i want fabulous

I thank you for the acting advice, I guess, but I’m good! All I need to do is answer truthfully every time, right? And the intention will read through? I really don’t want to imagine Aunt Persephone, like, actually bald - it feels like bad karma, but yeah, she’d probably still look elegant and queenly no matter what, even if she got a mohawk or something. A crazy role, like Lady MacBeth? She’s like one of the most famous theater crazies, right? Yeah, no, I definitely wouldn’t be at auditions unless I was invited, or something, but cool! I expect I’ll be seeing you as Sandy, yes?

That’s super cute, but I’m prepared for life in the spotlight; I know that people are going to ask me things that are so not their business someday. And you don’t want to avoid the question totally, you just want to distract them so they don’t realize you haven’t given them gossip. Like, okay, here’s an example. Let’s say you and Pandora wanted to have a super private relationship, and people didn’t know you were confirmed dating because you weren’t ready to announce to Auradon that she was their future queen, pretty much. If someone asked, “Can you confirm that you’re dating Pandora?” you wouldn’t want to give them that info, you’d say, “I can confirm that Pandora’s one of the people dearest to my heart and I wouldn’t want to change our relationship one bit” so that they still don’t know for sure, but you’re also not lying? Well... sure, like Lady MacBeth, although I meant more someone whose intentions are unfathomable and who’s completely ruthless, like Cersei; Lady MacBeth’s actual hysteria would be fun to play, too. One can only hope! Raz and I are going for lead roles, of course, but I might fancy myself more of a Rizzo, she’s just as important.

Impressive and totally possible! I, for one, am fueled by the fury of other people; it means we’re doing something they can’t! You wear non-cheerleader skirts sometimes which, as the opinion of your platonic-dude-friend-who’s-never-checked-you-out-in-a-sexual-way, are way more flattering. And besides, your legs always look a billion miles long, no matter what you’re wearing. I’m fine with a cheek kiss, if you’re fine with getting a forehead kiss - it’s more cinematic. Sawyer’s just so used to being right that I don’t think she really knows how to handle being wrong, that’s all! It doesn’t mean we act, like, weird or anything.

Thank you! I don’t get the pleated thing; it makes me feel like a catholic school girl, and I am definitely not catholic. There’s a way to have flare without looking like you’re 12 or a perv’s fantasy, with no in between. Cheek kisses are very parental; it’s going to seem like you want to protect me from harm. People will be wondering what I could be in danger from, it’ll be great and definitely keep them guessing! But she’s just making herself more wrong by sticking to her guns about something false! Clearly one of us needs to engage in a fake relationship to get her to stop --  but not a real relationship, of course, we can’t get distracted from our goals.

At the risk of sounding basic, I would love to play Elphaba in Wicked. Eponine in Les Mis, Belle, Maureen, Christine Daae... I know none of those are creative answers, but those are the roles people want to see. Those are the roles everyone knows, and I want to be accessible to the general public. I don’t want to die to play any of them, though; if I’m dead that’s not exactly playing the role, now is it?

Oh, Beast, no, that’s not what I meant - I hadn’t thought about her sleepwear before you said anything, I swear! But as for the Pandora part, I really don’t think I have to tell you that, Cupcake’s sister or no, that’s really none of your business. You don’t need to watch my girlfriend’s back for anything, I promise. I’m not “planning” on going bald, both my father and my biological mother still have plenty of hair, I’m just saying I wouldn’t judge someone for going bald at whatever age they are, everybody’s different. I think you could rock a bald dome too, if you ever changed your mind in the future. No, no, with Archie telling him to do something is usually good enough to make sure he’ll never do the thing, ever. Maybe you could suggest it sometime. Oh. That makes sense, I guess. Shame, though. Grease has some killer songs. I love that Greased Lightening one!

You don’t have to tell me that, but I mean, I am an actress. I could definitely help you on working on having a better, subtler reaction if people ask you invasive questions in the future. Now I’m just imagining Queen Persephone bald and that’s a pretty funny mental image, not going to lie. Do you think she’d still look nice in a crown? Cersei Lannister looked nice in a crown when her hair got short, even if she was completely bonkers. I’d love to play a crazy role like that someday. Archie doesn’t seem to be the biggest fan of my family, or of anyone really, but thanks for the suggestion. If I ever have to tell him anything I’ll remember to go opposite day on him to get the results I want. If it’s really the spring musical, it’s not a shame at all -- you’ll get to see us perform the real thing live. It’s not like you were going to be there watching auditions anyway.

We should start doing Silent Day once a year just for the actor challenge! It’ll be as fun as when we dressed for each other for Halloween and decided to stay in character all week, if that’s even possible! You’re just as beautiful and talented as Cupcake - the only reason boys aren’t lining up for you is that they think you’re my girlfriend, probably, like Sawyer does, but don’t worry, I’ll set the record straight by the time we have our first Razarita Cast Party at Agrabah, and then we can both get our first kisses in front of an amazing audience! I doubt my sister will chaperone, she wouldn’t want to ruin my legacy or reputation when it comes to my one true love which is the theater. Don’t worry, I got my eyes on the prize, just like you do. It’s why we’re perfect together, my dear.

Oh my gosh, yes. This’ll be way more infuriating for people around us, which means it’ll be more impressive if we never break character, not one single time. I think it’s because I don’t wear a cheerleader skirt, but sure, blame it on the not-girlfriend misconception. If the bottle lands on you, you’re getting a cheek kiss, though, I refuse to feed into the rumors. Deal? I can’t believe Sawyer still thinks that, though, she’s known us our whole lives, we’ve never once been like romantic around each other at all. You better! If you start getting distracted I might have to be partnered with someone weird.

Irrational, I guess, is the fact that I’m afraid of hair bows, and porcupines. As for rational fears? Is there anything in the world scarier than the idea of falling short of your dreams?

I may have lowkey had a crush on Pandora at one point, but if there’s anything more intimidating than crushing on the Future King’s girlfriend, it’s crushing on a girl who’s lowkey gay for your big sister. I also thought the Corondelle twins were cute from like, afar, but then I met them, so no.

When I pushed Sherbert out of a tree as a kid so that everyone would be paying attention to me instead of him, I knew I wanted to be on stage. Or screen. Or somewhere where people were watching me, really.

Favorite is definitely, absolutely Cupcake. She’s close to my age and weirdly kind of gets me. Least favorite? Kiwi. He’s too young to understand that it’s rude to talk when you’re in the theater.

I don’t actually remember their names, but those dancer girls who seem to think they can just show up for musical auditions this year and take spots from real performers. In your dreams, ladies.

I’d tell them to enjoy their quiet, sad lives in houses with no art on the walls, nothing but sports on TV, and no music coming out of the radio.