Pixie Dust Girl She/her

Constance Contraire huffed as she attempted to untangle a pile of Christmas lights in her hands. She felt a tug below her. It was Nate. He was nibbling on the cords and putting it in his mouth. The baby babbled as he drooled all over them. “Stop that. Come on. Stop it,” Constance said, trying to pry it out of his little hands. But Nate held on tight and continued playing with it. A tug of war soon ensued and Nate crawled away with the lights in his mouth. The baby sat in the corner still playing with the lights, babbling as he did so. Constance grumbled. “I didn’t ask to spend Christmas with a baby!” she spat, and stomped upstairs. Mr Benedict sighed. This was Constance’s first Christmas since she was adopted and he wanted to make it memorable for her. So far it wasn’t going as well as he planned. He wished that she would get along with Nate more. After all he was just a baby. And it wasn’t like he planned to have him for another year. Last year he had written a letter to Nate’s parents hoping it would reach them but apparently it never did. And he received no response back. It seemed nobody would step up and claim the baby. So Nate was still considered an orphan. He didn’t even know who Nate’s parents were. Or if they were even alive. But it was still worth a shot, wasn’t it? He sighed and looked over at Nate who was now sitting under the Christmas tree still clinging to the lights. The baby gazed at him for a minute before crawling away. That night, Mr Benedict put the children into bed. “I’m sorry things aren’t going as planned my dear. But please remember that until Nate finds his parents, he is still a part of this family and i wish you would be, well, maybe a bit kinder to him,” he said to Constance. Constance frowned. “I’ve been very patient with that stupid baby. He drools all over me, which is gross, he doesn’t listen and he takes my things. And he won’t leave me alone in peace. I don’t like him,” she said, turning over in her bed. “I guarantee if something happened to him or he was to go missing you would feel very sad and wish he would come back,” Mr Benedict told her. Constance went quiet for a second but then shook her head. “Nope,” she answered, and rolled over again. Mr Benedict sighed. He went to the nursery across the hall and smiled at Nate. The baby had already put himself to bed in the crib but was still awake. He babbled while playing with the mobile toy above him. Lullaby music played in the background. “I love you Nate. We all do. And i know deep in her heart Constance does too. I’ll find your parents. I promise. They’re out there somewhere and they’re probably thinking of you, too. That is, if they’re alive,” he said, stroking the baby’s head. Nate cooed.

Later in the night, there was a bustling sound and the sound of a door opening. A snake staff poked through the gaps. Nate woke up, babbling as he did. He stared at the front of the room, sitting up in the crib. A tall dark figure of a man emerged from the darkness. “Remember me? You pungent little fool,” a voice said. Nate babbled one last time before he was scooped up and covered with a cape. In a flash, the door closed. The man vanished. The Lullaby music still playing. The crib empty, and evil laughter heard in the air. The toy mobile slowly turning on the ceiling. As dawn broke a woman’s horrified scream was heard in the mansion. Number Two had gone into the nursery to give Nate his morning bottle, and had stumbled upon the empty crib and no sign of the giant baby. Soon police cars were parked out front, the house filled with detectives and the sound of Mr Benedict crying in the living room. The children rubbed their eyes and sleepily walked downstairs. “What’s going on?” Kate asked, yawning. Constance soon followed downstairs, huffing. “What’s with all the noise?” she asked, grumpily. Mr Benedict knelt down, putting his hand on the children’s shoulders. “I, I don’t know how to tell you all this. But it appears that someone has broken into the house, and, they’ve taken Nate. Nate is gone,” he replied, tearfully. Gasps filled the air. Constance’s face dropped. She went white. She remembered what Mr Benedict had said to her the night before and she immediately felt terrible. Dreadful. She gulped to keep from crying. A small tear rolled down her face. “I, i, i never wanted this. I never..” she whispered. Mr Benedict pulled her into his arms. She finally broke down. “Oh my dear. It’s alright. Everything is going to be alright. We’ll find him i promise you. And we’ll find whoever did this,” he reassured her.

