Shanair

“What's up, Morty?” She greeted before sneezing. Morty stutters again but Brad doesn’t give him the chance to respond. He swings Jessica behind him with his arm, I scoff audibly.

“What are you doing?” He butts in, already up in Morty’s face. I push myself off the locker to stand near Morty.

“Ummm…” Morty stammered.

“Wait, wait. Were you about to talk... to her?” Brad points to Jessica.

“Well, I mean, I was thinking about it.”

“Dude-” Brad taps Morty’s chest, “stay in your league! Look at how hot she is! You don't see me going to a bigger school in a wealthier district and hittin' on their prettiest girl!” Jessica sighs and lets Brad lead her away, I hear her sarcastically mutter.

“Gee, thanks, Brad.”

“I throw balls far. You want good words, date a languager.” Brad yaps as he walks off with Jessica. At least she seemed, happier talking to Morty? I guess? I wrap my arm around Morty, grinning at him.

“Oh don’t worry about it too much, Morty. She’ll dump him soon enough after she’s done with his bullshit.”

“W-well that’s easy for you to say. I don’t want her later, I want her now- so I can go to the dance with her!” He sighs. He does make a good point, I shrug at him.

“Be realistic! There is no way you can make her like you right now. Can we go now?”

“Fine, fine.” He swats my arm off as we go to class.

. . .

I follow Rick into the kitchen as he gets something to drink, Dad stands behind the counter making a complex sandwich while Morty sits solemnly in front of him, with a plate of cookies. 

“...I remember feeling that way about a young lady named your mom, and that's not an urban dis, your mom was my Jessica. I remember the first time I saw her, I thought…”

“--I should get her pregnant, then she'll have to marry me” Rick interjects as he grabs a glass and opens the fridge, I walk over to Morty and steal a cookie. He’s too sad to care, score!

“I beg your pardon, Rick, inappropriate.” Dad warned as he pointed to Morty and I.

“Sorry, please proceed with your story about banging my daughter in high school,” Rick rolled his eyes, “I'm not sure you want to take romantic advice from this guy, Morty, his marriage is hanging from a thread.”

“My marriage is fine, thank you.” Dad replied defensively, turning around fully to Rick as he walked up.

“Jerry, it's your house, whatever you say it is is how it is, but I think a blind man could see that Beth is looking for the door. I barely have a reason to care and even I noticed.”

“Rick that’s harsh,” I add, Morty tacks on.

“Come on, Rick, don't talk about our parents like that.”

“Listen, Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people call "love" is a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it, your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science. At least your sister isn’t pinning over a rando anymore.” Rick monologued before leaving the room with his juice. As much as I like to be the better sibling I am still pinning, but at least not to Morty’s level. Don’t know if I should be disappointed or proud of his tenacity. The silence drags out as Dad walks over to us.

“Alright, well, I'm gonna go get dressed for the dance.” Morty said awkwardly before leaving his seat. Dad looks at me awkwardly.

“Yeah, I'm just going to...check on your mom.” He walks off too, both of them leaving me alone in the kitchen. 

“And they both left perfectly good food.” I comment at the discarded cookies and sandwich, I ponder skipping the dance and just sitting here but Morty shouldn’t suffer alone.. I guess. I finish up the cookies while I wait for Morty to finish getting ready. 

Once he’s out of our room I take the chance to get ready myself. I sit on my side of the room, taking my time to get dressed. I don’t care about this dance but I might as well look nice. Besides, maybe Olivia will be there. I’m not a big dress person but I put on an old one that Summer had, I could almost hear her when she gave it to me. ‘What and you’re so skinny then? Fine! You have it then, I don’t care!’, and then she ran out of the room crying. It wasn’t my fault, she asked how it looked on her and I said snug- oh. Yeah, I see why, oops. My dilemma ends when I realize I had zoned out thinking about that memory and now I’m ready. 

I walk to Rick’s garage, knowing that’s where Morty probably was, and I was right. My face dropped as I saw Morty as he was starting to zip his fly down, Rick was leaned over a machine near him with his back towards me. Morty gives me a dumbfounded face, I scrunch mine up in aversion.

“Am I interrupting, or???” I ask cautiously, Morty pulls it back up.

“Rick needed DNA.” He shrugs and Rick shakes his head before turning back to Morty.

“A hair, Morty, I needed one of your hairs! This isn't Game Of Thrones.” He plucks a hair from Morty. Morty shrieked quietly as Rick plucked a strand off his head. He shoves the hairpiece into the machine which deposits an orangey substance into a flask.

“What is this for exactly?” I question while walking to take a better look.

“Your brother wanted to make a love potion, so I used the oxytocin from voles combined with his DNA to concoct this.” Rick picks up the flask, handing it to Morty. “Alright, Morty, whoever you smear this stuff on will fall in love with you, and only you, forever. Ya happy now, Morty?” He walks away to sit back on his desk.

“Heck yeah! Thank you, Grandpa Rick!” Morty cheered as he took the potion happily. “Hey there's no dangers or anything or side effects, right?”

“Www.. what am I, a hack?! Go nuts, Morty, it's full proof.”

“Are you sure, Rick? Positive that nothing will go wrong? No small tiny details?” I push. Knowing Rick there has got to be something iffy about this. You can’t just mess around with love that delicately. Morty tugs on my arm as Rick turns back over.

“W-what are you going to doubt Rick’s invention? Let’s go! Jessica is waiting for me!” Morty frowned as he pulled me out of the room. Oh boy.

. . .

“This isn’t a good idea Morty!” I insist as we walk around the dance looking for Jessica.

“Shh! You’re just jealous… Oh! There she is!” Morty smiled. He pulled the potion out and smeared it on his hands. I sigh and accept he’s going to do this. I instead glance around the gym. It was decently packed, who knew a dance about flu prevention would have no physical aspects to enforce flu prevention? Eh, our school is a shithole anyway. Oh no, our school is a shithole. I can already feel myself worrying about catching the flu again, sure I have the shot, but these kids probably have an advanced strain that’ll mutilate my immune system. I wonder how many people have already spread it around. 

“Hey there, Jessica” Morty reaches Jessica, pretending to trip as he smears the potion on her exposed arm. “Whoops!”

She turns around, I can see the change in her demeanor as she grabs him close to her.

“Omigod, Morty. You look really nice tonight.”

“O-Wow, thanks!”

“I love you, Morty. I love you so much it burns!” I cringe as she starts caressing his face.

“Oh, man. I love you too, Jessica!” Morty smiled like an idiot up at her while Brad shoved in between the two.

“Is this punk bothering you, Jessica?!”

“Leave him alone, jerk!” Jessica hissed as she lost her shit. She gets up in Brad’s face aggressively. “I'm in love with him! He's more man than you will ever be!” She sneezes into his face. Yeah, sure she’s trying to defend Morty, but she could have at least covered when sneezing.

Brad’s face contorts a little before merging into remorse, surprisingly. He sighs.

“Aw man, Morty, ugh, I'm really sorry.”

“Oh, well, no problem Brad.” Morty replied, equally confused as I am. I see him glance over at me and I shrug in return.

“There's somethin' special bout you, somethin' special.” Brad hugs Morty before squeezing his ass. Something’s not right here.

“Whoa, take it easy!” Morty shouted as he pushed Brad off. Jessica grabs Morty’s left arm, narrowing her eyes at Brad.

“Get your hands off of him!” She screeched.

“Back off I'm trying to be with my man!” Brad shouted back before Principal Vagina and Mr. Goldenfold pull him off.

“That's enough Bradley. We don't want you injuring your ball-throwing arm.” Principal Vagina said as they dragged Brad off.

“Never leave me, Morty, never.” Jessica pulls Morty with her and I grab him. I see her glare daggers at me.

“Morty, you need to end this now. I have a bad feeling.” I whisper to him in a hushed voice. I overhear Brad's calling out for Morty as he’s brought out of the gym. “See?” Morty gives me a nervous look before Jessica intervenes.

“You have a problem, bitch?!” She gets in my face, pushing Morty behind him. “You want him too?! You can’t have him! You can never have him– or take him away from me.”

“Jesus Christ Jessica no I do not want to… take Morty away from you, I just want to talk to him.” 

“LIAR!” She shouted before grappling me.

“Jessica stop it!” I hear Morty protest, and other students look at us strangely. I throw Jessica to the ground but she immediately stands up, running at me like a madman. Okay why is it always Morty getting us into these situations, I can’t even go a week peacefully. But I’m his sister, so today cannot be the day where I start ditching him. So of course, I square up.

. . .

Jessica ends up shoving me into the crowd, and one of her friends catches me. She fucking growls at me before turning back to Morty. She pushes herself up against him. 

“Do it, Morty. Do it. Rip my clothes off and mate with me for life!”

“Jessica, get a hold of yourself!” The friend cried out before dropping me and rushing up to Morty to hold him as well. “You don’t deserve to carry Morty’s genes.” Simultaneously, everyone surrounding the fight gets the same possessive look in their eyes. I’m pushed back as even the DJ starts to sing about Morty.

“I love Morty and I hope Morty loves me I'd like to wrap my arms around him and feel him inside me”

“Oh, crap. Morty!” I shout over the crowd as they all crowd and fight each other for Morty. I get trampled partially as I push against the rushing crowd into the opening. The exit pushes open behind me and I look up to see Rick.

“(Y/N)!” Rick steadies me as he sees Morty sprinting towards us, the crowd scrambling behind him. “Morty, come on! We got to get you out of here. You're not gonna believe this because it usually never happens, but I made a mistake.” He shuts the door as we rush past, and the doors are immediately rammed into by the horny crowd. 

Another door bursts open as Principal Vagina runs behind us.

“Morty, are you okay?”

“I'm fine!” He shouts back.

“Oh, good. If anything ever happened to you, I would kill myself. I love you bad, mo-mo!”

“Ha! You got Mr. Vagina in love with you Morty! M-maybe I am jealous!” I grin through my labored breath. Jeez, this dress is not the running kind.

“Morty, the principal, and I have discussed it, a-a-and we're both insecure enough to agree to a three-way!” Another voice speaks out, I turn around and see Mr. Goldenfold. My eyebrows rise at the prospect but we make it outside. We rush into the ship, Morty trips but I turn him over into the seat. As I grip the handle to pull shut, the crowd pushes it in for me. The vehicle shakes as we settle in. 

“I didn't realize when I gave you that serum that Jessica had the flu you know, t-t-t-t-t-t-t-that might have been valuable information for me, Morty.” Rick groaned as he started the ship.

“What the hell is going on, Rick?!” Morty and I ask. Rick glared at our combined question.

“What does it look like? T-t-t-the serum is piggybacking on the virus. It's gone airborne.”

“Oh, crap. What are we gonna do, Rick?” Morty wailed.

“It's gonna be fine, Morty, relax. I whipped up an antidote. It's based on praying mantis DNA. You know, praying mantises are the exact opposite of voles, Morty. I mean, they-they mate once, and then they, you know, decapitate the partner. I mean, it's a whole ritual. It's really gruesome and totally opposite. There's no love at all. I-I-I basically mixed this with a more contagious flu virus. It should neutralize the whole thing, Morty. It'll all be over very shortly.” We fly over the crowd below after Rick pours his antidote into the ship as it expels a mist version over the crowd. “Uh, by the way, Morty, I know you didn't ask or anything, but I'm not interested in having sex with you. These serums, they don't work on anybody related to you genetically.”

“Uhm, obviously!” I retort. “I think we’ve picked up on that. Wait, considering Morty and I are twins, why aren’t they attracted to me?” 

“Y-you guys aren’t technically identical twins. You two share most of the same DNA initially, but when your chromosomes changed to XX instead of XY that’s a biggg difference.”

“Is it?”

“Ya, because I said so–”

“OH MY GOD!” Morty screeched, startling me as he stared in horror outside the window. I look out it also, everyone hit by the ‘antidote’ turned into an amalgamation of a praying mantis. Rick grimaced himself. 

“Okay, well, sometimes, science is more art than science, twins. A lot of people don't get that.”

. . .

We had parked the ship in a desert canyon. We stand and watch different broadcasts across the world looking for Morty so they can have sex with him before chopping his head off. He paces and freaks out.

“Oh, my god, Rick. The whole world is infected!”

“Yeah, it's pretty wild how fast that spread. I've really outdone myself.” Rick gloats, working on something else connected to the ship.

“Outdone yourself?! W-w a-are are you kidding me, Rick? This is not okay! Not only do they all want to have sex with me, but, you know, now they want to eat me afterwards!”

