Because I missed you

Now I cry when things are good

Because I miss you.

rcw

Was spring in December

And when they lowered her down

I yearned to climb down after

To feel the fresh dirt

press on my chest

The silence of the soil

The zipper of my dress'

scratch against my neck

The earth's final pardon

Isn't in front of marble and the Word

It is indeed, contrived amongst worms

My smooth scars don't shine as brightly as they used to

But I'm sure you'd say

I looked like a diamond mine

I am a diamond mine.

Your name used to taste like butter

I felt it's silk on my tongue

The way it stuck in between my teeth

As my lips spewed love

You didn't taste as good,

Coming back up

.

Do you know what it's like

To unloved a girl

Just to save her feelings

When your inches apart

And you wanna take her clothes off

To get closer to her heart

But that's good for nothing

Bad for something

I replay the tears of all the girls

I almost loved

I said it before god

Almost loved

Peace letters in pieces

Empty handed doves

Hearing their names

hits me like a flood

I wish I didn't have to burn so many bridges

It hurts and I know

Every time ended in infected stitches

Cause I cut off the part of myself

That loves how her skin glows

And how her voice is music

You hear the term use it or lose it

I crawl into the bed of a man every night

She was my soulmate- I have the scars to prove it.

How presumptuous to think love is strong enough to change one's humor

Once bloodied streams of passion

Dry and feather white

My mind races

At what cost

Pride, at what cost

And now

My dusty heart has her revenge

I am

Happy.

I place my hand over his ribs while he sleeps

If Eve came from Adams side

By his side seems like a lovely place to be

Theres a certain amount of safety

In how he dreams to have all of me

And settles for some of me

My mom told me to go to church

She said jesus walked, god cured

It's a shame I never listened to her

I weigh the odds while he sleeps

With one card up my sleeve

I wanted you so bad

I liked it, the evil you had

Something in the way you kissed me

And then slammed the door

When I said a part of you was missing

It was because I wanted more

Maybe it's because

I hate me, she's fucking crazy

If I'm alone too long

My memory gets hazy

And I forget what's my fault and what's maybe

I called the doctor but I can't take those pills she gave me

I used to have a heart for it

7 voicemails

I know I need no part of it

Absence makes the heart grow fonder

But bodies still wander

We'll be under different skies

if we go any farther

Theres a feeling that has crept upon me and I can barely breathe.

That and my chronic bronchitis.

Bodies wander

But Souls stay

Words seem sweet,

Lines around my closed eyes

Something about old age

Empty lighter x teary face

but they hurt you

You keep saying sorry

But that's another turned page

locked door x full lace

They'll never

The truth spoken hardly

Love is a form of rage

30mg x outer space

understand like we do

Souls wander

But bodies stay

He dips into me like oil paints

Every brush stroke

Vetted with tears of restraint

Why do you drink diesel gasoline

Why are your eyes so sharp

If you say 'I love you' what does it mean?

.

Theres only 60 something days until spring

But every snow flake in this storm

Glitters in a way that reminds me

.

It's hard, when you dont know what

"whole" looks like.

He looked for angels

I used to get lost in my dreams

Now I dream about loss

I am so far from the moment

I've lost touch, I can't see it

And I unravel - lungs of liquid

Decaffeinated heroin

I need resuscitation

I am most myself

in the company of a cup of coffee-

Where the silence takes my coat

And welcomes me to rest my sinew

The brazen tick of the kitchen clock

Tempts me into a peculiar hypnosis

Until I discover-

Behold that I am merely breathing.

The tension in my chest is immense

My heart held hostage by iron ribs

My lungs in suspension, edge on collapse

I am on the verge of tears

Finding respite only the idle

Until I am asked-

Why are your fingers not strumming?

Do your words no longer melt?

Are you no longer creative enough

To bust open your bones

And make beauty out of the sadness found there?

Indeed, I am sick

Cocooned in quilts of malaise

Having forgot my mother tongue

I am a wanderer, a pilgrim in an unknown land

My stomach is raw, and I carry

A thousand pounds of feathers on my back.

I am parched, I am taxed

So I pour more coffee.