Meanwhile, a bird threw crackers into the air, attempting to juggle them as he did. A baby’s laughter filled the room. “Ugh i feel like a clown! How much longer do i have to do this!?” the bird spat. The guards were red faced with laughter. But the laughter stopped when the doors were thrown open. The same tall figure seen as before entered the room. It was Jafar! He had kidnapped Nate as revenge for the last time when his first plan got foiled. The baby began throwing crackers back at Iago. “Hey! What did i ever do to you!?” he squawked. Jafar cackled, evilly. Then he turned serious. “Well the fun was good while it lasted. But no more!” he said, and went to approach the baby, his snake staff in hand. Iago quickly flew in front of him. “Hey hey, we don’t wanna kill him, do we? I uh, i like him. He’s actually not that uh, not that bad,” the bird stammered. The guards nervously nodded their heads in agreement. Jafar glared at Iago. “If you’re not careful it’s not going to be a turkey roasting in that oven but rather a parrot!” he snarled. Iago stood firm, but trembling with fear. “Look Jafar, i can’t let you hurt him. I just can’t. It’s Christmas. Can’t we all just, just, get along? Just for this year then we can be evil again after okay? Trust me,” the bird stammered. Nate began playing with his tail while babbling loudly and suddenly, there was a gross sound and a smell. Iago’s face went green. The guards gasped and held their noses. Iago stuck his head behind the baby. “It’s him. He’s done a number two,” he said, gagging. Then there was another gross sound. “Agh! Make that number three!” Iago spluttered. Jafar almost threw up. “Argh! Throw the little brat off a cliff and into the sea!” he spat. “What!? No!” Iago cried. Jafar grabbed him roughly. “Would you like to join him?” he asked, evilly. Iago gulped. Suddenly, someone attacked the sorcerer from behind, and another person smashing his staff as they did. It was Constance and Kate! Kate rushed over and scooped Nate into her arms, shielding him from harm. Constance fiercely held the villain down using all her strength. “Don’t you ever, ever touch him again do you understand me!?” she growled. She pushed his face into the floor. The evil sorcerer screeched in pain. Aladdin and Milligan had the guards on the floor, tied up like hogs. Kate could smell Nate’s diaper as she held him but didn’t mind. She only cared that he was safe. “You’re okay. Don’t be scared,” she said, holding him close. Police swarmed the scene with the Sultan running up behind them. “Whatever is going on? I, oh my word!” he bumbled. Mr Benedict rushed into the room. “Oh Nate! Oh thank goodness!” he cried tearfully, and cuddled the giant baby. Jafar lifted his head, Constance sitting on his back. “How did you get in?” he asked, filled with defeat. “Back door,” Milligan replied, kicking away what was left of the snake staff. Nate was oblivious to everything and didn’t seem fazed at all. He simply babbled and sucked on his hand. “At least he’s young enough to put this behind him. He won’t remember a thing. For us however it’s not that easy,” Kate said, sighing. Mr Benedict nodded. “I see what you mean. But let us be thankful that Nate is safe and sound now and so are we. With that evil man behind bars everyone will be safe,” he replied. The police took hold of Jafar and handcuffed him. “Don’t worry. Without that snake staff he’s powerless,” Aladdin said. Jafar looked at Sultan, his eyes looking like a puppy. “I, I wasn’t really going to kill him you know,” he said innocently. Kate rolled her eyes.

Back at the mansion, Christmas Day brought cold and snow outside, but plenty of joy and warmth inside. Constance placed a gift on Nate’s lap. The baby looked at it in confusion. Constance laughed. Then she looked at him sweetly. “I’m sorry i was so mean to you. And a grump. Or in this case, a grinch. I love you. Really i do. I guess, i guess i just have a hard time showing it sometimes,” she said, and she kissed the baby on the face tenderly. She helped Nate open the gift. It was a framed picture of her and Nate together, with Nate perched on her lap. “Oh isn’t that lovely!” Rhonda beamed. Mr Benedict smiled. “It’s wonderful. Just wonderful,” he said, giving her a big hug. “Merry Christmas Constance my dear,” he said. Nate babbled loudly and played with the wrapping paper shaking it like a toy rattle, sending everyone into laughter.

