushed a bit further, and he felt your nails digging into his back. Your eyes were clenched, and you started feeling the stretch, the burning of it. It was uncomfortable, but he had prepped you well. You know he did. 

You were fixating on your breathing as he kept going in, and you just didn’t know how much was left. Steve was starting to sweat, your tightness being his fucking doom, and he was trying not to cum right then and there. You were clenching and fluttering, and you were so warm, and he was trying so hard to concentrate on looking down at your face, to make sure you were okay. 

You were not making any sounds, which was a sign of discomfort. He knew it wasn’t that pleasurable, at least not yet, but he didn’t know how it truly felt. Suddenly, he heard you. A wince. He stopped completely, and your eyes opened, panicked.

“No, no, keep going, Steve–”

“Sunshine, if it’s hurting you, I gotta stop–”

“No, don’t, it’s okay… I’m fine…” You reassured him, and his eyes were tender while looking down at you, but a worried frown was still etched on them. You ran a hand through his hair and pushed his head into the crook of your neck and shoulder. He breathed against your skin and trusted you. So he kept pushing in.

You held a wince in, because now there was pain. There was a dull pain, like there was a bubble of pressure inside of you, just expanding, and expanding, and being pushed further into you. Steve knew you were in pain because of your ragged breaths, your trembling, and how your nails were digging into his scalp and back. 

He didn’t want to do it, but he knew he had to. He had to so it would go by quickly. So that you would stop trying to hold back your winces and groans. He took a deep breath in, knowing that after this, he would be ruined. He gripped the pillow tightly with both his hands for support, to ground himself to the earth. 

And he gave a sharp thrust.

You gasped loudly, jerking at the motion, eyes widening towards the ceiling. You fluttered wildly around him, clenching and unclenching, and you could feel him so deep inside of you. You were burning, stretching, and the bubble had burst. You gasped your breaths out, trembling as your heels dug into Steve’s hips. 

Steve let out a groan at the feeling of bottoming out inside of you. He was feeling himself lose his mind slowly, because he was still a man. A man who had the girl he adored underneath him. The girl who just gave herself completely to him. He was just a man. But he was your man, and he had to take care of you. He noticed how you were shaking slightly, your jagged gasps. He pulled away from your neck, kissing your cheek softly.

“Shh, shh… It’s done, I’m here, Sunshine…” You gulped heavily, your eyes finding his. Done. You weren’t a virgin any longer. Steve took that. And you felt warmth invade your chest. Many girls had lost their virginities to the first guy they had the chance to, but none of them had truly lost it with someone they cared for, and someone who cared back for them. At least, not that they had told you about.

But you have. And you couldn’t be happier. 

“Just give me a few seconds, Steve…” He nodded, kissing your cheek again to reassure you he was here. You closed your eyes to try to relax your body again, taking deep breaths in, your hands running all over his back. He was going to give you all the time you needed. He kissed the corner of your eye where a stray tear started falling down, without you noticing at all. You were happy. Really happy.

“You okay?” He asked gently, though you noticed the slight tremble in his voice. You opened your eyes, giving him a nod. You could feel yourself a little more relaxed, swallowing heavily and guiding him back into the crook of your neck. You knew you were going to make faces, and you didn’t want him to stop, to worry.

“You can move…” He inhaled your scent, kissing your neck gently as he reeled his hips back slightly, just a bit, and moved back in. You felt the drag, a sore kind of pain shooting up your spine, but the pressure was no longer there. Your eyebrows were furrowed, closing your eyes to try to concentrate on your feelings, wanting to be honest with him if it were to hurt a lot.

Steve, on the other hand, was losing his shit. He was breathing heavily as he did another small thrust. He heard you groan, and he tried not to stop. He was only going to if you told him so, unless he heard a really painful cry from you. So he nervously kept that slow pace, small thrusts, letting you adjust more and more to him.

And you felt how the pain started going away, and you started feeling something else. Something that was making you sweat all over, and your belly fluttered at the feeling of it. At the drag of his cock inside of you. Pleasure. It was slowly building, and you clenched slightly around him, making him growl on your neck. 

He tentatively gave a longer thrust, reeling his hips farther, and moving back in. He kept the slow speed, and then, he heard it. His eyes widened, and he almost stopped. You moaned. It was faint, but you moaned. So he did it again, wanting to make sure, and he felt your nails starting to grab at his hair, as you gave another moan, then another, then another. He lifted himself up to look down at your face, and he almost crumbled over.

You looked dazed, eyes half lidded, mouth open, as you moved against his thrusts. Moans came out of your mouth, and fuck, he wanted to eat you up. He wanted to devour you. He felt the intense need build in his chest. The need to ravish you completely. The need that has to wait for another time.

“You feeling good, baby?” He kissed your jaw, and you nodded dumbly, and you truly were. To the point of wanting him to go faster. It wasn’t enough. It started feeling like it wasn’t what you needed right now.

“Yeah– Yeah–” You moaned out, and he groaned at your voice, so desperate for more. 

“Want me to go a little faster?” He asked, and you gasped at it, nodding again, your belly exploding in butterflies.

“Yes, please, Steve…” He took a deep breath in, starting to move faster, and he could feel the warmth inside of you, the tightness giving way, letting him slide easier inside of you. And that drove him mad, moaning your name against your lips, kissing you softly. And your moans, god, your moans, they kept getting louder.

You have never felt this kind of pleasure before. Not even when Steve ate you out, this was completely different. It was intimate and such an out-of-body experience. It felt better than his fingers, better than anything else that could possibly be done to you. At least, for now.

He huffed as his knuckles turned white, grabbing the pillow underneath your head. He was sliding so easily inside of you now, shit, shit, shit. He needed more; was that selfish of him? 

“Baby, can I go harder? Please–” He was asking, begging for you to say yes. Your eyes clashed with his, and he looked so good like this. His features were completely contorted, looking as if he were in pain, but you knew it was pleasure. His eyes were glossed over, his lips trembling, his hair falling over his eyes, and a sheer layer of sweat over his forehead. His face was flushed, and you felt yourself becoming wetter just by the mere sight of him.

“Yes– God, please–” You heard him growl, pushing up from you, holding himself up with his hands on each side of your head. His chest away from yours, and your hands sliding down to his biceps. You could feel how hard his muscles were, how tense, but you couldn’t put much thought into it, as Steve started thrusting harder, while keeping the same speed from before. 

You were gasping, moaning, and whimpering as you bounced at each of his thrusts. You weren’t even focusing on anything right now, just feeling everything he was doing to you. You could hear the slapping of skin now, his hips smashing against yours at each thrust. Steve was panting, finally looking in between the two of you to see himself disappear inside of you, making him twitch even inside of you.

“Fuck, fuck– You feel so good, Sunshine– So perfect for me…” His mouth moved without his permission. You whined at his words, just ‘uh, uh, uh’s’ coming out of your lips. You looked wrecked, and he was so happy, so proud that it was thanks to him. That you were feeling this for the first time with him. That he was the cause. 

He needed more leverage. He could feel his belly burning wildly, and he wanted more. He needed to feel more. Deeper. And by how loud you were moaning and mumbling his name, he assumed you were feeling good. Really good. He straightened up, kneeling with his legs spread a little underneath your thighs. He wrapped his arms around them, and he started moving with much more speed than before. Your eyes widened, toes curling as your hands flew to grip the sheets below you.

You bounced, and his eyes couldn’t leave your breasts, your body, your moans escaping your lips. He could feel you flutter around his cock, and he threw his head back in pure ecstasy. He moaned your name, pure praises, and then he looked back down at you, seeing you looking up at him.

He looked so good. You could feel the elastic band forming again, surprising you completely. That chain that bounced at every thrust of his, the veins in his arms prominent, and his abdomen tensed as he railed you into the mattress. 

“Stevie– It feels good, it feels so good, please don’t stop–” He growled at your request, shaking his head.

“Not a fucking chance, Sunshine.” You whimpered, and you felt the need for something more, but you didn’t know what. Your hands gripped the sheets, twisting them, and you felt your legs shaking slightly. Steve noticed, huffing his breaths out. “What do you need, baby? Talk to me…”

“I don’t– I don’t know–” And he knew exactly what you wanted. He could feel himself coming close, but he wasn’t going to let up until he felt you clench around him. He needed it. He seethed himself in you, and stopped, leaving him panting. You choked a breath out at how deep you felt him, but when he didn’t move again, you looked at him, breathing heavily. “Something– Something wrong?”

“No… Fuck no… But I’m close…” He confessed, trying to calm himself down, trying really hard to make this the best time of your life. You nodded, not understanding the problem with it.

“Baby, you can–”

“No. I want you to cum around me. I am not stopping until you give me another, Sunshine.” Oh, that pulled the elastic in your belly even tighter. He felt you clench, and he scoffed a laugh out. “Oh, you like that, huh.”

You felt your entire body burn up, and before you could talk again, he started moving once more. You moaned out, feeling that pleasure once again filling every nerve. He looked down at you, his right arm unwrapping from your leg, and moving in between you two, and he pressed his thumb against your clit.

“Shit!” You jerked at the sensation, eyes wide. He smirked at your reaction, circling your clit once with his thumb as he thrusted inside of you. You were seeing stars, head thrown back as your mouth remained open, obscene moans escaping, and his name. His name that was making him lose his mind, more, and more. “Steve– Steve– Steve–”

He could feel you fluttering, clenching every now and then, and he groaned, whimpered as his pace picked up, his hips slapping against yours in a wild manner. His thumb kept circling your clit, rubbing and pressing, and you were thrashing around underneath him. He felt your thigh tensing up under his left arm. 

But fuck, he was close. He moved forward a bit more, raising your hips up just slightly, but you felt it. Your back arched as you felt like your soul left your body. Steve growled in victory, having found your G-Spot. He kept the pace, his breath coming out in gasps as you clenched and clenched, and he knew you were close.

“Sunshine, come on–” He was watching you lose yourself in the pleasure as he kept moving, watching you bounce underneath him. Your belly was turning wildly inside of you, tensing your entire body, and your legs started closing around him, but it didn’t stop his movements at all. You started trembling as you felt yourself clench and unclench around him, and he almost tipped over the edge right there.

And finally, you let out a sharp cry, followed by a choked moan as you completely engulfed him, gripped him like a vice, and his hand left your clit, letting your thigh go so he could slam his hands on each side of you, gripping the mattress. Your hands flew to grab onto his forearms and scratch his arms for some grounding. You were in another galaxy, Milky Ways passing behind your eyelids as you clenched your eyes. 

He growled into his throat, a loud whimper escaping his lips at the tightness, at how amazing you sounded. You were shaking underneath him, and it was almost hard to pull out from you from how hard you were gripping him. He started to stutter, the fluttering inside never stopping, and you were not letting up with the clenching. He clenched his eyes tightly, trying to let himself last a few more seconds so you could ride the orgasm out.

“Steve– Stevie–” His eyes opened to see tears sliding down the sides of your face, purely from pleasure. Some drool had pulled on the corner of your mouth, and fuck– His hips started moving harshly against you, and you finally unclenched just slightly as your belly uncramped, and your walls let up just a little bit.

His hands grabbed yours, and he intertwined his fingers with yours, and pressed them just a little above your head. Shit– Fucking christ– His hips slammed against yours, chasing his own orgasm. His hair was brushing against your forehead, his hot breath against your lips, and you’ve never seen Steve like this. 

He looked… so good.

“Fuck– Sunshine, baby, I’m gonna cum–” And you could feel your fingers being squished by his, his veins forming on the top of his hands as he pressed yours harder into the mattress, jerking at each sharp thrust of his. And then, at one last thrust, his face fell forward to the crook of your neck, and your eyes widened when he bit at your skin, growling loudly, whimpering as he came into the condom.

He thrusted at each spurt, one, two, three, and then, he stilled. He kissed your skin as he panted, trying to gather his thoughts once again. You were dreamily looking at the ceiling with a faraway gaze. You felt amazing. Lightweight. Your skin felt tingly all over, and you noticed the aftershocks all over your body; you couldn’t believe what had just happened.

You had sex. You finally had sex. It felt like such a faraway dream, something you thought would never happen because of the circumstances the world was in. And here was Steve. Panting heavily into your skin after making you his. Your heart felt like it was in complete flames, soaring into the sky. 

Steve could feel his heart going crazy, thumping loudly and rapidly in his chest. He wondered if you could feel it since it was pressed against yours. You two were sweating, panting, and he finally gulped, his hands letting go of yours slowly. He raised his head up, his elbows supporting his weight now as you lay there underneath him. He licked his trembling lips, inspecting your features.

“You okay, Sunshine?” He asked in a soft whisper, and you were still dazed, staring at nothing in particular. He couldn’t help but smile, coming to kiss your lips softly to snap you out of your haze. You blinked, finally looking at him. “You okay?”

You gave him a tired, wide smile, nodding at him.

“I’m more than okay…” He brushed a strand of your hair away from your forehead, keeping his hand on your cheek. Your eyes were glued to his, and you couldn’t help but feel like you had to say something to him. Something you never thought you would say before. Or at least, not so early. 

But it wasn’t so early, wasn’t it? It’s been months, weeks, days of feelings slowly cooking inside of you. You swallowed those words down, not knowing if it was the haze of the moment or if it truly was there. You needed a clear mind for it. You needed to be sure of it.

“Are you okay?” You asked, and he huffed a laugh, nodding at you. 

“Perfect…” He felt himself softening inside of you, making him wince a bit. “I’m going to pull out, alright?”

You took a deep breath in, nodding at him. Him pulling out felt weird, but then you felt empty, making you exhale a groan. You let a sigh out as he kneeled back, and you closed your eyes to accommodate yourself back to not having him inside of you. It almost felt weird.

You heard Steve moving, and you opened your eyes to grab a washcloth he left on the side of the mattress, as well as a water bottle. He opened the bottle and damped the cloth with it. You frowned a bit at the action, and you saw him moving it between your legs.

“It might be cold…” Oh, he was cleaning you. You felt your cheeks heat up, and then you winced at the coldness as he wiped you. You then felt the relief, not noticing how sore you were. The cold cloth felt good against you. Your eyes wandered back, only to widen, straightening up with your elbows as you saw the red stains on it.

“Oh my god– I’m–”

“I swear, Sunshine, if you apologize for bleeding…” You closed your mouth, embarrassment washing over you as Steve wiped you clean, as well as your inner thighs. Then he folded the cloth and wiped himself before taking his condom off. You watched as he threw the cloth aside and then tied the condom in a knot. You watched his seed in there with interest, tilting your head. 

He felt his legs trembling slightly as he put the condom to the side, taking note of throwing that and the cloth into the fire the next day. He sighed, looking back at you, who was looking at him with dreamy eyes, tired, and still a little dazed. 

He moved towards your side, prompting you to lie down, opening the sheets that were beneath you this whole time. They were slightly thick, knowing the fire would keep the two warm during the entire night. You two lie on your sides, his hand running up and down your arm, your legs tangled with one another’s.

“Was it…” He gulped as he thought of his question. He was a little afraid of the answer, but he wanted to know. He wanted to know how you felt. If it was to your expectations. He wanted to know if he had to be better at something or do something differently the next time. But your first time… “Was it how you imagined it?”

You were looking at him, gazing into his eyes, and your hand went towards his cheek, caressing it gently. Your heart was in your throat, your ears were ringing as you pulled him into a soft kiss. Lingering. Pouring your feelings out on his lips. He moaned into the kiss, and you smiled into it, pulling away.

“It was better… Thank you, Steve…” For some reason, he felt overwhelmed. He felt like crying. He felt like he had won the lottery, or that he was conveyed a blessing from above. A long-time wish that had been granted. His arms wrapped around you, pulling you into a tight embrace, planting a kiss on the top of your head.

“My beautiful Sunshine.” He murmured, and you just held onto him, smiling into his chest. His arms promising to never let go. His legs promising to chase after you. His mind promising to never let go of the thought of you. His heart promising to never let you get away. 

Your breathing calmed down, the two of you slipping more and more into drowsiness, and then you talked again.

“I didn’t know it would feel so good…” He blinked his eyes wide open, suddenly awake again. A chuckle vibrated in his throat.

“Well… I don’t mean to brag, but–” You giggled against him, looking up from his chest. You pecked his lips gently, and then a cheeky smile appeared on your lips.

“I might grow addicted to it.” His smile fell, and he groaned loudly, shaking his head.

“Did I just create a monster?” And fuck, by the look on your face, he might be right. He wasn’t against the idea at all, really. Oh, poor Eddie and Nancy.

You drifted off with a giggle, clinging onto him, and he was left alone with his thoughts for a few more minutes as you breathed gently against him. His eyes were looking into the fire, and there it was. In that fine spark that came out from the cackling wood, he saw something he never thought he’d see again.

A future. And everyone was in it. 

And you.

You were in it.

And with that, his eyes finally closed.

☀︎

But something stirs in his chest, something unpleasant—the guilt of how he treated you, of how he made you feel eating at him now. You aren’t angry at him; he knows you aren’t. But he is furious at himself for hurting you, for making you feel like he didn’t want you around anymore, like you aren’t one of his closest, best friends, like you aren’t the closest thing that will come to a sister. 

Eddie clears his throat, announcing his presence behind you – you haven’t noticed him until now, but when you turn and look over your shoulder, a smile appears on your face, “hey!”

Eddie uncrosses his arms and steps further inside the RV, smiling at you. 

“Hi, what are you doing?” 

You hold up a can of corn, “checking the expiration dates. So far it all looks good, we gotta eat some of this corn though, it expires before the tuna and the beans.”

Eddie nods and takes a look outside. Steve is cleaning your weapons while Nancy is scrubbing away at her dirty boots, sitting across from him. 

He turns back around and walks closer to you, eying all the cans you have collected. He kneels down beside you, reaching for the corn. His eyes scan the writing on the can, but his mind doesn’t really follow what he is reading. He clears his throat, almost feeling a bit awkward when he looks at you. 

“What do you think about it?”

“About what?” You ask without missing a beat, raising your brow at him. 

“About corn, do you like it?” 

An amused look crosses your face, and you smile at him, shrugging. “It’s good, I guess, don’t have much of a choice.” You laugh. 

Eddie nods and looks back down with furrowed eyebrows. He clears his throat and takes a deep breath. 

Your smile fades a little when you notice his expression. His lips quirk up, but he doesn’t look amused in the slightest. 

Worry rushes through you as you eye him. You place the can you are holding down and move closer to him, “hey…” you whisper, placing your hand on his shoulder, “are you okay, Eddie?”

When Eddie looks back at you, the guilt inside of him grows even bigger, becoming more intense than before. Here you are, worrying about him even after he treated you so badly. Your eyes are soft yet saddened as you take in his expression, scanning him like you fear that he might be in pain – and if he were, then you would, without a doubt, jump up and try to find a solution to try and make him feel better. And that makes him feel worse. 

Eddie takes in a sharp breath before he shakes his head. He puts the can down and runs his hand down his face as he turns around and sits down, leaning his back against the counter. He takes a moment, and you give him the time to find the right words. 

You settle down beside him, waiting for him to be ready. 

When he finally looks at you again, you notice the look in his eyes – the guilt and the regret. Genuine remorse. 

“I am so sorry, Sunshine.” 

When you furrow your eyebrows and you purse your lips, staring at him like you are confused. The guilt only spreads. He wonders how many times people – ‘friends’ have failed you in your life for you to feel confused now when it should be so clear what he apologized for. 

“I said some things I didn’t mean, and I treated you so badly you believed I didn’t want you around anymore. Nancy had every reason to be there for you, to defend you. I failed you. You are… You are the closest thing I have to a sister, and I made you feel like I changed my mind about you.” 

His voice is filled with sadness, and his eyes are too. You know his words are genuine. Your eyes soften, and your heart swells in your chest. This means a lot to you, more than he could know. A sliver of happiness flashes in your eyes at the word ‘sister’. 

But there is also guilt inside of you as well – the one you almost forgot, caused by the happiness Steve had given you these past few days. 

“Thank you, Eddie.” You whisper, sighing as you look down. “But I know I shouldn’t have gone with Aaron.” You admit, showing him your own guilt. 

Eddie shakes his head and reaches out to squeeze your knee. 

“It wasn’t fair that I encouraged it and then took it back when I saw how hurt Steve was. I was trying to look out for both of you and ended up playing with your emotions too, which was wrong, and I got mean. I’m sorry.” 

You look down at his hand, and you place yours on top of his. You look back up at him, giving him a kind smile that shows him that you aren’t angry at him. 

“It’s okay, Eddie. I’m just glad that Steve had you.” 

Eddie can tell that it isn’t all you want to say, but just like you gave him the time that he needed, he gives it to you as well, waiting for you. He can see that it isn’t easy for you, especially when your eyes dart back and forth, and the regret basically takes over your whole face. 

“I really shouldn’t have gone with Aaron… I feel bad, and I felt awful when Steve confessed to me…” You admit in deep regret. 

“You shouldn’t. I think we all feel guilty about how we acted the past few weeks, but it seems like it all worked out for the best now.” Eddie nods his head towards Steve, who finally doesn’t look angry or like a kicked puppy. And Nancy doesn’t look like she wants to kill him anymore. 

A smile spreads on your face when your eyes stay on your boyfriend a little longer. Heat creeps up to your cheeks, and you can’t help but blush the longer you look at him. 

“Yeah.” You whisper, happily. 

Eddie’s eyes light up when he sees your smile. He nudges your shoulder and laughs when you start blushing. 

“You’re cute, Sunshine.” He grins and wraps his arm around you. “You know I’m still keeping you right?” He says with a serious tone in his voice. 