“Yeah, I don't know what I was thinking. Mantises are they opposite of voles? I mean, obviously, DNA's a little more complicated than that. You know what, though, Morty?” He pulls out another vial, this one filled with a purple liquid. “This right here's gonna do the trick, baby. It's koala mixed with rattlesnake, chimpanzee, cactus, shark, golden retriever, and just a smidge of dinosaur. Should add up to normal humanity.”

“I don't that doesn't make any sense, Rick. How does that add up to normal humanity?” 

“What, Morty, you want me to show you my math? I'm sorry a-are you the scientist or are you the kid that wanted to get laid?”

“It’s not his fault for being cautious, first you left out important information after we specifically asked for it, then you mess up fixing that mistake and start an apocalypse! Clearly, you don’t know what you’re doing!” I fuss, and Rick sighs obnoxiously.

“Okay, fine, whatever. Since you’re the smartass, you can make a serum to end this.” I stay quiet because I in fact know nothing about what he’s doing. “Exactly, get in the car.” We pile back in before flying back into civilization. The town is already wrecked, fire and destruction everywhere. It’s scary how fast this happened. I’m starting to get nervous now, what if Rick really can’t fix this? He nudges my shoulder. “Take a good look down there, (Y/N), and soak it in, because, you know, once I pull this lever, it's all back to normal.”

“I hope so. Just do it already.”

“Well, technically, (Y/N), there's no rush. I mean, you know, o-once it's fixed, it's done. It's fixed. You know, we could we could just enjoy it for a little bit. I mean, l-l-l-look at how crazy it is. I mean, (Y/N), w-w-when's the next time you're gonna see something like this? I mean, soak it in, you know? It's it's pretty neat. It's pretty interesting.”

“Please shut up–”

“That's it, Rick! I'm pulling the lever.” Morty yells as he pulls the lever, releasing the new antidote. Everyone melts back to normal.

“W-what do we have here, twins? Looks like I was right and you were wrong, huh? I-I-I-I-I-I-I bet you feel pretty stupid right about now, huh? I-I-I bet you both feel like the world's smallest kids that you were doubting me about this whole thing.”

“Oh, Rick,”

“Something's not right.” I exhale as everyone outside starts to crumble down to the ground. Their bodies convulse unnaturally.

“Yeah, you. You're not right ever.”

“No, no! Look, you idiot!” I force Rick to look outside. Everyone screamed as they turned into these fleshy bug-looking creatures. Many with extra appendages, eyes, and some even wings. 

Morty and I watch in horror as Rick once again screws up everything. Albeit this idea was Morty’s, Rick could have stopped this if he had just warned us in the beginning.

“Bet you're loving this. This must be the best day of your life. You get to be the mayor of I told you town. You're welcome.” Rick babbled drunkenly as he drank more from his flask. 

Holy shit. This is irreversible, isn’t it? The world is in ruins because of Morty’s stupid hormones. Everything is different now, it’s unfixable. What’s happening with our family right now? What if they got ripped apart by those… things? The sun rises on the broken world as we settle down on a rooftop. We walk out to sit on the ledge.

“Boy, I really cronenberged the world up, didn't I? We got a whole planet of cronenbergs walking around down there. Hey, Morty. A-at least they're not in love with you anymore, though. That's a huge step in the right direction.

“Oh, my god! It's a living nightmare! How could you be so irresponsible, Rick?” Morty cried.

“Me irresponsible?! You- all I wanted you to do was hand me a screwdriver, Morty! You're the one who wanted to be wanted me to buckle down and make you up a... roofie-juice serum so you could roofie that poor girl at your school. I mean, g w-w-w-w-w w are you kidding me, Morty? You're gonna try to take the high road on this one? Y-y-y-y-you're a little creep, Morty. Y-you're a you're you're you're just a little creepy... creep person.” Rick lectured as he stood up. Fine, Morty was a creep, is a creep. But Rick is still the ass here.

“All right, fine. I should have just listened to you when you refused to make the serum. I'm willing to accept my part of the blame for this, Rick. But I'll tell you something you know what? You got to accept your part of the blame! I'm not the one who fooled up the serum! I'm not the one who-who-who-who haphazardly, you know, mixed a bunch of nonsense together and created a bunch of cronenbergs! You got to fix this, Rick!” Morty yells defensively as he stands up as well.

“Yeah, Rick! Fix this! There are millions– no billions of lives that are now destroyed because of your crappy serum! Okay? This one is on, you!” I stand up as well, crossing my arms. I now realize how messed up my dress is but in a less torn fashion than Morty’s. I cannot believe I’m saying this but, I miss Summer. Rick steps closer to us, trying to reconcile.

“All right, all right, Morty. You know, w-w-w-we are in a pretty deep hole, here, but I do have one emergency solution that I can use that'll kind of put everything back to normal, relatively speaking. Here, Morty, put this on while I do a little bit of scouting.” Rick tosses Morty this metal backpack with a green panel, before putting on goggles. This better be a good plan.

. . .

IT WAS NOT A GOOD PLAN!!! Morty and I freak as we walk through a portal into a different dimension. Three identical bodies to our own lay mangled on the ground, blood everywhere.

“Oh, my god, Rick!” I cover my mouth in shock and fear as the metallic smell rushes into my face.

“Is that us?! W-w-w-we're dead! What is going on, Rick? I'm freaking out!” Morty cried hysterically.

“Calm down, you two!” Rick shouted but we tuned him out.

“Oh my god, oh my god. I can’t do this– I cannot, do this.” I pace around while Morty makes more noises of disgust combined with fear.

“I can't deal with this, Rick!” Morty shook his head as Rick grasped him.

“Calm down, Morty!” Rick shook him as I grabbed a trash can and promptly vomited into it. My eyes are pricked with tears at the brutality and the sickly feeling in my stomach.

“This can't be real!”

“You got to calm down, Morty.” Rick reiterates as I retch more, standing up I move over to the two.

“Rick! W-w-w-we-we’re ripped apart!” I stammer, he reaches over and grabs my head before knocking it into Morty’s. The shock shuts us up as he makes us focus on him.

“Shut up and listen to me! It's fine. Everything is fine. There's an infinite number of realities, and in a few dozen of those, I got lucky and turned everything back to normal. I just had to find one of those realities in which we also happen to all die around this time. Now we can just slip into the place of our dead selves in this reality and everything will be fine. We're not skipping a beat, twins. Now, help me with these bodies.”

“This is insane.” Morty muttered as he crouched down near ourselves. Rick hauls up his own body.

“Look, guys, I'll grab myself, you grab yourselves, okay? I mean, t-t-t-that seems fair to me I mean, that seems like a fair way to divvy it up.”

“Rick, what about the reality we left behind?” I sniffed as I walked over to my body. Her eyes were still open and bulged out like they were looking straight at me. Rick’s voice droned in my head as he spoke.

“What about the reality where Hitler cured cancer, (Y/N)? The answer is don't think about it. It's not like we can do this every week, anyways. We get three or four more of these, tops. Now, pick up your dead self and come on. Haste makes waste. I-I-I don't suppose you've considered this detail, but obviously, if I hadn't screwed up as much as I did, we'd be these guys right now, so, again, you're welcome.”

“Rick Sanchez of Earth Dimension C-137. You are under arrest for crimes against alternate Ricks by the authority of the Trans-Dimensional Council of Ricks.” He points at Rick, the others aim their rifles at our table.

“Hey! What the heck?” Dad calls out, slamming his fist on the table as he rises from his chair. I instinctively reach out for him to not do that but he disregards me.

“Neutralize the Jerry.” Leader Rick orders and one of them promptly fired their gun.

“Wait, no! I'll-”  Dad is frozen as he tries to speak. Summer immediately runs to his aid.

“Dad!” She cries, holding onto our frozen father. 

“Dad!” Mom shouts at Rick.

“Rick!” Morty and I say a little more timidly than Mom simultaneously. Rick’s expression dampens as he stands from his chair.

“Everybody relax. If I know these a-holes, and I am these a-holes, they just wanna haul me to their stupid clubhouse and waste my time with a bunch of questions. Let’s get it over with.”

“Bring his twins.” The Leader Rick belches, now pointing at us instead. Morty and I sigh.

“Oh, man…” We are then detained by the other Ricks.

“Leave my twins out of this!” Rick belched back before being detained as well.

“You lost the right to have a say in these things when you refused to join the council.” Leader Rick belched once again– okay can we stop with the belching? I get it, Rick’s an alcoholic. Sorry.

“Wait, wh-wh-wh-what about Jerry?” Mom stammered as we were being hauled by the Ricks. She points to our frozen dad.

“Will you at least unfreeze my daughter’s idiot?” Rick said before walking into the portal. The Leader Rick doesn’t say anything, but I see him shoot at Jerry before I’m also pulled through the portal.

. . .

The portal leads to a huge cliche utopian-looking city. Gold architecture with plenty of fountains that were built into this large river. Behind us is a Rick statue sitting on a throne, also in a golden texture. Looking around, it's very futuristic. It’s like you dropped yellow on a huge Star Wars spaceship. But, there’s Rick. Lots of them, I’ve heard of the citadel and different versions of ourselves but wow. All around I see Ricks, Mortys, and (Y/N)s. I guess we’re not that disposable, considering that most of these trios include both Morty and me. That's sort of comforting in a way. Perhaps that prison of ourselves was just a minority. Morty doesn’t seem to hold the same mental rollercoaster as I am however, he looks around with a cloud of naivety and marvel.

“Geez, Rick! Wh-what is this place?”

“The Citadel of Ricks. It’s the secret headquarters for the council of Ricks.” Rick answered as we started walking. I see more versions of the three of us, some lacking me, actually. I’m not as comforted.

“Council of Ricks?” 

“As you know, Morty, I’ve got a lotta enemies in the universe that consider my genius a threat. Galactic terrorists, a few sub-galactic dictators, most of the entire intergalactic government- wh-wherever you find people with heads up their asses someone wants a piece of your grandpa. And a lot of versions of me on different timelines had the same problem. So a few thousand versions of me had the ingenious idea of banding together like a herd of cattle or a school of fish or those people who answer questions on Yahoo Answers-”

“Hey, what do you know? It’s a cowboy version of us!” Morty nudges me to look at the sauntering cowboy version of us.

“Geez, you’re easy to impress. Yeah, most timelines have a Rick, and most Ricks have a set of twins. This place is a real who’s-who of who’s you and me.

“A council of Rick’s though? Very cliche…” I comment as we walk past salesman Ricks.

“Turn your boring old twins into a hot fashion statement, with some twin dazzlers!” One salesman advertises, I reach for one and Rick moves me back.

“Hey, check this out!” A second salesman shows dolls of Morty and me, he presses a speech button on their chests.

“Show me the Morty!”

“Show me the (Y/N)!” 

“Dumb.” Rick shrugged, unimpressed.

“‘Scuse me, sir. Is your Morty insured?” Another salesman approaches. “You know, every year hundreds of Mortys are injured in-”

“Back off!” Rick snaps.

“What? Why don’t I have an insurance?!” I protest. Rick ignores me.

“Not my cup of tea, this place. I say the point of being a Rick is being a Rick.”

“Save your anti-Rick speech for the council of Ricks, terror-Rick!” One of the Ricks retorted. I snorted at the phrase ‘terror-Rick’.

“Hey, save your Rick rules for the sheep-Ricks, Rick-pig.” Rick belched.

“Fuck me, pal.”

“Fuck you?! No no no no no, fuck me!”

Their bickering comes to a halt as we approach the end of a long hallway, the large doors flushing open as we’re brought under what I assume to be the council of Ricks. The room is round and golden of course. It looks to be a jury of ourselves standing around, while the Rick council is seated off above. We’re slowly pushed to the front. The center council Rick speaks.

“Bring up the holograms!” He commanded and a hologram to the side displaying multiple dead Ricks appeared. “Twenty-seven Ricks brutally murdered in their own timelines. An unprecedented Rick-icidal epidemic. What say you, Earth Rick C-137?”

“You think I did this? Why am I the first Rick you pull in every time a Rick stubs his toe?” Rick opposed as he stood forward.

“You have a history of non-cooperation with the council.”

“Yeah, so does the scientist formerly known as Rick! Wh-wh-wh-why isn’t he here in handcuffs?”

“Because he’s dead too!” A snazzy-looking Rick is shown dead on the hologram. The crowd cries out. “Who else would you have us question? You fit the profile! Of all the Ricks in the Central Finite Curve, you’re the Malcontent! The rogue.”