Sultan came running in, handing Nate to Jafar. Jafar almost toppled over. This baby was huge! “Here you are Jafar. You can mind him for a while. The Benedict Society are having a day off today and i need to prepare a big speech to give to the kingdom so if you please?” Jafar?” Sultan begged, batting his eyes. Jafar glared at him. “Is this some sort of joke? You know how much i despise infants i told you that!” he hissed. Nate began drooling on the sorcerer’s robes and sucking his hand. “Why do you do that? Why? That’s disgusting!” Jafar cried. Sultan chuckled. “I’m not doing this. I refuse. Take him away. As far away from me as possible!” Jafar cried. “Oh come now, Jafar. Look he likes you! You’ll do just fine. I promise he won’t be any trouble. Now i have to run along but i’m sure you two will be the best of friends!” Sultan said, chuckling. Jasmine was concerned. “Father, i don’t think Jafar is the right person to do this job,” she said. Nate babbled, loudly. Jafar jumped with fright. “What is the matter with you?” Have you no manners at all?” he scowled. The baby began chuckling with glee. “Oh you think that’s funny, do you?” I’ll give you something to laugh about. Here.” He held up a mirror and held it up to the baby’s face. “Look. You’re the ugliest baby in this world. Whoever made you should be ashamed of themselves! Where are your parents, anyway? Surely they know you’re crawling around on your own? They ought to be ashamed,” he said. Nate began playing with the sorcerer’s cape which draped around as he walked. “Let go of that! Let go! Oh you’re horrible! I’m a sorcerer you know. I’ll put a curse on you! A hex!” Jafar cried. Suddenly everything went quiet. Jafar turned around to find the baby curled up in his cape, sleeping soundly. Jafar rolled his eyes. “This is going to be a long afternoon,” he grumbled. He picked up the giant baby and placed him beside Iago, who was also asleep. “Here. You look after him you dumb bird. He’s all yours,” he said, laughing evilly. Then he smirked. He thought of an evil plan as he watched the pair sleeping together. He snuck into Jasmine’s room, grabbing a makeup kit. Then he ran back into the throne room. “Wakey wakey!” he hollered, evilly. Iago screeched and Nate babbled with confusion. “Makeover time! You ugly baby! And you Iago! I’m going to pluck every single feather i see on you!” Jafar said, cackling wickedly. Nate’s eyes widened. He crawled out of the room in a flash and grabbed a nearby phone. The baby grunted impatiently as he waited for the receiver. He could hear Iago from down the hall desperately trying to get away. “Aagggh! Get the baby not me! It’s him you want!” Iago screeched. Jafar cackled loudly. He was getting more fired up by the second and he loved it. Mr Benedict hurriedly went to the phone to answer it. Nate began babbling and squealing desperately into the phone. “Nate?” Is that you?” Mr Benedict asked, puzzled. Nate made another loud babble and held up the phone speaker. Iago’s screeches and a man’s evil laughter filled the air. “Oh good god! Hang in there Nate! I’ll be right there! Don’t go anywhere okay? Everything will be alright!” Mr Benedict cried, and he went to grab his coat. Nate crawled as fast as he could back into the throne room. The danger zone. But he couldn’t leave Iago alone. The baby knew he had to do something. When Sultan and the gang returned, he arrived to a shocking scene. Feathers, powder, makeup and furniture all over the place. “My makeup kit! It’s ruined!” Jasmine cried. Iago lay in the corner, patches of his skin showing from feather plucking. Nate sat directly beside the bird, hugging him tightly as if to protect him. Mr Benedict burst into the palace and into the throne room. Nate’s eyes were wide with shock and desperation. “Oh my god! Nate! Are you alright? Oh my!” he cried, lifting the baby into his arms. The baby’s face was covered in makeup and his little hair a mess. Jafar put on his best innocent act. “Oh sire! It was horrible! The thieves! They went through everything! I tried to stop them!” he cried.