His words take you back to your very first interaction with him, when Steve wanted nothing more than for you to leave Hawkins while Eddie was set on making you stay, and ‘keeping’ you. 

You wonder if he remembers Steve’s reaction. 

“She’s not a fucking puppy!” You mimic Steve’s angry voice from back then. 

Eddie’s laughter shows you that he still remembers, and it makes you smile. 

“No.” Eddie shakes his head with a grin as he looks down at you, tapping your shoulder. “Not a puppy. A goddamn wolf.” 

You giggle in amusement and lean your head on his shoulder. Your eyes are still glued to him. Your heart flutters every time you think of your first kiss, his confession, his touch, his desperation, and how he needs and wants you just as much as you do with him. He matches your neediness, your feelings, and the deep want inside of you. 

“Hey Eddie?” 

Eddie hums, raising his eyebrows at you, but your eyes never stray from Steve. 

“Tell me more about your Sweetheart.” 

Eddie’s eyes light up, a smile spreads on his lips, and he clears his throat. 

“Oh, gladly!” 

-

“Hey Nance?” 

The girl lifts her head, looking at the brunette with raised eyebrows. Steve is not even looking at her, his eyes are glued on you, looking through the open door of the RV where you are sitting on the ground with Eddie, giggling at something the metalhead had said to you. 

“Yeah?” 

A soft smile lingers on his face when your laughter echoes. He looks away after a long moment and turns to face Nancy. He clears his throat as he locks eyes with her. 

“Thank you.”

A line appears between her eyebrows, and she shakes her head a little, “what for?”

“For being there for her.” Steve tilts his head in your direction. “For being a good friend to her. For having her back when I– you know…” He trails off, not wanting to say it out loud. 

Nancy’s blue eyes soften when she glances at you. 

“Correction; she is my best friend.” Nancy murmurs with a small smile on her face. The word ‘best friend’ feels so foreign rolling off her tongue after not having used it since Barb. 

Steve swallows the growing lump in his throat. He knows how much she struggled after losing her only best friend before you, how closed off she was. He remembers how she was around Robin, kind but… distant – if only he knew the real reason for that back then. 

He can see how you not only sneaked your way into his heart but also into hers and Eddie’s. And he knows that if Robin was around, you’d be so loved by her as well. 

“I’ll always have her back.” Nancy promises as she looks back at Steve, now with a hint of guilt in her eyes. “But… I need to tell you something too.” 

Now it’s his turn to raise his eyebrows and tilt his head to the side – a little habit he picked up from you. 

She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes for a moment with a huff. If there is one thing that Nancy Wheeler doesn’t like, then it’s too apologize and admit that she was wrong, but that is needed. 

“I’m sorry.” She mutters under her breath and opens her eyes again. “I’m sorry for how I treated you, it wasn’t fair of me to be so… rude.”

Steve’s face relaxes again, and he nods in understanding. He isn’t angry at her, he also wasn’t hurt, not the way you were by Eddie’s cold shoulder at least. He waves his hand at her, shaking his head.

“It’s fine, Nance.” He mumbles, unable to hold back his chuckle when he sees the way the guilt slowly vanishes in her eyes. “Honestly, it’s fine. I kinda deserved that–”

“You didn’t. I thought you led her on, but you didn’t. You were scared of your feelings, and that’s why you pushed her away. I didn’t know that. If I did… I would have been less… of an asshole.” She rolls her eyes. 

“Less? But you would have still been an asshole, right?” Steve asks, smiling at her in amusement. 

“I can’t help that when it comes to men… especially men who hurt my best friend.” She shrugs, giving him an unapologetic smile. 

He cringes a little at her words, not the asshole part, the part in which she reminded him of the hurt he put you through. 

“Yeah…” Steve whispers and looks back at you. “I-I was an asshole.”

Nancy sees the remorse; she can practically feel it radiating off of him. 

“You’re not one anymore, that’s what matters.” She reminds him as she leans back in her chair, dropping her sponge and boots on the ground. “And still… I’m sorry for how I treated you.”

Steve turns back to her, a small smile appearing on his face. 

“Seriously, it’s fine, Nance.” He promises. He leans forward and places his elbows on his knees. He clears his throat and looks around.

Nancy can tell that he wants to say more, but he needs a moment to find the right words. When she sees the way his cheeks heat up and he grows a little flustered, she grows a little curious. She leans forward again and brings both her hands together. 

“You can make it up to me, though…” He whispers and glances at the RV to make sure you aren’t coming out. 

“How?” Nancy asks, getting a little amused by the embarrassment suddenly taking over his face. 

“I– Sunshine.” Steve whispers softly. “We haven’t… you know?” 

Nancy needs a second to grasp what he is trying to say, but when he waves around with his hand and his eyes narrow and widen a little, her face dawns in realization, and she can’t help but giggle. 

“Oh!” 

Steve rolls his eyes at her teasing expression, but it doesn’t stop him from continuing this conversation. 

“We were close to it, but… I didn’t want it to be here.” He mutters and gestures to the RV. “She deserves something better than this.”

Nancy is pretty sure that anything could be special when you are with the right person, but she knows that Steve is set on making it extraordinary for someone like you. 

“But you could make it special too, you know?” She speaks softly so you won’t hear, as she also gestures to the RV. “You could find some candles and new bedsheets, maybe a few string lights to make it… look cute.”

Steve shakes his head with a sigh. 

“No, I want it to be a real date.” He mumbles as he runs his fingers through his hair. “I want it to be just us, nobody around.”

“Oh, you’re scared that we’re gonna hear something you don’t want us to hear.” Nancy giggles and wiggles her eyebrows at him. “Are you scared we’re gonna like her moans?” 

Steve looks at her a little bewildered. He frowns at her, huffing, “you– you and Munson, I swear to god. He is rubbing off on you, Nance.” 

“Okay, okay.” She clears her throat. “I’ll stop, I’m sorry!” 

Steve rolls his eyes and shakes his head again. He falls quiet for a second. 

“I just– I need her first time to be perfect, she… she hasn’t experienced anything. I can’t just do it out of nowhere in a night we are horny.” He exclaims with a blush on his cheeks. He continued his ramble, not realizing that Nancy had completely zoned out and frozen. 

“It’s never gotten further than a makeout for her– like she… is basically at zero when it comes to sex… And I don't–”

Only when her teasing smile fades and awkwardness takes over her face does he realize. She is frowning and sitting with a straight back all a sudden. 

“Are you listening–”

She nods as she snaps out of her thoughts, “um yeah…! I just think that you are making a big deal out of it.” She stands up and scratches the back of her neck, looking at anything but him. 

He frowns at her words and her behaviour. A weird feeling settles in his chest, knowing at what point of his ramble she froze. There is a knowing look on her face, but a guilty one in her eyes, and it makes him frown. 

She looks like she knows something that he doesn’t, and it suddenly makes him feel… irritated. He straightens his back and squints his eyes at her. 

“Nancy…”

The tone in his voice makes her anxious, and she feels the sudden urge to run off and not look at him anymore, which she chooses to do. She picks up her gun and her dirty boots. 

“I’m gonna… I’m gonna go wash my boots… by the lake.” She stutters, which only gives away that he is in the shadows about something that she isn’t. She never stutters, she never gets nervous, and she never bolts in the middle of a conversation, least of all during one where he asked for advice. 

Before he can ask another question, she rushes away and makes her way down the little hill, leaving him confused. There is a small part in him that has an idea of what made her react that way, and it makes him feel an anger he only felt back in the community in Wyoming. 

Steve takes a deep breath, eyes still following Nancy. The only time he remembers her acting that way was when she came back from patrolling with Robin – he only recently found out that Robin kissed her that night and Nancy didn’t know how to process that, considering her breakup with Jonathan was very fresh and her feelings for Robin were intense. 

He slowly looks towards the RV where you’re in, and the pit in his stomach grows when he thinks of all the possibilities for Nancy’s weird behaviour and silence about whatever had caused her to feel that way once your sexual experience was mentioned. 

Unlike before, he wastes no time getting up in search of confrontation. He makes his way to the RV with a heavy feeling in his chest, and every playfulness and light feeling vanish in only a few seconds. 

Eddie is just stepping out when he is about to walk inside. The metalhead grins at him, eyes searching for his best friend, who fled to the lake. 

“Where’s Nance–”

“Lake.” Is all that Steve says before he brushes past Eddie and slams the door once he is out.

Eddie blinks a few times, staring at the door in confusion, “okay…?”

Despite the sudden slam of the door, you don’t flinch, you don’t even notice the angry look on Steve’s face. You just turn around and get up after putting the last can of corn away. 

“Hey! I’m gonna make some tuna ‘salad’ tonight, with mostly corn cause it’s about to expire and–”

“Can I ask you something?” Steve cuts you off, not even listening to what you were saying. His mind is focused on one thing, and one thing only. 

You press your lips together and furrow your eyebrows. Realizing your boyfriend’s irritated expression, you frown in worry. 

“Um… yeah?”

Steve takes a step closer to you. His hazel eyes were missing their usual softness. His eyebrows are pulled together, and his lips are curled downwards. Something is on his mind, something that’s not leaving him any rest. You know it won’t take long to find out what it is, not when he looks at you like this. 

“When you said you and Aaron haven’t… what did you mean by that?”

Your lips part in surprise at the question, not having expected this topic at all. It’s something you have wanted to approach yourself, but couldn’t find the right time to yet, not when everything was so good and… happy. 

Nervousness seeps inside of you, and embarrassment flashes over your face. Your heartbeat picks up, and you bring your hands together. 

“Well… that I’m… still you know…” You stutter as your ears start burning. 

Steve licks the insides of his cheeks, and he clenches his jaw. Your reactions give you away, and he can’t help but feel jealousy sink back in. He starts walking closer to you. 

You quickly notice that Steve isn’t in a playful, lovely mood at all, and it strikes fear inside of you. 

“Mhm.” He hums, nodding. “But does that mean you haven’t done… anything?” 

You look up at him wide-eyed, and his heart melts at that sight – yet the irritation is still strong. 

Your heart sinks to your stomach when you see just how angry he looks. The fear was growing bigger and bigger with each passing second. You are not gonna hide the truth from him, but you are afraid to say those words out loud. 

“I– I didn’t think you would… that you would give us a chance and so…. I-I didn’t want to miss the opportunity, but I couldn’t fully commit–” 

“Sunshine.” Steve says sternly as he stops right in front of you, pushing you up against the counter behind you. “What did you two do?” 

The tone in his voice is serious and angry, almost hateful – and in this moment, you aren’t sure if that is directed towards you or Aaron. Your eyes start burning, and your vision blurs. 

His hands grip the counter on each side, caging you in and not giving you the chance to run away. Your heart starts pounding stronger. You aren’t scared of him. You are scared of his reaction. 

Is it over just before it really started? 

You look up at him with teary eyes. He can tell that you are afraid, and he wants to take that fear away so badly, but he needs you to tell him what you’ve done first. 

“I– It doesn’t matter now, does it? I– We weren’t–”

“What did you two do?” Steve asks again, not wanting you to talk around that topic anymore. 

Your bottom lip quivers and your shoulders slump as you give up, accepting that he might not want you anymore after this. Suddenly, it feels like your feelings mean nothing to him anymore, and he is only set on that one thing. 

You hang your head low and look down at the ground, trying to blink away the tears. You take a deep breath as you think back to that night. 

“He… He touched me…” You admit with a shaky voice. “And went down…” You bite your bottom lip roughly, waiting for the blow of Steve’s words. 

Steve takes in sharp breath. The jealousy inside of him now burned stronger than ever, knowing what Aaron did that night. He is livid. He clenches his jaw as he stares down at you. He tries to think rational, he tries to stay calm, he tries, he really does, but his feelings win in the end, and before he can dwell on it, he turns on his heel and rushes out the RV, slamming the door just the way he did when he walked in. 

And you stand there, frozen in place as your heart sinks deeper and deeper, and the tears threaten to fall. You grip the edges of the counter and stare at the ground, not knowing what to do. 

This is it? This… is it? 

You blink a few times, not knowing what to think, not knowing what to feel. Should you go after him and explain the situation? But then again, what is there to explain? Should you go after him to fix it? Is there any way to fix it? Is what you did wrong?? Is it wrong of him to–

Your head snaps up when the door opens again, and your eyes lock with his hazel ones that are burning with jealousy and an intensity that almost makes your knees buckle. He slams the door loudly, and he moves quickly to the front, quickly turning the knob of the dial, rising the music up. Not that loud, but certainly louder than the dim sounds coming from before.

The look on his face, the rising up and down of his chest, the angry look in his eyes – he intimidates you in this moment, and your body seems to like it. Heat pools in your belly, and goosebumps rise on your skin. 

“Steve–”

He takes two steps towards you, taking you by surprise when he cradles your face and smashes his lips against yours, kissing you roughly. 

Your eyes widen as you feel his lips moving urgently against yours. You were confused. You were completely certain that he looked angry, that he didn’t like what you told him. Now, he was kissing you like a man starved, like his life depended on it. You could feel his fingertips digging into the sides of your head, deep into your scalp.

Your hands were gripping his sides, the warm sweater clinging to him, and you were feeling the RV become warmer and warmer. You were slowly melting into the kiss, his tongue slipping out of his mouth to lick your bottom one, requesting access, or more like demanding it. 

You let him in without question, without doubts, without hesitation, even if you were confused at the whiplash of emotions. The music dimmed and dimmed in your ears as they started to ring, also hearing the rushing of blood going to your brain. Your brain that was becoming mush with each second that his tongue danced with yours. Your knees were almost giving up on you, and your core was warming up more and more. The anticipation built inside of you, your heart quickening at an alarming rate, as your stomach turned with butterflies.

You felt the counter dig into the small of your back as he slammed you into it. His hips rubbed against yours, and his kiss never softened. He was still rough, demanding, and you loved it. You never had someone be this possessive over you. You wondered if it had anything to do with what you just told him. If it did, was it wrong for you to feel happy? Someone was jealous over you. Someone got jealous of what you did with someone else.

You never experienced that. You never experienced this. He was licking your mouth as if he were tasting his favorite dessert. You moaned into his mouth, feeling his bulge harden against your belly, and you heard him groan, almost aggressively. You felt him sucking your breath from your lungs almost, consuming you. 

He pulled away, and a string of saliva connected your lips for a short moment, your tongue almost lolling out in search of him again. He huffed, his glare permanent on his eyes as his chest rose up and down from his heavy breathing. You closed your mouth, gulping, trying to get your head together.

“What– What happened?” You asked, and his jaw clenched, his tongue licking the inside of his cheek for a second before his hands let go of your face. You felt his hands grab at your waist, pulling you away from the counter, his eyes never leaving yours. He was not answering you. The only thing you were hearing was his harsh breaths as you felt him moving you, making you walk backwards.

“Steve– What’s going on–” You were ignored once again, your heart beating into your ears as you frowned up at him. Then, you felt the back of your knees hit the bed and then, in a quick movement, his hands got underneath your armpits, lifting you up just a bit from the floor, but enough to throw you onto the bed. You bounced with a gasp, stunned at the sudden manhandling.

He stood at the end of the bed, his hand moving behind him, his eyes still glued to you as he slid the blinds that separate the bedroom from the rest of the RV. This reminded you of the other night when you two got a little too carried away with one another. But didn’t he say he didn’t want it to happen in the RV? You didn’t mind if he backed off from that. You already knew it would be special just because it was going to be him.

But his eyes were still burning with anger. Jealousy. 

And he was. Seeing you on the bed like this, now knowing what Aaron had done to you, he couldn’t help but feel a fire inside of him, burning him inside out. The fact that… that man had you like this. On his bed. Probably naked. Touching you for the first time, tasting you for the first time. He got to see you before he did. He got to hear you before he did. He got to have you before he did.

Not entirely, but that little bit was enough to make him want to break something. He couldn’t erase what had happened with Aaron. It was his own fault, and you were in your whole right to live your life. He had rejected you after all… He cannot erase it. 

But he can overwrite it.

He wants to be the one you remember when you think about it. He wants to be the one who causes the butterflies in your stomach when you imagine it. He wants to be the one who makes you flush and burn each time you remember it. He wants to make your experience with him better than the experience you had with Aaron. It would not be forgotten, but he wants that memory to be dismissed. Not remembered, lacking importance. 

His eyes never left you as he ripped the sweater off him, revealing the tight navy blue long-sleeved shirt underneath. Your eyes were wide as you saw him like that, feeling your mouth water. A thin chain hung around his neck, one you hadn’t noticed before, but now it glistened, and you couldn’t take your eyes off him. 

His knee pressed onto the bed, making his way to get on top of you. His knee nudged in between your legs, making you spread them so he could settle between them. You felt your entire face burn, and his hips lay on yours, making you grunt, jerk at the sensation. You could hear your blood rushing to your ears, making them burn. His eyes clashed with yours, and that sweet demeanor he always had with you, was gone. It was the first time you’ve seen this look on his face.

No, it wasn’t. 

It’s the same face he had when he confronted you before confessing. Though this time looked different. Last time, he looked angry, but he confessed he was hurt. Now, he looks angry, but there’s a darker tone to it. Something possessive, animalistic, feral, and it made you tremble underneath him. It was the first time someone gave you this kind of look, this kind of attention, where they are clearly showing they will devour you whole.

“S–Stevie… what’s wrong?” You asked, your voice a little small because of your nerves. His hips pressed harder against you, both of his hands caging your head against the mattress. He was staring down at you, locks of his hair falling down on his face. He saw your hair splayed, looking embarrassed, shy, and that made his blood boil even more, because he got to see you like that first. 

“I’m angry.” Was his short response, and you couldn’t help but frown. Worry etched into your heart again, only for your attention to be taken away from it, a moan escaping your lips when he rolled his hips against you one more time. He felt himself twitch in his pants, a harsh breath leaving his lungs. 

“W-Why? With me?” His eyebrow twitched at your question. How could you even think that he was angry with you? No. He was angry at himself. He was angry for being an idiot. For being scared. You weren’t to blame for anything that happened between the two of you. His jaw clenched, his head lowering to place a kiss onto the pulse point in your neck, making you sigh.

“With me.” You shook your head a bit, opening your mouth to try to talk, but you whimpered when he nibbled against your skin. Your belly turned with anticipation, your arms coming to wrap around his shoulders. He pressed his body against yours, his arms coming to wrap around your body. His hands were between your back and the mattress, holding you tightly against him as his teeth ran over your skin.

He wanted to bite down. He wanted to mark you permanently. He never felt like this before, not even with Nancy. When she had been with Jonathan, he just let it happen. But now, the thought of you being with another man, even when you had been rejected, was making him feel like he had to break something. He felt like he needed to punch someone. Like he needed to make you moan his name. 

Like he needed you to scream his name.

His lips separated from your neck and instantly crashed into yours. You sighed into the kiss, your hands already disappearing into his hair like they always did. He groaned at the sensation, his lips smacking against yours in desperate motions, harsh, rough. His mind was clouding more and more, hazed by the thought of you and–

He had to stop. He had to focus before he lost complete control, and he forgot to be a gentleman. To be the nice and caring boyfriend you deserve. Because he was your boyfriend, not Aaron. He was. And you were staying with him, you said so. You said you were coming with him to California, not going back to Wyoming. He won, Aaron lost.

But fuck, Aaron still fucking had you first.

His tongue immediately plunged into your mouth, his hands coming up to grasp your head, keeping you still as his hips rolled into yours. You felt your cheeks being squished almost harshly. He was desperately holding onto you, making sure you would let him do whatever he wanted with you, and you were delighted by it. You moaned as your tongue danced with his, or tried your best to do so. 

His fingertips dug into your skin, part of your scalp, behind your ears. Just everywhere. Your hands came down to hold onto his wrists, trying to keep his rhythm, trying to follow him. You were still confused at the turn of events, confused as to why he got so angry. His right hand left your face, and in a quick movement, his left one came to grip your chin, keeping you still once again. You couldn’t help how turned on this made you. You couldn’t deny it. You were already becoming wet by how he was dominating the situation.

But then you felt his right hand moving downwards, brushing over your covered breast, groping it over your thin sweater. Your back arched and you moaned into his tongue. He breathed heavily through the kiss, and his hand kept moving down, reaching the hem of your sweater and shirt.

He pulled away from the kiss, noticing how you were panting underneath him. Your eyes half lidded, already gone. He could turn you into this mess with just a simple kiss and a roll of his hips. He should feel good about himself; the anger should be gone, but it wasn’t. He licked the inside of his mouth, his hand slowly creeping underneath your clothes, your body trembling at the touch of his fingers. 

Your skin grew goosebumps the more he inched up towards your breast. His hand never stopped gripping your chin, keeping your eyes on his face as his hand finally cupped you, over your bra. He groaned at the sensation, his hips giving an involuntary roll. You moaned at the friction of it all. He was hard, pressing against you, and you wanted more, needed more. 

You could see his eyes staring down at you as he kept moving his hand, roughly kneeding your breast, and then you gasped when his fingertips pulled the cup down, freeing your nipple. Your eyes widened, and he growled as he flicked your nipple with his index finger, his lips crashing back down on yours. His hand left your chin, moving slowly down towards your throat. He pressed his hand around it, not putting much pressure, but enough to keep you down and still.

You felt yourself flush from the arousal, the embarrassment, the nervousness, the anticipation, the excitement, the thrill. His lips immediately started moving desperately against yours, as his index finger and thumb pinched your nipple, making you gasp into his mouth, your back arching against him. He tugged at it, desiring to see it, desiring to make you melt underneath his body. 

