pour a little sugar on it honey

Yes! It’s like, proof and a constant reminder that someone was dancing out there, and that’s adorable to me! But being haunted by Lost Boys doesn’t sound like fun so yikes, non-poisonous it is! Unless you died and haunted me forever, but I like you alive better! A non-Lost-Girl can still pull off some epic pranks but, um, Olivia says I should be focusing on getting a role in the musical instead so! Would you think someone’s cute with half their head blown off? Cute in personality, maybe, but cute in the face? Not so much.

Lost Boys don’t dance; that’s for Tiger Lily and her tribe. Lost Boys run and stomp and sometimes we even slide, but we don’t dance. I’m the Head of the Lost Boys, I’m only going to die if Christian decides he wants to duel me to the death to take my place, because there’s no way I’m giving it up to him without a fight. The other Lost Boys, maybe, but have you met my cousin? He’s so... soft. He’s a great second in command because he keeps everybody from fighting, but if he were the head honcho the Lost Boys would never be the same. Right, the play. Margarita’s gonna be pissed dancer chicks are trying to take her weirdo roles, are you sure you want to do that? But no, cute’s not a word I like using. Badass, maybe; someone with a half-blown-off face would look badass.

Dang! I mean, if anyone could pull off a hook and not immediately be seen as more villainous somehow, it’d be Christian, but hands are important! There’s this old movie called The Pianist where  this chick-piano player gets her fingers cut off for punishment and, dude it’s brutal. Adam Driver’s a great example of why people should do the separation of art - and - artist though, poor dude! I’m glad his career eventually recovered but Star Wars is the chance of a lfietime. I dunno, the theater kids don’t seem that weird to me. They’re maybe a little bit dramatic but my little brother goes by Von Radcliffe, I really don’t mind people with a flair for the drama, and Margarita seems to shine within them, especially paired up with my cousin Raz. They’re like the dream team.

I asked him about the hook, but I don’t even think he was going to get one; I don’t know what kind of fake hand he’d use instead but it would be decidedly less menacing. A shame, really; I’d totally want the hook, or scissors or something. That sounds pretty douchey; did she have to play with her nubs or did she just give up forever. Oh yeah, Razarita, just great; I love when I can hear them singing in the house, or practicing scenes, or when I walk in and they won’t break their weird characters so I have to figure out what the hell they’re trying to act like today. If you don’t think it’s weird maybe it just means you’re as weird as they are? You should really come audition to be a Lost Boy sometime, it might be good for you before you’re too far gone.

That’s so cute! You know those circles of mushrooms out in the woods? Those are called fairy-rings and the legends used to say that it was fairies dancing in circles that caused them, that makes dancing rituals led by moi even cuter, I love it! What can I say, I’m an ambitious person, and underestimating a lady is the fastest way to get yourself pranked, Sherbs! Kiwi’s too cute for his head to explode, I guess Pandora and I are just going to have to keep loving him in shifts. My love really is that strong.

It’s cuter because you’re making mushroom circles? I mean, sure, I just hope they’re not the poisonous ones. The Lost Boys get lost and hungry sometimes and if we die of mushrooms someday, their ghosts might come back to haunt you. I’m not underestimating! I kind of think I’m overestimating right now, since I’m still not even sure you’re going to be a Lost Girl, your clock’s already ticking. You don’t think he’d still be cute with half his head blown off? Sounds like fake love to me.

Uh, first of all, Sawyer’s my sister, not my girlfriend. My half-sister, anyway, but I’d hope that was enough to disqualify her as a lady friend in other people’s eyes. I don’t think I’d be Lost Boy material even if I was lucky enough to have a girlfriend, though, I’d be way too scared of accidentally messing up my hands somehow. I’m a fan of separating the art from the artist, so even if I hate songs I don’t hate the person who made them, since I know making song is one of the hardest things of all, but I didn’t realize other people didn’t think of it that way, wow. Here’s hoping you guys don’t think my music is boring or that my lyrics are cheesy when they hit the radio! Or the school musical, as the case may be - do you watch the school musicals at all, like for your sister or something? Because I haven’t, really, but it seems a fun place to try out more songwriting. 