Mr Benedict and the kids strolled into Disneyland. He wanted to give them something to remember. Something fantastic. Constance scowled. “Oh come on my dear. It will be fun!” Mr Benedict said, beaming. “Whoa look at that rollercoaster! It’s huge!” Reynie exclaimed. Sticky trembled. “No thanks. You can go on it but i’m out,” he said. Behind them, Number Two and Rhonda were pushing Nate in a stroller. He was a big baby so the stroller had to be big, too. He babbled and looked around at everyone and everything. Suddenly, a tall dark figure jumped out from the trees. He was decked out in black and red Arabian robes from head to toe and carried a gold staff. “My, what an unusual looking object,” Mr Benedict said, reaching out to touch it. He quickly backed away when the tall man turned and faced him, a sinister look on his face. A parrot perched on his shoulder glared at them, angrily. They stood there, frozen. Then the man smirked and approached the stroller. He bent down and stared at the baby as if he was studying him. “BOO!” he exclaimed, making a motion with his hands as he did. Nate began to squeal and cry. “What is wrong with you!? Why would you do that!?” Mr Benedict cried, lifting Nate into his arms. Onlookers seemed horrified too. Aladdin and Jasmine were watching nearby and felt bad for them. Jasmine began talking sweetly to Nate and soon the giant baby was smiling again. “Did that big mean man scare you?” she asked, softly. Nate babbled and began playing with her jewellery. Jasmine giggled.“He is just adorable,” she said. “Adorable and huge. I’ve never seen such a big kid in my life,” Aladdin replied. Mr Benedict chuckled. “Yes he’s definitely a big ball of delight,” he answered. “He’s the ugliest thing i’ve ever seen,” a voice sneered. Jasmine scowled. “The only ugly one here is you and so is your attitude!” she replied. “How can you be so cruel?” Mr Benedict asked, sadly. “Who is that, anyway? He’s a nasty piece of work,” Number Two said. “That’s Jafar. And he is indeed a nasty piece of work,” Aladdin replied. Constance rolled her eyes. “He’s just an old man. He can’t do anything to me,” she said, and went to approach him. Soon she was met with a golden snake head with swirling red eyes. She began to feel dizzy and weird. The evil man chuckled as he held the staff to the young girl’s face. Iago watched on, smirking. “Oh my god! What’s he doing to her!?” Mr Benedict cried. When it was over, Constance fell back, sitting on the ground in a daze. “W, what happened?” she asked, groggily. “Oh Constance my dear are you alright?” Mr Benedict asked. Constance shook her head and rubbed her eyes. Jafar chuckled with delight. “Mmmmm i love you,” he gushed, kissing his staff. “Ewwww,” geez,” Iago moaned. He felt the eaten crackers whirl around in his stomach and gulped. “Makes your tummy churn, don’t it?” Jafar said, laughing evilly and placing a finger on Iago’s feathered stomach. “The bird doesn’t seem so bad,” Kate said. She whistled and Iago flew straight to her and perched himself on her shoulder. Everyone gasped. She gently stroked Iago’s head. He liked it. He didn’t get that much affection. He craved it. “Hello beautiful. What’s your name? Is it Polly?” Kate asked. Iago scowled. “I’m a boy. My name is Iago,” he replied, angrily. Kate chuckled. “Sorry my mistake. Hello Iago,” she answered. Iago didn’t know how to act. He felt strange. It was love. Love!? Nah, he couldn’t feel love. He wasn’t supposed to feel love! Or was he? He was confused. Was he really destined to be a villain? He heard smooching sounds and turned to look. Jafar was again kissing his staff with adoration. Ugh. Sometimes it felt he loved that snake thingy more than him and it hurt. He wanted some of that love. Instead his master treated him with contempt and hate. Kate continued petting him and he sighed with pleasure. Jafar scowled. “Iago! Get away from bucket girl and let’s go! The Main Street parade is starting soon and we are starring in it! I want to look my best!” he ordered, and yanked the bird roughly. Mr Benedict shook his head.