“I’m the Rick! And so were the rest of you before you formed this stupid alliance. You wanted to be safe from the government so you became a stupid government. That makes every Rick here less Rick than me.” The other Ricks murmur among themselves in disagreement. “Yeah, murmur it up, d-bags. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got pancakes back home with syrup on top of them. They’re about to hit that critical point of syrup absorption that turns the cakes into a gross paste. And I hate to get all Andy Rooney about it, but I think we all like fluffy discs of cake with syrup on top! And I think we also like to be accused of crimes when there’s evidence! So as they say in Canada, peace oot!”

“Evidence? Good idea. Scan his Portal Gun!” The Rick that was escorting us reached into Rick’s inner pocket, retrieving his portal gun before slotting it into the console.

“Oh, come on. Don’t look at another man’s Portal Gun history. We-we all go to weird places.”

“Yes, but it appears you alone have been going to the exact timelines and locations in which the murders occurred!” The screen flashes, showing each universe Rick has gone to, highlighting the ones that line up with the murders.

“What? That’s Rick-diculous. I’m obviously being set up!”

“Earth Rick C-137! The Council of Ricks sentences you to The Machine of Unspeakable Doom, which swaps your conscious and unconscious minds, rendering your fantasies pointless while everything you know becomes impossible to grasp! Also, every ten seconds it stabs your balls.”

“I’ve heard enough.” Rick elbows and simultaneously unarms the Rick behind him, freeing himself before shooting through our handcuffs. “Run!” The two of us get the message and we run behind Rick. In the corridor, the other Ricks tail behind, Rick shoots portals, sending random amalgamations at the Ricks. Morty screams as they fire at us. I yelp and we jump off a balcony into a portal. We land in buttworld, on a butt. We bounce off but before I have time to make a joke the other Ricks catch up. We run through another portal, pass the pizza dimension, pass the greasy grandma dimension, pass the phone people dimension, and then finally into the doopidoo dimension. Rick fires a ton of portals before we hop into one.

This universe was sentient chairs, and people as the chairs I guess. We walk out on the street.

“That’ll keep ‘em busy for a while.” Rick belched.

“Hey Rick, those guys weren’t right- were they? You wouldn’t kill yourself? Or selves?” I question.

“‘Course not, (Y/N)! How could that profit me? Someone out there is killing Ricks, and the council ain’t gonna stop thinking it’s me until we clear our names.By finding the real Rick killer.”

“I’m scared, Rick!” Morty said, “Maybe we should go home and stockpile weapons like that show Doomsday Preppers.”

“Not really my style, Morty. Besides, your home is most likely swarming with Ricks right now.”

. . .  

The three of us sit in a restaurant, sitting on- people. Feels weird, and I feel bad. I guess that’s what they’re for and all but still. Oh yeah and the food’s phone.

“The Ricks are probably gonna waste some time messing with Jerry. They won’t be able to help themselves. But as soon as they get bored they’ll be on to us.”

“Phones á la clams, and phonesgetti with phoneballs. Anything else?” Our chair waiter sets down our ‘phone’ food.

“Yeah, more phonesticks please.” Rick replied as he shook the basket of phone breadsticks.

“Right away, sir.”

“You know Rick, when I first saw all those Ricks, (Y/N)s, and Mortys, I thought ‘gee, that kinda devalues our bond.’ But then I realized that just means that our relationship must be pretty special to span over all those different timelines.” Morty smiled. I let out an awkward sound.

“Yeah, it’s gotta be that way. You’re a camouflage.”

“Rick!” I kicked him. He rolled his eyes at me as he fiddled with his portal gun.

“No, what- let him finish. Camouflage? Wh-wh-what are you talking about, Rick?” Morty asks.

“Ricks have a very distinct and traceable brainwave due to our genius. The best way to hide from an enemy’s radar is to stand near someone with complementary brain waves that make ours invisible. See, wh-wh-when a Rick is with a Morty, the genius waves get canceled out by the uh, Morty waves.”

“What about (Y/N)?”

“Her waves just interfere with my waves, not very useful in hindsight.”

“So um… is it because… our personalities are so different?”

“Morty… that isn’t what-” I start.

“You-you’re acting like you kne-”

“Oh, shit dog!” Rick exclaimed as he held out his portal gun. “My portal gun was hacked remotely Morty, obviously by the real killer to frame me. But I was able to trace the signal. Come on, let’s go!” 

We stand before a pair of Ricks and a Morty enter the restaurant, talking to the host. We share a look before quickly constructing human chairs to look like us before escaping out the back. We take their police vehicle and fly off.

. . .

“Hey, it’s a good thing that space outlet had lab coats and both of your guys’ favorite kinds of shirts in stock, huh Morty?” Rick repeats, breaking the tense silence.

“Yeah, Rick. I-I heard you the first time. You don’t have to keep saying it over and over and over.” Morty grumbled.

“Man, this place is wayyy off the grid. This guy does not wanna be found.”

“Well, if he’s a Rick, doesn’t he just have to stand by a Morty to hide? I mean, isn’t that what Mortys are? Human cloaking devices?”

“Morty, you’re making a bigger deal out of this than it is.”

“And you’re the one who didn’t want me to tell him, then say it’s not a big deal– hypocrite.” I murmur and Rick shoots me a dirty look.

“Hey I never told you to keep it away from him, that was all you (Y/N).”

“Was that the big secret you kept from me?! How long have you known this??” Morty questioned me, my face dropped a little as I turned away. I quickly sit up to change the topic as we pull towards a large dome.

“Oh my god, guys, look! There’s a bunch of people strapped all over that building!” I shout.

“Not people, (Y/N). Mortys.” Rick replied, partially amazed. As we got closer, I realized that they were being stabbed repeatedly, blood pooling down. I physically cringe. That’s another level of horrid.

“Oh my god… wh-why would somebody do this? It’s horrible!” Morty shouts.

“Well, one Morty’s enough to hide from the bureaucrats. But you g- you get a whole matrix of Mortys and put ‘em in agonizing pain. That creates a pattern that can hide even from other Ricks, motherfucker. I fiddled with a concept like this once.” Rick replied thoughtfully, Morty and I shared a look of horror before Rick raised his arms in a defensive position.

“On paper, on paper! I wouldn’t do this, it’s barbaric overkill. I mean, you could accomplish the same result with like five Mortys and a jumper cable.” We start to climb out of the vehicle, we glance back at his further brainstorming. “Which I also wouldn’t do! I’m just saying, it’s bad craftsmanship.”

“Still a better way to word that!” I remark.

. . .

Morty rants to Rick as we traverse the insides of the dome, roots all over the walls and the ceilings. I know Rick’s aren’t super- put together but this seems trashy.

“You don’t care about me at all! I’m no different than that jacket you’ve got on! Y-y-or-or your stupid portal gun! I’m just a tool! I-I’m just an object!”

“Hey, it’s your choice to take it personally, Morty. Now for the love of god, be quiet! The point of this is to get the drop on the guy!”

“You know what Rick, I’ll tell you something! I’m more than a human shield!”

“Yeah, that’s right! You are! You’re a perfect impenetrable suit of human armor, Morty! Because you’re as dumb as I am smart! Which is why when I say ‘shut up’ it’s really good advice.” Morty tears up at his harsh words and looks at me with a pained expression.

“Don’t look at me.” I shrug, “I told you he was an ass from day one.” A bunch of lobster-looking aliens pop up around us, surrounding us. Probably due to Morty’s yelling, but I can’t fault him for that. I felt the same way when I first found out, Rick’s dismissal of things isn’t helping either.

“Great, nice work, Morty.” Rick groaned as he started to fight the aliens before being overwhelmed, he groaned even louder in frustration.

Slow claps echo from a dark corridor as edgy-looking versions of Rick and Morty walk in, their Rick slow clapping. But there isn’t me there?

“Ooh, look at you, C-137! You’re- aren’t you a tough customer?” The other Rick greets.

“The slow clap? Really? Kinda played out, dude.” Rick crosses his arms, unimpressed.

“Not in this dimension it isn’t. In fact, hah, I invented it and nobody else has ever even done it here before.” He gloats, getting up in our faces.

“Wow, that makes it original then.” I snort. I notice that the other Morty has an eyepatch, but I cannot stop thinking about my alternate self. I knew that she had to exist at some point, what could have happened? I doubt she’d be dead, would she be?

“Well lah-dee-dah.” Rick slowly claps mockingly before the other ‘evil’ Rick slaps his hand away angrily.

“Hey, that’s mine! Whatever, just grab them.” 

Before we can protest, the lobsters move closer to us. They grip Morty and I by our shirts and Rick by his arms, carrying us down another corridor.

“I don’t like the look of that Rick. We gotta escape.” Rick whispers.

“I’m not gonna help you, Rick. Y-you’re a monster.” Morty turns away.

“Don’t be Rickdiculous, Morty.”

“W-will you stop saying that? It’s stupid.”

“God, not the time Morty! We need to get out of here.” I whisper-yell before Morty and I are set down.

“Take his twins away.”

“Come with me.” The evil Morty states as he walks off. I don’t move in protest.

“What? No! Rick?!” I try to shove past but Evil Morty quickly bodies me, gripping onto me. 

“Move.” He spoke coolly. I shrug him off and sigh as Morty garners a different reaction.

“Yeah, gladly. Geez man, Ricks huh?” Morty begins as we follow Evil Morty. “Hey man, you seem to know how this place works. Is there any way we can… shut down that grid and rescue all those Mortys outside?”

“It would be pointless. Mortys have no chance of defeating a Rick.” He deadpanned as he opened a door.”In here.”

“That’s bullshit- who told you that-? Holy shit.” I gape as I see what is behind the door, it is a crowd of shivering Mortys similar to the citadel prison but in gross conditions. They tremble in fear, all their eyes on us. I open my mouth in shock but Morty is quickly shoved inside as he approaches slowly. “Wait!” I shouted but it was too late. The Evil Morty pulled me from the door.

. . .

“Let go of me!” I shout as he drags me away from the Morty chamber. Evil Morty shouts back.

“Stop it!”

“Wow, you can speak a higher octave– never mind, what’s going to happen to Morty?”

“You saw the dome, if another Morty were to die- he’d eventually replace that one, and so on.”

“Okay, better question.” I push him off. “What’s going to happen to me? Why didn’t you just shove me in there, or kill me- or something?”

“What makes you think I’m not going to kill you?”

“Maybe at the fact I’m not dead yet.”

“...Touche.” Evil Morty nodded coldly, I felt myself getting even more nervous as the situation settled in. Brainwashed Mort over here looks like he’s about to sacrifice me and Morty is yet again trapped somewhere separated from me. The fact that he’s just staring at me during this silence isn’t making me feel any better. I would assume that he doesn’t know what his Rick wants to do to me yet and is waiting for him to be done with my Rick first. The way he looks at me is also saddening for some reason. Like he’s seeing a ghost, please god don’t make his (Y/N) dead. It’ll explain it but I’d rather that not be the case.

“Uhm, if you’re not going to kill me then… At least tell me where your (Y/N) is? I don’t sense her on my (Y/N) radar, ha-ha.” I awkwardly joke and he gives me an odd expression before it softens again.

“She’s…” Dead? “Unavailable.”

“Such a weak fucking answer, where?” I pressure. Evil Morty hesitates like he wants me to look for his counterpart. He glances back at the Morty chamber before wandering off further. I follow suit. We go deep into the dome, to the bottom floor. Another large door swooshes open. I see myself. 

Rugged and hooked up to a machine suspended against the wall is me, situated in a way similar to the Mortys outside. I don’t even know what to say. She looks at me quietly, holding this melancholy look I’ve noticed all the other timelines of me have. Her mouth is covered, and she looks weak, tired. I don’t say anything at first, just walking up to her, to me. I can see my reflection in the dimness of her eyes, I turn back to Evil Morty.

“What- why is she like that?” I choke out, not realizing how much emotion that had been instilled in me. 

“Rick.” He states. “You mess with our natural brainwaves, he sees you more as a burden than a tool. But, with her, he turned the interference into a signal boost for the other Mortys. All day every day she’s stuck here. It’s worse than the torture.”

“Why don’t you fight back, stop your Rick? At the very least turn him in– he’s a galactic criminal!” My sadness turns to anger. How could he let it get this way? If this was Morty and me, I know I would have done everything possible to stop anything like this from happening, even if it killed me- or us. 

“I already said, a Morty can’t beat a Rick. Besides, it’s a small thing necessary for the bigger picture.” 

