It All Fell Down
A/N: I got inspired to do this fic after watching the previous episode and last night's episode so warning, there will be spoilers!
Reader and Buck have been together for a few years after meeting through her dad, Bobby, who was more than happy to see his only living child connect well with his honorary son. After the lab fire and Bobby's untimely passing, Buck has put on a brave face for Reader's sake because he doesn't want her to see him so fragile and broken, but what happens when that mask falls down, exposing everything Buck has hidden from her?
I watch as my phone buzzes on the table and the screen lights up with "Unknown Number". I immediately answer it in case it's Buck, who went missing after he and Eddie were ran off a road somewhere in New Mexico.
"Hello?" I say as I try to calm my breathing while I was praying it was him.
"Baby," his voice comes through, causing the floodgates to open, I collapse to the floor with tears streaming down my cheeks and I choke out a silent sob while silently thanking God he's still alive.
"Buck, oh my God, please tell me you're going to be okay," I choke out, needing to hear him talk more and hope I'm not dreaming.
"I'll be okay, I'm on my way to the hospital and I'll tell you everything later, okay? Just- breathe, I'm not going anywhere," Buck says in that calm, soft tone he reserves for when he's being caring.
"Okay, I love you and give me updates when you get them, please," I respond, taking deep breaths, "Have you spoken to Maddie yet?"
"I did, before I called you, knew you would've scolded me if I didn't," Buck says, making me softly laugh a little.
"You're right I would've, I'll talk to you later, I'm going to go over and see her so I'm not alone in this," I respond, telling him I love him again.
I go over to Maddie and Chim's house, knocking on the door and Chim opens it to point towards Maddie, I rush over to her and we both embrace each other tight while sobbing in each other's arms.
"Did he call you?" Maddie whispers as she gives me comfort while I do the same for her.
"Yes, right after he called you," I respond with a croak in my voice, Chim comes up behind us, hugging the two of us, "I- I don't know what I would've done if he-"
"Hey, don't think like that, Buck's not going anywhere, he's okay, Eddie's okay too," Chim whispers, I softly nod in agreement.
"Remind me to buy Eddie a pack of his favorite beer because I'm so thankful he's not the type to just give up," I say, making Maddie and Chim smile.
The next day, most of us are all over at Athena's place for Hen's surprise party, that turned into just a gathering after we found out Karen took Hen to Napa for the weekend as a surprise and didn't tell anyone in fear the surprise would be ruined, just like Chim didn't tell her what he was planning because he was worried she would ruin the surprise. Maddie answers a FaceTime call and Buck's voice comes through, I watch from afar to let them have a moment together before Maddie calls me over, I go over and join the screen with her, my eyes softening seeing Buck's face.
"There's my beautiful girl, baby, don't look at me like that," Buck says softly.
"How can I not? Buck, you lied, that looks like it hurts a lot," I respond in concern.
"The doctors said I'm fine to travel, they prescribed me something for the pain and we have to stop every 90 minutes to stretch my legs to avoid blood clots," Buck says, I let out a breath of relief, "Hey, put the birthday girl on, we might not get service when we hit the road."
"She's not here, and won't be because Karen swooped her away to a birthday weekend in Napa, she didn't tell anyone, just like how Chim didn't tell her what he was planning," I respond, seeing Eddie's frustrated face in the background and complain they could've waited for a flight, "Least you guys got to see more of the country together."
"Drive safe, we'll save you some cake," Maddie says, Buck softly smiles and responds, "Sounds good, love you guys, see you later" before hanging up the FaceTime call.
I step away for a minute to catch my breath and calm down so I don't burst into tears. I then feel a hand rub me on the back of my shoulder blades, I turn to see Athena standing there with a comforting gaze.
"God, Athena, I- I don't know what I would've done if- he didn't make it out of there," I shudder out of my mouth, she shushes and comforts me.
"It's okay baby girl, he's okay, he's on his way home back to you and soon, you'll be in his arms again," Athena says as she continues rubbing my back, I softly nod.
"I'm gonna be holding him tight and never letting him go, if Maddie doesn't beat me to it first," I respond, making me and Athena laugh.
10 hours later, Buck and Eddie arrive to Athena's apartment, walking through the door to everyone telling them they're glad they made it and that they're okay.
I hear Buck ask, "Where's my girl? I need to see her. Easy, Maddie."
I softly laugh and go over to Buck, he pulls me in and hugs me tight, kissing my temple.
"Buck, baby, you're hurt, don't push yourself," I rasp out but Buck wasn't listening, he was focused on having you in his arms again.
"I don't care, I'm so happy to be back to you, after the hell I've endured," Buck whispers out, I wrap my arms around him gently and we just stand there holding each other in silence.
A few days later, you go over to the firehouse to check on everyone to see they have a look on their faces.
"What happened? Did something happen on a call?" I ask in concern.
"No, umm, Maddie called Chim just now, Sue had a stroke at the call center," Buck says as he wraps an arm around your shoulder.
"Oh my God, is she going to be okay?" I ask as I wrap an arm around Buck's waist.