Later, Constance, who had since come out from her dazed state, jumped on Kate’s Disney themed bed at their hotel. “What are you so mopey about? We’re at the happiest place on earth, well, mostly,” she mumbled. Kate huffed. “It’s about that bird isn’t it?” Constance asked. “Obviously,” Kate replied. Mr Benedict came into the room. “It is unfortunate my dear. But there’s not much we can do. Unfortunately there are people out there who mistreat others. Even animals. I believe it’s because they weren’t loved themselves or perhaps, they’re lacking in something,” he said. “A heart?” Kate asked. Mr Benedict sighed. “I’m sure they have a heart my dear. They just, well, they don’t know how to use it,” he answered. “There’s something freaky about that guy. Let’s look him up,” Sticky said, typing on a laptop nearby. He gasped. “He’s, he’s a sorcerer,” he stammered. “No way. That’s got to be a mistake,” Reynie said, but it was true. “That explains the stupid voodoo stuff he used on me,” Constance muttered. Mr Benedict was terrified. “A sorcerer? Oh my god.” Then he thought about what Iago must have been going through. “That’s it. We have to get that bird away from him. Now.” Kate said. In Main Street, Jasmine spotted Jafar heading in her direction. She looked away, hoping he wouldn’t cross her path. As he passed her he could smell the perfume she had on. “Ooooh now that’s nice,” he said, smiling as if he was lovestruck. He couldn’t get her out of his mind. If only she wasn’t in love with that street rat! “You know i dreamt about her last night. She really is one to die for,” he said. Iago felt green, again. He thought about Kate. She was the first one to ever show him any ounce of kindness and he was still getting used to it. He hoped he would see her again. Jafar knew what he was thinking about. He had to dispose of that girl. And her little minions. She was about to get a taste of some evil sorcery! Then he looked around at Disneyland. “Hmm. This place needs a little makeover,” he said, laughing evilly. He was going to cast a spell over the entire town. An evil curse to be exact. Iago was worried. He knew that look on Jafar’s face and it always meant bad news. He had to warn everyone. Especially Kate. But he needed help. He couldn’t possibly defeat Jafar on his own. So he knew he had to round up some friends. And fast!

At his lair, Jafar chuckled with evil delight. The room was filled with hazy smoke and colours of red as he poured in bottles of potions and other dark magic he had concocted. He smiled evilly as he flipped through a big spell book that was beside him. A big plume of smoke formed around him. He played with it with his hands, laughing maniacally. “Ooh i love it!” he cackled. The power had driven him mad, and he wanted more. He felt exactly how a child did when they had a huge bucket of candy. Once the spell was complete, he sat down breathing heavily. But it wasn’t exhaustion. It was relief and pleasure. Who knew using your powers could feel so invigorating! He sat and watched as a huge swirl of black and red covered the once clear night sky. People screamed below and headed for cover. The curse had officially begun and there was nothing anybody could do about it. Iago wasn’t around anywhere but it didn’t surprise him. It was obvious whose side the bird was now on. He would just have to destroy him with all the rest. The little traitor. “Let’s make this interesting. Maybe i’ll kill him and the girl together. Killing two birds with one stone as they say,” he chuckled. Then he thought of Aladdin. He wanted to get rid of him just as much. But he wasn’t worried about it. He would deal with him later and make sure it was slow and painful, too. “Time is of the essence. Besides, I can’t rush the curse. I have to let it take its course otherwise the spell will be ruined. And I can’t let that happen. Not to my precious itty bitty spell that i oh so delicately created with tender loving care,” he gushed, hugging his snake staff tightly in his arms. At Disneyland, panic was everywhere. “It’s Jafar! We have to stop him!” Aladdin exclaimed. Genie sat inside the lamp, terrified. “Nope. No thanks. Sorry,” he stammered. Jasmine sighed. The only ones having fun now were the villains. A big plume of red smoke surrounded Aladdin and the gang with a bit of it entering through the lamp. “Phew! Now who cut the cheese!? Come on, i know a stink when i smell one!” Genie muttered. Everyone covered their noses and mouths. “Who concocted such a horrid thing!?” cried Minnie Mouse. It literally smelled of burning, incense and other whacky chemicals. Jafar, watching through a big crystal ball, inhaled then exhaled, laughing. “Mmmmmm. It does have a nice cheesy aroma to it. Yummy,” he gushed, stroking his staff and chuckling with delight. Iago flew around, trying to locate the society. He