Your legs spread even more as your belly coiled slightly, and you wanted to ask him now what made him do this. Not that you were complaining, but you were still in the dark about the reason. You jerked again as he rolled your nipple in between his fingers, moaning against his lips.

“Steve– Stevie, what has gotten into you?” And fuck, if he had to answer truthfully to you, he wondered if you would get scared. What if he told you he is fucking livid? That he is desperate to see you moan and cum? That he is insanely fucking jealous and angry that he wants to ruin you for everything and everyone else?

He pulled away from the kiss, just enough to keep his lips brushing against yours. You looked so delectable. Fuck, if you weren’t… If you just weren’t… He would do things to you right now that would not let you walk the next day. But he had to be patient with that one. He had to make that moment perfect… But this one– This one, he can be a little rough with.

“I’m fucking jealous.” Him admitting that sent a shockwave throughout your body. Him saying it for the first time to you made your heart skip a beat. Even if he was being a little harsh, it was just his way of trying to put a claim on you. You gulped and licked your lips, your eyes finding his as his fingers ran over your nipple, making you shiver from the sensation.

“I’m– I’m sorry– I didn’t mean to–” 

“Don’t you dare apologize to me, got that, Sunshine?” His voice was imperative, his hold on your throat giving a soft press that made you nod as you sighed. His jaw clenched, and he squinted a bit towards you, “But I’m going to make you forget about him.”

Before you could even process what he had just said, he kneeled up, grabbing the hem of your sweater and shirt, pulling it all the way up, just above your breasts. You gasped, a strong heat covering your face and ears as you realized one of your cups had been pulled down. Your hands moved to cover yourself, only for his hands to grab your wrists, making you look at him. 

He slowed his movements down, just a bit, not wanting to scare you. That was the last thing he wanted you to feel. He wanted you to feel secure around him, to feel safe no matter what happened, and that you could tell him to stop, and he would. But he wanted to ease you into it, relax you. Even as he stared at your breasts and all he wanted was to dive in, his dick twitching in his pants, he took a deep breath to contain himself and closed his eyes.

He leaned down, his lips coming in contact with your stomach, making your breath stutter. His lips brushed against your skin as he moved, kissing another part, then your sides, then moving upwards, and your body writhed underneath his. You sighed deeply the more goosebumps he created on your skin. He looked up at you as he kept kissing his way up, seeing you close your eyes as you let yourself relax under his touch. He licked his lips as he kissed the round of your breast, then the top, and finally he engulfed your nipple with his lips.

Your eyes widened, his hands still grabbing your wrists, pressing them against the mattress as he sucked on your left nipple, sending jolts of electricity towards your belly, making you clench around nothing at all. Steve was trying not to lose himself in your taste, finally having you on his lips in a way that he had been wanting for so long. His brain was short-circuiting at each roll of his tongue, at each tug he gave, and you moaned.

Your eyes then closed as you dove in the sensation, and he noticed, finally seeing you were relaxing into his touch. He took this time to let go of your right hand, guiding it towards your right breast, his fingers gliding over the cup of your bra. He pulled it down slowly, freeing your nipple from its confines. When his index fingers brushed over it, followed by a soft nip of his teeth on your left nipple, your body jerked underneath him at the stimulation.

You had been touched like this, but it felt so different. This feels so good. This feels so right. It feels so much more pleasurable than that one time. You couldn’t help but compare, because it baffled you how much it changed, how you felt when Steve was the one doing it. Instead of thinking about him when someone else did it, you now don’t have to imagine it. You were experiencing it. And you loved it. 

“Steve…” You mewled and Steve moaned into your skin, his cock twitching against his pants, his hips jerking into yours involuntarily. That only prompted you to moan his name again, and he realized he had to keep his composure, or he was going to lose complete control over himself, and that was not the goal. Not today.

He let go of your nipple with a pop, his lips moving down, kissing your chest, then your stomach, causing a tickling sensation that made you tremble. You looked down at him, his eyes looking up at you as he kissed around your belly button. His hand left your breast as he slowly kneeled up, his jaw clenching as he looked down at your pants.

He cracked his neck a bit, thinking to himself to keep it cool. To make this about you and just you. But fuck, his dick was screaming at him to do something. It felt as if all the blood of his body was rushing towards it, making him lightheaded. His eyes looked at yours again, and he noticed the nervousness behind them, despite the arousal and the willingness. 

“Trust me.” He repeated those words he once said to you back when you barely talked to one another. When you had to undress in order to warm each other up in the confines of a car. You felt your heart warm up at the memory of it, and you gave him a slow nod. Happy with your response, he stood up and started taking your boots off.

You were trying really hard not to cover yourself. The nervousness and embarrassment were still present, and much bigger than before, because one obviously wants to be liked by the person they are dating. You want him to like what he sees, but you are still self-conscious because it wasn’t dark in the room. The small night light in the corner, above the bed, was still on. 

But Steve was enjoying every single inch of your body. He could dip down and kiss you all over if he had the time to do so. He had to remember that Eddie and Nancy could not stay out for long, and they had to get moving, but he was having a hard time doing so. After he took your socks off, his hands went to unbutton your pants. He couldn’t help the gulp happening in his throat, how his mouth started to salivate at the thought of seeing you. 

You felt the button being popped off, then heard the zipper slowly move, and you realized just how hard you were breathing, how your stomach was in a turmoil of nerves, and how your heart was trying to break free from your chest. Would he like what he sees? You washed yourself today, but what if it wasn’t enough? With Aaron, you weren’t even thinking about these things, but you couldn’t help but do so with Steve.

And Steve was in a whole battle with himself, because the moment he had a glimpse of your white panties, he was about to moan out your name, just by the mere sight of you in your underwear. He knew you had him wrapped around your finger, but never to this extent. He wished he wasn’t in a time limit, that he had time to do this slowly for you, to take your clothes off one by one, but there wasn’t time.

His fingers dipped into the hem of your pants and your underwear, slowly taking them both off together. Your mouth opened as you gulped a breath in. Your hands came to cover your chest as you realized you had to help him. He tapped your hip once, and you raised them so he would take everything off.

He took a deep breath in, sliding the pants and panties away from you. He tried not to look until you were freed completely. You felt the coldness hitting your legs, and you flushed at how cool your center felt, noting you were wet. Really wet. Your face started burning, as well as your ears, not knowing where to look as he left you bare from your waist down.

He dropped them to the floor, and when he turned to look at you, you had closed your legs slightly. He was having none of that. He knew he had to be gentle with you, but would you notice just how bad he wants you if he were? Would you realize just how much he wants to engrave himself into your mind? Would you realize that all he wants right now is to have you?

“Open your legs, Sunshine.” He asked, trying to be nice, trying to keep himself calm. You gulped, hesitating for a bit due to your embarrassment, even if you wanted it. His hands came to grab onto your knees, his eyes searching for yours. “Sunshine.”

When you turned to look at him, his eyes were intense, determined, yet desperate. You clenched around nothing again just by the sight of him. You took a deep breath in, letting him guide your legs open, spreading yourself for him. You have never felt this exposed. You have never felt like this. It wasn’t shame, it wasn’t that you didn’t want it at all. But the guy you liked was guiding his eyes towards your core, and you couldn’t help the butterflies in your stomach.

Fuck, fuck, fuck. Steve could see the glistening of your wetness even, seeing how you had reacted to him. Seeing how much you wanted him, wanted this. And he could only take a deep breath in, grabbing the back of your right knee and lifting it up a bit, his lips finding purchase on the top of it. His other hand brushed over your other thigh, gently, trying to relax you. You looked so beautiful, even better than what he had imagined or even dreamed of.

Your breath hitched as his kisses started moving downwards, lips on your thighs now, softly pecking you. You melted under them, closing your eyes as shivers ran all over your body, feeling yourself feel your belly tense up because even on just your thigh, it felt so good. He eyed you, his hands now gripping the back of your thighs, spreading your legs even more so he could start lowering his body, the further his kisses went.

The gears inside his brain were trying to stop working as his lips found your inner thigh. He felt you tremble underneath him, making his fingertips dig in your skin, holding you still. He wasn’t going to let go of you, not now. He might be selfish, he might be harsh or rough, but he couldn’t hold himself back. Not anymore. Not after what he found out. 

His teeth nipped on the soft, sensitive flesh and then sucked on it. A gasp ripped out of your mouth, eyes widening at the sensation. His lips kept latched onto your skin, marking you, claiming this private part of yours. Skin no one would ever see but him. Skin that belonged to him now, and even if it sounded possessive, he couldn’t find it in himself to care. 

After a few seconds, he let go of your inner thigh with a pop! only to quickly move onto the other one, immediately repeating the same actions he did with your right one. One of your hands left your chest to grip the sheet below you, tightly. You needed to hold onto something, your breathing heavy as it anticipated what he was about to do. 

Steve pulled away to see his masterpiece, his breaths coming out rough and needy. A purple mark now evident on each of your inner thighs. Good. But now, came the main course. His self-doubt kicked in for a second. He never had any complaints about how he performed orally, but he couldn’t help but think about not being able to be better than Aaron. He was older, and he looked experienced; Steve’s self-consciousness kicked in.

But then his eyes found your face, eyes half lidded, half gone, your chest moving up and down with your bra pulled down, and you were looking at him with a neediness that he could have been able to detect a mile away. And that was enough for him to lie on his belly, in between your legs.

He should go slow. He should be gentle with you. He shouldn’t let his possessiveness get the best of him. He should kiss the top of your belly, ease you into it. He should be perfect. But then again, this wasn’t your first time with this. This wasn’t the first time you were touched like this.

And he dove in with a growl.

Your eyes widened, your back arched as your nails dug into the fabric below you. His lips circled your clit, his tongue starting to press onto it and move it side to side. A gasp escaped you, the hand on your chest now coming to cover your own mouth. Your belly instantly flipped at the feeling, his hands moving in between your ass and the mattress, gripping you tightly to keep you in place. 

At your taste, Steve moaned, not being able to help himself and rut his hips into the mattress. He felt you twitch and jerk with each flick of his tongue on your clit. His eyes looked up, over the hair that was falling over his face, seeing you had your knuckles over your mouth to keep your noises in. He groaned at that, wanting to hear you, leaving your clit with a pop. His tongue lolled out, licking a stripe of your wetness from in between your folds, a whimper leaving you as your hips bucked into him.

Shit, you were delicious. You were a perfectly aged wine that made him drunk with just one sip. He felt light-headed, driven only by his lust, by how amazing you feel underneath his touch. By how hot you sound, how good you look, how beautiful you are. And now, he had to find out you were delicious too? Even if there were a rehabilitation center to cure him from the growing addiction he was having over you, he wouldn’t go. Fuck that.

He dove his tongue in between, pointedly licking upwards and towards your clit again. Your head felt like it was in the clouds, your body starting to burn a thousand degrees, not even feeling the cold in the RV. You were sure there was still music going on, but all you could hear was Steve’s licks, the soft groans escaping him, and the blood that was rushing towards your head.

“Steve–” You whispered, and he moaned into your clit as he flicked it again, his hips circling against the bed, needing friction at his hard-on. It was involuntary. He should focus on you, but he couldn’t stop his body from reacting. He pulled away, licking his glistening lips as his eyes never left your center.

“You taste so good, Sunshine… So perfect for me, such a good girl.” He purred, and your mouth fell open at the words that just came out of his lips, only for your thought to be interrupted by his lips latching onto your clit again as his tongue licked and licked. A moan escaped you, louder now, not being able to cover your mouth anymore.

It felt amazing. He felt amazing, fantastic even. He slurped, eating you like a man starved. Both of your hands were now gripping the sheets beneath you, back arching off the bed as a specific lick felt a little too good. You gasped, followed by a sigh of delight. Were you too needy to want more? To want to feel more of him?

But you didn’t even need to say anything, because he wanted to taste you further, feel you further, pleasure you further. He unlatched from your clit, only to dip in between your folds with his tongue, and push in. He moaned, thrusting into the mattress at feeling your warmth. 

“St– Steve!” You whispered-yelled at him, your eyes clenching at the feeling, body trembling at feeling him inside of you. He couldn’t help himself anymore; the bulge in his pants was now painful. He needed to free himself, at least a bit. One of his hands left your ass, his hips rising slightly so he could get in between and pop his button open and pull the zipper down. He sighed a bit in relief, now his hard-on not having a thick denim constricting it.

But then his eyes opened to see your hands gripping the sheets, and he was having none of that. That same hand moved to grab onto your right hand, making you open your eyes through your pleasure and look down.

His eyes were fierce, determined, sharp, and he moved your hand towards the top of his head. He was signaling you that you could grip his head, his hair. He would love it if you did so. His hand went back to gripping your ass, pulling you deeper into him, his tongue now swirling inside of you, and your hand closed on his hair, a moan leaving your lips without any shame.

Fuck it. Fuck it. It felt too good to hold back. You couldn’t handle it anymore, much less when Steve was clearly enjoying himself, letting you know by the moans he was letting out. You knew his fingertips were going to mark your flesh from how tightly he was holding onto you, but why the fuck would you even care about that? It even made you happy to know that. It made you happy that he marked you all over. 

His tongue left you, his heavy breath hitting you, making your skin grow goosebumps because of the coldness you felt from it. From how wet you were. His lips kissed your clit gently, one, two times, his right hand leaving your behind, slowly moving it towards your pussy, and you flinched from the surprise at the feeling of his middle finger running over your slit, covering it in your juices.

“Relax, baby…” He cooed at you, gently, and you let a sigh escape you as you shook your head, rubbing his head with the hand that was still gripping it. 

“I am, I was– Just surprised…” He hummed in approval at your response, glad you were being talkative and not shying away from him, or not telling him how you truly felt. His lips circled your clit again, and then his finger started to slowly push in. 

A long gasp broke from your lips, choking a bit in your throat as you felt him go in. Your fingers dug into his scalp, making him growl against your clit, your warmth engulfing his middle finger, sucking him in completely. He didn’t move for a second, flicking your clit to check your reactions. 

You moaned again when you felt the tip of it wiggling a bit, making an electric shock travel all over your spine. 

“Stevie, please–” It was the first time you had begged all night, asked for more, asked for him to keep going. And fuck, was he going to comply. He started thrusting his finger in and out of you. It was slow at first, letting you get used to the feeling of it, giving your clit a few kisses so you could melt even more into his touch.

His hips rutted into the mattress below him at the same tempo that he was thrusting his finger inside of you. He was like an animal right now, not even realizing or thinking through what he was doing. He heard your soft moans, some you were trying to hold in, some were leaving your mouth without restraint.

He felt your nails digging into his scalp, pulling onto his hair at each flick of his tongue on your clit, while his finger curled upwards inside of you. You felt your chest heaving at the feeling, your head rolling onto the pillow, feeling sweat all over your body. Steve knew you were feeling good, but his possessiveness kicked in again, the memory of this not being the first time you were experiencing this coming right back.

He pulled away from your clit, his teeth tugging it as he moved, making you jerk underneath him, whimpering his name. His finger moved faster now, his left hand moving from your ass towards your waist, pulling you into his other hand as if urging you to ride his finger.

“You feeling good, Sunshine?” He also wanted to know you weren’t in any discomfort. That you weren’t in any pain at all. You nodded enthusiastically, making him chuckle, a teasing smirk appearing on his lips as he shook his head. His jaw clenched as he pulled his finger out, making your eyes widen and look down at him. He tapped it slowly against your clit, making you clench around nothing. “I need words, baby.”

“Yes– Yes, it feels good, Stevie, please–” You gulped, not being able to feel embarrassed any longer. He nodded, now his middle and ring fingers gliding in between your folds again, gathering more of your slick. Then he pressed them against your clit, doing short and quick movements, side to side. Your other hand immediately grabbed onto his hair too, your head falling back onto the pillow as multiple shocks made your body spasm underneath him. 

Your mouth was open, letting your moans fill the RV, hopefully drowned by the music inside of it. You and Steve were really not paying attention to that anymore. Not when his fingers started to push in again, now his ring finger joining his middle one. He moaned as he felt you clench a bit around them, fluttering as your name fell off his lips almost in a prayer.

You felt tight, you felt so warm, and he had to clench his eyes as a thrust of his hips sent a jolt of electricity all over his body. Eddie’s words rang in his ears, taunting him, wanting him to cave in. He didn’t need to think of where the condoms were, not right now, not today. He clenched his eyes tightly as he breathed shakily, concentrating once again when he felt your nails scratch his head, pulling on his hair slightly.

He started going slow, his tongue lapping at your clit as his fingers went in and out of you, the squelching starting to be heard, even over the music. His left hand was still gripping your waist, pushing you against his fingers, guiding you. Your body trembled at the feeling of him, at the brush of his fingers and knuckles inside of you. 

Your legs were spread and bent around his head, letting him have the full access he required, that he needed, that he craved. You were being so good for him. So perfect, just like he always knew you’d be. His fingers picked up a pace, curling his fingers upward, feeling your fingers pull on his hair when you felt your insides turning. Your belly was starting to cramp, and you were overwhelmed at how good all of it felt.

His eyes opened to look up at your expressions, at your movements, his mouth leaving your clit so he could concentrate on your sounds. He could now feel you moving underneath him, jerking your hips every now and then. Your head was thrown back on the pillow, your back arching and your chest heaving as moans and whines escaped your lips. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. 

He felt you fluttering around his fingers, a triumphant smile spreading on his lips as he felt you getting wetter and wetter. You rubbed his head, urging him to put his mouth back on you again, but he was not moving. You whimpered, forcing yourself to look down at him with pleading eyes. Big, begging, and he almost, just almost, caved in.

“Stevie–”

“Did you cum?” His question threw you off, breathing heavily, about to answer only for your words to die on your tongue when a particular drag of his fingers sent a jolt to your belly, your head falling against the pillow again.

“Steve–” You sighed and he groaned, his fingers slowing down again, keeping them curled, but moving at a pace that was not satisfying you. You frowned, looking down at him once more, your mind in need for him to keep moving. “Don’t stop–”

“Did he make you cum?” You stuttered, closing your eyes as his thumb brushed against your clit. “I won’t keep going if you don’t–”

“I didn’t! I– faked it– I faked it–!” Happy with your answer, his fingers started moving again, and you sighed in content, your head back on the pillow as you felt yourself start to flutter again. Your climax was so close, you could feel it, and you knew he could too.

“Why?” He growled out, and you were not answering again, making him slow down again, his teeth coming to tug at your clit rather harshly, making your entire body jerk against him. Your hands were still on his head, and he fought against every tug and push of yours. “I am asking you questions, Sunshine.”

“Fuck– Stevie– I’m gonna cum, I–” 

“Focus.” He wanted to hear it. He needed to hear it. It was already a win that Aaron hadn’t gotten an orgasm out of you, but he had a feeling that he was going to love the reason as to why you did what you did even better. You took sharp breaths in as you felt your entire body start to cramp, trying not to rip your boyfriend’s scalp off.

“I couldn’t– I couldn’t stop thinking about you– And I just wanted it to be you– OH god–!” Your right hand left his hair as your back started to arch when he picked up a pace again, desperately so. It went to grip the pillow underneath your head while the other tugged at his hair.

His hips started to rut into the mattress at your answer furiously. He was so drunk on you. He was so hypnotized. You had thought of him the whole time you were with the other man. Steve had definitely won it all. Despite this not being your first experience, he now knew you would consider it your real one. The one that made a difference. 

His lips came to desperately take your clit again, sucking on it as his fingers moved rapidly inside of you, abusing your g-spot over and over again. Your mind was blank; you weren’t measuring your moans anymore, nor the number of times you were sighing Steve’s name out of your lips. 

All you knew was that you started to see stars, your entire body setting on fire as you started to pulse around his digits. You were breathing heavily, your head thrashing around the pillow, trying to survive whatever tidal wave Steve was about to unleash on you. 

“Cum, baby. Cum for me.” 

And you listened. Your insides clenched around him, tightly, and your legs closed around his head as your belly exploded, your climax crashing over you instantly. It was big, it was intense, it was something you’ve never felt before in your life. Your entire body felt like it was on fire, yet it was cool, and your toes cramped as they curled into themselves. 

Your mouth was open as you tried to breathe in, and then, a loud cry escaped you as you trembled fiercely underneath him. He moaned into your clit as he rode your orgasm out, feeling your legs around his head, almost about to crush him, but he didn’t care. Holy shit, he couldn’t care fucking less because you felt so tight. You felt so fucking good, and his cock wasn’t even inside of you. 

You heard him groan loudly, or maybe it was your imagination. You didn’t know what was real and not anymore. Your mind was gone as your orgasm started subsiding. You felt your walls unclench slowly from around him, fluttering every now and then as his tongue licked at your clit with kitten licks. 

Once he felt you completely let go of his fingers, he started to slowly take them out of you, and you whimpered as you felt the loss of them. He then saw your cunt, glistening, almost dripping down towards the sheets. He couldn’t help himself when he lolled his tongue out and licked the stripe of your wetness, tasting you even more than before. He groaned into you as he lapped at you.

You whined, your body jerking at the overstimulation. Your hand gripped his scalp, trying to rip him away from you, legs spreading again to let go of his head. You were panting, catching your breath as you felt yourself a little lightheaded. You were in complete and utter bliss, all out of your boyfriend becoming jealous and possessive. 

He pulled away from your cunt finally, licking his fingers clean. Now, he felt so sweaty. He should have gotten his shirt off at least. He was breathing heavily, wiping his chin with the back of his sleeve, knowing he would have to wash it now anyway. He felt you spasming a bit, and he let go of your waist, looking up at you as you lay spent on the bed. Good.

