you've got me feeling emotions

Um, except they’re like still married now and the whole kingdom would expect them to get divorced and my life would be in shambles! At least I’d get to go back to Corona with mom because duh, but still! Right? I’m a princess, not a snow bunny; can global warming like hurry up and melt the whole place already?

Ugh, doesn’t your mom get that it’s not what’s in her heart that matters? Mine’s like, tres supportive of the fact that I like dancing more than reading, everyone should be like her. I guess it’s just because they grew up together or something, like how I’m totally stuck with Eugene because we were born in the same castle? Um, no. If you don’t get a part that’s fate telling you that our trio’s down to two, and the spare is you.

Okay, but that was super different! Queen Amelia like, wanted to bang everything that moved. Sherbert’s super vocal about being all about the boys, and people usually don’t like, come out in the opposite direction. He could have said he was maybe into girls too but he didn’t, he just said he liked boys. Um, Heath, Adam, Phillip, Christian, Hurricane. There, that’s five.

As if your parents could stay away from each other, even if they were divorced and secretly half-siblings. They’re, like, harder to separate than those finger-trap thingys. I thought global warming was supposed to be a bad thing? But?? Warmer weather is better, sorry science!

Your mom is crazy cool! Mine is just crazy....and then sometimes cool, but I’m not complaining. In public. Eugene is your brother, brothers and sisters have to be close even if they have nothing in common, but like neighbors don’t have to be! I can’t imagine what the Charmingtons and the Darling-Pans have in common, like, at all, it’s so weird! Boo! I’m not allowed to be the spare, I reject this theory!

People don’t usually, but they could still come out the other way! And besides, it aren’t like there are that many gay guys out there (off the top of my head I can think of like one dwarf kid and Erica’s brother Eddie maybe, neither of whom are cute enough for Sherbert), they’re a non-renewable resource and the lack of options might change his mind!! And ugh, yeah, okay, Heath and Adam are dreamy but they’re too much older than us, they’ll never pay attention to us! And Phillip’s taken, Hurricane’s adorable but a baby, and Christian is Sherbert’s cousin! If I ever did things with him, it would blow my chances right in the foot!

It’s cuter because you’re making mushroom circles? I mean, sure, I just hope they’re not the poisonous ones. The Lost Boys get lost and hungry sometimes and if we die of mushrooms someday, their ghosts might come back to haunt you. I’m not underestimating! I kind of think I’m overestimating right now, since I’m still not even sure you’re going to be a Lost Girl, your clock’s already ticking. You don’t think he’d still be cute with half his head blown off? Sounds like fake love to me.

Yes! It’s like, proof and a constant reminder that someone was dancing out there, and that’s adorable to me! But being haunted by Lost Boys doesn’t sound like fun so yikes, non-poisonous it is! Unless you died and haunted me forever, but I like you alive better! A non-Lost-Girl can still pull off some epic pranks but, um, Olivia says I should be focusing on getting a role in the musical instead so! Would you think someone’s cute with half their head blown off? Cute in personality, maybe, but cute in the face? Not so much.

No, you’d just be like, having dancing rituals. We have a secret handshake, yours could be a dance move to prove you’re a loyal member. Me? Not see a prank coming? That’s a little ambitious coming from someone who’s not even officially LOST yet. Yeah, why would I not just say what I mean? Mom and dad always taught us to be really honest about stuff. Wow, that’s a lot of love. I kind of want to see you guys both with him in the same room at the same time, his head might explode. Brains and guts are taking new pranking to a whole level.

That’s so cute! You know those circles of mushrooms out in the woods? Those are called fairy-rings and the legends used to say that it was fairies dancing in circles that caused them, that makes dancing rituals led by moi even cuter, I love it! What can I say, I’m an ambitious person, and underestimating a lady is the fastest way to get yourself pranked, Sherbs! Kiwi’s too cute for his head to explode, I guess Pandora and I are just going to have to keep loving him in shifts. My love really is that strong.

Isn’t it, though? Apparently one time the king consort even tried to start a rumor that my parents were secret siblings because my grandparents were so close they may have swapped bedtime buddies! Ew to the extreme, I’m so g ad that turned out to be untrue. If I was going to get stuck with Arendelle, I miiiiight move to my princely husband’s kingdom instead, tbh.

Ugh, lame. Don’t she know that dancers are more talented and all the rage these days anyway? She’ll get the memo eventually, boo, but until then I guess we can ask my weird Aunt Emily instead, if you really want to know. She’s like biffles with the Darling-Pans, I don’t get it. Well, you should stop those wheels from turning, you won’t have time for a gang when we get parts in the musical, anyway. 

That marriage was totes a sham, our parents all make fun of it at Game Night a lot and make it so boring and dated when they talk about the past. King Will never liked her, he just tried to make himself – like, praying the gay away, kind of! You don’t want to be sitting around waiting for Sherbert to pray his gay away, you can sooo do better.