landed in front of Kate, in a panic. “We saw everyone running away screaming what’s going on?” she asked. “It’s Jafar! He’s made a big scary curse! You’ve got to help us!” Iago squawked. Mr Benedict gasped. He certainly wasn’t one to mess with sorcery or witchcraft. But they had a job to do, and he wasn’t about to back down either. “Okay. Wait here. I’ll be back as fast as i can,” Kate said, and ran out of sight. Iago couldn’t let her go alone. He flew after her, perching himself on her shoulder. “I’m coming with ya. I don’t want you to go alone and i don’t want to be alone,” he replied. Kate smiled, and Iago mustered a slight smile back. Perhaps this good guy persona would suit him well after all. He felt all nice inside. “You’re not bad. You just need some TLC,” Kate said. “TL what now?” Iago asked. “Tender Loving Care,” Kate answered, gently patting his head. Iago smiled even bigger. Jafar, still watching through his creepy crystal ball, made fake barfing sounds. “She may as well marry the stupid bird!” he exclaimed. Kate grabbed her bucket and began rummaging through it. She took out a diamond shaped elixir with blue liquid inside it. Iago stared at it, confused. “That thing? That’s going to break this huge spell?” he asked. Kate smiled. “Aladdin found this somewhere in the desert. It’s filled with magic. Good magic. And good energy. And wrapped around it is the name of the spell you have to say to break the dark magic. But if it’s not done right it won’t work so we have to do it together,” she answered. Iago agreed.

JAFAR’S BIRTHDAY

Carmen crawled around the townhouse, wearing adult sized baby clothes and a bonnet on his head. He loved Tuesdays. It was he and Roger’s role play day. The neighbours knew about it and it creeped them out. Earlier, Carmen had taken a swim in the paddle pool next door dressed in baby bathers and the people living there were furious. “I tell you what, that Roger Debris is one creepy man,” a woman said to the people next to her. “That whole house is full of creeps. They’re all gay and they act real strange. Oh and Debris likes to crossdress. Saw him in a dress the other day,” her husband said. Suddenly there was a knock at the door and Roger was standing there, a creepy smile on his face. “Would you like to meet my baby?” he asked, with Carmen beside him dressed in his baby clothes. The couple were silent and then they frowned. “No thank you. Now please go away,” the woman said, and they shut the door. Carmen made an angry baby sound. “Rude people da da! Very rude!” he said. Roger smirked. “Oh don’t worry, darling. They’re going to regret that,” he replied. The couple looked out the window, making sure they were gone. “I’ve had enough, Harold. Roger Debris has disturbed us for the last time. Him and that production team of his!” the woman argued. The couple ended up selling their home but before they could leave, Roger sent Carmen over there to disturb them again. This time Carmen was dressed in nothing but a diaper and began crawling on their front lawn, putting baby powder on himself. “Look da da! Baby all clean!” he gushed, and made weird baby sounds. “Get off my bloody lawn!” the man yelled. Roger chuckled with delight and the production team all clapped their hands flamboyantly. Later, Roger was inside sitting on his lavish sofa, when there was a noise outside. “What the hell?” he said angrily, and went to investigate. He was horrified when he looked out the window. There, in his garden, was a huge, chunky baby wearing nothing but a diaper and munching away at the vegetables. It was the creepiest baby he had ever seen. It was bald with only small strands of hair and it’s diaper was filled with leaves and dirt which it had put in it. It turned to face him and began making scary grunting sounds. Roger screamed in terror, and Carmen rushed to him. “Oh Carmen! Look! It’s terrible! Oh god!” Roger cried. Carmen too screamed in terror when he saw it. “What the hell is that thing!?” he shrieked. Roger quickly closed the curtains and grabbed the phone. “Police! Do something for god sake! There’s a baby here! A big huge baby! There’s no parents anywhere and he’s eating at my vegetable garden! I don’t even think the bloody parents feed him or not! Come quick! Please hurry!” he cried. Carmen cowered in the corner whimpering and the production team hid upstairs, huddling together. Roger was terrified. He had never seen a baby like that in his life. It was horrifying. Roger slowly stepped outside, peering around the corner. The baby was sitting in the garden covered in dirt and grunting angrily at him. Roger decided to try a soft approach. “Hello little one, uh, what are you doing here? Where’s your mommy and daddy?” he asked, trembling. The baby grunted and threw a lettuce at Roger. Then it began babbling strangely and tried pushing itself through the fence. “Oh no please don’t do that you’ll hurt yourself!” Roger cried. But to his horror, the baby plowed straight through it, breaking the planks in half. Roger couldn’t believe it. He trembled in fear and ran back inside. He could still hear loud angry grunts and babbles from outside. Once the police arrived, the baby had simply vanished. “I’m telling you officer it was here! It’s real!” Roger cried. Suddenly, the baby came out from nowhere and began running towards the officers. “Good god!” the officer cried, and dived out of the way. The baby ran for the trees and was soon gone from sight. “Oh Carmen! It’s horrible! What are we going to do?