Yeah, sounds like that might be a real issue for you. We’ve definitely had a mermaid smash a dude’s hand on the rocks before, and there was that time that Christian almost got his hand bitten off by Tick-Tock just like Captain Hook did. Nah, dude, other people don’t do the separation thing like at all. It’s kind of like how everyone hated Adam Driver for a while when all he did wrong was play Kylo Ren. Seriously, who wouldn’t have taken a job in a Star Wars movie??? Yeah, we all get dragged to go support Margarita on family nights, so if you’re doing music for that I guess I’ll hear you then. Why would you, though? The theater kids are a little off, I’m always worried Margarita’s going to join a cult every time she goes to a cast party.

Sorry, it’s just weird to me! I don’t think I’ve ever actually disliked anyone, now that I’m really thinking about it. It’s easy to dislike people that rain on your parade, but no one hates a musician, which makes not having enemies way easier, I think. YIKES. Maybe if she found someone to actually babysit she’d be too busy to tag along? Babysitting for money beats babysitting a brother by a lot. Ha, in that case, better not make Moonshine and Sawyer a unit - I seriously feel like the world would fall to chaos without Sawyer sometimes, or at least I would. I’m pretty sure she’s my voice of reason.

You clearly don’t know enough people. Get outside more, you can even audition to be a Lost Boy if you think you’ve got what it takes. Actually, plenty of people hate musicians; they think your music’s boring or lame, or that your rapping is stupid, or that your lyrics are too cheesy, or -- you can definitely make enemies, okay? You just can. I think she likes science experiments more than she likes babysitting, but maybe someone in the kingdom has a science nerd baby we can stick her with. Wow, way to make it sound like you’re in love with her, Amadeus. I take it back, you can’t audition for the Lost Boys if you’ve got a girlfriend.

A dancing Lost Girl? That sounds like I’d be playing a Lost Girl in a musical instead of, well, actually being one, but I actually totes like the outdoors, so don’t worry, I’m thinking about it, and if I end up taking you up on it, I’ll let you know by means of an epic prank you’ll never see coming. You really think that? I love that you love magic, real or created. Either’s good. PLEASE, THERE’S NO ONE BUT ME FOR THE JOB. I totes will! I love the little guy, even more than Pandora does, probably. Not that it’s a contest but if it was, I’d be winning.

No, you’d just be like, having dancing rituals. We have a secret handshake, yours could be a dance move to prove you’re a loyal member. Me? Not see a prank coming? That’s a little ambitious coming from someone who’s not even officially LOST yet. Yeah, why would I not just say what I mean? Mom and dad always taught us to be really honest about stuff. Wow, that’s a lot of love. I kind of want to see you guys both with him in the same room at the same time, his head might explode. Brains and guts are taking new pranking to a whole level.

Margarita: So are MUSICAL TRYOUTS, you dingaling.

Margarita: Wow, you really have missed like every dinner this week if you don't know the answer to that.

Sherbert: Why

Sherbert: Are

Sherbert: You

Sherbert: Singing

Sherbert: So

Oh my Beast, I really wanted to, but you boys have bros before hos, right? We have girls before gangs, and dancing with Olivia trumps pretty much everything else, sorry! Gotta stick with my girls and twirls! Of course I’d rather be magic, I like magic way more than science, oops. YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, MISTER. I’LL THINK ABOUT IT, HOW ABOUT THAT? Ohhh, how cute! A Lost Boy in the smallest size possible. Give him a high five for me, will you?

Okay, but you could be a dancing Lost Girl. I mean, just because Olivia hates the outdoors doesn’t mean you have to, right? She could learn a lot from somebody like you. I think everybody does, but hey, the king still thinks it’s scary or something, we’ve just got to work on making some unofficial magic of our own. OKAY, YOU BETTER ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE OTHERWISE I’VE GOT TO START SEARCHING FOR OTHER OPTIONS. You should come do it yourself, he feels cool when older girl’s pay attention to him. Pandora’s spoiled him.

Because why would you pick to dislike someone? It’s bad enough when you can’t help but dislike someone, but if you have the option, it should always be the happier option, right? The only time negative emotions are useful at all are for when you need pain to write songs. I guess being honest is more important than being forgiving to some people, though, can’t judge you there. At least it doesn’t sound like you’re home a lot, right? It’s not like she’ll follow you on excursions and correct you along the way. HA, if Sawyer and Moonshine ever hang out, the world will be cured of all its problems but in the most painful way possible for everyone else involved, that would be something.