“Small thing for the bigger picture?! You’ve gotta be shitting me! That fact stands that you didn’t even try to help (Y/N) is disgraceful! That’s not what siblings are for! Especially twins! She’s your other half so treat her like it! Part of me thinks you’re working with your Rick! How come you’ve done absolutely nothing so far?!” My face heats up as I tear into Evil Morty. His eyes widen at my outburst before alarms blare over the dome. He quickly rushes over to the room’s console and activates the cameras. I see a pool of Morty’s rushing into the holding room containing our two Ricks. They attack and tear into him, I give an exasperated laugh as I turn to Evil Morty. “Look! You dumbass! Not even an hour after showing up and my Morty has already killed your Rick. You must be smart to be your Rick’s Morty, so be Morty!” I press a random large button and (Y/N) is immediately dropped from the machine, Evil Morty goes over to her. He doesn’t say anything, he turns to me briefly.

“Don’t count on seeing me again.”

I stare at him in confusion before leaving the room, I run the same path I came from to reunite with my original Rick and Morty. Morty hugs me as I see the citadel Rick’s sweep in to start containing the scene.

“Where were you?” Morty asked.

“Oh y’know, making new friends.” I respond vaguely.

“The hell does that mean?” Rick interrupts and a citadel member walks over, I get his attention.

“What’s gonna happen to all these Mortys?”

“They’ll go back to their families, attend school regularly, play video games, date girls… poor little Rickless bastards…”.

. . .

We’re now back in front of the council of Ricks, under better circumstances. The main council Rick speaks.

“Earth Rick C-137, the Council apologizes for its false accusation. And in the way of reparations for our terrible mistake, we would like to compensate you with this voucher for a free replacement Morty, in the event that your current Morty should-” Rick cuts him off after constantly signaling him to stop talking. Morty’s original proud expression is now disdain at the reminder of his new knowledge about our roles.

“Uh, guys? Not a good time. Come on, Morty, let’s hit it.” Rick turns Morty away, still swiping the voucher. 

“Ha, see? I’m so special there isn’t even a voucher for me.” I jokingly gloat.

“Or you’re just less valuable so they don’t care about replacing you in general.” Rick retorts. Ouch, that one, that one did hurt. But it seems me being the butt of the joke brightened Morty as we left the council building.

“Is it time for arcs yet, Rick? I did a pretty great job back there for a human cloaking device. Saved your ass.”

“Oh right, you did lead that Morty revolution, that was pretty sick.” I commend.

“Alright, Morty, don’t break an arm jerking yourself off.” Rick dismissed.

“Man, I can’t believe you, Rick! That right there! Tha-that was a great opportunity to show a little humanity. You know? To connect with me a little?”

“Yeah, Rick that wasn’t really called for.” I added.

“Hey Morty, you want connection? Go be part of some stupid club like all those dumb Ricks. You know, maybe I don’t connect because I’m the Rickest Rick there is. And you know, it would go without saying that the Rickest Rick… would have the Mortyest Morty.”

“I came up with that phrase first.” I murmur but get ignored.

“It would go without saying, huh?” Morty grinned.

“Yeah, it would. Did you hear me say it?” Rick said.

“Na,” Morty whispers to himself, “The Mortyest Morty…”

“Just don’t get too big for your loafers, Buster Brown. A cocky Morty could lead to some big problems. Could be a real bad thing for everybody.”

“Oh yeah, how’s that?”

“I-I-I’ll explain when you’re older.”

"All right, Ruffles. What's his name?" Rick asks.

"Snuffles." Morty corrects.

"Snuffles, shake." Snuffles does so and lifts a paw to Rick and shakes. "Rollover." He rolls over. "Go to the bathroom." Snuffles leaves the room, and a toilet flushes: he then returns. We all marvel in amazement. Now that is cool. Let's just hope his intelligence is limited to only tricks. "Yeah, you're at the top of your game now. Jerry. Have fun. Come on, kids." Rick drags us out of the living room. We walk into the garage.

"That was fantastic, Rick!" Morty beams.

"Yeah, imagine everything else he could do now." I nod along.

"Yeah. If you like that, boy. You're-you're really going to flip your lids over this one." Rick steps to the side of his invention and shows it to us. He shows us a small plug-like device that looks like a USB, needing a magnifying glass to see up close.

"W-w-w-what is it?" Morty questions, we lean away from the object. 

"It's a device, Morty," Rick picks it up, "that when you put it in your ear, you can enter people's dreams, Morty. It's just like that movie you keep crowing about." It places the device in a case.

"You talking about 'Inception'?" He replies.

"That's right, Morty. This is gonna be a lot like that, except, you know, it's gonna may-" Rick belches, putting the case in his neverending lab coat pocket, "be make sense.”

"'Inception' made sense."

"No, it didn't." I snickered. Or I'm too dumb to understand, but Rick didn't get it either so. Didn’t seem to be that smart of a movie anyway.

"You don't have to try to impress me, Morty. Listen, tonight we're gonna go into the home of your math teacher, Mr. Goldenfold, and we're gonna incept the idea in his brain to give you A's in math, Morty. (Y-(Y/N) is fine, but it is so you can, you know, y-you two are gonna help me with my science, all the time."

"Wow, Rick, in the time it took you to make this thing couldn't you just have, you know, helped Morty with his homework?" I comment.

"Th-then what have you b-een d- are you even listening to me (Y/N)? Homework is stupid. The whole point is to get less of it." Rick opens the ship door, and we all get into our regular seats. "Come on, let's just get over there and deal with this thing. W-we're gonna incept your teacher. You're frustrating me." 

. . .

We sneak into Mr. Goldenfold's house, Rick helping Morty and me into his house through the window. Eugh, he lives in a dump. Why is the trash so sparsely scattered on the floor? The small TV continues to play until Rick shuts it off. It was a basic house, the living room was tiny and closed off from the rest of the house.

"Uh-oh! Spoilers!" Rick whispers. "I'm a full season behind."

"This place is nasty." I comment, looking over Mr. Goldenfold's sleeping body on his beanbag. There is a bowl of popcorn on his stomach. How can he fall asleep like that?

"Wow, Rick, I can't believe we're sitting around, standing around in Mr. Goldenfold's house. It's really weird." Morty exhales. It was strange. Other than the one he was sitting in there were multiple bean bag chairs across the tiny room. Part of me believes they haven’t been sat in since he got them.

"It's about to get a whole lot weirder, Morty." I hear Rick respond and a thud following it. I see Morty on the floor and Rick approaching me with the device. 

"Woahwoahwoah! Can I at least get comfortable before you put me under!? Let me sit down or something!" I protest. 

"No." 

"Aww man-" Rick grabs my arm and slots the device into my ear. I go cold for a second before waking up in an airplane. I sit in the window seat, Morty next to me, and Rick in the aisle. We all peer out to the aisle. The lady from that show Goldefold was watching iis the attendant. What was her name? Oh yeah, Mrs. Pancakes. 

"Wheat Thins. Wheat Thins." She calls as she rolled the cart down the aisle. For an airplane, it had a decently wide aisle. Mr. Goldenfold flags her down. 

"I'll take two." He leans out.

"Oh, I think you've had enough, sir."

"You don't know me." They both laugh at his reference to the show. I smile a little at the joke. Yeah, I've watched it. It’s entertaining. Anyways.

"All right, kids, time to make our move." Rick grabs full soda bottles from a random cart conveniently nearby. He straps them to his chest, here we go. He hands Morty and me a cover-up. I don't put it on. 

"I'm not going to help you pull a nine-eleven." I scowl.

"Fine, good job showing concern for your o-own brother's grades." He gets up from his seat Morty behind him. Morty had put the cloth on his head. "Allahu-" Rick belches, showing off the sodas, "akbar! We're gonna take control of this plane. We're gonna nine-eleven it unless Morty Smith gets better grades in math!" Mr. Goldenfold stands up with Mrs. Pancakes. I sit slightly higher in my seat to look. "Hey! I said nobody move, buddy!" 

"The name's not buddy. It's Goldenfold. Nice to wheat you!" Mr. Goldenfold grabs crackers nearby and uses them like ninja stars. 

"Take cover!" It punctures Rick's soda 'bombs' and pierces Morty's arm. I cringe at Morty's wound as Mr. Goldenfold pulls out two assault rifles, firing them in our direction. Rick and Morty cover in seats a few rows behind. I carefully duck under seats and regroup with them. Morty whines as Mr. Goldenfold still screams, firing the two assault rifles. "Goldenfold's got more control here than I anticipated. I mean, the guy teaches high-school math." Rick belches, " I didn't take him for an active dreamer. We've got to take him out so he wakes up, kids, but we can't get killed. If you get killed in someone else's dream, you die for real.

"What?! Are you kidding me?!" Morty and I both yell. 

"Don't be a baby!" Rick responds. "You avoid getting shot in real life all the time. Just do the same thing here, and we'll be fine."

"Reassuring." I groan. "Do you at least have a plan?"

"As a matter of fact-" Rick belches, "(Y/N). I do. We're going to take Mrs. Pancakes as a hostage and trade her."

"This is Mr. Goldenfold's dream. Can't he just teleport her back?" I question.

"The thing is, he doesn't know this is a dream yet."

"Alright, here we go." I sigh. Rick somehow gets Mrs. Pancakes on his side of the aisle. He peers in the middle.

"Goldenfold, we're coming out! We just want to talk!" Rick stays low to the ground when peeking. Mr. Goldenfold halts his assault.

"Why would I negotiate with you?" He questions.

"Because we're both rational adults that don't want anything bad to happen. And because I have a human shield." Rick stands up, with Mrs. Pancakes in a chokehold. 

"Mrs. Pancakes, AAAAAH!" Mr. Goldenfold screams, dropping the guns and cowering down. Everyone else on the plane freaks out in a similar matter.

"Oh, no, kids. His subconscious is panicking." Rick comments, still holding onto Mrs. Pancakes. I hear one passenger scream louder than the others before the emergency door bursts open. Morty and I hold onto nearby seats as people fly out of the plane. My hair gets tugged, and I hear a scream as Morty lets go. God damn it. I let go and smash into Rick at the emergency door. We all tumble out. My arms flail around as I try to gain balance in the arm, Morty screeches before Rick slaps him. I swim in the air to get closer to Rick and Morty. Huh, I guess it does kind of have a ring to it.

"Relax, Morty. Look! Mrs. Pancakes has a parachute. Come on!" Rick points to Mrs. Pancakes, and the three of us maneuver our way over to her. Morty and I grab onto Rick. He pulls Mrs. Pancakes' parachute, and we all hang onto her.

"You don't know me." Mrs. Pancake scoffs.

"Oh, no, Rick, look! Goldenfold landed the plane, and he's created a mechanical arm to pluck Mrs. Pancakes out of the air while he lets us fall into a giant vat of lava!" Morty explains. I look at the contraption Mr. Goldenfold created. He was right. There was indeed a vat of lava and a mechanical arm he was controlling.

"Pretty concise, Morty. Looks like we've merely prolonged the inevitable." Rick immediately comes up with a plan, "That's it, Morty! Prolonging the inevitable! Listen, if we go into Mrs. Pancakes' dream, everything will go 100 times slower, Morty. That'll buy us some time to figure this out!"

"Dying in Mr. Goldenfold's dream is the last I want to do!" I yell, punching Mrs. Pancake to unconsciousness. Morty gives me a flabbergasted look.

"All right, let's go." Rick ignores my sudden aggression and grabs more dream inceptors. He inserts us into the dream of Mrs. Pancakes. We land in a sort of, sex, dungeon? 

"Oh, man, Rick, this is pretty weird." Morty looks around at the multiple different alien-type creatures. Mrs. Pancakes sits on a throne, whipping some of the alien-gremlin things.

"Don't judge Morty." Rick also stares intently at the whipping Mrs. Pancakes.

"Ohh, well I'm totally judging, and I’m not liking what I’m seeing" I smile awkwardly, kind of grossed out. I mean everyone pretty much knew he was weird anyway. Seeing it though is just, yuck.

"Okay. All right. Well Look, Mrs. Pancakes is right over there. I'll just go ask her to tell Goldenfold not to kill us when she wakes up." Morty stands up and starts to walk before getting grabbed by Rick.

"Whoa, whoa, Morty. The trick to incepting is making people think they came up with the idea." Rick pulls off his lab coat and tosses it to Morty. "Listen to me. If we're gonna incept Mrs. Pancakes, we have to blend." Rick takes his blue undershirt off. He then takes his pants off. I look away as mini-sex gremlins rush to him. "I'll talk to you after lunch." Ew, he goes off with them. Another image I will later work to erase.