"She should be, Maddie and Josh were quick, they're visiting her now at the hospital. We just saw her. She and Don came over for dinner Tuesday night. I didn't notice anything," Chim says, turning his attention towards Buck and me to ask, "Did you?".
I feel Buck stiffen up before he responds, "Uh, no. I wouldn't have thought anything was wrong."
"Me either, she looked and sounded completely normal during the visit," I say, glancing at Eddie to see him giving Buck a look.
"Um, hey, I-I'll be right back," Buck says, kissing my temple before he heads downstairs, Eddie follows him down.
I scrunch my brows and ask, "Is everything alright with him?"
Hen shrugs and says, "Seems like normal behavior to me."
I go downstairs and happen to overhear Eddie's voice say, "Thought you said you were gonna go to therapy Tuesday night."
"Uh, yeah. I was gonna go. I forgot Maddie had invited me and Y/N for dinner, so I... rescheduled," Buck responds.
"Hmm. Rescheduled for when?" Eddie asks.
I hear Buck close his locker before he responds, "I'm going to reschedule."
That's weird, I never saw an appointment for therapy on Buck's calendar in the kitchen when I last checked going over there.
Over the weeks following, I've noticed Buck has been dodging my calls and answering my texts with "Sorry, I forgot" or "I have something else planned" whenever I ask to come over to spend time with him. I've been worried about him to the point I'm asking Eddie, Hen, Chim, and even Maddie if everything's okay. I take deep breaths as I try to calm my breathing and anxiety, reaching into my bag to grab the book I've been reading when my hand comes across what feels like a pill bottle, I pull it out to see the prescription saying, "EVAN BUCKLEY, OXYCODIN", making my heart stop. He- he never told me he was still hurting, the car crash was weeks ago, he should be off these by now. Then my phone buzzes with a text from Chim that says, "Call me". I call him, my voice shaky.
"Howard, what's going on?" I ask, Chim sighs and explains that what he's about to say is not easy to hear or easy for him to say.
"Buck got addicted to his pain meds, and became dependent on them, he umm almost stole Fentanyl from the rig," Chim responds, my heart drops.
"Oh god, please tell me he didn't go through with it," I say, my hands shaking a little.
"No, no he didn't, he- reported himself to me. He wants the help, it's obvious he wants it," Chim responds, I take deep breaths, "But, he's asked that you don't come see him."
"Wait, what? Why?" I ask, a bit of frustration and anger bubbling inside me
"He- didn't say, but I knew you needed to know so yeah," Chim responds.
I sigh before saying, "Thank you Chim, is- is he at home now or?"
"No, not yet, a few of us are going to go over and search his house so we can help him kick this," Chim responds, I softly nod in understanding.
A few hours pass, I go over to Buck's house to see everyone searching around his house for temptations, but I take a deep breath knowing it's for his own good, so that the Buck we know and love will come back to us. I look to see him and Chris sitting out back playing cards, I walk over to them and Chris announces my arrival by saying, "Hey Y/N". I watch as Buck stiffens, I give Chris a soft smile before saying, "Hi Chris, you two playing cards?"
"Yeah, but he keeps letting me win," Chris responds, I softly laugh.
"Is that so? Is- it alright if you leave me and Buck to talk?" I ask.
Chris nods, and gets up to go inside, leaving me and Buck alone outside. I go to take a seat in front of Buck, who refuses to look at me.
"Buck, will you please look at me?" I ask, Buck shudders a sigh and mutters, "I can't" as he rubs his already red eyes.
"Why?" I ask in concern of seeing the man in front of me whose mask has slipped and fallen, showing vulnerability and heartbreak.
"If I do...then I'll be seeing two people who mean a lot to me so disappointed in me and I don't think I'm strong enough to handle that right now," Buck's voice croaks and tears fall down his cheeks, breaking my heart further knowing what he's talking about, I've always been told I look like my dad.
"Oh, baby," I softly say, moving closer to be next to him, "You could never disappoint me, or my dad."
"I almost stole drugs at work, I- I could've gotten a felony charge if I went through with it, how could you not be disappointed?" Buck responds, his hands shaking, I take them in mine.
"Because I know you, Evan Buckley, and you didn't go through with the theft because you knew that was not you. You knew it was the pain and the dependency talking, but you still did the right thing and put the Fentanyl back so you wouldn't lose your career or go to jail and causing more heartbreak for me and everyone. You're a great man, Buck, and I'm proud that you knew you needed to speak up and get the help you knew you desperately need in order to get back to being the man we know and love," I say, softly squeezing his hands in comfort, he softly smiles.
"I-I love you, so much," Buck says, looking you in the eyes, you free a hand to cup his cheek and rub your thumb along it.
"I love you too, and you're not alone in this. We're all here to help you get better, we're not going to let you fall deeper," I respond.
"I-I'm sorry I'm ruining your dad's anniversary, I don't-" Buck starts to say before I cut him off with a "You have nothing to be sorry for."
Minutes later, Buck and I are on his couch cuddling while watching everyone play Pictionary, I rub my hand up and down his back as he relaxes in my touch while he's getting an IV full of things that will help him. I kiss his forehead and he whispers, "I should be doing this to you."