“ Roger said. That night, Roger was on neighbourhood watch, looking to see if the big scary baby returned.

Carmen Ghia paced around the townhouse lounge, sipping on a glass of wine. Roger sat on the sofa, twiddling his thumbs. He was wearing his classic Chrysler building dress with heels, white gloves and his wig on. They had just come back from a night out, but Carmen sensed something wasn’t right. He looked at Roger, sternly. “Roger, i’m going to ask you something and i need you to tell me the truth. Do you have feelings for Leo Bloom?” he asked. Roger’s eyes widened and he began to sweat slightly. He knew he had been flirty with Leo Bloom the first time they met him and Max Bialystock and he knew Carmen had seen everything. He still had feelings for Leo and he felt awful about it but now it was time to come clean to his partner whether he liked it or not. He looked up at Carmen, nervously. “I, i, yes. I have feelings for Leo,” he replied, shamefully. Carmen felt his heart sink. He was in shock and couldn’t find the words to say. Once the shock wore off, he angrily looked at Roger. “When you flirted with Leo i wanted to believe you were just playing around like you always do. But i had no idea you really meant it. I bet you’ve been fantasising about him behind my back, too. I feel so betrayed,” he said. Roger stood up and grabbed Carmen’s arm. “Please try to understand, Carmen. I never wanted this. I never wanted to hurt you. I love you so much. But i do admit that when i look at Leo, my heart pounds. I, i get a little excited too. But i can ignore those feelings, because you mean more to me than anything else in this world. Please Carmen. I truly do love you,” he said, wrapping his arms around Carmen and kissing him. Carmen shook him off, angrily. “I can’t even look at you right now! You disgust me! You flirt with every guy you see and i used to stand back and take it, but now i’m fed up! I’m not your boy toy!” he shouted, and headed for the stairs. Roger quickly went after him and grabbed his feet while laying on the floor like a child begging for their doll. “You can’t walk away from me! I need you Carmen Ghia! I love you! Please don’t abandon me!” I’ll do anything you want! Anything you please! I love you!” he wept. Carmen looked down at Roger and Roger gazed up at him, his makeup smudged from his tears and his eyes brown and innocent. Then he began sniffling and making puppy dog whimpers. Carmen rolled his eyes and pushed Roger off him before storming upstairs and going into the bedroom. But what he found out next was even more horrible. Roger had been having an affair. Carmen angrily screamed while throwing things around the room, and Roger sat on the sofa, weeping. “You told me you loved me and nobody else! You lied to me! You’ve been using me! You make me sick!” Carmen shouted. Roger got on his knees, begging. “Carmen, i’m begging you, i’ll do anything to make it up to you! I love you! I can’t live without you!” he cried. Carmen glared at him. “Well you’re going to anyway because i’m out of here! I’m packing my bags and i’m out!” he yelled. Roger wept in despair. “Noooo! Please! The feelings i have for Leo Bloom mean nothing Carmen! Please believe that!” he cried. Carmen sighed. “It’s not just Leo Bloom you flirt with, Roger. It’s every guy that comes to this house. You flirt with every guy under the sun, and it really pisses me off. The reason I don’t say anything is because you’re Roger. Roger Debris. And in Roger’s world, he can do anything he wants. I’ve told you off about it before only once and you said you’ll stop doing it but clearly you just dismiss my feelings and it goes in one ear and out the other,” he said. Roger sniffled and held Carmen’s hand. “You’re right! I have issues, darling. And i need help! Please help me, Carmen. I can’t fix myself without you. Perhaps i need to see a doctor? A therapist? Oh Carmen darling! What can i do!?“ he wept. Carmen’s face softened and he put his hand on Roger’s shoulder. “Alright, just relax. The first thing we’re going to do is apologise to Leo Bloom. Well, actually you’re going to do it,” he replied. “Apologise?” Roger asked, puzzled.