Oh my Beast, that’s such a horrible rumor! But I mean, that wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world, would it? If they were? At least they wouldn’t have known and it would just be a weird weird accident! Honestly, if I were you, I’d rather live in any other kingdom than Arendelle. It’s so cold and so so far!

The day of the dancer is coming, you’ll see! Soon everyone will see how much better we are, especially if you, me, and Reese are leading the movement! But my mom is going to be the laaast one to accept it, she’s still totes a cheerleader at heart. Your Aunt Emily having the tea on the Darling-Pans is so so weird, the King and Queen of Charmington and Mr. and Mrs. Darling Pan couldn’t be, like, more different. So if I don’t get a part, that’s like, totes fate saying I should consider Lost Girlness?

That’s so cute! I wish my mom talked about the past more, all I get is random stories about Uncle Mason dating Queen Cassie once upon a time. Okay, well, still! Queen Cassie’s wife has totes said she’s a proud bisexual, like, it totally exists even if it didn’t for our King! It could exist for Sherbert! Name, like, one cuter guy than him, I dare you.

It’s fake related! Like, I’m pretty sure weird Uncle Richard disappeared into the mountains ages ago, and Phillip’s got two moms who we’re super not related to at all. Oh, sunburn, that’s brillz. We’ll make sure that Kristina’s sunscreen’s like totally garbage and she’ll be so upset about sunburn that she won’t want to come back to Corona for ages.

Your mom was totes on the cheerleading squad with her, I bet she’d know. Sherbert thinks you should be in a gang? OMB, why are you friends with him, gangs are dirty and smelly and have guns! It’s not a guarantee, but it’s like, not a good sign for us either. But I mean, I so look so many parts. hopefully the directors will appreciate my classic look. 

You’ve got to be soooo careful about who you say that around, I think King Will might like threaten to send you to the Isle if he realizes that you think gayness is something you can just get rid of.

Hey, no complaints from me, I would totes understand any of you trying to get at Phillip, but I’m just saying people get weird about that sort of thing - as if most of you royals weren’t weirdly mixed anyway, seriously, it’s like everyone is everyone else’s cousin. Oh, nice! Thank Beast, I love you, but I would haul myself to Arendelle like a billion percent less often than I would to Corona.

I love Mom but her opinions on everything cheer-related always ends up with her asking me why I’m not on the squad and I’m not down for having that conversation again, oops. They’re not that kind of gang, not really! I mean, Lost Boys can totes make people disappear, but they’re more about adventure and pranks and the great outdoors, it’s so so cute! I told him I’d think about it, anyway. You’re like one of Hitchcock’s beauties, and any director who can’t see that is mondo crazy sauce that you don’t want to work with anyway.

I’m not saying he doesn’t like boys! Sherbert can totally like all the boys he wants, but people do like both, you know! Like, even King Will was totes gonna marry Queen Emma. All I need is for Sherbert to like one girl, once. As long as it’s me, I mean, and why wouldn’t it be? He’ll come around...eventually.

Okay, but you could be a dancing Lost Girl. I mean, just because Olivia hates the outdoors doesn’t mean you have to, right? She could learn a lot from somebody like you. I think everybody does, but hey, the king still thinks it’s scary or something, we’ve just got to work on making some unofficial magic of our own. OKAY, YOU BETTER ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT BECAUSE OTHERWISE I’VE GOT TO START SEARCHING FOR OTHER OPTIONS. You should come do it yourself, he feels cool when older girl’s pay attention to him. Pandora’s spoiled him.

A dancing Lost Girl? That sounds like I’d be playing a Lost Girl in a musical instead of, well, actually being one, but I actually totes like the outdoors, so don’t worry, I’m thinking about it, and if I end up taking you up on it, I’ll let you know by means of an epic prank you’ll never see coming. You really think that? I love that you love magic, real or created. Either’s good. PLEASE, THERE’S NO ONE BUT ME FOR THE JOB. I totes will! I love the little guy, even more than Pandora does, probably. Not that it’s a contest but if it was, I’d be winning.

Our gang’s more about the sticks and stones and breaking bones, we’re not into the words that hurt people. We’re a fun gang, Mariah, that’s why we invited you to join us but you decided to go do the dancing thing instead of being a Lost Girl. Magic’s illegal, science isn’t – you’d rather be like against the law? SEE, THIS IS WHY YOU’RE PERFECT, COME LEAD THE LOST GIRLS, It’S NOT TOO LATE, WE NEED SOME COMPETITION! Kiwi’s just tiny enough to be the best Lost Boy, we can shove him through those owl-holes in trees to investigate stuff.

Oh my Beast, I really wanted to, but you boys have bros before hos, right? We have girls before gangs, and dancing with Olivia trumps pretty much everything else, sorry! Gotta stick with my girls and twirls! Of course I’d rather be magic, I like magic way more than science, oops. YOU DRIVE A HARD BARGAIN, MISTER. I’LL THINK ABOUT IT, HOW ABOUT THAT? Ohhh, how cute! A Lost Boy in the smallest size possible. Give him a high five for me, will you?