"Just let me be the one caring for you for once, please. You have been an incredible rock for me getting through grief of my dad's passing, let me be your rock through this, okay?" I whisper back, Buck nuzzles closer to you and you softly smile.
Night falls and you shut your eyes for a few minutes while sitting in the chair next to the bed before hearing gagging and vomiting, you open them to see Buck keeled over and puking into a trash can, you rush over and comfort him.
"Shhh, you're okay, just let it out," you softly say as Buck continues to empty his stomach.
Once he's finished, he groans out and catches his breath, you run your hand through his hair as you help him get breaths in.
"Can- Can I ask you something?" Buck asks, his voice scratchy as he looks at you.
"Of course you can, what is it?" I respond.
Buck sighs before asking, "What was it like for Bobby? Like his recovery period, do you think it was worth it? Because this- doesn't feel like it's worth it."
"Oh baby, I know it's hard going through this right now, your body is just getting rid of the dependency so you can get better," You softly say as you rub his back, "But, I will say... my dad's recovery period was brutal to say the least, on him and me, since I was the one of the people who had to help him get through it as well as help him through his grief losing Marcy, Brooke, and RJ."
"Did- Did he at least help you through your grief losing them too? While going through this?" Buck asks, I shake my head as my answer.
"I told him not to worry about me and focus on him, which helped motivate him to get better because he knew he didn't want to go through that grief again and lose another child to the actions of his addiction. And that recovery period was so worth it because had he not powered through it, he would not have been Captain of the 118 and have the best crew known to man, he would not have met Athena and gotten to be her husband as well as another father to Harry and May, and he also wouldn't have gotten to see his daughter fall in love with the man who he took under his wing. You'll survive this, like I told you, you're not alone, Buck," I respond, Buck softly nods and looks out the window to see everyone surrounded by the firepit outside.
"What are they talking about out there?" Buck asks in curiosity, I glance over at the window, "And why aren't you out there with them?"
"Probably stories about my dad, and- it didn't feel right of me to leave you alone, especially when you're still struggling," I respond, Buck carefully gets up and takes your hand.
The two of you walk outside and Ravi says, "Oh hey guys, you joining?"
"Yeah, I just- hope I didn't miss anything, and I didn't want Y/N to miss a thing either," Buck says as the two of you sit down on one of the benches, you softly smile.
"You didn't, we're just getting started with memories of Bobby," Hen says, she thinks for a bit before asking me, "Did your dad ever tell you about Buck's Firehose days?"
"Hey now come on, don't tell her," Buck jokingly complains as I softly laugh next to him and smile.
"Yes, I'm well aware of what Buck did during those days, but I don't know exactly what Dad did to set him straight," I respond, Buck sighs to say, "Well, the final straw was when I took the ladder truck and had...relations with a woman we had rescued from her snake, Bobby threatened to fire me and I didn't want that."'
"So he gave you an ultimatum, sounds about right," I tease, Buck nods and says, "Yep, since that day, he took me under his wing and taught me everything I needed to know, helping me become the man I am today. Without his help, I wouldn't have gotten to meet the girl I will love for the rest of my life."
I softly smile as I nuzzle close to him, he wraps an arm around my shoulder, Athena toasts, "To Bobby".
"To Bobby," everyone says in unison and toast their drinks to the air, Buck kisses my temple to say with a smile, "I have something important I want to ask you, while everyone we love is here."
"What is it?" I ask, Buck takes your hand in his before taking a deep breath.
"I know we've both been through hell in our lives, and a lot of obstacles along the way, but you're right. We become stronger because of what we've gone through and defeating those obstacles. While- while I was trapped in that bedroom, all I could think about was I have to survive this hell and get back to you, get back to you so I could continue living my life with you by my side. I-" Buck says, getting off the bench to get down on one knee, "I want to remain by your side forever as long as we both shall live, I want to continue being your rock whenever you need me, I want to witness you sharing the lessons & love we have onto our children so they know what it means to be with someone who makes them better, so Y/N Nash, will you marry me?"
My eyes water with so much happiness and emotions rushing in, my words fail to leave my lips, so I nod.
"Yes, yes I will marry you," I choke out with a smile, Buck stands up and picks me up to twirl me around with a huge smile on his face while everyone cheers for us.
"I love you, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us," Buck whispers against my lips as he kisses me with so much love.
"Me too," I whisper back as I kiss him back, he takes my left hand and slides a beautiful, elegant ring onto my finger. I recognize it almost immediately, "Wait, is this?"
Athena pipes up behind me, "Yes, it's the ring your father proposed to me with. Thought it would be fitting since you're the one who helped him pick it out, its now yours."
I softly smile and admire the ring on my finger, Buck whispers, "He gave me his blessing a long time ago without me asking yet."
"Because he knew already we would've eventually gotten married, Dad always knew," I rest my head on Buck's shoulder and hold his hand as we look up to the stars together, both of us thanking Dad for being a part of our lives.