"What's the plan, then?" I move closer to Morty. 

"I-I don't-" Morty is interrupted by a sex monster rubbing his arm. 

"Ooh, hey!" It greets.

"Ooh, oh! Oh, man." Morty recoils from the monster. More monsters approach us. One starts touching me too. We both get very uncomfortable for obvious reasons and run away. This is soo fucking weird. Two more get a hold of Morty and me.

"Come and join us." It asks.

"Nopenopenope, sorry no!" I push it off, and Morty does the same with his. We run before stopping in front of a large frog woman.

"Ooh, wow!" She lays in a mud bath named 'The Pleasure Pit', "Come over here, you two." 

"We're fine!" I yell out, pushing Morty away. We bump into a human, about time. Whoa, she actually looks- holy shit that's-

"Summer?!" Morty screams out. She walks closer to us, wearing this pink and black lace lingerie. 

"Hey, there, strangers." Summer leans over to us, "What do you think of these things?" She shakes her tits in our faces. It's not the first time I've seen her in underwear but never in this context. I want this entire experience erased from my brain. I cover my eyes backing away. Morty has a more verbal reaction. 

"Ohh! Oh! Gross! Gross!" He cries. I hear a thud, assuming he fell over.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! What's the matter with you two, kids? Calm down! You're both kind of killing the vibe in here." I hear Rick's voice, along with chains? Oh god, I don't even want to know what he is wearing.

"I-it's Summer!" Morty stutters.

"Aw, geez. Looks like Goldenfold has some predilections so shameful he buries them in the dreams of the people in his dreams, including a pervy attraction to your underage sister." Rick points out. I reopen my eyes and stand next to Rick, trying not to look at his--attire. I was right. He is wearing this gimp-type chain sex thing. Morty gets from the ground and steps next to the other side of Rick. I try to look anywhere but Rick or Summer.

"Can you blame him?" Summer crawls to us. "Come on, old man, little girl and boy. Let's make an inter-generational sandwich." She traces our bodies with her hands before pulling us together. Rick pushes her away. All of us shield ourselves, overlapping each other.

"Oh, my God. Put some clothes on for the love of God-Summer! Put some-I'm gonna puke! I swear to God I'm gonna puke!" Rick’s voice is the loudest as he backs up from her.

"Oh, my God! Put some clothes on, for Pete's sake! This is disgusting! I can't take it, Rick!" Morty’s voice is screechy as he also backs up.

"Oh, Jesus Christ! Summer-don't! Just don't do that! Please just put some clothes on! That's disgusting! This really wasn’t worth what we came for!" I yell out under the other two as I fully turn around from her. We came here for a fucking grade. I probably could just cheat for him.

Everyone around us goes quiet. A large-red-headed centaur goes in front of us. We stop our whining as he towers over us.

"Sexual hang-ups in the pleasure chamber are punishable by death! Off with their heads!" He swings his large spear at us. Rick dodges it and rolls over to the centaur.

"Time to go into another dream kids!" Rick grapples his neck, choking him out.

"Don't need to tell me twice." I cringe. Rick puts the inceptors in, and Morty and I do ours.

We drop down into a new area. The room is red, with incinerators behind us. Rick is luckily in regular clothes again.

"What the hell? Why would Mr. Goldenfold's dream version of Mrs.

Pancakes' dream version of a Centaur, be dreaming about a scary place like this, Rick?" Morty queried, looking around. The centaur stands next to us, sucking his thumb.

"Geez, I don't know, Morty. Wha-what do you want from me?" Rick crosses his arms. An annoying screeching sound catches our attention. A figure appears at the end of the corridor. 

"Welcome to your nightmare, bitch!" A weird deformed-looking Freddy Kruger charges at us, screaming.

"Oh, here we go." Rick starts to run.

"Ooohhh! Holy crap!" Morty and I scream. We run in the tight corridors of the industrially looking dream. Rick runs next to us.

"Looks like some sort of legally safe knock-off of an '80s horror character with miniature swords for fingers instead of knives." Rick clarifies as we run.

"I'm scary Terry. You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!" He yells from behind us. We continue to run around, avoiding Terry as he conveniently pops out of every corner. A girl talks in the background.

"'A, B his name is Scary Terry 'C' 'D' he's very scary." The girl echos through the area.

"Holy crap!" Morty yells as Terry jumps out at us again. I pull him up as he stumbles. "We have to escape into someone else's dreams, kids." Rick starts, and we continue running as Terry pops up in areas in front of us.

"I'm not dying over a movie knock-off!" I scream. He crawls overhead us and jumps in front of us. All of us freak out and make a sharp turn. We all locate the creepy girl singing. Rick points at her as she keeps mindlessly singing. Creepy, oh shit right, we're still being chased. 

"The little girl!" He knocks her out. We all intercept her dream. We wake up-in the same fucking dream. The girl continues to sing that stupid ass song. "Are you kidding me? This again? Oh, man, it looks like we've hit dream bedrock here, kids."

"Bedrock?! You mean there isn't any way else to go?!" I scream.

"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-whoa, this isn't good." Morty whines.

"Nothing but fear from here on out bitch!" Terry appears next to us and we continue running.

"Holy crap! He can travel through dreams. He can travel through dreams! We're so screwed!" Rick exclaims.

"You think?!" I cry out as we continue running from him. Who knew the most stress would come from this adventure out of the rest, just because Morty happens to be a dumbass. The whole stress of the chase dies down as we exit the building. The world is very similar to the nightmare on elm street but redder, very red. Rick skids over a car into the driver's seat. I beat Morty inside, making him sit in the back without a seatbelt. Seems like he is too nervous to protest.

"What are we here for again? Incepting? We're trying to incept-"

"We're trying to intercept me to get an 'A', in math?" Morty interrupts Rick, Rick murmurs an 'oh yeah' and starts the car. Morty screeches and jumps onto me in the front. The two of us scramble as he tries to straighten himself up. Terry pokes up from the back.

"Buckle up, bitch!" Terry leans against the seat. Morty and I once again scream as we all crawl out of the car. The two of us recover quickly before following Rick as we continue to run

"Why does he say bitch so much?!" I yell.

"You can run, but you can't hide, bitch!" Terry yells behind us.

"Hold on, kids. Y-you know what? He keeps saying we can run but we can't hide?" Rick starts as we take cover next to a broken-down house. "I say we try hiding."

"But that's the opposite of what-" Morty starts.

"Yeah, well, since when are we taking this guy's advice on anything?" I nod in approval of Rick's theory, it's dumb, but this is a dream.

"Hey, you know what? You got a really good point there, Rick. Like, if the truth was that we could hide, it's not like he'd be sharing that information with us, you know? I-I-I think it's a good idea, Rick." Morty ponders.

"Worst-case scenario, we're back to running." Rick shrugs.

. . .

After around six dream hours, we traced back to Scary Terry's house due to Rick's plan actually working. We camp outside Terry's house. Apparently, he has a wife and kid as well. We stay crouched in front of the dining room window and Rick nudges the both of us. I snap back to attention.

"Kids, this is perfect. After a little scary coitus, they should be fast asleep, and then we'll intecept him." Off-topic, but he does have a pretty nice-looking house. The three of us sneak inside after they uh, have some 'coitus'. I grimace at their weird-looking bodies and the marks left all over the room. Terry flinches in his sleep.

"Looks like Scary Terry's having a nightmare." Rick prepares the inceptors. 

"Oh, boy, Rick. I can only imagine what horrible things must, you know, scare Scary Terry." Morty watches Rick and we incept Terry's dream. We watch Terry from afar. We are in a school? He went to school? What would he learn? The bell rings and a younger Terry looks up. 

"Oh, no! I'm late to class, bitch!" He shoves his locker close and looks down. "Oh, no! I'm not wearing any pants!" Terry rushes to class as other scary monster girls laugh at him. We join the class he was late for and sit behind him.

"Ah, well Mr. Terry, why don't you tell the whole class the proper wordplay to use when one is chasing one's victim through a pumpkin patch?" The teacher questions, getting into Terry's face. Monster school is weird, why is wordplay important if you're isolating your victim and killing them? Terry mumbles to himself, before answering.

"Oh, uh, um-- 'bitch.'" He answers. The class laughs as the teacher gets off of Terry's desk.

"Oh, come on, Terry. You can't think of a pun involving pumpkins, bitch?" The teacher taunts.

"Hey, leave him alone!" Morty interjects, pulling the attention towards him. 

"Yeah!" I call out, standing out of my desk chair, "You're giving him shit for no reason!"

"This is a bunch of bullcrap. Who cares what stupid pun you make when you kill someone? Why don't you let the poor guy say whatever he wants?" Rick finishes, concluding our defense for Terry. 

"Well, I never-!" The teacher stutters, looking around at the kids staring at him. "I-I see no reason to stand here and take this!" He rushes out of the class. Pussy. Morty stands out of his chair and we go next to Terry.

"You're putting too much pressure on yourself, Scary Terry." Rick rests his hand on Terry's shoulder, "You know, I mean, y-you're perfectly scary enough as it is." I grab some mysteriously convenient pants nearby and nudge Morty, handing them to him. 

"Hey, yo, Scary T, don't even trip about your pants dawg. Here's a pair on us, fool." Morty hands him the pants as I side-eye as he speaks. Why is he talking like that? 

"Aww, bitch. I don't even know what to say." Terry accepts the pants and starts putting them on.

"You don't need to say anything. We got you, dawg." Morty poses as he speaks and I try to hold in laughter. 

"You're our boy, dawg. Don't even trip" Rick puts his arm around Morty and they hug Terry. Rick too? This is so dumb. The thought makes me burst out in laughter as the dream ends. Morty punches me as we wait for Terry to wake up.

"Cool it, he is our only chance of getting out of here remember?"

"Yeah, yeah," I chirp, "just give me a second." I try to calm my smile as Terry's eyes start to open, I guess my smile meshed in with Rick and Morty as he smiles back. He sits up in bed and faces us.

"Oh, hey, it's you guys!" Terry goes on to thank us for what we've done and invites us to stay for breakfast, what a change of heart.

We sat around Terry's table after he gave each of us coffee, bleh. Melissa (his wife) approaches the table as we sit near him.

"I haven't seen him this relaxed in years." She comments.

"If you guys ever need anything, just say the word," Terry adds, resting his sword-fingered hand on Rick's shoulder. 

"As a matter of fact, Terry, there is something you could help us with," Rick responds. Thank god we're finally getting out of the dream paradox hellhole, cannot wait.

. . .

We all sit on Terry's back (uncomfortably) as he goes through each dream, killing the dreamer. We finally reach the original dream and Terry turns into a missile, launching himself at Mr. Goldenfold. This day just keeps getting better I guess.

"This is because you don't give Morty Smith good grades, bitch!" He screams, ramming into him and exploding. The dream ends and we all quickly hide behind the couch, Mr. Goldenfold bursts up in shock.

"Holy crap! Goddamn! I know one thing for sure, I'm giving Morty an 'A' in math! And that's my idea, that is an original thought!" He wanders away from the couch as we all do a trio fist bump. All of this and I could have just allowed Morty to copy off of me. Entering back into the ship we start to fly home. 

"That was a day, I can't wait to lay down and go into my 'own' dream" I sigh.

"Yeah, and now I can relax with my easy A- wait, what the hell?" Morty points outside. A squad of dogs in mechanical suits brings boxes in and out of our house, two of them watching guard. Wow, let me guess. Dad probably caused this.

"Out of the frying pan, dot, dot, dot, huh kids?" Rick says plainly. He probably predicted this the second he made that dog intelligent.

"Oh man, what's going on?" Morty questions.

"I'm assuming no one paid attention to Snuffles as he slowly became self-aware," I comment.

"Always seventy-five percent correct as usual (Y/N). Your dog possibly made modifications on the cognition amplifier, then turned on Jerry, Beth, and Summer after learning about humanity's cruel subjugation of his species, but honestly, your guess is as good as mine." Rick shrugs humbly.

"Let's go save our family then." Our conversation ends as Rick silently lands somewhere nearby. We rush to sit in the bushes behind our house. "Psst, Beth, Jerry, Summer," Rick whispers as we emerge from the bush, he pulls out a device to remove their chains. Wow, the dogs tied them to an inhumanely short leash tethered to the ground in bad temperature. Wonder where I've seen that before. Summer rushes over to us.