He crawled slowly over you, kissing your hip and then your stomach as he went. He could feel now how hot you were running, and he was so happy that he was the reason for all of these reactions of yours. He sighed as he kissed your jaw and then your cheek, trying to center you back in the present.

“Sunshine? You okay?” He asked, wanting to really know that you were alright. Wanting to know he didn’t overdo it. He is now slowly realizing just how rough he had been with you. A side of him he never got to meet before. When he saw those romance movies where the man got overly jealous always seemed exaggerated to him. He was so wrong. Those feelings existed with the right person, and the right person for him, was you.

“Y–Yeah…” You sighed, giving a slow nod, your eyes finally opening again. You found him looking down at you and he looked so disheveled. He looked so gone. He looked so good. A smirk appeared on his panting lips.

“Felt good?” You nodded quickly at his question, almost making him sigh out of relief. You gulped, licking your lips. You were tired, but you wanted to return the favor to him. You wanted to make Steve feel good too. You wanted to at least try.

“I– Can I return the favor?” His eyes widened at your request. He licked his lips nervously as he felt his heart skipping a beat.

“You don’t need to force yourself to do it. I wanted to do that to make you feel good, not expecting anything in return–”

“I want to give something in return. I want to taste you too… I want to touch you too, Steve…” And he trembled on top of you, his breathing becoming steady again. He gulped, shaking his head slowly.

“There’s… No need for that…” You frowned, a bit of your self-consciousness kicking in again as you looked up at him.

“I– I know I never did that, but you can teach me… I can learn as I go… You just have to show me what you like best, Stevie…” He wanted to shoot something at your words. He wanted to cave a hole into the RV’s ceiling with his fist to get some cold air in because he felt suffocated. How can you say something like that to him? Do you even know what kind of power you had over him?

“Thank you, baby, but I really– don’t have the need for it, right now…” His eyes were hopeful, wanting to save himself from shame, but you only looked at him with confused eyes.

“I… Are you sure–?”

And before you could doubt yourself anymore, he decided to rip the truth out like a Band-Aid.

“Jesus chri– I came in my pants while eating you out, Sunshine.”

You blinked a few times, his words starting to process in your head. He was blushing a furious red, his hair falling over his forehead as he looked everywhere but your face. He came just by touching you. Just touching you. You didn’t even know that was a thing.

“O– Oh!” You couldn’t help the giggle that came out of your lips, feeling the entire situation funny, yet endearing, yet… so sexy. So erotic. His eyes went down to look at your laughing face, feeling embarrassed, but despite that, he smiled, digging his face into your neck to hide himself.

“Don’t laugh, you menace.” You felt him kiss your pulse point, your arms coming to wrap around his shoulders as your giggles kept going. 

“It’s hot though.” He let go of your neck, moving to face you again and you were looking at him with an innocent look in your eyes. 

“Definitely a menace.” His heart felt like bursting while staring down at you when another smile broke on your lips. He leaned down to take them into a kiss, his arms wrapping around your body as you kissed back. He was content, he was happy, and he was proud he had made you feel that good. 

You let him cuddle you and kiss you after. Steve left for the bathroom to wash himself and change, while you changed in the bedroom. When you were left by yourself, you couldn’t help but remember every single touch he gave you. Every single sensation you felt, and just remembering that his tongue was on you, was enough to make your entire face burn up and melt away.

When he returned, he was wearing his sweatpants and a white loose shirt on. His hair was wet, and he shook his head like a dog, trying to dry it a bit more. You bit your lip while looking at him as you sat in the bed, inside the covers, waiting for him. He felt his heart skip a beat, and he opened his mouth, only for you to cover your mouth, alarming him.

“Eddie and Nancy! They– They definitely heard me!” You gasped with terror, and he chuckled nervously, scratching the back of his head.

“Yeah, uh… I should turn the music down…” He blushed and you frowned, confused, tilting your head like you always did. Then, you finally realized how loud the music was compared to other times. He had dialed the volume up on purpose, with the pure intent of doing what he did to you.

Before you could say anything to him, feeling shame invade him, he closed the blinds and he rushed out towards the front, reaching out to the radio to turn it off. He gulped as he took a deep breath in, walking towards the cupboards to grab one of the water bottles. He opened it and took a big gulp, trying to quench his thirst. He closed the cap, and then he started hearing murmuring outside the RV.

The door opened slowly, Eddie and Nancy walking in. They were talking about possible towns to visit, the map and journal in their hands, and Steve sighed with relief as they didn’t question anything, nor spared him a single look as they went to the front to take their seats. Steve grabbed the water bottle, turning to go to the back again, his hand grabbing the handle of the sliding door.

“Steve.” Nancy’s voice cut his thoughts short, turning his head over his shoulder, and he found two pairs of cheeky eyes looking at him, a smirk on each of their face, making Steve nervous.

“Y-Yeah?”

“Don’t forget to change the sheets.” His mouth opened in shock, the two friends turning to look at the road again, and their talking resumed as if Nancy hadn’t said anything at all.

He gulped, opening the blinds and stepping back in. He looked up at you, and he noticed your horrified face. He winced, frowning almost in pain as the embarrassment kicked in for both of you.

“They definitely heard me.”

“I– Yeah.”

☀︎

You have stumbled into his life on a random afternoon, and you had him from the moment his eyes locked with yours. He didn’t know it then, but he knew that dangerous look in your eyes would bring him to his knees. 

He feels the tips of your fingers on his skin, tracing his nose, tracing his lips. His heart skips strongly, his skin tingles beneath your touch. 

Steve peeks one eye open and his smile widens when he sees the lovesick look in your eyes – he knows it matches his own, though, he can’t help but tease you. 

“Creep.” 

Your hand freezes on his face, and you grow flustered beneath his eyes. Your lips curl into a pout, and you feign offence. You pull your hand back and turn around in his arms, moving away as you give him your back. 

Steve chuckles at your cute act, but he doesn’t let you move away anymore. He grabs you and pulls you back with ease, moving on top of you, he cages you in with his arms, pinning you beneath his body. 

You grow even more flustered at his sudden move, and you start blushing underneath his gaze. Steve grins down at you as he brushes your hair out of your face, tracing your soft skin with his calloused fingers. He admires you for a moment, letting it sink in that he will always have this now. He’s not sure how much his heart can take; surely it will explode someday with the way he feels for you. 

“Good morning, baby.” He breaks the silence with his raspy voice. 

Your heart skips so strongly that it catches you off guard. Your skin heats up, especially on your face. Those flutters in your stomach nearly overwhelming you. A part of you wants to squeal and another wants to grab his face and kiss him stupid, but you do neither; instead, a giggle falls from your lips. You see the way his eyes sparkle with amusement at that sound, at your reaction. His smile widens, and you can’t help but hide your face behind your hands, feeling embarrassment creep up on you. 

But Steve doesn’t let you, he grabs your wrists softly and pulls your hands away from your face. 

“Don’t hide from me, Sunshine.” He whispers as he leans down and pecks your lips. “I wanna see your pretty face, baby.” Another kiss to your lips. “Can’t believe I get to wake up like this from now and just be able to do this.” Steve whispers as he pecks your lips once more before he starts kissing all over your face, covering you in his adoration. He presses his lips to your cheeks, your nose, your forehead, your cheekbones, your jaw, the corner of your mouth. 

“Stevie!” You squeak as giggles continue to fall from your lips. Your heart is in overdrive. Everything inside of you is screaming in joy. 

Steve is smiling so widely as he buries his face in your neck, kissing over your pulse. The way you said his name awakens something else in him. His stomach flutters strongly, especially when his hands find your waist beneath your shirt, and he feels your bare skin. 

Your hands find their way to his hair, and you can’t help but sink your fingers further into it, giving a slight tug which makes him groan in response. The sound vibrates against your skin as he continues to kiss up your neck and back to your jaw, pressing a few kisses along it before he finally moves up to face you again. His nose nudges yours, his hooded eyes gaze into your own as they flicker between them and your lips.

“Can I kiss you, baby?” Steve murmurs as his thumbs rub against your waist, massaging you. 

Your eyebrows furrow together, and your eyes get bigger with need. You nod your head quickly against the pillow beneath it. Your grip tightens on his hair as you pull him down a little more. 

“Please.” You whisper, just now realizing how breathless you are. And how can you not be? When you woke up in his arms. When you get to watch him sleep. When you get to touch his skin. When you get to feel his touch. When you get to feel his kisses. When you get to feel him feel the same for you. When you get to feel him. 

His lip curls up into a smile at the needy tone in your voice that matches just what he feels. He wastes no time closing his eyes and smash his lips against yours, kissing you stupid. His heart flutters, and he can’t help but moan into your mouth when you mewl into the kiss and pull at his hair. 

He holds you even tighter than before, his hands moving higher and higher, fingers ghosting over the sides of your boobs. 

You arch your back, searching for his body even more as you press your chest against his. Your movements invite him to deepen the kiss, and he swipes his tongue along your bottom lip. He earns another moan from you, the sound going straight south, making his stomach clench. His entire skin is burning. Everything inside of him is aching for you. He’s been wanting you for so long that his whole being is now in overdrive. You, your sounds, your taste, your lips, everything about you drives him crazy, but especially the intensity of how you kiss him. It makes him feel something he had never felt before, something he can’t even place, but it’s so easy to fall into you, especially when you envelope him into your arms that way. 

Yeah, you have him on his knees, and he’d be crawling towards you even if you didn’t want him. 

Your tongues meet, and your lips move so slowly yet passionately. There is no fight for dominance, just two lovers finally kissing. 

And you can’t believe that you are here, under him, feeling him. Just like back then in the car, you feel him pressing against you, and it only awakens a deep hunger in you. 

“Steve.” You whimper when he rolls his hips against you slowly. He doesn’t stop kissing you. He moves his hand up to the side of your face, cradling it as he continues to peck your lips. 

“Hmm?” He hums, not wanting to miss the feeling of your lips on his. 

You sink your fingers deeper into his hair, as your other hand moves down to his shoulder blade. 

You are not even sure what you were trying to say, because when he pulls you in for another kiss, everything is forgotten. Absolutely everything. And you don’t know how much time passes, how long you two stay in bed, kissing and touching each other like this, but you are pretty sure that it’s a long, long time. The thing that makes you both pull away is the growling in your stomach. It makes you freeze in embarrassment. And Steve pulls away with a furrow in his brows, his puffy lips curling into a pout as he stares down at you. 

You groan in embarrassment and bring your hands up to your face.

“Hey, hey.” Steve whispers, gently pulling your wrists away from your face. You don’t know why you expect him to look amused, because it isn’t what’s on his face at all, far from it. You see concern and worry. “When’s the last time you have actually eaten, Sunshine?”

Oh. 

You avoid his eyes, and try to look away, but he doesn’t let you. He pinches your chin between his fingers and forces you to look at him.

“Baby.” His voice now soft, yet stern, just like the look on his face. 

It’s hard to focus on his question when the pet name nearly makes your heart explode. 

“I don’t know, I wasn’t very hungry…” You admit. 

Steve sighs softly. His eyes are filled with guilt, knowing that the loss of appetite was because of him. 

“You can’t–” He is cut off by his own stomach growling, making him freeze this time. 

You both stare at each other for a moment. 

You raise your eyebrows at him, “When’s the last time you’ve eaten, Stevie?” You try to mock him, though the same worry resides in your voice as it did in his. 

He felt the same as you did. 

Steve huffs a little, though a small smile tugs at his lips. 

“Guess we got our appetite back,” he whispers and leans down to peck your lips once more. “Wanna go out there and face the world… and have some oatmeal?”

You scrunch your nose up, which only makes him smile bigger. 

“I’d rather stay in bed with you…” You whisper, gazing up into his eyes. “In my apartment… back in New York… where we’d lay in bed all morning and only get up to make waffles… and bacon… and scrambled eggs. We’d go back to bed after and stay like this.” 

Steve’s eyes soften even more. His heart warms in his chest. Your words make him feel special. To think that you have imagined such things before, that you have imagined him in parts of your life where you hadn’t even crossed paths yet. He doesn’t know whether to smile or cry from sheer happiness. 

“That sounds like a dream to me, Sunshine.” He whispers as he caresses your cheek, admiring your beautiful face. “I can’t give you back the New York apartment, but… You and I can have a place in California.” He says, showing you the seriousness of what he feels for you, of what he wants with you.

You breathe in shakily, staring into his vulnerable eyes. He looks at you like he is scared of your answer. As though there would be anything but a yes. 

Your heart is fluttering like crazy. All the hope you’ve started to bury resurfacing again. Every thought about not coming with them has been long forgotten since the moment he kissed you. 

“By the beach? Even better.” You whisper, pretending to be calm despite how much you want to squeal. 

“Yeah?” He asks as his eyes lighten up as his heart skips a strong beat at the excitement in your eyes. He’s not letting you go. That’s been clear from the start, no matter what will happen, he is not letting you go. 

“Yeah.” You whisper. 

“Good, cause I don’t want to spend a single moment without you… ever again.” He admits as he buries his face in your neck, snuggling you into the mattress as he inhales your scent. 

You waste no time wrapping your arms around him, stronger, holding him against you with a smile on your face. 

“I don’t want to be without you either, Steve.” You whisper as you run your fingers through his hair. 

“You’re coming with me.” Steve says, determined. 

You nod, and your smile widens when he moves up to face you again, gazing into your eyes with a promise in his own. 

“No matter what, I am with you.” He whispers as he cradles your cheek again, caressing your skin for a moment before he reaches for your hand and places it on his chest, right above his heart. “And you are with me.”

Your face softens, though your eyes grow wider, filled with something that Steve was so afraid of before. 

“I’m not going anywhere without you now, Steve.” You promise. 

Your words mend the fear inside of him a little, not enough to take it completely because a part of him still fears losing you, not because you’ll walk away, no. You proved time and time again that you would never walk away from him. 

But he knows the dangers of this world. He felt it. 

But he won’t let that be the reason to run from his feelings for you any longer. He will do anything to keep you safe. And he will fight for you both. 

“You’re never getting rid of me now.” He sighs dramatically before he buries his face in your neck, making you giggle as you wrap your arms around him. 

You can’t describe the feelings rushing through you now, not even if you tried. Your whole heart warms in your chest, and you can’t fight the smile off your lips. 

You never thought you’d see such a side of him. You never thought you could have him like this. 

“Promise?” 

Your soft voice makes him look up at you again, and when your eyes lock, he wonders how he was ever able to hold back for so long. 

“I promise.” He whispers as he caresses the scar on your cheekbone that you got on the day you had killed to protect him, while you stare at the scar around his neck from the time you weren’t in his life yet. 

You don’t know how much more time passes of you lying in bed, cuddling, kissing, and making up for lost time, but the sun is up high by the time you actually get up. You get dressed and you brush your teeth side by side in the tiny bathroom, eyeing each other through the mirror with nothing but happiness in your eyes’. 

Steve insists on brushing your hair. He treats it with care, gently brushing his fingers through it before he picks up the hairbrush. Your heart is fluttering the whole time you look at him through the mirror. His eyebrows are furrowed in concentration, his lips pressed together as he attempts to braid it. 

“Where’d you learn that?” You ask in curiosity. 

“I didn’t.” Steve chuckles, glancing at you for a second. “Don’t expect a pretty braid, honey. I watched you do it.” 

Your eyes widen, and heat rushes to your cheeks. 

He watched you? 

“You always look so cute doing your hair.” Steve smiles as he puts your hair tie around the braid once finished. 

“Stop…” You whisper, blushing. 

Steve’s smile widens, and his eyes light up at your blushing. You are getting shy with him now, and he thinks it’s the most adorable thing. 

He decides not to tease you, but he can’t help but wrap his arms around you and pull you into his chest, leaning down to kiss your cheek.

He can tell by the surprised look on your face, just like this morning when he woke up and pinned you beneath his body, that you aren’t used to this. You aren’t used to him being like this, but also you aren’t used to affection in this sense. 

He knows you will need time. 

“C’mon.” He whispers and reaches for your hand, giving it a tight squeeze. He leads you out of the bathroom, and you both finish getting ready in comfortable silence. You both put on your jackets and boots. You grab your thigh holster and fasten it to your belt and around your thigh. 

He is watching you the whole time, a smile lingering on his face. He’s done that before too, but now he doesn’t feel the need to hide anymore. 

He reaches for your hand again when he opens the door. He is the first to step out. 

Eddie and Nancy are sitting on their camping chairs, backs turned towards the RV. They are chatting, sipping on their coffees, and looking out into the forest. A small fire is still burning, the wood crackling. The sun is shining today, melting more of the snow on the grass. Steve takes a moment to look around the spot where they had parked the RV at. Another lake, a clear view of the mountains, and a pretty forest. This little spot looks untouched by the world. 

Eddie and Nancy glance at each other before they both turn around to face the two of you. 

A smile appears on Nancy’s face when she looks down at your joined hands, while Eddie raises his eyebrows, smirking as his eyes flicker between you both. 

“Good morning.” Steve nods with a smile on his face. He feels you squeezing his hand, and he can tell that you are nervous. He gives you a reassuring squeeze back and looks over his shoulder, smiling softly. 

“Morning? It’s 12 pm.” Eddie snorts. “But yeah, good morning, lovebirds.”

Nancy shakes her head at her best friend, rolling her eyes but with a smile on her face. 

“It’s that late?” Steve asks, surprised. 

“Yeah, we only stopped driving about two hours ago, though.” Nancy nods. 

Eddie eyes you curiously as you stick to Steve’s side, almost shyly. You sit down on the chair next to Nancy while Steve picks up the coffee pot and pours you a cup. 

“Two hours ago?” Steve gasps. “You should’ve woken us up, you guys need your sleep too.”

“It’s fine, man. You two needed it more.” Eddie says, still looking at you. “You look…” He pauses to look at the marks on Steve’s neck from where he had left his jacket open. “Refreshed.” He smirks as he looks back at you. For someone usually chatty, you are awfully quiet. 

Steve gives him a warning glance, as well as Nancy, who notices your unusual behaviour right away. 

“We finally caught up on sleep.” Steve retorts as he turns towards you and hands you the coffee. You give him a small smile, thanking him as you wrap your hands around the warm mug. 

“You guys should eat, there’s oatmeal in the pot. Eddie made it too sweet though–”

“It’s not too sweet, it’s perfect!” Eddie cuts Nancy off, waving her off with his hand before he takes a sip of his coffee. 

Nancy rolls her eyes at him, though not without a smile. It eases the feelings from the days before inside of you. The tension between them has faded away, as it seems, and they have reconciled after days of being snappy towards each other. 

“You have the taste buds of a twelve year old.” Nancy mumbles. 

“Uh, twelve year olds clearly have a better taste in food than you do.” Eddie snorts, squinting his eyes at his best friend. “Bet you ordered meatloaf at diners while everyone else got burgers and fries.” 

“Meatloaf is great!” Nancy argues. 

“See! You got the tastebuds of a grandma, Wheeler!” 

You and Steve share amused glances while the two of them continue their banter. The relief in both yours and his eyes is evident. Everything is falling back into place again, finally. 

Steve scoots his camping chair closer to yours before he finally sits down beside you after handing you the bowl of oatmeal. You smile shyly at him and look down at your breakfast. You pick up the spoon and start eating. 

Steve doesn’t take his eyes off you. His smile never fades either; if anything, it widens when he sees how big your eyes get when you taste the oats. 

“That’s…” You mumble after taking the first bite, looking over at Eddie. “The best oatmeal I’ve ever eaten in my life.”

“What–” Nancy mumbles in disgust. 

Eddie’s eyes widen just like yours do. A victorious laugh falling from his lips, he shoots Nancy a satisfied grin. 

“See, I always knew you got taste, Sweetheart.” Eddie grins at you. “Put some extra sugar in, cause I know you like it sweet.” 

Your heart warms at his words and at the smile directed at you. Up till yesterday, you thought that you had lost him. That the disappointment he felt in you had pushed him away from you. That you lost another friend, but the smile he gives you proves otherwise. 

You smile back at him before you look down. You continue eating your breakfast in silence, missing all the glances between the three. 

Eddie is on the edge of his seat, Steve can see it, especially with the way he keeps bouncing his knee, opening his mouth though shutting it again seconds later whenever Nancy raises her eyebrows at him. 

But Eddie’s patience only lasts for so long. 

“So… are you guys…” He mumbles, pointing his finger between you both. His eyes on Steve and how he is practically glued to your side now. 

Your cheeks are burning the moment that question leaves Eddie’s lips. You glance at Steve, who is already smiling at you. He reaches for your hand, he entwines his fingers with your own. 

“Yeah.” Steve whispers, his own cheeks heating up as well now. His heart skips a beat. “We’re together.”

You squeeze his hand and look down with a smile on your face. 

Eddie and Nancy share a glance, smiles spreading on their lips. The girl leans closer to you and nudges your shoulder, giving you a pointed look that says ‘girls talk. later.’ 

“Awe!” Eddie coos, tilting his head to the side. “Sunshine, you are blushing!” 

“Oh my god.” You mumble in embarrassment. 

Steve chuckles at your reaction. He can’t help but wrap his arm around you and pull you into his chest. You instantly bury your face in it, hiding from Eddie and Nancy. 

“Leave my girl alone!” Steve warns Eddie, who just opened his mouth to tease you some more. 

My girl. 

You almost squeal into his chest. 

Nancy giggles at your reaction, eyes flashing with excitement. 