There are, but does she notice? Beast, I swear she’s like blind. Did you know she once told me that Prince Phillip isn’t even cute? I mean, who cares if our uncle donated his sperm to make him, he’s still a hottie! Like, sharing genes doesn’t mean anything except that you can look but don’t you touch. Please, I don’t want to be related to that heathen. Ugh, we’ll find some other plan for her, I’m sure, just not anytime soon.

Right? They so don’t seem cut throat enough for it, but mom once told me that they used to try and compete with everyone and prove that they were more in love than all the other couples, so I guess they’ve got like, a hidden cray streak and they’re letting it come out again now as they collect their doom squad – I mean, kids! Ugh, it doesn’t help that Margarita has this like, bff who’s mega talented too, and they probably have uber onstage chem and will get all the roles together. We’re going to get shown up by tenth graders, UGH.

Your skills are like, way better than anything a genie could offer anyway, Mariah! It’s good to know that somebody will always remember to love me the most, no matter what happens. And I’ll totes always love you the most too, in case I forgot that part, magic or no magic. Even if you break your leg and can’t dance with me anymore.

Prince Phillip is a quality looker, 10/10, would recommend, but some people are really squicked out by the whole “related” thing, Liv, looking or touching or anything else included. Well, as soon as you think of a plan, let me in on it, kay? We’ll crack this case yet and be sunbathing in Corona in no time at all!

I can’t picture Mr. and Mrs. Darling-Pan like that at all, wow! I’ll have to ask my mom about that, that’s nuts, The Doom Squad! I like that for them a lot, they’re all super secretly cray and competitive - did I tell you that Sherbert asked me to form a rival girl gang? Totes hilar, right? Oh, right, but Margarita, that’s who we should focus on right now, yup. Just because #razarita are trying out together doesn’t mean it’s automatically theirs! You can’t give up hope before we even go for it!!

You’re always first place to me, Liv - you’re more magical than my grandma’s wand, just by being yourself! And I’ll always love you the most, even if you gets sups famous and forget all about me and even if Sherbert ever decides that he isn’t gay and that I’ve been right here all along.

BED: @christiandarling is pretty cute!

WED: I guess I have to give this one to @sherbertdarlingpan, how weeeeeird!

Kristina and a cute boy, hmm, what could be the problem with that? Oh yeah, maybe the fact that she like, literally only talks to Benji as far as people with penises go.

You’d think, right? But did you know that Cupcake has a sister who’s like, determined to steal all the lead roles in every play from now until eternity? Ugh, what did the Darling-Pans do, go out and adopt every kid with the potential to ruin our lives in Auradon?

Right? I don’t get why the Genie wouldn’t just love me enough to stick around and cast wishes for me forever, but I guess it’s a good thing that magic’s still deadzo so I never have to deal with this scenario for real.

There are other guys in her grade! And you could always, like, Parent-Trap a scenario where she’s stuck with a cute one and forced to give him the time of day, OH, like getting them stuck in an elevator together! Does Benji have any friends, maybe, that we could work with? What’s wrong with trying to hook her up with Benji, though? He’s super cute and it’s not like they’re not already joined at the hip. I feel like he’d go for it, too - I mean, he is a dude, and Kristina can be pretty sometimes in some lights!

Oh, that’d be really smart of the Darling-Pans if they adopted a bunch of winners! It means lots of trophies and fun times for them celebrating! But hey, just because Margarita is really really talented doesn’t mean you can’t be too! They don’t just give roles out, people earn them, and you could totally earn one!

You always have your fairy god-friend! Even if the only thing magic about me is how good I braid your hair or how many times I can spin in a row without getting dizzy, it’s better than some lame-o genie!

Are you sure you weren’t secretly cloned in a lab somewhere and that’s why you’re your mom’s mini me? See, two can be mean! You’re right, though, I don’t want to make them feel bad. I want to make them feel good, which is why I remind them that mom and dad treat us all the same even though I’m their birth son. Well – all except Moonshine, she can feel crummy, I don’t care.

For the leader of a gang, that wasn’t really that mean! You gotta step up your roasting game if you’re gonna keep your street cred, Sherry. I might’ve been cloned in a lab, though, for all I know! I still like my magic theory better, though. I’m sure they all consider themselves your siblings as much as you consider them yours, though, even Moonshine, I totes wouldn’t worry about it. Speaking of your sibs though, is Kiwi old enough to go on Lost Boy shenanigans with you yet or is he still too teeny tiny?

Hey, don’t lump us all together, we’re not all adopted, you know.

Oopsies! Sorry, sometimes I legit forget, which is weird because you look, like, totes just like your dad. Not as much as I look like my mom, but close enough. But you shouldn’t ask to be differentiated, Sherbert! You don’t want to make your siblings feel bad for not knowing who their moms and dads are just because you’re lucky and do.