#26 cherry for the writing ask thing?
Okay so this is kind of longer than I wanted it to be⦠but here you go!!
Cherry and 26 for the ask game. I hope you enjoy!
Possible trigger warning for a mentioned suicide attempt. Nothing explicit, but be warned.
Grey smoke exhaled from Charlieās mouth. It interweaved with the bright blue sky, almost staining it. He had been waiting for far too long, or so it felt. He smoked when he was stressed. He smoked when he wasnāt stressed too. It really was a bad habit of his. Cameron was constantly talking his ear off about it. He went on and on about how dangerous it was and how Charlie would probably get lung cancer in the future if he didnāt quit soon. Charlie always waved him off. He had given up on himself and his body long ago. He only got one life. Heād smoke what he wanted, do what he wanted, and wouldnāt take shit about it from anyone.
Anyways, he didnāt care about any of that right now. He didnāt care at all.
The only thing that was on his mind was Neil. The poets hadnāt heard from him for days. Charlie was stressing the entire time. It wasnāt like Neil and him to be separated for that long without a single word. They were usually attached at the hip. One was not often found without the other. So when Neil vanished without an explanation, Charlie got nervous. It was like half his heart, half his mind, half his everything was ripped apart. He couldnāt function properly. Charlie was distraught on his own. Neil was always there to guide him. With a gentle touch he made Charlie feel complete. He filled the silence when Charlie needed a break from his own booming, obnoxious thoughts that constantly looped in his mind when a hush fell over a room or he was left alone for even a few minutes. Charlie found it nice to fill his life with noise. Neil could be noisey. Not that it was bad that he was. Charlie was noisey too. Charlie liked the sound of Neilās soft, honey voice when he spoke soothing words. He enjoyed his dramatic, over the top reenactments of shakespeare. He loved the sound of his laugh when Charlie made a quick, witty remark. It was all amusing and comforting to Charlie.
About two days into Neilās mysterious disappearance, Cameron has been the one to receive a call. Charlie knew before him Cameron had somehow been Neilās best friend. As Neil describes it, he found him on the school playground at their elementary school and threw him over his shoulder. Since that day Cameron had been stuck there. He kicked and hit at first, but he quickly became quite fond of his new best friend, letting him drag him around from place to place.
Charlie still isnāt even too sure how it happened. Neil had the power to become friends with just about anyone. He had no idea how Cameron of all people was his first choice.
Maybe thatās why they hadnāt gotten along since the moment Charlie entered their shared dorm all those years ago. After all, Charlie was able to catch Neilās attention quite easily.
To this very day they werenāt too fond of each other, but they had grown comfortable in their dorm. They learned to live with each other, though it was very reluctant.
Charlie listened in on Cameronās phone call as he so often did. It seemed important this time and when Charlie heard Neilās name mentioned, his head snapped up, not bothering to conceal the fact he was eavesdropping anymore.
And when Charlie asked him about it, Cameron explained to him that Neil had been in the hospital for the past couple days because he tried to take his own life. And that day, he was going to be admitted to a psych ward. Charlieās walls shattered around him and the truth that he tried to shut out came flooding in in waves of guilt and regret.
Which brought him back to now.
Neil was going to be released today. Charlie wasnāt able to stand his own thoughts for the few days that led up to this point. He felt guilty. Deep down, he knew that something had been wrong with his best friend. Of course he had. He knew everything about Neil. It was hard for him to hide things from Charlie. However, Charlie was living in blissful ignorance. As brave as he seemed, he had never been able to confront those kinds of dark feelings. He couldnāt confront them in his own mind, so how would he know how to confront another person about it? Instead, he had to constantly surround himself with things to get his mind to shut up. He thought if he did the same for Neil, talking his ear off, making him smile and laugh, that it might help him, but it didnāt. Bottling things up didnāt work for everyone. Sometimes their bottle was so full that they couldnāt screw the cap on right. Charlie figured thatās how it was for Neil.
Neil had been hiding behind a mask of happiness for so long that he had grown sick of it. Neil only wanted freedom. He didnāt want to conceal the emotions he had, but he felt like he had to. This was his last resort to free himself. Charlie couldnāt believe he let it get this bad without offering Neil support.
Charlie was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of the front door of the building closing. There stood Neil, his mother by his side. She had a hand on his back as they walked out.
Charlie couldnāt help himself. He stomped his cigarette out and ran towards Neil, wrapping him in an embrace. Touching Neil was something he missed. The two of them had always been physically affectionate with each other. Pats on the bag, arms around shoulders, sitting with their knees touching, pinkies intertwined, kisses to the head. It was normal with their kind of friendship.
When Neil didnāt immediately hug him back, Charlie got a little nervous. After a few seconds of what Charlie guessed was shock though, two arms wrapped around him, tugging him closer.
They stayed like that for a while, neither of them daring to pull away until Neilās mom spoke up.
āIām afraid we have to get going soon. Neilās father is expecting us.ā
Charlie pulled away. He wanted to say so many things. Heās the one whoās responsible. Why didnāt you save him? I donāt want him to leave again. Does he have to go now? But for once, he bit his tongue.
āCould I just drive him home later, Mrs. Perry. He hasnāt seen us for so long. I bet he missed everyone. We wonāt be too long. Promise.ā Charlie was practically pleading with her. He didnāt want to come off as too desperate, but he couldnāt help it. Neil was back. He was finally back.
āOh, Iām not sure, Charles. We reallyāā
āPlease?ā Neil said, the single word sounded so choked out. You would think he forced himself to say it.
āWell⦠Alright. Be home before dinner. Be careful. Please.ā
Neil nodded his head. āWe will be.ā
When Charlie and Neil had gotten in Charlieās car, the two of them still hadnāt really spoken a word directly to each other. Neil looked so worn out, so tired, so numb. It hurt Charlie to see him like that. He couldnāt help but stare. There was so much he wanted to say, but no words could properly express what he wanted to get across.
Neil glanced at him after a moment. He looked like he was going to burst into tears any second. Charlie couldnāt stand the sight. He needed to say something.
Instead of saying something, though, Charlie leaned forward. He gently grabbed hold of Neilās face and pressed a kiss to his lips. He was hoping it communicated what he wanted it to. Iām sorry. I shouldāve been there. I love you. Iām so glad youāre alive. Iām here for you. Iād do anything for you.
He pulled back after a moment, taking in Neilās expression. His lips were parted, his eyes were wide. He sat there in shock for what seemed like an eternity before he let a very small smile crack through his face, shattering the frightened mask he wore.
āHello to you too, Charlie.ā Neil joked. Charlie couldnāt help a smile from breaking through on his own face as well.
That was all Charlie could get out before Neilās lips were back on his. It was softer than anything Charlie had known. Maybe it was softer than anything either of them had known. Two explosive personalities coming together to make something so gentle.
Charlie didnāt want it to end.
He couldnāt let his time with Neil end.