Eddie brings his hands up in surrender, unable to fight the smile off his lips. He looks between you both, and slowly he relaxes back into his seat. The amusement in his eyes transforms into something else when he sees how happy Steve looks. How life slipped back into his eyes. How his eyes are shining again. How his cheeks are glowing again. How his smile is so bright and filled with joy – he isn’t even sure if he has ever seen him like this before. 

And Nancy, she is watching you both with a smile on her face too. She was angry with Steve before, but now she is proud of him for finally getting over whatever was pulling him away and holding him back from you. 

“Alright, alright.” Eddie nods as he gets up. “We’ll definitely have a talk later, but now… we need to catch up on some sleep.” 

“Yeah, you guys take the bed.” Steve nods. His arm is still secured around you, even as you now look back at your friends again. “We will sit outside for a bit and then uh, I guess it’s my turn to drive. I’ve got a passenger princess now.” He grins, making you blush all over again. 

Nancy bites back her smile when your eyes meet hers, though she can’t help but wink at you before she gets up and makes her way into the RV. 

Eddie laughs at your flustered expression, but to your surprise, he says nothing. He wiggles his brows at the two of you before he turns around and follows Nancy inside. 

It’s quiet between you for a moment. Steve keeps his arm wrapped around you, and he leans down to kiss the top of your head. 

“Passenger princess.” You whisper.

“It’s true,” Steve chuckles as he squeezes your upper arm. “You’re my passenger princess.”

Your giggle makes his heart flutter strongly in his chest. It makes the smile stay on his face. Your shyness was something he didn’t expect, at least not to this extent, but it makes you even more endearing. 

You look up at him, still blushing. 

“You’re so… sweet.”

He furrows his eyebrows with a chuckle. He brings his hand up to your face, cupping your cheek. 

“Is that a bad thing?” Steve asks, amused. 

Your lip curls into a soft smile, and you shake your head at him. 

“Not at all. Just…” You clear your throat and wrap your hand around his before you pull back and straighten up in your seat. You look down for a moment, trying to find the right words. Steve eyes you curiously, waiting for you patiently. “Kind of crazy to think of how this all started between us… You hated me–”

“I never hated you.” Steve argues, shaking his head. 

You squint your eyes as you look back up at him, which makes Steve chuckle. He brings your hand up to his lips, giving your knuckles a kiss. 

There are so many things he wants to say to you, to tell you how he really felt, to tell you what he thought when he first met you but he isn’t sure if it’s appropriate yet, if it’s the right time. 

“You don’t believe me?” He asks, moving closer to you as he wraps his arm around your waist. 

“You were a bitch to me so no, I don’t believe–” Suddenly Steve’s fingers disappear beneath your jacket, digging into your waist. A loud laugh falls from your lips as he starts to tickle you. 

“Steve!” You squeal, giggling. 

Steve is chuckling mischievously, loving the effect he has on you. The way you blush, the way you giggle, the way you are so flustered now. He can’t help his next move, he grabs your waist and pulls you onto his lap, wanting to feel you closer. 

Another squeal falls from your lips when you feel his thigh underneath you. You wrap your arm around him, trying not to drop your coffee, although some of it lands on the melting snow. 

Steve holds you tightly as he leans in to peck your cheek. 

Yeah, it’s more than crazy to feel – to have such a side of him when you look back at the time you just met. You look down at him, holding on tighter than before. He smiles at you so lovingly that it makes your breathing stutter. 

He has changed so much since then. He opened up. He let you in. And now you are getting a part of him you never thought you would – not then, not a few days ago. 

He is gazing up at you. His eyes trace your features. His fingers dig into your hip tightly. He holds you like he is afraid that you will slip away if he lets go. 

“Sunshine?” 

“Yeah?” You whisper, smiling softly. 

He brings his hand up to your face, tucking back a stray hair that escaped your braid. He caresses your cheek. His eyes are still tracing your features, admiring you.

“You really are my sunshine you know…?” He whispers, knowing how corny it sounds but it’s the truth. “When–” He clears his throat as his smile fades a bit. “When I pushed you away, when we had that… distance between us… I felt like I did back then… before you came into my life. I felt like I had lost everything once again.”

Your smile slowly slips away as sadness creeps into your eyes, and your heart clenches in your chest. 

“Steve–”

He shakes his head, squeezing your hip.

“No, baby. Don’t feel sorry for me. I am sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have let fear take you away from me. I was so scared of losing you, not seeing that I was doing all that myself.” He whispers, blinking quickly because he doesn’t want his eyes to tear up again. “I should have been honest with you instead of making you feel like you didn’t mean anything to me, like I wasn’t crazy about you. I was scared, terrified. We’re stuck in this world where anything could happen at any moment, and I feel something for you that I have never felt for anyone else before.”

Your eyes widen in surprise as your stomach flips at his words. 

“But… I’ll do anything to make it up to you now. I will fight for you, for us.” He promises. 

A part of you feels nothing but joy at his words. This is all you ever wanted. This is all you craved, to have him like this, to be with him. But the other part of you feels guilt. Because while he was suffering in silence, you were unknowingly making him feel worse by seeing another man, making him believe that your feelings and your actions weren’t genuine. 

Steve notices the conflict in your eyes, the way they sadden as you get lost in your head. 

“Hey…” He whispers, making you look into his eyes again. “What’s wrong…?”

You take a deep breath, feeling unable to look into his eyes without the guilt eating at you. 

“I just… I– Aaron.” You stutter. 

Steve tenses up beneath you, his jaw clenches, and his eyes darken at the mention of him. He breathes in deeply. 

“I shouldn’t have… I’m sorry.” You don’t know what else to say. 

“It’s okay, Sunshine.” Steve whispers, though he can’t help but feel sour even at the thought of him. 

“No, it’s not. I wouldn’t have–”

“I know.” Steve nods, cutting you off. He takes your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “I just wish I wasn’t such an idiot. I could have been the one to take you dancing…” 

Your heart flutters at just the thought of it. A shy smile creeps up on your face, and you squeeze his hand back. 

“You can still take me dancing.” You whisper. 

Steve’s lips curl into a smile, and he brings your hand up to his lips, kissing your knuckles. 

“I will,” he promises. “When we get to California, I will take you dancing.” 

“I can’t wait.” You smile. Your eyes flicker to his lips for a moment before you look back into his eyes, watching all kinds of emotions swirling in them. 

“Sunshine, I’m sorry.” He whispers after a moment of silence. He knows the pain he has caused you. He knows the insecurities you have dealt with because of him. He knows he crushed your heart. 

“I’m sorry too, Steve.” You whisper. You felt guilty too, knowing he wasn’t eating or sleeping because of you, knowing he was dealing with his own fears and not allowing himself to have what he wanted to have. 

Steve furrows his eyebrows, shaking his head at you. 

“You don’t–”

“We both suffered, Steve.” You mumble and look down, unable to look into his eyes. “You even more so… What I did was wrong… I shouldn’t have–”

Steve shakes his head at your words. As much as he hates that you found comfort in someone else, he was the one who pushed you away and let you be with him. 

“You believed that I didn’t want you, Sunshine…” Steve whispers, and he can’t even say those words without feeling pain in his heart. “Y-You thought… You thought that I saw Robin in you and that she was the reason why I wanted you close.”

You finally look at him again, a little intrigued, a little uncertain. 

“But that was never the case, honey. You may have a running mouth like she did, and I know… I just know that the two of you together? You’d both drive me insane!” 

You can’t help but giggle and shake your head, though his words do fill you with relief. 

His lips quirk up a bit, but his face grows serious once again, and he looks into your eyes deeply. 

“But you were never a replacement, you hear me?” He asks as he caresses your cheek. “I know I wasn’t the best at showing how I really felt for you, but I swear to god, you drive me crazy, baby.” 

Your cheeks heat up beneath his hands. A soft smile creeps up on your face. 

“Crazy, huh?” You ask, even though he said it yesterday already. 

Steve nods, enjoying the shyness glowing in your eyes. 

“I’ll spend every minute of our life showing you just how much.” He whispers and leans closer, giving your lips a sweet kiss. 

Your heart skips a beat at his words, at his touch, at his kiss. You can’t help but want more, but a part of you feels too shy to ask for another kiss, so you place your forehead against his instead. 

“I’d like that.” You whisper and nearly sigh in relief when he pulls you in for a deep kiss. 

Steve almost feels it, the relief – it’s in the way you kiss him back, the way you curl into his touch. He doesn’t really notice it right away, just how shy you are with him now. 

At first, he thinks it’s because of Nancy and Eddie, that their prying eyes keep you from being affectionate, not used to being this close to someone else, and with others watching you, giggling behind your back. 

But then he notices how that shyness continues even when it’s just the two of you. You don’t make the first move, and he doesn’t know whether it’s because of his rejection when you did try to kiss him then, or if it’s because you aren’t used to this kind of affection from somebody else. 

You didn’t tell him all that much about your ex-boyfriend, but he knows that affection wasn’t something you got from that piece of shit. Not only did he call you clingy, he also never held your hand in public, let alone kissed you. Not to mention that he cheated on you throughout the course of your relationship. 

He also noticed how shy you were around Aaron, who didn’t hide his interest in you. He remembers how you curled into yourself when he openly complimented you and flirted with you. Unfortunately, he also remembers how shy you got when Aaron kissed you in front of everyone else. 

It’s pretty clear that you struggle accepting affection or even showing it yourself, no matter how much you crave it. You were more open with it before he rejected you, but that must have been because you were still tiptoeing between the lines of friends and lovers. 

Something is holding you back now. Whether it’s your shyness or your fear of scaring him away by being affectionate towards him yourself. 

And as much as he wants to bring it up to you, he wants to wait and give you time, thinking that it might get resolved on its own, that maybe you just need time. 

But then a few days go by, and nothing changes. 

Though he does find it endearing when you walk up to him with no intention to make a move yourself, yet looking at him with big eyes that flicker between his lips and his eyes, expecting a kiss from him. He gives you what you want every time, how can he not? When you look at him like that, acting so goddamn cute. 

Though today, he can’t help but tease you when you step into the RV just after he finished washing the dishes. You lean against the wall next to him, looking up at him the way you always do. 

A smile tugs at his lips, and his eyes flicker with amusement when he glances at you. You raise your brows, giving him a sweet smile as you make eyes at him. It’s very obvious what you want, and it’s very difficult for him not to give in right away, but he wants you to be the one to make the first move now. 

He almost chuckles when he hears you huff as he turns back to the sink, wiping it dry with the kitchen towel. He takes his time with it before he finally turns back to you. 

“Are you waiting for something, baby?”

He feels a little bad when your smile falls and your shoulders slump. You shake your head, growing flustered. 

“No…” You whisper and turn around, planning to walk away again, but he doesn’t let you. He grabs your hand and pulls you back. He cups your cheeks and leans down to kiss you. He grins against your lips when you melt against him instantly. He feels you grabbing his shirt and pulling him down, wanting to feel him closer. His stomach flips at your action, and he can’t help but move his hands down to your waist and push you against the wall behind you. 

Your whimper vibrates against his mouth, and the sound is like music to his ears. He feels your tongue against his bottom lip and your hands on his neck. You deepen the kiss and push yourself further against him. 

It’s funny how you are so shy to make the first move, but once he has you in his embrace and his lips are on yours, you lose yourself in him completely, kissing him stupid. 

But it makes him wonder. 

“Sunshine?” Steve murmurs against your lips, “can I ask you something?” 

Your hands move to his hair, and you look at him through hooded eyes now – something that drives him crazy. 

You nod, whispering a small ‘yes’. 

“Why the sudden shyness?” He asks as he moves his hand to the back of your neck. He watches your reaction closely, seeing the way your eyes widen for a moment, the way your lips part and close again. You grow even more flustered, like you are embarrassed to say it. 

Your eyes flash with too many emotions that he can’t even make out the strongest of all. 

As cute as he thinks it is, how you always come up to him, waiting for a kiss, he needs you to know that you can grab him and kiss him whenever you want. He needs you to understand something. 

“I am your boyfriend. You can kiss me whenever you want.” 

Your breath hitches in your throat, and your eyes widen once again. Your heart jumps with joy. Boyfriend. 

Steve watches the way your eyes light up at his words and the way your body loses its tension. Your lips curl up slowly, and he can tell that you are holding back a giggle. 

“I– It just still feels so unreal,” you whisper as you press your chest against his, blinking up at him. 

Steve’s heart could burst from his chest with how happy he feels to see you feeling such joy over him. 

He cradles the side of your face, gazing into your eyes. 

“Well, it’s very real. I am your boyfriend, and you can do whatever you want to me.” He grins, almost chuckling when he sees how flustered you get at his words, knowing damn well where your mind went. He can’t help but tease you. 

He fakes a frown as his eyes widen, and he begins to let go of you, taking a step back. “Oh wait, I’m– maybe that’s not what you wanted with me?” He murmurs, pressing a hand to his chest as he stares at you. “So inconsiderate on my part. I was quick to assume–”

You suddenly lurch forward and grab him by the collars of his shirt, pulling him down, you slam your lips against his, kissing him deeply. 

His stomach flutters strongly, and he can’t help but smile in satisfaction. He reciprocates right away, matching your emotions – despair, need, adoration, lust. He envelopes you in his arms and kisses you hungrily. 

Your feelings are suddenly overwhelming you. Your chest feels tight, your stomach is bursting with butterflies, your throat feels tight, your muscles and skin are burning. You need him. You need more. Was it selfish for you to want more? Was it too disgusting to want to just merge yourself into him? Want to be as close as you could ever be?

What would someone call this feeling? 

You sound crazy to yourself, because you never felt like this before. This need to touch, this need to just stick to another person like this. You’ve never felt this with your ex, and then you thought you were being an okay girlfriend by keeping your distance because he didn’t like your clinginess.

But clingy is all you ever want to be with Steve. With your ex, you did care, but if Steve were to say the same thing to you, you wouldn’t be able to handle it at all. If you weren’t able to kiss him, touch him, hug him, hold him, you wouldn’t feel complete. You wouldn’t feel happy. You would be devastated.

And it seemed that Steve matched your clinginess. It was hard to swallow that fact. You never thought you would find someone who would reciprocate those feelings for you. Someone who kissed you just because he wanted to. Because he had the chance to. The need to. You believed these people existed, but you thought that maybe your clinginess was above the average.

Steve is proving that it wasn’t.

So you won’t hide those feelings anymore. You won’t be scared of him moving his face away from you when you try to kiss him, or ripping his arm away from you when you try to cling to him while walking, or pushing you away when you try to hug him. He wants all of that, because he does those things to you. 

But you want more now. You need more. Hugs, kisses, hand holding, it isn’t enough. Your hands are all up in his hair, your tongues dancing with one another’s, the sounds around the two of you silencing, leaving you alone. 

Your hands connect to the back of his neck, pushing him deeper into the kiss if that were even possible, and he groaned into it, into your throat. Your belly burned and burned, your core starting to copy that feeling. You were becoming drunk on the kiss, your emotions making you start to take some steps back, slowly, pulling him with you. 

Steve was also hypnotized with you right now. It was as if you had put a spell on your lips that didn’t let him think straight. His feet moved with you, his rationality slipping away slowly. All his ears could hear were your delighted little moans whenever he bit your bottom lip, before his tongue found yours again.

You pulled him into the back, where the bed was. His body was on fire, his fingertips itching to touch your bare skin. Everything he held back from these past months were making his body act on its own. His instincts were taking complete control over him. His hand left your waist to fumble behind him, grabbing hold of the little handle of the sliding panels to separate the bedroom from the rest of the RV.

He didn’t even think twice, he didn’t even think, when he grabbed your waist and pulled away from the kiss, and pushed you up on the bed as he crawled after you. It wasn’t a second after that his body was on top of yours, kissing you stupid once again. One of your hands returned to his neck, the other was gripping his shoulder so he wouldn’t pull away again.

His hands were all over your sides, his brain not functioning anymore as he drowned in you. He could hear how you took your sneakers off, falling onto the floor, and he copied that motion so he could push the two of you further into the bed. With your head now on the pillow, you could feel yourself grow lightweight, pliant, melting into him.

You wanted to feel him. You wanted more and more and more. Your legs slowly spread, your nervousness not even bothering you because you were just desperate. You were in need to feel him again just like you did the days before, when the two of you confessed. He hadn’t tried to make a move like that those days, and you hadn’t really minded it then. Now you did. Now you really did, and you wanted it more than anything.

He felt you leaving space for him in between your legs, and his hips immediately got magnetized to yours. You gasped, followed by a moan when you felt his bulge rubbing against you, creating friction against your clit. It felt good. It felt so good. Steve groaned into your mouth, his right hand moving towards the hem of your sweater and shirt. 

You felt his fingertips carressing your skin, then, they dug onto your waist, making sure to feel you. Your back arched against him when he rolled his hips against yours, and your hands were on his back, gripping his sweater tightly. The kiss intensified, the two of you becoming breathless, but you didn’t care. His hips picked up a pace against you, and you needed it. You wanted it. You wanted him.

Your mind was mush, as well as his was. He wasn’t thinking clearly, and he was letting his body move for him. He was letting his body decide what the next move was. He felt suffocated, so he pulled away from the kiss, throwing his hand towards his back to pull his sweater and shirt off in one move, his chest showing. 

You wanted to moan at the sight, finally seeing him again like this, but all you needed now was something else. You desperately raised yourself up a little to hold onto his neck again and pulled him down for another bruising kiss. His mouth didn’t stay on yours for long this time. He pulled away, panting with need as he kissed your jaw, then your neck, making you moan.

His consciousness was gone. He couldn’t think, he couldn’t anticipate what his next move was, he didn’t overthink like he always did when he slept with someone. This was pure, carnal lust, need, and desperation for someone. His hips rolled against yours, feeling himself harden even more if that was even possible. It felt perfect. You felt perfect, and if your moans were to say something, you were feeling good too.

You felt his hands moving inside your shirt now, one grabbing onto your waist, and the other was moving upwards. Something that would have made you feel nervous before, never felt more right than now. You wanted his hands on you. You wanted him to touch you, to feel you, to show you how much he says he wants you. Not that you don’t believe him, but you want to phyisically feel it. 

Finally, he groped your breast over your bra, and your back arched against him, a delighted sigh leaving your lips. He groaned onto your skin, his left hand now leaving your waist to grab your thigh, giving him leverage to pull you into his hips as he kept rolling them into you. 

You felt the fire building inside of you, slowly. That coil turning with the need of more, with the need of being bare, so you could feel it even more. Being clothed was becoming a nuisance now. You wanted your clothes off, and as if he had read your mind, his hands left your thigh and the inside of your shirt and sweater, and he pulled away from your neck.

His fingers hooked on the hem of them, and you sat up quickly so he could help you pull both your garments off, leaving you in just your bra. He didn’t have time to gaze at you, his lips desperately looking for yours again, laying you back down onto the bed. Your hands were deep into his hair, making a mess out of it, his hips returning to roll, and his left hand was now the one gripping your other breast.

You groaned into the kiss, whimpered when he kneaded it, feeling it, feeling you. Your back arched against him, your tongue dancing with his and never getting tired of it. His right hand came upwards to grab onto your left hand and he intertwined his fingers with yours, before pressing it against the pillow next to your head.

He was feral. The more he got to taste you, the more intoxicated he became. He didn’t think he could become like this, ever, but how wrong could he be? Even more so, that you were reciprocating it in the same manner. He could feel the heat radiating off your body, your need to feel him as you roll your hips against him yourself. 

His hand clenched into yours, at a particular thrust, the friction now becoming dull thanks to the clothes. He was fucking desperate. His lips left yours, only to then move to your neck, giving it a soft bite, but then he moved down, needing to taste more of your skin than just your lips, your cheeks, your neck. 

His left hand left your breast so he could pull the strap of your bra down, his lips finding your shoulder, and then towards your collarbone. He nibbled on it, his hand pressing yours against the pillow as he heard you gasp, your hips jerking against him. 

He felt his skin peeling off, almost from the fire that was consuming him. His left hand now quickly grabbed onto your other one in his hair, and he moved to press your hands over your head now, your fingers intertwined as his lips kissed along your chest, over the top of your breasts that were still covered by your bra.

Your knees were now bent, pressing against his hips as his thrusts became harsh, feeling your hands being gripped tightly, being pushed against the top of your pillow, constricting you from any other movement. 

Your brain was melted, gone, disappeared completely from the phase of this earth. Your body controlled this. It controlled you. You felt him moving up, his lips finding yours again, his tongue instantly diving in to dance with yours once more, and you felt dizzy with everything that was happening, as if you were drunk, but you were loving it.

His hard on was becoming painful because of the constricting jeans. It felt good, but it could feel so much better if they were to come off. His right hand let go of your left, sliding down as he felt the need to touch you more, to hear you more. He wasn’t even aware of anything around the two of you. All he knew was that you were there, in a bed, with him, and he needed you.

He didn’t stop kissing you as you felt his hips lift just enough so he could sneak his hand in between, undoing the belt off of you and then popping the button open. He pulled away from the kiss again, breathless, needy, and he went to your neck once more, biting onto your pulse point as his fingertips started to play around the elastic of your underwear, ready to dive in.

“Stevie–” 

And you calling out his name was what brought him back to reality. This wasn’t just someone. This wasn’t just anybody. This was you. You who deserved the best. You who deserved perfection. You, whom he promised to be better for. He now felt everything all at once. The haziness of his mind, the burning of his skin, how his lips were throbbing from all the kissing, how his heart was hammering in his chest, how his lungs were begging for air.