"Oh, thank God, Morty and (Y/N)" She hugs us, very, very tightly and I'm just going to say it now that she literally pushed our faces near her boobs and now I want to die. Morty seemed to get the same impression as he awkwardly pushed her off of us. 

"Oh, you're welcome!" He grimaces as Rick comes back over.

"All right, let's get out of here. If we hurry-" Rick takes a swig of his flask, "we can set up camp in a sewer tunnel or something before the dogs completely take over."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. We're not going anywhere." Dad protests, "This is my house. I'm not abandoning it."

"It's all over, Jerry. The dogs are on a path to total world domination. But, hey, at least they know not to piss on your carpet, right?"

"Wait a minute. I have an idea." Dad responds. Of course, he is the only person who gets an idea from the word 'piss'. If you don't know what I'm getting at, Dad's plan is to piss on their stuff. Like a dog- well, an unintelligent dog. And which- he does, then he pulls down his fucking pants and squats. I kind of root for Snuffles here as he shoves his face into his piss. Karma I would say. But who really won in this as I also saw my Dad's bare ass.

"Ooh, great plan, Jerry." Rick groans.

"Bring those two to me." Snuffles points at Morty and me as two robo dogs pull us towards him. As he sits in a lounge chair. Please don't make us the first sacrifice, please don't make us the first- "You both were always kind to me." Oh. "That's why I will leave you, Morty, with your testicles and (Y/N), with your uterus." Ew, but yay? I have no clue what's going on. "From now on, you two will be my best friends and live by my side."

"Th-thanks, Snuffles." We both stutter before sharing a knowing glance and walking to our assigned 'doggy' beds. Morty and I each sit on one side of him. Both of his robo arms reach down and pet both of us.

"Begin phase two." He orders the guard dogs, dog guards? Whatever, the world is being dominated by dogs, I had a dream about this before and it did not end well.

. . .

So, it has been months since that happened. Morty and I both now live in this luxurious building owned by Snuffles-Snowball, as he owns the world now. Morty surrounds himself with women and I sit in silence with immense guilt. Yeah, the human race a lot of times treats dogs unfairly but not all of them, and it just feels unfair to also imprison the humans who never even interacted with dogs. Luxury is kind of nice though, if only it didn't cost at humanity's expense. But, our family is also victims in this. We need to leave, it's not fair. I rush into Morty's room, I make an audible noise of disgust as he sits up in the bed shirtless, the two girls in his bed also sitting up.

"(Y-(Y/N)? What are you doing in here?! Can't you see I'm busy here?" Morty complains, I walk over to stand in front of his bed.

"Morty, we need to leave here. We can't just sit up here as royalty while everyone else is forced into slavery! Think about our family!" I fume, and he waves me off.

"Come on, our lives are so much easier now. And we can do whatever we want. Be selfish for once, not like we can do anything about it anyway." Morty dismisses. Fido, our sort of butler dog, brings a tray of drinks. "Thank you, Fido." I turn to face the dog as it gets knocked over.

"Rick!" Morty and I exclaim, one of us more enthusiastic than the other. 

"I thought you were dead!" Morty continues.

"No, no, no, I was just playing dead." Rick drops his bat. "Good news though, kids. This whole thing's gonna be over really soon."

"Yes!" I cheer.

"What? What do you mean?" Morty stares at Rick as he explains.

"It's a dream, kids. We're in your dog's dream. The night the dogs captured us, after you cried and crapped your pants, we all went to sleep. Then I used my dream inceptors to put the three of us inside Snuffles' dream." And of course, coincidentally, an object we used earlier is now the thing we used to solve the secondary problem going on.

"But it's been like a whole year!" Morty chokes, I cringe at the women still touching him while they talk.

"It's been six hours. Dreams move one one-hundredth the speed of reality, and dog time is one-seventh human time. So you know, every day here is like a minute. It's like 'Inception', Morty, so if it's confusing and stupid, then so is everyone's favorite movie."

"Aw, man." Morty sulks, "I really liked this life."

"I didn't!" I chimed in.

"Well, at least I didn't really didn't crap my pants."

"No, no, that happened before you went to sleep, Morty." Rick starts, and the women promptly start to leave him. "You're sleeping in your crap right now, that was the only real thing that-, you know, is, that you crapped your pants. I mean it's a mess, Morty." I start to audibly laugh at Morty, holy shit Morty how does that even happen. "I got some on my hands, Morty, and then I got it on the dream inceptor, and a piece fell in my mouth." Eugh, gross, still funny, but gross.

"Aw, man, geez! Seriously?" Morty exhales.

"Yeah and some even got on your sister's leg, nasty." 

"What?!" I yell as I feel the smile drain from my face, Rick cuts me off.

"Look, d-d-d-don't worry about it, Morty." Rick sits on the bed and ignores my panicking. "Here, here, take these, Morty. Take these." Rick hands Morty a series of pills and Morty takes them. "You two (Y/N)." Rick grabs more for me to take. I hold them in my hand but don't take them. Morty fucking got shit on me.

"Are these pills supposed to wake me up, or something?" Morty asks.

"Close. It's gonna make your kidneys shut down." Oh well, sucks to be him I guess. 

"What?!" Morty shouts, and Rick holds him before turning to me, "Same with you, y-you both gotta take it." 

"Uh, no. I'm not taking some kidney failure medicine. Morty's the one who shit everywhere, so he has to pay for that." I protest.

"Fair enough, Morty, don't worry. It's necessary for the plan, don't even trip dawg."

. . .

Rick(in a robo dog disguise), Snowball, and I stand around pale unconscious Morty on a medical table. I know this is technically fake and stuff but it's still unnerving to see Morty dying like that.

"It's pretty bad, emperor Snowball. We're gonna need to do another operation." Rick diagnoses. 

"Anything," Snowball puts his robo arm on Morty, "anything for my precious Morty." An Accountant Dog enters the room.

"Sir, as your accountant, I must advise you that these medical expenses are putting you in serious financial jeopardy. You could lose your kingdom." One of the other workers walks up to Snowball.

"To hell with my kingdom Bean Counter!" Snowball pushes all of the papers out of the dog's arms, he holds Morty with his. "I would trade it all for my human's health, and happiness."

"Do you think they would have done this for us?" The dog asks.

"We are not them!" Snowball pauses, I can almost see the mental resolve as he whispers. "We are not them."

. . .

The whole family stands outside of the animal shelter, dogs walk in a line into a portal as Snowball stands in front of us. The shit thing has been resolved if you were curious. That’s all I'm gonna say.

"Taking over the human's world will lead to nothing but more heartbreak, more cruelty. Instead, we will go to a new world and colonize it with a society of intelligent dogs, one that will not make the same mistakes as humanity and one where pet insurance will be mandatory." 

"We're going to miss you, Snowball." I smile.

"You can call me Snuffles, (Y/N). And I'm going to miss both of you two, very much." He walks up to us and we embrace him, Snuffles licks both of our heads before leaving through the portal. I ignore Dad's crying as Morty and I break off to stand with Rick. 

"Wow, who knew dreams had such an impact. And to think if that never happened we would be living in that world right now." I whistle.

"Yeah, but a whole world populated by intelligent dogs. I wonder what it'll be like." Morty speculates.

"I think it will be great, Morty. You know it could be developed in-into a very satisfying project for people of all ages. I mean, I'd watch it, Morty, for at least 11 minutes a pop. You know, may-maybe they'll do it board-driven." Rick rambles.

"You know, that's a real comforting idea, Rick."

"Is it though?" I remark.

"What do you know, Morty?" Rick sighs and shakes his head, "What do you know?"

"This is great and all, but can we go home now? I'm hungry." I announce. Everyone seems to hum in agreement as we go home and eat dinner at the table. 

"So that happened." Mom starts, cutting into her food. "Anything anyone wants to say?"

"That we should never get a dog, or any type of pet in that matter, especially one with advanced intelligence." I begin.

"Well yeah, but at least I got to see Dad cry like a baby" Summer snickers.

"Hey! It was a very emotional moment, excuse you!" Dad pouts, sinking down slightly in his chair.

"That was pretty funny to see." I chuckle. 

"L-like you didn't cry your eyes out once we got inside." Morty points out. I feel my face flush as everyone turns to me.

"Pfft- Naah, I didn't-crying? Me? Never." I hastily shove more food in my mouth so I would shut up. 

"Come on Morty. We all know you were the one to cry the most, t-that's why your shower took four minutes longer than usual today." Rick keeps his focus on his food as he talks. I grin at Morty, mainly because of how Rick covered for me. 

"Huh?! Are you timing the time it takes for me to shower?" Morty rises defensively.

"I don't know, Morty. Maybe I'm not, maybe I am. No need to pass the blame around, geez." Rick gets up from the table. "I'm heading to the garage, see ya." Morty springs up from his chair.

"Hey! What about me?! I can't just be alone then!" I protest, sitting up. If the world’s going to end I might as well benefit too.

"Y-yeah, y-you're right. Let's go pick up, touhhh, what's her name?"

"You're talking about Olivia?” I ask incredulously, I mean yeah I used to have a crush on her until I blew it completely in the 8th grade. “You can't bring her! She hates me."

"Wh-what do you mean? Never heard of enemies t-to lovers? That's going to be the fun of it."

"No, you can't!" Morty shoves Rick back to his seat. "Jessica doesn't even know I exist! But-but, but forget about that, because you can't blow up humanity!"

" I-I get what you're trying to say, Morty. Listen, I'm not-" Rick spills alcohol on his shirt. "You don't got- Y-you don’t gotta worry about me trying to fool around with Jessica or mess around with Jessica or anything. I'm not that kind of guy, Morty. O-or Olivia, hands-off. Gonna let you guys do your thing." I made an audible noise of disgust and Morty looked at me, then back to Rick.

"What are you talking about, Rick?!"

"You-you don't have to worry about me getting with Jessica or anything. Sh-sh-she-she, she, she's all for you, Morty."

"I don't care about Jessica! Y-Yyyyyyyyyyou-" Morty stutters.

"You know what, Morty? You're right." Rick throws the now empty bottle to the backseat. I catch it. Morty looks back at me in concern. I shrug and he turns back. "Let's forget the girls altogether. They, they're probably nothing but trouble, anyways." Rick presses a button on the dashboard.

"Arming neutrino bomb." The computer announces. Morty starts to unbuckle his seatbelt and begins tussling Rick.

"That's it-that's it, Rick. I'm taking the wheel." They start to talk over each other, fighting over control of the ship. "I'm taking charge of this situation, buddy!" Morty goes onto Rick, kicking him as he grabs the wheel." They continue to talk over each other.

"I'm put-I’m, I'm, I'm, I'm putting-I-I’m, I’m, I’m not gonna stand around like some sort of dumb-dumb person, and just le-let you ruin the whole world!"

"Come on! What’s gotten into you? If you love Earth so much why don’t you marry it?" I watch in amusement. The bomb is a problem, yeah. But knowing Rick, he would give a nice grace period before the explosion for our escape or something. The initial shock was big, yeah, but I want to go back to sleep though... Rick pushes Morty off. "What are you, crazy? Alright, alright, Morty. Alright. I'll-I'll land. I'll land. I'll land. I'll land the thing. I’ll land the thing. Big tough guy all of a sudden." Rick flies down aggressively, parking in a desert. He opens the door and tumbles out. Over a dozen empty booze bottles follow. Morty rests against the seat.

"Oh, thank god." He breathes. I push his legs to the side and sit in the passenger seat. I work on disabling the bomb. 

"You know what? That was all a test, Morty. Just an elaborate test to make you more assertive."

"It was?" Morty questions.

"Sure. Why not? I don't, I don't know." Rick pulls out a flask from the inside pocket of his coat. "Y-you know what, Mo-" Rick falls asleep, snoring loudly.

"Neutrino bomb armed." The robot announces.

"Uhhh (Y/N)?" Morty calls out, his voice laced with concern.

"I'm working on it!" I respond back, “Talking isn’t going to make me work any- oh shit” I feel myself stressing as the bomb winds up before deactivating. I exhale and sit back, looking at Morty. He sits up and looks at me, then at the unconscious Rick on the ground.

"D-do you know how to fly this thing?" Morty swats the bottles out of the ship.

"I mean, I can try?" 

. . .

Morty and I flinch at the sound of the alarm ringing. We look to the side at each other.

"You look like shit." I groan. 

"You," he yawns, "too." Morty and I sluggishly follow our routine before meeting the family at the table for breakfast. Morty and I sit next to each other, facing Summer and Rick.