Because they’re annoying, come on, man, do we have to talk in circles here? Do you really not dislike anybody that you’ve ver met? Because I don’t believe that for a second. SHE’S FOLLOWED US BEFORE! It’s why I try to ditch Kiwi when I can, she thinks she’s his babysitter or something so she tags along more often if he’s with us. It’s too bad, too, he’s like the perfect little guy to have on missions. Not if we lock them in a soundproof room until the world’s fixed...

F: @archienotarchimedes, he’s got the gayest vibe out of the three of them -- and that’s from someone who’s literally overheard his sister talking about how Phillip manscapes.M: @misterstealyohearts, he’d fit in pretty well with the lost boys.K: @phillipofcamelot. I’ve wanted to kill him lots of times before, here’s my chance.

For the leader of a gang, that wasn’t really that mean! You gotta step up your roasting game if you’re gonna keep your street cred, Sherry. I might’ve been cloned in a lab, though, for all I know! I still like my magic theory better, though. I’m sure they all consider themselves your siblings as much as you consider them yours, though, even Moonshine, I totes wouldn’t worry about it. Speaking of your sibs though, is Kiwi old enough to go on Lost Boy shenanigans with you yet or is he still too teeny tiny?

Our gang’s more about the sticks and stones and breaking bones, we’re not into the words that hurt people. We’re a fun gang, Mariah, that’s why we invited you to join us but you decided to go do the dancing thing instead of being a Lost Girl. Magic’s illegal, science isn’t -- you’d rather be like against the law? SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU’RE PERFECT, COME LEAD THE LOST GIRLS, It’S NOT TOO LATE, WE NEED SOME COMPETITION! Kiwi’s just tiny enough to be the best Lost Boy, we can shove him through those owl-holes in trees to investigate stuff.

That’s true, but it’s your family! It’s the one group of people you can’t pick in your life, but you can pick to like ‘em, at least. I didn’t realize it was a full on family feud over in the Pan Clan, oh Beast. What did she do to start the fire? Was it that trip to the mermaid lagoon or did she let any shots loose before then? There’s hope for her still, bro. She’s just gotta grow up. People let waaay looser when they grow up… except for like Sawyer, but she’s one in a hundred.

How come everybody says you can pick to like them, instead of letting you pick to dislike them? Mom and dad don’t want me to be fake, acting like I like Moonshine would be the fakest. She’s just always been kind of a buzzkill. Anytime I say anything she corrects it and makes me feel stupid, I don’t even want to talk when she’s in the room anymore. Beast help us all, if Sawyer and Moonshine ever hang out I’m scared for the world. Although maybe she’ll adopt her and take her off our hands...

Ouch, poor Moonshine, shade her! I thought lying to protect other people’s feelings was allowed; at least, I always do. That’s why they’re called white lies, though, because they’re made with love and then they don’t count, like when Mom tells Dad that his hairline totally isn’t receding. Smart little sibs aren’t the worst thing, though; Ludwig is a wee bit pretentious but he’s still the best brother around. Maybe Moonshine would be cooler if you took her along on one of your Lost Boy things - it’s hard to find fault in fun when you’re the one having it.

Your dad didn’t have five other siblings that would still like him even if he didn’t get along with just the one, though. Besides, Moonshine totally started this fight, she can grow out of it anytime and start being fun enough to be in the family but she chooses not to. Nope, never again. Moonshine came with us one day when we were catching fireflies to put in jars and throw in the lagoon for the mermaids, and she ruined allll the fun.

Oopsies! Sorry, sometimes I legit forget, which is weird because you look, like, totes just like your dad. Not as much as I look like my mom, but close enough. But you shouldn’t ask to be differentiated, Sherbert! You don’t want to make your siblings feel bad for not knowing who their moms and dads are just because you’re lucky and do.

Are you sure you weren’t secretly cloned in a lab somewhere and that’s why you’re your mom’s mini me? See, two can be mean! You’re right, though, I don’t want to make them feel bad. I want to make them feel good, which is why I remind them that mom and dad treat us all the same even though I’m their birth son. Well -- all except Moonshine, she can feel crummy, I don’t care.