His fingertips left the elastic of your underwear, but it seemed like you didn’t care, your hips still rutting upwards into his. Fuck. He wanted to keep going, and he couldn’t help himself when he gave another roll, making him groan against your neck. 

“Sunshine–”

You felt now the need to taste him. You felt him pull away from your neck, and the moment he did, you went in to kiss his. He sighed in need as he melted under your lips, his forehead dropping onto your shoulder as your free hand gripped his bicep. 

He didn’t know if he could handle it much longer. He could feel his restraint leaving him again, the words ‘Fuck it’ repeating in his head, over and over, but no. He couldn’t. He shouldn’t. You didn’t deserve it like this. But how could he even concentrate when he feels your teeth nibbling on his pulse point now. 

“Fuck– Sunshine–”

You weren’t listening. You thought it was moaning, him delighting himself in your touches, but he was trying to call out to you. Snap you out of it. He didn’t want to, but he had to. He despised the idea of stopping this, of stopping you after you finally showed him just how much you were restraining yourself from showing him how you felt. 

But he had to.

“Sunshine, wait– wait a second–” That made you stop, your mind still mush, but a bit of consciousness slipping through as he slowly pulled away from your neck to look down at you. His breaths were heavy as well as yours, trying to fill your lungs with air once again.

“What? What is it?” Your voice was small, desperate, and he wanted to groan at the tone of it. You sounded as needy as you looked, and fuck, he couldn’t help but frown with annoyance at himself. He clenched his eyes as if he was in pain, and honestly, he was.

“I– Not like this.” He shook his head as his eyes found yours again.

“What–”

“I don’t want your first time to be like this. As much as I want to right now… I want it to be perfect.” Your heart was hammering in your chest, but you were too far gone in your lust and your need to feel him completely, that you couldn’t help but wrap your arms around his neck, not letting him leave.

“Steve, it’s already perfect because it’s you. So just–”

“No. I want you to feel safe, to feel comfortable… I don’t want you to overthink if Eddie and Nancy can hear us. Your body was starting to cool down, but you wanted anything but that. You tried once more.

“I’ll just be quiet…” And he shook his head, huffing as he tried to slow his breathing. 

“I don’t want you to be quiet… I want you to be able to fully experience your first time.” He inspected your face and he saw how it slowly fell, your breathing calming down slowly, dissapointment evident in your features. “I also want to spend that time with you. Alone. I don’t want to think or worry about anything else but you… And well, I also… wanna hear you.”

And as much as you hated that he stopped, you felt your heart warm up at his words. You felt your body burn a bit at his words, a little bit of embarrassment engulfing you. You sighed in defeat, knowing you won’t be able to change his mind, and your arms left his shoulders as your legs stopped pressing against his hips so he could move. He leaned down to kiss your cheek, gently.

“Trust me, I do want to. I wasn’t even thinking of what I was doing right now because of how much I need you… But you don’t deserve it like this.” He continued talking and you hummed, feeling him sit back up. His eyes finally looked down at your body, and he wanted to throw himself out the window. 

A little bit of shame and embarrassment filled you, also realizing that you weren’t really thinking straight a few moments ago. Suddenly, you heard the radio outside, a little louder than usual. You could now hear the sounds around you as you sat up, realizing that Nancy and Eddie could definitely hear you, and they turned the music up so they tried not to.

Steve noticed it too, a blush appearing on his cheeks in embarrassment, grabbing your shirt and handing it to you. You pouted as you grabbed it, his eyes taking a look at your bra one last time, feeling himself twitch inside his pants again, and he groaned, rapidly ripping his eyes away from you so he could grab his own shirt to throw it back on. 

You buttoned your pants again, feeling yourself burn again as you realized that Steve was about to touch you. You took your belt off, and you huffed, making Steve turn to look at you. You had the pout on your lips still, looking at him quite mad, and then you flopped on the bed, your face in the pillow, lying down on your stomach.

He couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his lips at your antics, chuckling as he leaned forward, a little bit on top of you. He kissed your clothed back, making the sound of it be a little exaggerated.

“Don’t be mad at me, baby.” You whined against the pillow, your voice muffled against the pillow.

“We won’t ever be alone. We’re in an RV, remember?” You reminded him, and he chuckled, now kissing the top of your head.

“Don’t worry about that. Your boyfriend has a knack for surprises.” At the word, you couldn’t help the stupid giggle that left you.

“My boyfriend.” Which you couldn’t believe still. Your face finally turned to see him smiling down at you. You turned your entire body to face him, and he was hovering a bit over you, supporting his upper body with his elbow, lying on his side.

“Mhm. And you’re my girl.” You flushed all over at that. He said it before, but you don’t think you will get tired of hearing it, of being reminded that you are his. You hoped that it would stay like that, that this won’t ever go away. 

Maybe someday, you hoped, he would call you something else.

But that can wait.

You can settle for this now, with a smile on your face, and a soft peck on his lips.

“I’m your girl.”

☀︎

Eddie, who is sitting down on the steps of the RV, nodding along to Tommy’s advice for the road ahead, can’t seem to find it in himself to focus on what the man is telling him, not when his friend looks like he is about to die. 

Steve is leaning against the side of the RV with his arms crossed. His knee is bouncing as his eyes are stuck on the road ahead. Waiting and waiting, waiting for you. His heart keeps pounding painfully in his chest. His mind racing with all kinds of thoughts. Ones he doesn’t want to think about. Ones he is afraid of. What if you decide to stay here after all? What if you decide that Aaron should be the one to take you to your family and bring you back here with him? 

The thought pains him. It causes shudders to run down his back. It fills him with dread and sadness, but also with anger. 

What would he even do if you said you are not coming with them… with him? 

Would he be able to do anything about it? Would he get desperate enough to ask you to stay with him by telling you the truth about his feelings? 

Steve brings his hand up to his hair, running it through it nervously. He takes a deep breath, though it does little to calm him down. Only when he finally catches sight of you, walking down the road and to where he is standing, does he feel like he can breathe again. That is, until he sees him. 

Aaron is walking beside you, holding your hand. He feels like his breath gets knocked out of him again. He knows he should look away to spare himself the pain of watching that, but he can’t. 

Eddie pushes himself off the steps when he sees you. He clears his throat, trying to catch Steve’s attention, but the brunette is set on you. His eyes are glued on you. Eyes filled with sadness and pain. 

He doesn’t look away. He can’t. 

“Morning.” Aaron nods at Steve, who doesn’t even acknowledge him, only you. 

But you aren’t looking at him, nor at Eddie, who is trying to make eye contact with you, but your eyes are on the ground. The metalhead can’t tell whether it’s shame etched into your features or regret, but he can tell that you don’t feel comfortable standing here in front of Steve while having your hand held by the man you spent the night with. With the man you didn’t want it to be. 

“Brought you your sunshine back.” Aaron says, squeezing your hand as he briefly glances at Steve, who is still not looking at him. 

Tommy, who is standing on the side, looks down, chuckling under his breath. 

“Thank you, I was starting to think she would ditch us and stay here.” Eddie jokes, still looking at you. 

And when you finally look up, he notices the same exhaustion on your face that he sees on Steve’s. 

And Steve, he sees it too. He wants to feel relief so badly, but he knows the exhaustion can have two very different meanings. The latter makes him feel nauseous. He doesn’t want to think about it. His mind was swirling with the sickest thoughts all night. He doesn’t want to let it consume his mind again, not when you are back and here, ready to get back inside the RV with them. With him. 

“Never.” Aaron chuckles, looking down at you. “The offer was on the table, but I think she prefers you guys.” 

Steve’s mood sours even more. And he can’t help but huff at Aaron’s words. 

Eddie notices one thing, and that is how your smile doesn’t reach your eyes. You avoid Steve’s eyes, especially.  

“Yeah, I’ll stick with my friends.” You say softly and look up at Aaron, giving him a small smile, but still big enough to make Steve’s heart ache. “But thank you, Aaron… For everything.” Your words have deeper meaning, and Steve knows that. It only worsens the pain in his heart, knowing that you have shared special things with another man. He doesn’t know whether he wants to scream or slam his head into the RV. He knows he should look away from you and him, but he can’t. 

Aaron nods, giving you a soft smile and another squeeze to your hand before he lets you go. 

“Anytime, Darlin’.” He nods, tipping his cowboy hat at you, making you smile a little bigger. 

“Alright, are you ready to go?” Eddie asks you, wanting nothing more than to put his best friend out of his misery. 

“Yeah. I’m ready.” You mumble, still not looking at him. 

You turn towards Tommy and step towards the older man. You bid your farewells and thank him for all he’s done for you and your friends. He shakes your hand and gives you a warm smile, telling you that the gates will always be open for you and your friends. 

You feel a bit awkward having to say goodbye to Aaron in front of Eddie and him. You can feel his eyes on you. His gaze is burning into your skin, and not in a pleasant way. You know he watched you last night, when you were dancing with Aaron, when you kissed him. You didn’t look at Steve after, not even when you left with him. You couldn’t. And now you can’t either. 

When you turn back to Aaron, you notice that he is looking at him. His chin tilted down a bit, eyes filled with emotions you can’t read. He isn’t glaring, nor is he looking at him cockily, none of that. There is something in his eyes, something only directed at Steve. And when he looks back down at you, his eyes flicker with different emotions. His lips curl into a smile again, and he takes a step forward, opening his arms to you. 

“C’mere.” 

Your cheeks heat up when he reaches forward, taking your hand into his own. He pulls you towards him and away from Steve. He wraps his arms around you and gives you a tight hug. Leaning down, his lips brush against your ear, “be careful out there for me, alright?” 

Steve squints his eyes. He clenches his fists, digging his nails into his palm. He takes a deep breath. He feels unsure of what he feels. Anger or sadness? He isn’t sure at this point. But he knows one thing: it hurts awfully to watch you be held by another man. 

“Always.” You whisper and squeeze his waist before you pull away. You look up at him, intending it to be the last time. You say goodbye with a smile, but he has different plans. Before you can let go and step away from him, Aaron cups your cheeks and caresses your cheekbone with his thumb. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your mouth, and then he leans down and presses his lips against yours. He says goodbye with a kiss. 

Steve’s heart drops to his stomach. The same nausea from the night before rising up in him. Anger fades away so quickly, and dejection settles in instead. His nails no longer dig into his palms. His chest no longer feels tight from rage. His eyes aren’t glaring anymore. All he feels… is pain. 

Eddie squeezes his eyes shut when he sees the expression on Steve’s face. He was mad at him before he knew how he really felt about you. Now he can’t feel that anymore, not when he is suffering like this. He can’t bear those eyes. 

Steve stares at you, at the back of your head. He watches. He watches how another man holds your face and kisses you. That’s all he can do. Watch. He knows he should move. He knows he should turn around and get inside the RV, wait for you there. But he is frozen. Stuck in place. 

Just like you, if he looked closer. 

When Aaron pulls away, he brushes his knuckles against your cheek. 

“Remember to contact me once you arrive so I know that you’re safe. And if you need me to come pick you up, use the coordinates, and I’ll do so.” Aaron says, looking into your eyes deeply. 

“Okay.” You whisper, nodding. 

“Okay.” Aaron nods and leans down once more, this time only giving you a short peck instead of a full-blown kiss. It’s still enough to make you blush, to make you flustered beneath his eyes. 

You squeeze his wrist and give him one last smile. 

“Goodbye, Aaron.” 

“Goodbye, Sunshine.” 

His smile looks a little mischievous, his wink too. You can’t tell what he is trying to say. But his eyes flicker between you and Steve. 

Steve, who isn’t even looking your way anymore when you turn to look at him, is facing away from you. 

If only you saw the tears in his eyes that he is hiding from you. 

You take a deep breath and look around one last time before you turn around and make your way inside the RV. You don’t know how much longer it will take to get to Nevada. You don’t know how much more pain you will have to bear till then. But you know that the rest of this journey won't be an easy one. 

“Hey Nance.” You say softly, smiling at the girl in the driver’s seat. 

She drops her map and turns to face you. You have seen her this morning, sneaking out of Tommy’s room with hickeys on her neck. She froze when she was met by the sight of you standing by the window and sipping on a freshly brewed coffee. You expected her to get awkward, but instead she smirked your way and told you that a girls talk was much needed. 

“Hey, you.” She smiles, eying you up and down. She leans her elbow against the steering wheel and points a finger at you. “We’re still having that conversation later.” 

“Yeah, yeah…” You whisper, growing flustered beneath her blue eyes. You don’t get to say much more because Steve stomps inside after you. He brushes past you and makes his way over to the couch. He sits down, refusing to look your way, and maybe it’s for the better, because you aren’t sure if you want him to look at you. 

Eddie walks in too, after saying his goodbyes. He waves at the two men one last time, giving them polite smiles before he shuts the door and locks it. He breathes in deeply and looks over at Steve. 

The worried look in his eyes makes you tense up, even more when the metalhead glances at you with emotions he hasn’t shown you before. You don’t know why, but it makes your chest ache, and it makes you unable to look at him longer. You force your eyes away from him and look down, awkwardly making your way to your seat, which was next to Steve. 

Eddie watched you intensely. His brown eyes take you in as he tries to read the expression on your face and the obvious tension in your shoulders. He wants to ask if you are okay, but then he looks over at Steve, who is looking out the window, refusing to turn towards the front of the RV, and he decides against it. 

With a sigh, he turns around and makes his way over to the passenger seat. He plops down and grabs the map off Nancy’s lap, only briefly glancing at the girl who is shaking her head at him in confusion. Her eyebrows are furrowed. Confusion and irritation were written all over her face. 

“You gonna drive or not, Wheeler?” 

Eddie’s voice was cold. The coldest you’ve ever heard. You never thought you would hear him talk like that, and much less towards Nancy, who looked just as surprised, and even hurt. She stuttered a bit, not knowing how to deal with Eddie’s sudden anger.

“I– Yes, I’m– Yeah.” She turns the engine key, and the RV comes to life. Steve was still not looking your way, and you felt nauseous as the motorhome rocked side to side. You weren’t going to be able to stand it, so you got up, and rushed towards the back where the bed was, creating distance between the two of you once more.

Steve felt his heart collapsing at how quickly you moved from his side. How quickly you couldn’t stand his presence. Just one minute passed since you sat down next to him, and it was enough. 

He stared at the floor, unable to speak, unable to move and Eddie noticed. His eyes moved from the map and towards Steve. He sighed, putting the map down, his eyes turning to look at Nancy who was driving.

“Change of plans. You go to the back, have your girls talk, while I drive and Steve is my copilot.” At his words, Nancy frowned, looking at him before staring back at the road.

“What? We– That’s not how we planned it– You can’t drive, your leg–”

“Well, I am changing it, and I can move my leg. So, stop the RV, and let me drive.” Steve’s eyes were wide at Eddie’s tone, finally noticing the change. He saw Nancy’s curls bob a little as she shook her head, slowly stopping the RV to get out of the Driver’s seat. Nancy didn’t even glance towards Steve as she passed, and the brown haired man could hear a sniffle following right behind her steps.

He heard the sliding door close, and Eddie stepped into the Driver’s seat, putting the radio on, for the very first time, and his cassette. Steve’s eyes widened, pushing himself up from the couch, and rushing to the passenger’s seat, shaking his head.

“Eddie, we can’t use the radio, it drains the battery–”

“You really wanna hear that?” Eddie’s eyes were knives towards Steve as he buckled himself up. The brown haired man trembled slightly at the realization that Nancy and you might be talking about last night. He certainly didn’t want to hear that. He shook his head, sitting on the passenger’s seat and buckling up, before grabbing the map. 

Eddie started the drive again, and the music of various metal bands filled the air. Steve frowned, looking at his friend.

“How did you get this?”

“Remember the barista? Back at the community? Yeah, he gave me a copy of his playlist. Fucking cool, isn’t it?” Steve nodded, looking back at the road as he felt the emptiness start to consume him a little.

“Everyone made at least one friend in there, huh.” Eddie cringed at his friend’s words, sighing.

“No one would have been able to handle all the Harrington charm.” He joked, and Steve shook his head, frowning.

“What?”

“Especially that grumpy attitude, and those amazing eyebags you have.” At Eddie’s jokes, Steve rolled his eyes.

“Wow, thanks for that man.” 

“Just trying to cheer someone up here.” Eddie stated as he whistled along the screaming that was coming out of the speakers. Steve cringed, looking at his friend again.

“Couldn’t you have at least gotten a tape that– I don’t know, would have been to everyone’s liking?”

“Aw, are you sad we don’t have Madonna in here?” At that, Steve finally cracked a small smile. A small victory on Eddie’s side. “Maybe I did get other cassettes, but I’m saving them for special occasions.” 

A beat of silence fills them after those jokes, the RV moving back and forth as Steve stares at the map. Clearly, Eddie didn’t need guidance. He had already inspected the map before, and Eddie had a good sense of direction. He always did. But maybe Steve was hallucinating. Maybe he was panicking, but he swore he heard Nancy’s gasp, or a laugh. So he made conversation again to add to the music.

“Why… the sudden change of attitude?”

“Come again?” Eddie asked, as if he hadn’t noticed himself how he was acting recently.

“You were a little… harsh? With Nance?” At Steve’s words, Eddie shrugged, shaking his head.

“Really? Didn’t think so.” Steve couldn’t help the uneasy feeling in his chest. He looked out of the window, knowing he won’t get Eddie’s thoughts out of his mouth any time soon. A pang of pain in his head interrupted his own though. He felt himself become a little light-headed as he looked at the road, the sight of it dizzying him. “Steve?”

“Huh? I’m– fine. I just got a little dizzy, that’s all–”

“You mean the lack of sleep. Try to get some–” But Steve immediately interrupted, holding onto the map tightly, looking down at it.

“I’m fine. Keep driving.” Eddie glanced at his best friend for a few seconds, then his eyes returned to the road ahead, his grip tightening on the steering wheel as anger filled him. The feeling of helplessness. The feeling of pure fear of losing Steve.

And no one else but him noticed.

-

Eddie was having a bad day. At least that’s what you told yourself on the first day of being back on the road. He was unusually quiet with you. He barely talked to you, and he barely looked at you. 

You thought that he got off on the wrong foot that morning, that maybe he didn’t want to talk, that he wasn’t feeling well, or just having a bad day like you or Steve, or even Nancy had before. But then the second day passed, and the third, and he was still not… his usual self. 

A weird energy hangs in the air. It makes you feel uncomfortable. It makes you feel guilty, and you don’t know why. You didn’t do anything wrong, did you? But taking a look at Nancy, and seeing those sad blue eyes follow her best friend, who barely talks to her these days, makes you feel like it is your fault… somehow. You don’t know if something happened between them, if they had an argument or a disagreement when you weren’t around, but something tells you that you are the reason for the way he is treating her. 

Her eyes are sad whenever they fall on Eddie, but they are filled with anger when they lock with hazel ones. Steve cowers away every time her ice cold glare hits him. 

He doesn’t even look at you – only when you aren’t looking at him. His eyes are glued to you every chance he gets when you are busy with something. They roam your face and your body. Those eyes filled with longing would break your heart if only you caught him. 

It’s snowing outside, strongly so. The wind is heavy too, making it impossible for any of you to sit outside for dinner the way you did all these days. When you and Nancy ate your dinner at the small table in the RV, Steve and Eddie left to eat theirs outside. In those three days you have been on the road, the four of you haven’t sat down to eat together once. Tonight is the first, and it feels awkward. Nobody is talking. The only sound filling the RV is the scraping against plates and the howling of the wind outside. 

Eddie is staring at his bowl, shoving down his food with an irritated look on his face. Steve’s eyes are glued to his food as well, though he doesn’t eat as fastly as Eddie does. Nancy, who is sitting beside you on the sofa, is picking at the beans while your plate is completely untouched. Your stomach is empty, but your appetite isn’t there at all. The thought of even picking up your fork and taking a bite makes you feel nauseous. 

You look down at the map, looking at all the possible directions to take to get to Nevada. You know you won’t get home any time soon, but you know that some roads would take you there faster while others wouldn’t. Some could bring unwanted obstacles. A hoard of infected that you somehow managed to avoid so far. A tree blocking the road, forcing you to take another exit. Monsters. Another snowstorm. Unfortunately the map can’t provide you with this kind of information. 

“You should eat.” Nancy says softly, nudging your shoulder. 

“I’m not hungry.” You mumble, not looking up from the map. 

Steve glances at you, worriedly looking between your untouched plate and your face. He notices the dark circles under your eyes. The line between your eyebrows. The tired look deeply into your features. 

His heart aches. It constantly aches now after he lost you. You are right there. You are right in front of him, and yet it feels like you are gone. What he would do to feel you in his arms again. To hold you and–

“You should still eat.” 

You tense up at the sound of Eddie’s voice. The roughness and coldness in it being so clear. It doesn’t only make you freeze. 

You look up to find him staring at you intensely. His brown eyes which are usually filled with warmth, are… cold, just like his voice is. 

“I said I’m not hungry, Eddie–”

He slams his empty plate on the table, making you flinch a little. 

“Yeah, you said the same this morning and last night. You are not eating, you are not sleeping. If you keep going that way, you’ll get sick again and hold us back. Do you wanna see your family or not?” 

Your eyes widen and you open your mouth, though your mind is empty and you couldn’t form a sentence if you tried. His words feel like a slap in your face. The hurt residing in your chest is deep enough as it is. To feel such anger from someone who did nothing but defend and comfort you till now feels awfully painful. He had never been angry at you before. He had never done anything to make you doubt how he feels about you. Eddie had your back from the start, back when he knew barely anything about you. He was the one who fought for you to stay with them, and now… this?