"I see there's a new episode of that singing show tonight. Who do you guys think is gonna be the best singer?" Dad talks about his stupid singing show. I take a couple of bites of my food before laying my head down on the table.

"(Y/N)! Get your head off of the-" Mom gets cut off with Morty's head slamming into his plate of food. 

"Oh my God, their heads are in their food. I'm going to puke." Summer, my older sister monotones.

"Wh- are you two getting sick?" Mom asks. I moan in response. Morty lifts his head. He wipes some of the food off, not processing Mom's words. "Did something happen?"

"Nothing happened, Mom. We just didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Our dreams could just be too loud."

"Or maybe you were out all night again with Grandpa Rick." Summer snitches. I weakly turn my head to her and open my mouth to protest and decide against it. I put my face back in my food, the warmness of it was pretty comforting.

"What?!" Dad hollers.

"Dad?" I hear Mom's question.

"What, so everyone's supposed to sleep every single night now? You realize that nighttime makes up half of all time?" Rick defends.

"Damn it!" Dad cusses, slamming the table. I flinch up, sitting upright.

"Jerry!" Mom scolds.

"Beth!" He replies.

"Oh my god, my parents are so loud, I want to die." Summer mumbles. 

"Mm, there is no God, Summer. You gotta rip that band-aid off now. You'll thank me later." Rick nudges her.

"Okay, with all due respect, Rick," Dad glares at him, "what am I talking about? What respect is due? How are my kids supposed to pass their classes if you keep dragging them off for high-concept Sci-Fi rigamarole?"

"Well, Dad, I am actually doing pretty go-" I meekly added.

"Sweetheart, not right now." Okay then.

"Listen, Jerry. I-I-I don't want to overstep my bounds or anything. It's your house. It's your world. You're a real Julius Caesar but, I'll tell you something-tell you how I feel about school, Jerry. It's a waste of time." Dad continues to glare at Rick skeptically while he talks. "Buncha people running around, bumping into each other. G-guy up front says, 'Two plus two.' The people in the back say, 'Four.' Then the-then the bell rings, and they give you a carton of milk and a piece of paper that says you can go take a dump or something. I mean, it's not a place for smart people, Jerry. And I know that's not a popular opinion, but it's my two cents on the issue.'" Rick wipes his mouth off, getting up. I rested my head on the table instead of my food this time. He goes behind Mom and places a hand on her shoulder. "This was a good breakfast, Beth. You really made the crap out of those eggs. I wish your mother was here to eat them." He kisses her cheek and leaves. I cringe at the obvious manipulation tactic. 

"Oh, Dad..." Mom tears up over Rick's words.

"What? For real?" Dad lifts his arms up, quickly dropping them. I look at Morty nodding off and move his plate out of the way, so he slams into the table this time instead.

"Mom," I yawn, "we need a ride to school."

. . .

It was now our last period of the day. Morty continues to stare at Jessica. The class follows along as normal, calling out the answers. Morty calls out, using Jessica's name instead of the answer. She turns back in confusion, wondering who called her. The word 'quiz' stops me from staring at Morty staring at Jessica. The class groans in response.

"Yeah, you know what?! Aw, too bad! Tough! First row, take one. Pass it back to me. The stakes are high in this room." Mr. Goldenfold hands the quiz to the front-row students. I grab mine and start to quickly do it. I may be sleep-deprived, but the stuff on there is easy. I turn to Morty, who slowly falls asleep, staring at the quiz. Twenty minutes go by and class ends. I watch Mr. Goldenfold go over to Morty. Morty sleepily reaches out, starting to fondle his chest. I pull out my phone and take a picture, capturing the moment.

"Morty! What're you doing to me?!"

"Ah, Jessica." Morty moans.

"Morty!"

"Jessica."

"Five more minutes of this, and I'm gonna get mad." He leans back, biting his lip. Alright, now it's gross. I sit up. 

"Morty!" I tap the back of his head, and he shoots his eyes open. He pulls back his hands. Mr. Goldenfold also looks at me, surprised that I was there. I glare back at him.

"You two get out of here!" He shoos us out. Morty sulks leaving the classroom, still embarrassed. We head to our lockers, grabbing the remaining books. Morty gets approached by Frank. 

"Well, well, well." Frank snarls.

"Uh, morning, Frank." Morty greets him, Frank pins him against the lockers with a knife. Mumbling at him. We’re different in size but I’m able to pull him from behind, bringing him off Morty. Frank pushes me off to the ground and turns to face me. A beam shoots by, freezing Frank. What the fuck?! Rick walks into view. Ah, I see. Morty pulls me off the ground. 

"There you two are. Listen to me. I got an errand to run in a whole different dimension. I need two extra pairs of hands." Rick puts his freeze-ray in his coat pocket.

"Oh, geez, Rick. W-w-what'd you do to Frank?"

"C'mon Morty, that was obvious. He's frozen.”

“But Rick, we shouldn't miss so much school. Is it really that important?" I stare at Frank's frozen body.

"It's important.” He mimics. “Do you have any concept of how much higher the stakes get out there? What do you think? I can just do it all by myself? Come on!"

"You probably can..?" I trail off before Morty interjects. 

"W-what about Frank? Shouldn't you unfreeze him?" Morty asks. 

"I'll do it later, Morty. He'll be fine. Let's go." Rick leads us to an alley nearby the school. He shoots open a portal.

"There she is. All right, come on. Let's go."

"Oh geez, okay." Morty comments. We go through the portal.

"Where are we exactly?" I stretch, looking around the brightly-colored planet with weird-like plants.

"It's Dimension 35-C, and it's got the perfect climate conditions for a special type of tree, (Y/N), called a Mega Tree, and there's fruit in those trees, and there's seeds in those fruits. I'm talking about Mega Seeds. They're-they're incredibly powerful, and I need them to help me with my research, (Y/N)."

"Oh, man, Rick. I'm looking around this place, and I'm starting to work up some anxiety about this whole thing." Morty fidgets with his arm, looking around.

"All right, all right, calm down. Listen to me, Morty. I know that new situations can be intimidating. You're looking around, and it's all scary and different, but, you know, m-meeting them head-on, charging right into them like a bull, that's how we grow as people. I'm no stranger to scary situations. I deal with them all the time. Now, if you just stick with me, Morty, we're gonna be-'' Rick looks over behind us. "Holy crap! Run!" Morty and I run behind Rick. The adrenaline is quick to wake me up. I decided against my better judgment to not look behind me. "I have never seen that thing before in my life. I don't even know what the hell it is! We got to get out of here! It's gonna kill us! We're gonna die! We're gonna die, Morty!" Morty and I freak out, even more, thanks to Rick. We rush out, jumping through dense shrubbery before escaping the creature. Morty and I take a break while Rick walks ahead. 

"Oh, take a deep breath. Breathe that-breathe that fresh air in. Y-you, smell that? That's the smell of adventure. That's-that's the smell of-of-of-of a whole different evolutionary timeline." I lay on the ground, my heart slowing as I look at the new world.

"All right, Rick. Look, how much longer is this gonna be? Shouldn't we be back at school by now?" Morty speaks up.

"Are you joking me? I mean, look at all the crazy crap surrounding us. Look at that thing right there." Rick points to this creepy-looking creature, like a squid with amputated limbs. I crane my neck up to see. That creature was upset from the stubs so it also stole another creature's limbs to make up for it. What the hell is that thing? You think you're gonna see that kind of thing at school?" I catch up with them to look at the creature closer. "Look at it just lumbering around. It defies all logic, that thing." The creature stands up? Or sits up, and lumbers away. We continue to walk forward.

"Yeah, Rick, I get it. We're surrounded by monsters. That's kind of the reason why I want to leave." Morty stares at Rick.

"It's kind of cool though." I stare at the bright orange sky. A hand stops me from walking.

"Ta-ta-ta-ta-ta-ta. (Y/N), you see this? You see what we just stumbled upon, (Y/N)? Any idea what that is down there?"

"My assumption is the mega trees?"

"You assume right. The mega trees with the mega fruit on them and that's what I'm talking about, (Y/N). That's where my seeds are. If we would have done what you wanted, I would have never found them, because your brother is so in love with school."

"All right, all right. So, what's so special about these seeds, anyway?" Morty stands up next to Rick. 

"You ask a lot of questions, Morty. Not very charismatic. It makes you kind of an-" Rick burps, "under-underfoot figure." He tosses us some shoes and we put them on. "Just take these shoes. They're-" Rick burps, "special grappling shoes. When you're wearing these things, these babies, you can basically just walk on any surface you want. Up, down, below, turn around to the left. These things really bring it all together." I lean over, looking for the power button, and proceed to activate it. 

"Wow Rick, these are pretty cool-" I look up to see Morty walking off the cliff, plummeting to the ground. I rush to the edge, hearing thumps and screams before I see him. "Holy shit, Morty!"

"You have to turn them on, Morty! The shoes have to be turned on! You see? I turned them on!" Rick walks down the side of the cliff. I hesitantly follow and exhale in relief when I don't also plummet to the ground. "See? (Y/N) turned them on!" Rick and I reach the bottom of the cliff. I rush over to Morty, crouching next to him.

"Are you okay?! Can you feel them?" I look over his legs, Rick waltzes next to me. His legs were all smashed and mangled around him.

"Morty, oh, you really d-did a number on your legs right now. You know, you had to turn them on."

"I'm in a lot of pain, Rick!" Morty cries. He holds my hand for support and squeezes it.

"Yeah, I can see that. But do you think you'll still be able to help me collect my seeds, Morty? (Y/N) and I could d-do it but it’d be faster if you’d h-help." Rick leans over him. Is he really not concerned about any of this?!

"Are you kidding me?!" Morty wails." That's it, Rick! That's the last straw! I can't believe this! I'm sitting here with both of my legs broken, and you're still asking me about getting those seeds?! Ooh! Ow! Oh!" Morty props himself up with his arm and my help. "Y-you're like Hitler, but-but even Hitler cared about Germany or something!" I look at Morty, and my concerned face contorts with confusion because of his analogy. 

"Okay, hold on just a second, Morty." Rick takes out his portal gun and shoots a portal open, walking through. Morty moans in more pain, squeezing my hand. I wince at how hard he squeezes. Rick shortly returns, holding a syringe gun. He stabs Morty's leg. They morbidly snap back to normal. Morty sits up in relief, the stress and pain from his face diminishing. 

"Oh, oh, wow. Rick. That stuff just healed my broken legs instantly." I help Morty up. "I mean, I've never felt so good in my life. Thank you."

"Don't worry about it, Morty." Rick waves him off, walking towards the nearby tree. "Just come help me get these seeds, all right, buddy? You grab one too (Y/N)."

"Sure thing, Rick." Morty and I walk to a nearby tree, climbing up it. Rick talks in the background as we both go and grab a mega fruit.

"Not that either of you asked, but what just happened there is I went into a future dimension with such advanced medicine that they had broken-leg serum at every corner drugstore. The stuff was all over the place."

"Wow, that's crazy Rick." Morty comments, picking off a mega fruit, I also grab one. Morty drops his down to Rick. I hold mine as we climb down 

"There's just one problem. One little hang-up. The dimension I visited was so advanced that," Rick burps, splitting the fruit Morty tossed to him, "they had also halted the aging process, and everyone there was young, and they had been forever."

"Wait, how does that work? Wouldn't they be overpopulated and-" I start, how would that even function? Is there a limit on how long you could possibly live? I would know until Rick talks over me. He also grabs the fruit I had in my hand, then splits it apart too.

"Shshshsh, (Y/N). I was the only old person there, (Y/N)." Rick burps. "It was like I was some sort of, you know, celebrity, walking around. I-I was fascinating to them. There were a lot of attractive women there, (Y/N). And they-they-they-they all wanted time with me. I had a lot of fun with a lot of young ladies, but I spent too much time there. My interdimensional portal device it's got no charge left, (Y/N). It's got no charge left." Rick slams the fruit he was messing with on the ground, pushing his head back and running hands through his hair. "It's as good as garbage. It's not gonna work anymore."

"What?!" Morty and I both exclaim. I continue talking as Rick spaces out.

"How can that be?! What are we going to do?!" Dying in a foreign dimension is not what I want or ever thought could even happen. We could die from starvation, dehydration, lack of proper livable climate, don’t even mention the countless murderous creatures- 

"Geez, Rick. W-we need to get back to school now! How are we gonna get back home?" Morty’s words cut into my mind as I focus back on the conversation again.

