Vixen

I’ve been seriously debating letting go of some social media. Not all of it, at least not all at once, yet something here and there. I’ve noticed that I don’t really use Facebook that much anymore outside of remembering birthdays, seeing events friends are having and keeping up to date on some friend’s lives that haven’t really embraced other forms of social media. 

To alleviate my fear of letting Facebook go, I’ve copied all the birthdays of people who matter the most to me into my phone calendar. As for events that friends plan, if they want me to come, really want me to come, they have my cell number. 

There are some things that I want to focus on this upcoming year and although social media doesn’t prevent me from doing it, it really doesn’t help either. 

I’m learning what fills my cup and what doesn’t.

I have a tendency to downplay the things that I’ve accomplished and their importance because I’m afraid people will think I’m bragging or they may feel badly about themselves. So when asked about myself, I rattle off things that I’ve done in the same way that I’d read a grocery list. I had someone call me out on it earlier this week and it made me pause. 

I’m unsure if it’s always been this way yet I feel I’m unable or unaware of what others feel towards me or how they perceive me. I know what others mean to me yet I don’t seem to consider what I may mean to them. Several times I’ve had to take steps back to examine a friendship from the other person’s point of view rather than my own. I don’t feel this is natural and it makes me wonder what the deeper meaning is behind all of it. Is this me being ungrateful? Selfish? Close-minded? Not empathetic? 

I’ve been feeling mean lately like back in high school type mean. Maybe it’s a piece of the irritability that comes with anxiety. I need to choose my words carefully or not choose words at all. 

I’m turning another year older in a few days and wow.

I’m beginning to bridge the gap between who I am and who I want to be and it’s beginning to excite and motivate me. I need to stay disciplined and remember my “why”. 

Maintaining relationships have gotten hard. Partly because of my time constraints and lack of energy and also partly because I don’t seem to care too much about some relationships anymore.