Steve’s heart aches at the sight of your shocked expression. His sad eyes soften when he notices the hurt flashing in your eyes. He froze at Eddie’s words. 

“Okay, what crawled up your ass?” Nancy finally snaps, dropping her bowl on the table the way he did as she glares daggers into her best friend, having had enough of his attitude and the silent treatment he is punishing her with. She felt nothing but sadness for the past few days but now she can’t help but feel angry. “What is your problem?”

Eddie closes his eyes and takes a deep breath before he turns to face her. 

“I am not talking to you.” 

“Clearly!” Nancy scoffs, shaking her head at him. “You are being an asshole.” She snaps, having had enough of this. 

You blink, snapping out of it. Your eyes meet his for just a second, but a second enough to see the worry and the pity. God. You don’t need that. His eyebrows are furrowed as he continues to look at you, and you can’t take it. You force your eyes away from him. 

“Right.” Eddie scoffs. 

“No, you’ve been an asshole since the party! Giving us the silent treatment and only opening your mouth to be a jerk… really, Munson?” Nancy exclaims, tilting her head to the side as she stares at her best friend. Her words come from anger and despair, but her eyes say something else. Something Eddie can’t even see through the haze that he is in. 

You look between them, and when you see the way they look at each other, the way they never did before, your heart starts pounding a little. 

“That’s rich coming from you.” Eddie laughs humorlessly. 

“What is that supposed to mean?” Nancy snaps, squinting her eyes at him. 

“You were an asshole first, Wheeler. You were a real asshole.” Eddie mumbles, and for the first time in days, you see something other than indifference in his eyes. You see disappointment towards Nancy. 

And you see the way Nancy freezes as she gets quiet for a moment. The realization sinks in when her eyes flicker over to Steve, only for a brief second. 

The lump in your throat grows, and your heart starts pounding a little faster when you look between them. Did she say something to him? Did they argue when you weren’t there? Did she hurt him? 

Anxiety creeps up on you as your eyes flicker back and forth between them, noticing how Steve avoids her glaring blue eyes, no ounce of remorse or guilt in them, while his are filled with sadness. 

“With good reason.” Nancy murmurs under her breath, shaking her head at Eddie. 

“Really?” Eddie scoffs as he leans forward. “If you really think so then I have every reason to be disappointed in you.” 

The fear that you have been the reason for all of this turns into harsh reality at his next words. 

“You took care of someone you met just months ago, when the one who has been here for years should have been your priority.” 

There have been many moments in your life when you have felt like your heart stopped beating, when the pain was so deep that you froze and could only stare. Harsh words have been thrown at you before. Friendships have been broken. Friendships that were only ever one-sided. People you gave your everything to, dropped you without batting an eye, replacing you without a struggle. 

In the end it was only ever you. No matter how much you tried, you never found people who wanted you. 

You found something real here. You found them. Eddie and Nancy, who took you in, invited you into their home without a moment of hesitation. And even Steve, who despite his efforts to push you away, let you in. 

It was good. It was nice. For a moment, you had everything you ever wanted. You can’t believe that the reason for it to fall apart would be yourself. And even worse, it didn’t only fall apart for you. It’s falling apart for them now too. They are falling apart. 

The lump in your throat grows bigger and bigger, cutting off the air to breathe. Your eyes start burning with unwanted tears as you look between Eddie and Nancy. Their voices are faded now as they still argue. All you see are the angry glares they throw at each other while Steve looks helplessly between them. 

Your ears start ringing, and your chest starts hurting so badly when you take a good look at him. 

He is suffering. 

He is suffering because of you. You broke that friendship between you because you couldn’t control your feelings. 

Nancy is suffering because she is on the way to losing her best friend, because of you. Because she was angry at Steve for hurting you, because she chose your side when she shouldn’t have. You never wanted this. You never wanted her to pick a side. You never wanted her to be angry at him. 

“Sunshine?” 

You snap out of it. Blinking a few times, you look up at him to see him eyeing your face. His hazel eyes are filled with worry, and you can’t take it. You can’t. 

Nancy and Eddie pay no attention to you or him; they keep snapping at each other. Your name is never mentioned, and Eddie doesn’t throw you in directly, but you know that every jab is meant to be directed at you. 

And you can’t take this anymore. 

You can’t watch them fall apart anymore. 

You can’t let yourself be the reason for them to lose one another. 

You get up and storm away, not noticing how Steve was ready to run after you, thinking that you were about to go through the door and out into the storm. But he settles back into his seat when you lock yourself in the bathroom. 

You grip the edges of the sink as you take a deep breath. One look in the mirror is enough to cause those tears to fall. An indifference towards yourself growing deeply. The sickening feeling in your chest keeps spreading as the realization sinks deeper and deeper. 

Of course, you had to ruin that one good thing in your life. 

And you dragged them down with you. 

But you can’t, you won’t keep doing that. You won’t ruin what they have. You won’t add further damage. 

So, despite the pain and the heartache, your next decision is an easy one. 

-

Steve is sipping on what must be his third cup of coffee, though it does little to take away his exhaustion. He is tired, more than ever before, but he can’t sleep. Every time his eyes close, cruel pictures invade his mind. Nightmares that only ever consisted of Robin and how he could not save her are now replaced with you getting ripped away from him, and every time it happens differently, leaving him to feel more afraid after each nightmare. 

He is sitting by the fire, across from Nancy, whose eyes are practically burning with rage. He felt small beneath her gaze before, feeling the indifference towards him in a whole new way. It makes him feel uncomfortable, but also a little irritated because she won’t even really talk to him. All she does is snap at him and glare daggers into his skin. 

It worsened after he saw you talking to her earlier. 

The whole day was spent in awkward, tense silence after Eddie’s and Nancy’s fight the night before. Nobody really talked to each other. Nobody really looked at one another. Only when Eddie decided that it was time for a break from driving were you all forced to interact in some way. 

While Eddie and Steve prepared a little fire, you had dragged Nancy away from them and towards the little stream Eddie stopped the RV by. Steve couldn’t make out any words that left your mouth, though he saw the sadness on your face from a mile away. His curiosity made him watch the whole interaction, and when he saw the shock and denial on Nancy’s face as she shook her head, his heart fell a little. Despite not knowing what it was that you had said to her, he felt anxiety creeping up on him. Nancy kept shaking her head and fighting you over whatever you were saying, though he could see that you were set on it. 

You avoided his eyes when you made your way back to the RV, and you haven’t left it ever since. 

Now he is left dealing with Nancy’s hateful eyes as she is cleaning her gun. He wants to glare back at her, but the brunette looks a little intimidating right now, especially with that gun in her head. He is convinced that a part of her wants to aim it at him. 

He takes another sip of his coffee and looks around. The little spot that Eddie had picked is beautiful. A hidden little spot in the forest, surrounded by pine trees. A pretty stream where Eddie is sitting by on his camping chair, away from everyone. The sun is shining, melting the snow on the ground. It’s difficult to appreciate this scenery when his heart is aching and his friend group is falling apart. 

When he looks back at Nancy, she huffs and rolls her eyes, making him clench his jaw. 

“You got something you want to say to me, Nance?” 

“Nothing nice.”

Steve scoffs and nods his head. 

“Yeah, I figured that.” 

“So we can agree that you’re an asshole? Amazing.”

Steve squints his eyes at her. Irritation bubbling up inside of him. He’s had enough of this. He’s had enough of her attitude, and he’s had enough of watching Eddie treat you so coldly. He’s had enough of them picking sides. He’s had enough of them fighting each other, when they were inseparable before. 

It’s nice to know that he isn’t the only one who feels protective over you, but he is sick of everything that has been happening after leaving Wyoming. 

He takes a deep breath and opens his mouth, though he never uses his voice. The words get caught in his throat when the RV door opens and you come out, stealing his attention. Your eyes meet his for a second, and his whole body freezes when he sees the redness in them. The circles under your eyes are deep and dark. Your whole expression is one of sadness. You have been crying. 

It isn’t only his heart that aches at the sight of you, it’s his whole being that aches. He swallows harshly and holds the cup tighter in his hand. The urge to drop everything and rush to your side and pull you into his arms is stronger than ever. 

But he can’t. 

You break eye contact and move down the stairs as you tug your jacket tighter around your body. You look around for Eddie, and when you spot him by the stream, you start making your way towards him. Ignoring Steve’s eyes on you. Ignoring Nancy’s worried gaze. 

You breathe in the fresh air. Nerves running high as you approach the metalhead. You clear your throat to announce your presence behind him, but he doesn’t even look up. He is staring at the water, smoking a cigarette.

You stop beside him and appreciate the view before you for a second, and you take another deep breath before you turn to face him. 

“Eddie?”

He only hums in response, not even acknowledging your presence. 

“Can we talk?” You ask, hating how shaky your voice sounds. 

“Sure.” He mumbles, still not looking at you. He brings his cigarette up to his lips, taking another drag. 

You shift on your feet uncomfortably, blinking as you feel your eyes growing hot again. You never thought that you would have to deal with this. You never thought that you would be on the receiving end of his indifference. But he made things very clear last night. 

You wait for him to look up, to at least take a look at you, but he doesn’t. 

“Can you at least look at me?” You know that you are starting to sound desperate, but you can’t help it. You thought you meant to him as much as he meant to you. 

You can see him clenching his jaw, taking a deep breath, and huffing. 

Your shoulders drop, and your face falls further. The pain is hitting you harder than before.

“Okay then… I guess not.” You mumble, looking down at your feet as your vision gets blurry. “You won’t have to deal with me much longer.” 

At that, his head finally snaps up and he looks at you with furrowed eyebrows. 

“What?” He asks, no longer interested in the view before him or his cigarette. 

“You barely look at me, you don’t even talk to me anymore. I can tell that you don’t want me around anymore–”

Finally, he stands up and steps towards you. His eyes are big and confused. 

“What are you trying to say?” He asks, trying to make you meet his eyes as he tilts his chin down. 

You take another deep breath after swallowing the lump in your throat. You look up, still blinking so as to not let the tears fall. 

“I already told Nancy… I’m… after I find my way home, I’m taking my family back to Wyoming.” 

It’s a decision you didn’t want to make. You wanted to go with them. But you are not going to invade Steve’s home. You are not going to add further damage to a friendship you already managed to break. 

Eddie freezes. 

His anger filled eyes widen, flashing with confusion and shock. 

“W-What? What… Why? You said you were coming with us–”

You shake your head and cross your arms over your chest. 

“It’s better for everyone that way. I’m not going to move into a town he is supposed to feel comfortable in,” you point in Steve’s direction before you angrily wipe your fallen tear away. “And I’m not gonna be the reason for you all to fall apart. You were right, Nancy shouldn’t have taken care of me, she should have been there for him.”

Eddie furrows his eyebrows. Guilt flashes in his eyes, and it crashes over him how awful his words must have sounded to you. 

“Sunshine–”

You shake your head, trying to stop further tears from falling. 

“No, Eddie. It’s okay. I appreciate what you all have done for me, but I won’t stand by and watch you lose each other because of me.” You mumble, your voice getting quieter now as you don’t trust it anymore. 

Eddie shakes his head, staring at you, bewildered. 

“I broke up the group enough as it is. I’m not coming with you. Final word.” Before another tear can roll down your cheek, you turn around and walk away from him. Every step becomes harder as you make your way back to the RV. 

“Sunshine?” Nancy murmurs, getting up from her chair already. 

“I’m gonna take a shower.” You mumble, not looking at her or Steve’s way as you make your way up the steps and slam the door behind you. 

Eddie stands back for a moment, letting your words sink in. Guilt and sadness rushing through him, but even more so, it’s anger and irritation. You aren’t the reason for all of this. It’s the lack of communication between you and the brunette who keeps staring at you with sad eyes instead of acting upon his feelings. This could have been between you; this should have been between you. He doesn’t know how it all blew up like this. But the moment sides were picked, it all started falling apart, and now even more so. 

Do you really think that they will be better off without you? 

Do you really think that you mean this little to them that they could just move on from you and act like you were never there? 

Do you really not see how they were falling apart before you? How Steve wasn’t even there with them? 

He’s had enough. 

Eddie takes a deep breath and starts making his way towards his friends. The despair inside of him to fix all of this running deep. He storms his way over to where Steve is sitting. The man looks up at him, with his eyebrows furrowed and his lips parted. 

“You need to snap out of it, right now!” He points a finger at him. 

“What?” 

Nancy looks between them, confused. She draws back a little when the metalhead turns to face her with anger in his eyes. 

“You knew?” 

She shakes her head, tilting her head to the side, “huh?”

Eddie clenches his jaw, sucking in a deep breath, he tries to calm himself down. 

“That she is not coming to California.”

Nancy’s shoulder slumped, and the confusion on her face faded away. She straightens her back and glances at Steve, who looks like he is frozen in place. His hazel eyes are wide, filled with shock and fear. 

“What…?” 

His voice sounds broken enough to even make her feel bad. She looks down and sighs. The feeling of Eddie’s eyes glaring into her skin, overwhelming her a little. 

“She told me earlier… I couldn’t convince her otherwise…” She mumbles softly. 

Steve’s whole body is frozen. He is staring into blank space as his mind is screaming at him to do something. Not having you anymore, not feeling you in your arms anymore, not being with you like he was before, is one thing, but losing you completely is another. He can’t go on without you, not like this. He was so afraid of losing you that he didn’t notice that he was already on the way there. 

Eddie huffs, shaking his head at this whole situation. He brings his hand up and runs it through his hair. He looks down at Steve, feeling a slight anger towards him again. If only he opened his mouth. 

Eddie knows he needs time, but that time is running out now. 

He thought that their conversation on the porch the night after the party was a push enough, but apparently not, because he still hasn’t done anything about it. 

“What are you going to do?” Eddie asks, forcing him to look up. 

Steve knits his eyebrows together, pursing his lips as he shakes his head in question. 

“What–?”

“Are you going to do something about it or are you just gonna let her do that fucking shit?” Eddie asks, being fed up with everything. 

Steve takes a deep breath. Eddie’s anger is contagious because he is starting to feel it too. Eddie is trying to speak with his eyes, to remind him of what they talked about, to remind him how he felt when you left with another man… just for one night. 

“Eddie–” Nancy starts. 

“No! Shut up!” Eddie snaps at her, pointing a finger at her. “This has nothing to do with you!” 

The girl draws back in shock. Her eyes flicker back and forth between Eddie and Steve. The latter getting angrier each passing second now too. 

“Are you going to let her go back to him?” Eddie asks, knowing where to hit him. 

Steve’s eyes darken at his words. The anger now is so clear in his features. He sucks in a sharp breath. The thought of you leaving him, the thought of being the reason for you to find your way back to Aaron makes him sick, but it also makes him snap, finally. 

“Steve…” Nancy mumbles, seeing the expression on his face. “What are you gonna do?”

Steve slams his cup on the ground, and he gets up. He runs his hand through his hair, huffing as he stares at Eddie. 

“Yeah, no…” Steve shakes his head. Everything boils up inside of him, everything and all at once. It explodes. And he is unable to hold it back any longer. “Fuck that shit.” He grumbles and brushes past the metalhead, and he storms inside the RV.

The despair grows inside of him, making the anger so much more intense than before. A mixture of emotions rushing through him, and he can’t even place what exactly he is feeling. 

Just as he slams the door shut behind him, you come out of the bathroom, wearing nothing but a towel around your body. Your skin is still shining from the water, your hair still dripping. The both of you freeze for a moment, staring at one another. 

You notice his expression, it’s hard not to when he stares at you like this, breathing heavily and looking angrier than ever before. 

“What–”

“We need to talk.” 

You bring your hand up to the knot on your towel, holding it. You huff as you shake your head at him, “there’s nothing to talk about, Steve.” You say as though you don’t miss him, as if you don’t feel anger for how all of this went down. 

“Yes, there is!” Steve exclaims, throwing his hands up. “I’m done with this…I can’t take this anymore.” He points between you and himself. “And now I find out that you aren’t coming with us to California!? Were you ever gonna tell me about that, or did you plan to just hop off the RV and pretend like nothing ever happened between us?” 

“Nothing happened. You made that very clear, Steve. I thought there was a chance, but you quickly shut that down again.” You mumble in confusion, not understanding what the look in his eyes is for, but you see the rage flashing in them when they notice the mark on your collarbone. 

“I–”

“You know why I thought we had a chance?” You ask, feeling irritation spark at you now too. You have thought about what happened many times. You have thought of all the reasons for your unusual courage. You have thought about what Eddie had said about you and Steve before. You have thought about what Aaron had said. “You gave me mixed signals and then you chickened out like a little boy.” 

Steve’s eyes widen at your words, having not expected something like this at all. 

“A little boy– excuse me?” 

“You said I’m childish,” you point at yourself, feeling a rush of sudden anger. “But have you looked into a mirror?” 

Steve draws back in shock. This is not how this was supposed to play out. This is not a sight he expected from you, especially not after you stormed inside the RV looking like you were about to break down. 

But your anger is so clear on your face now. Your eyes are burning with it, just like his own. The energy in the room shifts into something stronger. 

“What did you just say?” He asks as he takes a step towards you. 

“You heard me. You’re a fucking boy. You knew how I felt about you, and you still decided to play with my feelings. Friends don’t sleep in each others’ arms, Steve. Friends don’t hold each others’ hands the way we did. Friends don’t do what we did! You knew exactly what you were doing to me!” You finally get it all off your chest. You finally feel your chest decompressing from every single word you wanted to say to him from the moment he didn’t give you a minute’s peace.

Steve swallows harshly. Guilt creeping back into his chest. He now sees what it seemed like to you and it makes him feel like absolute shit but knowing that you found comfort in someone else right after hurts. Someone you are willing to run back to now. 

“I did what I thought was best! For the both of us! And you, on the other hand, you behaved like a fucking brat, who didn’t get what she wanted and threw herself at the first guy she met!” Steve snaps, letting all his anger out as he moves even closer to you. 

You stare at him in disbelief. You take a step forward too. “You seem to have forgotten what I told you at the mansion! I wanna live my life, Steve! I want to experience things! And I told you that I would do it if given the chance–”

“A chance?” Steve scoffs as hurt flashes in his eyes. “Was that what I was to you? A chance? A possibility?” 

“What!?” You almost yell. 

“Was I like Aaron?! Was that the reason why you approached me, Sunshine?”

How could he even think such a thing? How could he even ask such a thing? After everything that you have done for him? 

Steve’s eyes are so angry, but even through that, you can see something more. You can see the hurt and something else…

“If I only looked for a possibility, then I would have gone for someone like Eddie, not you!” 

He scoffs, shaking his head at you, “what is that supposed to mean!?”

“You hated me, Steve. You made sure I felt that, what makes you think that you would have been a choice if that was the only thing I looked for!?” You ask, tilting your head at him in a way that drives him crazy. 

Steve’s shoulders slump, and he averts his eyes for a second, letting them fall back on your collarbone again. The evidence of another man’s lips on your body now etched on your skin. A reminder of what he was supposed to have, what he could have had if he didn’t push you away. 

How could he have let this go so far? 

You are right, you did tell him that if given the chance, you would take it, and he remembers how nauseous those words have made him feel. 

And he feels the nausea still, just worse than before. To know that he let you slip through his fingers. To know that he is the reason why you spent the night with him… His heart aches in a way it never did before, and it makes his eyes burn. 

“I never– I just never thought that you would actually–” his voice breaks, and he has to turn around, feeling choked up. He feels such anger towards himself that he throws his bruised fist into the wall beside the door. 

You stare at the back of his head. Disbelief and shock cross your features as the realization begins to sink in slowly. 

A friend wouldn’t behave that way. A friend wouldn’t feel such anger over you spending a night with someone. A friend wouldn’t feel so… so jealous. You can’t help but feel annoyed now. 

“Don’t tell me you’re going to act all jealous on me now, Steve! How dare you feel jealous after what you did!?” 

Steve freezes. A scoff falls from his lips. 

“Jealous…” He mumbles and turns around to face you again, shocking you once more when he reveals tears in his eyes. “Try feeling like I’m being stabbed in my heart, in my lungs, in my stomach, Sunshine! Try feeling like my entire world was flipped and I’m back in the upside down again, only that I’m not, and it feels even worse than that!” 

You freeze at his words, at his tears, at all of this. You are confused and you are lost, not following along anymore. All that you can see is a hurt man, suffering because of you, because of his feelings for you. Feelings you thought he did not have. 

Your heart starts aching all over again, and your throat closes up on you. 

A tear rolls down his cheek as he takes a step towards you. 

“I didn’t want to be with you because if something were to happen to me, I didn’t want to be the reason for you to hold back on anything. I already lost someone dear to me, I know how it feels… I don’t want you to go through that too. And the thought of having you, of reaching happiness, of having a life with you, only to lose you… I wouldn’t survive that, Sunshine.” He admits, his voice above a whisper now as those tears roll down his cheeks. 

Your eyes are wide, and the anger is replaced with shock now. Your heart is pounding in your chest. Your breath is knocked out of you. 

Steve takes a deep breath, sniffling as he takes the final step towards you, cornering you against the wall behind you. 

“But fuck… Seeing you with him filled me with as much pain and despair as if you had just died.” 

Your whole face falls and pales at his confession. Your heart drops to your stomach as your eyes well up with tears. The guilt that you have felt before now is growing bigger and bigger, burning you in ways you have never felt before. 

He never rejected you because he didn’t reciprocate your feelings. He never led you on. He never gave mixed signals. He never– Oh god. You stare at him, at his suffering eyes, at the tears that you have caused. 