"C-calm down you two," Rick snaps back, "there's a way to get back home. It's just gonna be a bit of a hassle." He grabs the four seeds from the fruit off the ground and hands a pair to each of us. "We're gonna have to go through interdimensional customs, so you're gonna have to do me a real solid."

"Rick..." I groan. Whenever he asks us to do something, it's always not good.

"When we get to customs. I'm gonna need you to take these seeds into the bathroom, and I'm gonna need you to put them way up inside your buttholes."

"In our butts?" Morty questions.

"Put them way up inside there, as far as they can fit."

"I'm not doing that." I scoff.

"I really don't want to do that Rick." Morty looks at the seeds.

"Well, somebody's got to do it. Th-these seeds aren't gonna get through customs unless they're in someone's rectum." Rick points to his butt. "They'll fall right out of mine. I've done this too many times. I mean, you're both young. Got your whole lives ahead of you, your anal cavity's still taut, yet malleable. You got to do it for grandpa, kids. Y-" Rick burps, "You've got to put these seeds inside your butts." I scrunch my face in disgust.

"In my butt?" Morty repeats. Rick squats down to our level, putting his hands on our shoulders and pushing us together. 

"Come on, please." Rick begs, "You have to do it." I pull away from Rick, looking at Morty. Rick shrugs, placing his free hand on Morty as I put my seeds in Morty's arms.

"Oh man." Morty looks at me, then back at Rick, mentally conceding.

. . .

I cringe as Morty hobbles back over to us. A traumatized look on his face as he focuses forward. I would feel bad, but I don't love him enough to shove two seeds up my ass,

"I don't like it here kids. I can't abide bureaucracy." Rick crosses one arm, the back of his other hand under his chin. We walk forward in the line. "I don't like being told where to go and what to do. I consider it a violation. Did you get those seeds all the way up your butt, Morty?"

"Yeah Rick," Morty strains, "let's just get this over with, okay? I mean, these things are pointy. They hurt."

"That means they're good ones." Rick dismisses, and we walk forward again slightly. He puts a hand on Morty's shoulder. "You're a good kid, Morty. Better than your sister, you really stepped up to the plate today. Those mega seeds are super valuable to my work. You've been a huge help to me. I'm gonna be able to do," Rick burps, "all kinds of things with them. It's gonna be great, Morty." He leads him along as the line moves. Glad I'm not the favorite grandkid. "All kinds of science."

"Okay, next through." The alien security bug points. "Except you. You go over there." He points at Morty, then to a different area.

"Why does he have to go over there?" Rick protests. 

"Random check. He's got to go through the new machine."

"What new," Rick burps, "what new machine?"

"It's a new machine. It detects stuff all the waay up your butt." Rick pushes the guard out of the way.

"Run, kids! Run!" He yells, we run behind him as alarms blare. Rick knocks things over and slows down the approaching bugs. We run through a sort of alien bong with which Morty inhales the smoke. He coughs it up, and a green creature appears and goes through its life cycle before dying. He screams in slight horror as we keep running. "Don't think about it!" Rick starts pulling Morty along before a door is closed in front of us. We turn around to be cornered by guards. I reactivated the shoes and run up the wall. Morty and Rick follow me.

"Ooh! Oh, nice, (Y/N)! The student becomes the teacher." The alien bugs fly up, we freak out again and continue to run away. I get in front of Morty as we run across a tube. Rick jumps on a cargo ship, I grab his leg, and Morty grabs mine. Morty and I scream as we swing on it. Rick loses his grip as it flies over and we land on this pink blop, probably killing it. That poor guy. We continue to run, reaching this big portal but blue. Rick goes to the computer. 

"I need to type in the coordinates to our homeworld, Morty. Cover me." Rick tosses Morty the laser rifle they had.

"What about me?!" I yell. 

"Oh, man. I mean, you know, I-I don't want to shoot nobody." Morty whines.

"Fine! Give it to (Y/N)!" Rick commands, I take the rifle from Morty. "They're just robots! It's okay to shoot them! They're robots."

"Yeah okay!" I hesitantly aim and shoot at one of the aliens. He screams in agony.

"My leg is shot off!" Another alien crouches down next to him and they hold hands? Limbs. The gun slightly lowers in my hands. 

"Glenn's bleeding to death! Someone call his wife and children!" Oh my god, he had a wife and kids. He was just doing his job because we were the ones who caused problems. 

"Th-they're not robots, Rick!" I call out. I feel regret as the guy continues to wail out in pain for his family.

"It's a figure of speech, (Y/N). They're bureaucrats. I don't respect them. Just keep shooting, (Y/N). You have no idea what prison is like here!" I hand the gun back to Morty, shaking my head. He fumbles with the gun and looks back from our cover, shooting back at the aliens before covering again. I turn when Morty turns to watch what's happening. He kills more of them, including innocent bystanders. I go back behind the wall, not wanting to see more. 

"Holy crap! This is insane!" Morty yells over the chaos. Rick gets the portal open and I rush through, Rick dragging Morty.

"We got to get the hell out of here!" Rick yells. The portal leads us to our school's cafeteria. I skid and end up sitting next to Jessica facing her. Morty and Rick come in behind me, Morty landing his stomach on the lunch table and Rick bouncing off of him and hitting the floor. 

"Wow. Did you just come into the cafeteria through a portal?" Jessica marvels, I scoot away from her.

"Uh, yeah. Well, you know, my-my Ferrari's in the shop." Morty nervously laughs. "Just kidding."

"You're Morty, right?" She asks with her head on her hands I audibly groan, standing up from the table.

"Yeah." Morty smiles, and Rick pulls him off the table.

"You can get his number later. Come on, Morty. We got to get out of here. You got to get those seeds out of your ass." I follow behind the two. Our parents block the way with Principal Vagina. Never getting used to that name. And oh, they don't look the happiest.

"Oh, look, honey. It's our twins with Albery Ein-douche." Dad insults? It was a weak attempt.

"What?" Mom questions, she glances over at him.

"I'm an angry father, not an improviser." 

"Oh, hi, Jerry. Oh, my goodness, kids!" Rick releases Morty. "What are you doing out of class? We talked about this. Your-your parents and I are very disappointed in-in this behavior..." Rick looks between the three adults, realizing no one believed him. "No? No takers?" The smartest man in the universe, everyone. God damn it. 

. . .

We stand around in the garage as Mom and Dad pack everything away to move Rick out.

"You guys should really not be touching that stuff. It's beyond your reasoning." Rick argues hopelessly.

"You're beyond our reasoning!" Dad replies, still needs to work on his returns. 

"Takes one to know one." Rick remarks.

"Dad, how could you make my kids miss an entire semester of school? I mean, it's not like they're hot girls. They can't just bail on their lives and set up shop in someone else's." Mom rants. 

"What? Mom! Are you calling me ugly or something?!" I cross my arms, offended.

"No-no sorry, sweetie. I mean that mostly for your brother." 

"Mostly?!" I snap. Dad lifts a box of Rick's stuff. Mom gives me an apologetic look as I stare at her, still shocked at her comment against me.

"What-what are you guys doing with my stuff?" Rick interrupts.

"We're moving you to a nursing home." Mom clarifies. I glare at her.

"A nursing home? What are-what are you, nuts? I'm a genius. I build robots for fun."

"Well, now you can build baskets and watch Paul Newman movies on VHS and mentally scar the boy scouts every Christmas." Dad adds.

"What does that mean?" Mom looks strangely at Dad.

"It's personal." Dad needs therapy, noted. Morty goes in front of Rick and me to our parents.

"Dad, Mom, come on. Rick just needed our help is all." He tries to reason.

"Morty, stay out of this. You are obviously not capable of judging these situations on your own." Dad leans over to Morty.

"What are you trying to say about Morty? That he's stupid or something?" Rick crosses his arms.

"Oh, don't high-road us, Dad. You know fully well that Morty is the last child that needs to be missing classes." Mom replies.

"I-I-I don't know what you mean by that. Can-can-can you be a little bit more specific?" Rick pushes.

"Oh, for crying out- he's got some kind of disability or something. Is that what you want us to say?" Dad motions at Morty. 

"I do?" Morty meekly asks.

"Well, duh doy, sun. Look, I love you, Morty," Dad puts a hand on Morty's back, "but we both know you're not as fast as the other kids, and if you want to compete in this world, you got to work twice as hard."

"Wow, you two are just putting all of this on two kids at once. Calling Morty an idiot and me ugly. Really honing in on your problem-solving skills right now." Mom looks hurt by my words, her mouth opens and Rick starts to talk before she could. 

"Morty, t-tell your parents the square root of pi." 

"Oh, come on, Rick. You know I can't." Morty scratches the back of his head.

"The square root of Pi, Morty. Go!" 

"1.77245385... Whoa." He gasps, impressed by himself.

"What the hell?" Mom breathes out. Dad pulls out his phone, fact-checking Morty. 

"Holy crap. He's right." Dad confirms. I stare at Morty in shock.

"Morty, tell your parents the first law of thermodynamics." Rick questions.

"'The increment in the internal energy of a system is equal to the increment of heat supplied to the system.' Wow! I'm so smart!" Morty beams. I didn't even know that one.

"But-" Dad starts.

"I told both of you school is stupid. It's not how you learn things. Morty's a gifted child." Rick crouches down next to Morty and me, holding our shoulders. "He has a special mind, same with (Y/N). That's why they're my little helpers. They're both like me. They're gonna be doing great science stuff later in their lives. They're too smart for school. They need to keep hanging out and helping me."

"Jerry, I don't want whatever's happening here to stop." Mom turns to Dad.

"No, I-I understand. Uh, maybe we overreacted. But they have to keep going to school." Dad negotiates.

"Okay, Jerry. You drive a hard bargain, but what am I supposed to do? Say no? You-you really wear the pants around here. I just want you to know, between us, from now on, it's gonna be clear communication." Rick confesses. Summer bursts into the garage, sobbing.

"Frank Palicky was frozen to death today!"

"No idea what you're talking about." Rick states. I sigh, Summer runs out the door, still crying. I know he’s dead and all, but hey, no more bullying.

"Okay. Well, uh, twins, it's your bedtime in an hour. Don't stay up all night again. This is good though. This can work. I think we can be a family and now, Beth, if you'll have me, I would love to have you." Dad holds Mom's hand and leads her to the door.

"You know what? Okay." Mom smiles, walking away with Dad as she pulls the door shut. Cute seeing them get along, but ew.

"Holy cow, Rick." Morty and say as we turn to him.

"Don't do that." Rick warns. He hates whenever we speak together. He said if we’d keep doing that we were going to become like evil twins or something from The Shining. Absolute bullshit, Morty kind of fell for it.

"I didn't know hanging out with you was making me smarter." Morty continues.

"Full disclosure, Morty it's not. Temporary superintelligence is just a side effect of the mega seeds dissolving in your rectal cavity." Rick states. 

"Aw, man." Morty mopes.

"Yeah, and once those seeds wear off, you're gonna lose most of your motor skills, and you're also gonna lose a significant amount of brain functionality for 72 hours, Morty." Rick pulls up his sleeve, to real three watches. "Starting right about now."

"Ohhh man." Morty starts to drool from his mouth, whining as he falls over. "Oh geez, ohh" He collapses on the floor. I rushed over to him.

"Morty?" The concern comes out with my words. He starts spazzing out. 

"I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality,-" Rick starts.

"Aren't you going to at least try and help him?" I question frantically, hovering my hands above Morty so I don't touch him. 

"you're as dumb as they come and," Rick talks over me and goes on. "I needed those seeds real bad, and I had to give them up just to get your parents off my back, so now we're gonna have to go get more." Rick leans over to us. I better not be the second choice for those seeds. "And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, kids and you're gonna keep your mouth shut about it, kids, because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, kids, but if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, kids, and you're both gonna be part of them, and together, we're gonna round around, kids. We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, kids. The outside world is our enemy, kids. We're the only friends we've got, kids. It's just Rick and Morty, (Y/N) too I guess."

"Wow, thanks-" Morty keeps spazzing around, howling in pain as he does.

"Rick and Morty, and (Y/N), and their adventures, kids. Rick, Morty, and (Y/N) forever and forever. (Y/N) things. Morty's things. Me and Rick and Morty and (Y/N) running around, and Rick and Morty and (Y/N) time. All day long, forever. All a hundred days. Rick and Morty forever one hundred times. (Y/N) and Rick. Morty and (Y/N). RickMortyand(Y/N)adventures.com. All one hundred years. Every minute, RickMortyand(Y/N).com." The garage door randomly starts to close. I zone out of Rick's rambling. This is going to be one hell of a year.