And Steve can see it. He can see the guilt and the regret in your eyes. He can see the disappointment that you feel for yourself now. 

Your bottom lip trembles as you open your mouth to speak. 

“I’m… I’m–”

Steve shakes his head as he looks into your glassy eyes. 

“Don’t you dare say sorry. Don’t. It– As much as I fucking hate it, there’s no one to blame but me. Don’t say sorry for trying to live your life.”

You sniffle as the anger fades away completely. You can’t even bring yourself to look into his eyes anymore. You tilt your chin down, casting your eyes on the ground. 

“Steve… What is… What is the point in telling me all this now?” You whisper, not trusting your voice anymore. 

Steve had made his decision. He did the night on the porch after he talked to Eddie. He just didn’t find the courage, not until now. Not until he heard her voice in his head. 

‘Don’t be a dingus.’ 

Steve reaches his hands out to you, wrapping them around your wrists, making you look back up at him. He can see the troubled emotions in your teary eyes. 

“Let me go, Steve.” You whisper shakily as you try to pull away, but he doesn’t let you; if anything, it makes him hold you tighter. He takes another step forward, pushing you up against the wall, pressing himself against you. 

He is breathing heavily, and his heart is pounding in his chest, threatening to burst through his skin. His eyes flicker between your eyes and your lips. 

“I don’t think so.” He shakes his head. He will never let go again, he will never let you slip through his fingers again, he will never let you walk away again. 

You feel his tender yet tight hold on your wrists, his skin against your own after so long. You can feel his body against yours. You can feel his breath on your skin. You can feel everything, everything you have longed for. 

“Steve–” 

“I’m never letting you go again, Sunshine.” Steve whispers as he breaks all the promises he had made to himself and smashes his lips against yours, taking your breath away completely. He cradles your cheeks and kisses you in a way no one ever did before. Passionately. Roughly. Desperately. 

It takes you a moment to move, to reciprocate. You are too surprised, too shocked by what is happening. Your heart is pounding in your chest so strongly, you fear that it might explode. 

Steve is kissing you. 

Steve is kissing you like he’s been craving it for god knows how long. 

And the kiss tastes of tears – sorrowful yet aggressive. His lips are soft against your own, his touch even softer. And when it finally really sinks in, you close your eyes and lean into him. You throw your arms around his neck and press yourself against him. Standing on your tippy toes isn’t enough, you place your toes on his boots to be even closer to him. You let go of everything and kiss him back just as desperately. 

His whimper vibrates against your lips, sending shivers down your spine and lust rushing to your core. 

His heart nearly combusts as he finally feels you. He can feel the way your knees buckle when he deepens the kiss without wasting a second, and it only leads him to hold you tighter. He wraps one arm around your waist, securing you against him. 

His large palm covers your entire cheek. His nose bumps into yours as his lips continue to move at a fast pace. He swipes his tongue along your bottom lip, needing to feel you more, needing to deepen the kiss further and further. Your lips are so soft, so perfect against his own. How did he wait for so long? How could he waste so much time? Kissing you feels like everything he imagined and more. 

And kissing him feels like everything you have thought it would. It makes you weak in the knees. It makes you ache for more. It makes you crave him more and more and more. You cup his face, holding him with both hands. Your heart flutters when he moans and holds you tighter. 

Even as you both grow breathless, you refuse to break the kiss you both have craved for so long, not wanting the moment to end even when you both know that this is just the beginning of it all. 

Only when you feel like you are about to pass out from the lack of air do you pull away. You open your eyes at the same time. No words need to be said. Your eyes speak enough words. 

“I’m done being stupid.” Steve whispers as he looks at you through hooded eyes. He leans down and pecks your lips. “I want to live.” Kiss. “I’m so fucking scared but I want to live; with you.” Kiss. “I’m done pretending you don’t drive me crazy.” Kiss. “I want you so bad, god, you have no idea what you do to me, Sunshine.” 

You whimper at his action, at all the kisses, at all his words. The hope that once bloomed inside of you, rising up from the dead. Your eyes are wide, glinting with a happiness he hasn’t seen in so long. 

“Show me.” You whisper, pleading with your eyes. “Please.” 

He never planned for this to happen, let alone like this. But who is he to deny you any longer? 

He wastes no second to connect his lips to yours again, and this time you don’t hesitate to kiss back right away, making him weak in the knees as well. His heart soars in his chest, beating so strongly out of happiness – just like yours does. 

You pull him back and away from the spot you are still standing on and Steve doesn’t hesitate to back you up and towards the back of the RV, not breaking the kiss once, not even as he rips his jacket off and you help him out of it, pushing it down his arms and throwing it on the ground. 

He picks you up, his arms around your body, and your legs dangle a bit from the ground, so he doesn’t step on your toes while walking towards the bed, making you whimper into his mouth. He can’t help but smile into the kiss at the sound. 

You couldn’t believe that you were finally kissing him, and what this night led to. You felt the edge of the bed at your calves and then he lowered the both of you down, your back hitting the bed. Your arms were wrapped around his shoulders, tightly, the kiss never ending. If you could stay like this forever, you would. You definitely would. 

Steve was trying not to lose his mind as his tongue danced with yours. As your legs spread so he could fit in between. This only happened in his very rare nice dreams. Dreams he had when he only held you close to him. When you two slept with each other. He should savor the first time between the two of you a little more, but his feelings were clawing at his chest, begging to come out. 

And you wanted him. You told him to show you, and that he will. He was done denying you. He was done being a fucking idiot. He was done being a walking corpse. He wanted to live, and his only oxygen was you. He loves Eddie, Nancy, the teens… But somehow, Steve knows that you are his reason for living now. As horrible as it sounds, as unfair as it is, but you had carved your way into his soul so easily. Terrifyingly easy.

His hips rubbed into yours, and you could feel him completely because you were naked underneath that towel. You should be feeling shame, embarrassment, but all you can feel now is how happy you are. How much you want this. How much you need him. How much you need to show him how you feel. 

He moaned into your mouth, and you never thought you would hear that in your life, and much less because you were the reason for this sound. It’s been a long while for Steve, and rubbing his growing bulge against your naked center, was not doing good things for his brain chemistry… nor his dignity.

But it was a point of no return now. He pulled away from your lips, his breath hitting your lips heavily, his eyes finding yours for a split second. His mouth found your cheek, then your jaw, then he started going down. You gasped when you felt him kiss your pulse point, then nip at it. Shivers ran down your entire spine as your nails dug into his scalp.

Steve was in heaven with the taste of your skin on his tongue. Finally. You were like a forbidden fruit. You were that chocolate you delight yourself on a cheat day. You tasted divine. You were perfect, and he always knew you would be, but now he had the proof of it. 

“Steve–” You breathed out, and he hummed with delight as his hips rutted into yours again, the desperation growing at each second.

“Perfect… So fucking perfect, Sunshine…” He mumbled into your skin as he moved to the other side of the neck. His mind flickered with the memory of what’s on your collarbone, so he guided his mouth towards it, and your back arched a bit at the feeling on your sensitive skin.

You gasped when you felt his mouth engulf the mark someone else had left on your skin. Steve groaned, his hands digging onto your waist, fingers printing on your skin through the damp towel. He was going to rebrand you. He didn’t want traces of the other man on you. He had to cover them. Gladly, this was the only mark he could see that needed to be erased.

He made it messy, bigger, red with purple hues all around it. He pulled away to admire his work, and his entire body shook when he saw you underneath him. Your wet hair was all over the mattress, your chest moving up and down, your eyes half lidded, and your lips all swollen thanks to his kisses. 

And his mark. Now big. Vibrant. 

His jaw clenched, moving downwards again to take your lips with his only for a peck, making you whine when you felt him pull away. He chuckled slightly, his lips moving to nip at your jaw, to then breathe into your ear, his hips now moving in circles against you, and you could only gasp and moan at the feeling of his bulge rubbing against your clit.

“I’m so mad at myself–” And you felt him bite onto your earlobe, making you sigh. “So fucking mad… I wanted to be your first. I really wanted to…” He sighed against your ear and then moved down to kiss underneath it. “But I can work with being your last, so please– Please, Sunshine–”

“Steve–” You breathe out, your nails digging into his shoulder blades, feeling him grow bigger in his pants. He didn’t hear you, or that’s what you thought at least, because you felt him kiss your pulse point again, making a moan escape your lips. “Steve–”

He finally realized you were calling out to him, so he pulled away from you, breathing heavily. His eyes looked down at you, and you could see the fire inside his hazel orbs. How much desperation, hunger, and emotions swerved inside. 

“You don’t– Not now–?” You shushed him, shaking your head at him, your eyes finding his lips, you were already missing. 

“You… can still be my first.”

And Steve stopped breathing. What did you just say? 

“What?” The question came out more cracked than he anticipated, but he couldn’t help it. He really couldn’t. Your eyes were looking up at him, a guilty frown appearing on your eyebrows as you looked away, gulping down your nervousness.

“I– I couldn’t…” And fuck, you didn’t want to cry. You really didn’t, but there were so many feelings coursing through you that you could barely begin to describe each one. Your voice cracked a bit as you kept talking. “I kept– I kept thinking about you… And I just couldn’t… I fucking couldn’t…”

And Steve could sense the hidden anger behind your tone. Not directed at him, but probably at yourself. He had rejected you, and an opportunity presented to you, one you wanted to experience before you passed, or before something happened, and you could not fulfill it because… of him. 

How could he have been so fucking stupid? He really didn’t deserve your forgiveness. He didn’t deserve you. You thought of him in times when the only person you should care about is yourself. Steve didn’t deserve you… But even with that knowledge, Steve wasn’t going to ever let you go. He was going to fight to be the man you deserved. Not a boy. A man. 

And he felt so selfish for feeling happy about this outcome. He felt so evil for feeling relief out of you not having your first time with that man. He felt so greedy for feeling happy that now, he was the one to experience you first. Hoping he would be the last as well. That you would know of no other body but his.

But then it dawned on him just how rough he was being. How straightforward he was. Fuck, this should be special, and he was acting like an animal. He wanted to wreck you just seconds ago, ruin you for eternity, but now, all he wanted was to make this special. Make your first time be a nice one, almost painless. 

So he drew his hips back, and your head snapped towards him again, desperate eyes following, which caught him off guard. Your arms came to wrap around his shoulders again, your head shaking from side to side. He gulped, his hips stuttering with the need to press down again, but fuck– He wanted to be a gentleman. 

“Sunshine–”

“Steve, baby, please–” His brain chemistry completely malfunctioned at the nickname. His hips came crashing down onto you, instantly, as if he were magnetized. A moan escaped your lips before you spoke again. “I want it. I want you. Please…” 

“Are you sure?” He had to ask and hear that this was fine from your part. His self control was wavering the more he thought of what was about to happen, trying to remember where were the condoms Eddie had jokingly brought into the fucking RV.

You gave him a nod, his hair falling over his face as he stared down at you. The both of you were breathing heavily, looking down at each other, eyes filled with need, with want, with desperation. He gulped as his head reeled with anticipation, his eyes falling to the knot that secured the towel to your chest. 

His eyes found yours again, and you gulped, fingers kneading into his scalp softly. You gave him a slow nod again, wanting him to continue. You needed him to continue. You’ve been craving this for too long. You’ve been craving someone like him for too long. 

He pecked you once, soft, long, and your belly turned with the amount of butterflies that just burst inside. When he pulled away, his hand moved towards the knot, slowly, fingers grazing over the fabric. He would see you bare. He would be able to drink you in, completely, and his heart could barely stand it.

“Stevie…” And when you whisper his name sweetly, it does it. His fingers hook inside, and he is pulling–

The side door of the RV bursts open, fierce stomps rushing in as well as jagged breaths from your other two friends, who you have forgotten completely about for the past minutes. Or hours. It felt like hours. Kissing Steve felt endless, if you had a say. Steve hissed when he pressed himself completely on you so your dignity would not be displayed to the people who had just entered.

“SORRY, LOVEBIRDS, WE GOTTA GO!!!” Eddie yelled once, not before turning his head to see the display of Steve on top of you on the bed. He wanted to yell in victory, but the slam of the RV’s door closing snapped him away, and he sprang into action again, running to the driver’s seat.

Nancy was breathing heavily, her eyes widening at the scene at the back of the RV, making her squeal and clench her eyes tightly as she rushed towards the folding screen that separated the bedroom from the rest of the RV, blindly waving her hands around to try to give you guys privacy. Steve was frowning, his head looking over his shoulder in complete and utter confusion as Nancy finally closed the blinds.

“What is going on!?” He yelled, and you were still in another dimension, trying to gather yourself again to understand the situation. You could hear Nancy yelling, and then a slam at the top of your head, at the top of the RV. Then another. Your fear creeped in as Steve snapped his head to look up, then the engines came to life.

“EDDIE TOUCHED SOMETHING HE SHOULDN’T HAVE!” Nancy yelled, and you could feel your heart hammering in your chest at the mix of emotions that threatened to send you into cardiac arrest. 

“How was I supposed to know THESE FUCKERS CAN REPRODUCE!? I DIDN’T KNOW IT WAS A NEST!” At that, Steve grew a bit more alarmed, but before he could ask, he was jerked into the bed with you, further up, thanks to the sudden speed Eddie started driving in. 

“Shit!” Steve’s arms held onto you as a few slams could be heard outside the RV, and when he looked out the window, he saw the demobats flying next to their motorhome. 

“If only YOU WEREN’T BEING AN ASSHOLE TO ME, AND ACTUALLY LISTENED, THIS WOULDN’T HAVE HAPPENED!” Nancy was still yelling, and your arms were wrapped tightly around Steve as the RV suddenly swerved, turning left, and you squealed when you two started rolling to the right.

“Jesus CHRIST!” You yelled as Steve used his foot to prevent you from slamming into the wall behind you, his arms still around your body, your face tucked into his chest. The slams against the RV became less, and then, there was another swerve to the right, sending you both rolling towards the left.

“MUNSON!” Steve yelled as his back collided with the wall, making a grunt escape him. He was trying to hold you close so that your towel would also not fall from your body. The RV drove fast, steady, rocking a bit, and then he felt Eddie slowing down. He let out a sigh, looking around the ceiling, seeing some dents on the corners from the hits of the monsters, but nothing too big. 

“OKAY, I THINK WE’RE CLEAR!” You heard Eddie yell, and you let out a sigh of relief at the same time Steve did. 

“You okay, Sunshine?” Your heart never stopped beating like crazy, first from happiness, then adrenaline and fear, and now from happiness again. Steve is in your arms, and you are in his. You gulped, nodding, looking up at him.

“Y-Yeah… I– What the fuck happened?” Steve groaned as he glared at the closed blinds, before looking down at you again. He really didn’t want to let go of you, but he didn’t want you to catch a cold. He kissed your forehead, making the both of you sit up again.

“I’ll find out. Meanwhile, you get dressed.” Your eyes scanned his features, and you couldn’t help yourself when you raised your hand up, moving his hair away from his eyes, and he felt the air being sucked away from his lungs at your gesture. He took your lips with his in a gentle kiss, short, pulling away when the two of you heard grunting on the other side.

“Don’t let them kill each other…” You softly spoke, and he huffed, shaking his head. He gave you one more kiss on your cheek before standing up, and moving the folding screen so he could walk out. Nancy and Eddie shut their mouths when Steve closed the screen again, a glare in his features as he walked towards the front. 

Neither Eddie nor Nancy was looking at him. They looked guilty and nervous. From what Steve gathered, it was Eddie who started it, so his hand found his friend’s shoulder, feeling him stiffen underneath him as the grip on the steering wheel tightened.

“Munson.” Eddie gulped, clearing his throat, knowing he fucked the most amazing opportunity up for his best friend.

“I– Uh… Well, what happened was, Harrington–” But Nancy cut him off completely.

“He was being an ass, and I told him he should not touch the glowing thing in the cave–”

“A cave, Mrs. Wheeler, here, walked in first, by the way–”

“I didn’t put a gun to your head to follow me in!” She yelled back, to which Eddie glared at the road, scoffing.

“Oh, so you want me to just watch my best friend enter a dark cave, all by herself!?” He spat back, and Nancy fake laughed, shaking her head.

“So, now I’m your best friend!? That’s so fucking rich–!” 

“HEY, HEY, HEY!” Steve finally yelled, waving his hands around, trying to stop them from talking, and Nancy looked at him, while Eddie closed his mouth. “So, what the fuck happened?”

“... I– I didn’t know it was an egg…” Eddie finally confessed, and he gulped as he continued, “It was just so shiny! And it looked like a pimple! I just–”

“Don’t tell me you popped it like a pimple, or I swear to god–” Steve closed his eyes as he inhaled deeply, but Eddie remained silent. Nancy was quiet for a few seconds, knowing Steve was growing angrier, and even when she didn’t want to defend Eddie… She couldn’t help herself.

“On our defense… It’s the first time we've found a nest that belonged to them…” At her words, Steve finally sighed, letting the air out. Still– His hand came flying to the back of Eddie’s head, making him headbang once, and then he pinched Nancy’s nose, making her squeal and swat him away. 

“This is what you get for being stupid. Both of you.” Steve wasn’t going to say it out loud, but he also wanted to strike them for interrupting him. He felt eyes on him, and he saw Eddie looking at him through the rear-view mirror. “What?”

Eddie started wiggling his eyebrows at him, which only made Steve blush, and cross his arms over his chest, rolling his eyes. He suddenly remembered, he was supposed to take over with Eddie, and that meant he wouldn’t be able to be with you. He felt his heart quickening its pace at the prospect of leaving your side again, but, Nancy… She would be awake for 24 hours straight if he changed his spot with hers.

“Nance, you… You should uh… Go to bed.” Steve started, trying not to wince from the pain of those words. Nancy scoffed, shaking her head.

“As if it weren’t obvious enough, we are changing places.” Eddie’s eyes widened slightly, worry flashing over them. Steve stuttered a bit, shaking his head.

“No, that’s– You need to sleep–” 

“You need to sleep.” It wasn’t an insult or a bad joke. Nancy looked at him with serious eyes, her lips pressed together, as if stern. “So, we are changing places.”

“... She is right, Steve.” Eddie commented, his eyes not leaving the road as he drove. Steve’s jaw clenched with conflict, about to try to talk Nancy out of it, but then she continued, straightening up again on her seat, looking out the window.

“Plus, it gives me private time to talk a bit with this asshole here, who is also my best friend… so…” Eddie huffed a laugh, but didn’t complain. Steve looked back and forth on them, knowing they did in fact need to talk, but Nancy’s health also mattered.

“I know more than anyone what lack of sleep can cause–”

“It’s just 24 hours, Steve… I’ll be fine.” Nancy gave her final word of it, and Steve knew it. He sighed, the RV rocking slowly now as Eddie kept his eyes on the road. He then talked, interrupting the silence between the three of them.

“Big boy, they’re in the cupboard below the sink, by the way.”

“Huh?” Steve asked, completely confused, and Eddie smirked, looking over his shoulder as Steve leaned in, the scene all too familiar.

“Condoms.” Steve blushed a deep red, smacking the back of Eddie’s head again, eliciting a pained groan from the metal head. Nancy tried to hide a giggle, putting her palm over her mouth. 

For a split second, everything was normal again.

“Steve?” Your voice snapped him out of his thoughts, his heart stopping for a second before he turned around to see you peeking out from the folding screen. He could feel his body warming up again, knowing he would hold you tonight, sleep with you, just sleep with you, was enough to make him believe he was the luckiest man in the world.

He gave Nancy one last glance, and she gave Steve a nod and a soft smile. The first smile after days. He felt the corner of his lips tug, turning to finally walk back to you. He closed the door behind him, and you were already tucked in bed, sitting, waiting for him. 

Your eyes followed him when he opened a drawer from underneath the bed, taking out his sleep shirt and sweatpants. You licked your lips in anticipation, wondering if he would change in front of you or not. Should you cover your eyes? Maybe? You’ve seen him shirtless, sure–

The moment he took his shirt off, embarrassment filled every inch of your body. You hid your face in your bent knees, against the comforter. You felt your stomach doing somersaults, and you could feel a tornado inside of it as well. Privacy. You are giving him privacy.

And Steve was planning on going to change to the bathroom, but since you were hiding yourself already, which he thought was cute, there was no harm in changing here. You are so shy now. He noticed it. Your voice when calling out to him was small, doubtful. He took his pants off, his eyes never leaving your form to check if you were peeking or not, and he put his sweatpants on, followed by his shirt. 

“You can uncover your eyes, Sunshine.” He chuckled when you looked up at him, and he could see just how flushed you must be. He crawled into the bed, sitting next to you. “You already saw me in my underwear, and I saw you, remember? No need to be embarrassed…”

You whimpered at the memory, looking away from him as you felt your cheeks burn a thousand degrees. You couldn’t help but feel embarrassed, bashful, too nervous to even look at him, despite what almost happened between you two.

“Those were– very different circumstances…” Steve hummed a bit, now realizing what you meant. He had to take it a bit slow, at least until you were relaxed around him. He leaned towards you, pressing a kiss at the top of your head that made your heart jump into your throat. Your eyes found his, and after so long, after so many weeks, he finally smiled at you.

“Hi, baby.” 

Those words coming out of him made your entire body melt. Your fingertips grew itchy, with the need to touch, and your lips became dry. It was more than just the nickname. It was the smile you had been missing for so long. The smile that had disappeared from his features, was now back, and it appeared when he looked at you. 

Your eyes filled with tears, yet you gave him a soft smile as well, your nose bumping his.

“Hi, Stevie…” 

☀︎

FINALLY. HUH?