Carmen huffed. “You know. For that night. When he and Bialystock met us. You scared him. You know, about the whole enchanting cologne thing?” he said. Roger giggled slightly. “Roger!” Carmen yelled. Roger coughed and quickly turned serious. “Oh okay, yes. Yes you’re right, darling,” he replied. Carmen looked deep into Roger’s eyes. “I need you to do this for me, Roger. I’m dead serious. I need to know that our relationship still has a chance.” His eyes watered, slightly. Then he gulped and continued. “I love you, Roger. I love you very much. But i need you to be faithful to me. Because right now i feel disrespected and it hurts. Please commit to this. Commit to us,” he begged. Roger squeezed Carmen’s hand. “Alright Carmen darling. I shall have to think about it,” he said. Carmen glared at him. “I’ll do it,” Roger quickly replied. Carmen smiled and headed upstairs. Roger looked up, sadly. “No kiss?” he asked, sweetly. Carmen turned to him. “Prove to me you can be faithful then you’ll get your kiss,” he replied. Roger felt nervous. Could he really change? He knew it would be very hard. And it wouldn’t happen overnight. Later, Leo Bloom answered the door and Roger stood there, looking remorseful. Leo’s eyes widened. “Don’t worry i’m only here to talk,” Roger said. Leo reluctantly invited him in. “I want to apologise to you directly Leo for that night. When i first met you and Max. I was very immature and well, i’d had a few drinks before it so that didn’t help. You clearly felt uncomfortable and i’m sorry for that. It won’t happen again. I should have acted more professional and, well, even if you weren’t wearing cologne it’s none of my business to ask you about it. I hope you’ll accept my apology,” Roger said. Leo was silent. He was surprised. “Oh, uh, sure. I understand. It’s all good. Really. No worries at all,” he replied. Roger smiled. Leo was puzzled. “Why the change of heart?” he asked. Roger sighed. “Carmen is quite unhappy at the moment. Our relationship is at stake, and it’s my fault. I’ve been a fool. I haven’t been faithful to him at all. I’ve only been thinking of myself and that’s not right. I don’t want to lose him,” he said, his voice breaking. Then he burst into tears and collapsed on the couch. At first Leo stood there unsure of what to do, but then he sat beside Roger and put his arm around him, patting his back as he did so. “Shhh. It’s alright. It will be okay,” he whispered. Roger suddenly felt the excitement in him building. “Oh, Leo. Your voice. It’s, it’s so soothing. Like an angel. It’s beautiful. Ohhhh my. Oh god,” he said, and moved very close to Leo, preparing to plant a big kiss on him. Leo quickly got up, pushing him away. “Whoa! Whoa! Remember what you said! Think about Carmen! Take it easy!” he cried. Roger snapped out of it, feeling very guilty. “Oh my god. What am i doing!? What’s wrong with me!? Oh i’m so horrible! I don’t deserve Carmen!” he wept. Leo sighed. “Uh, do you want me to call someone? I can refer you to a therapist if you wish. They’re really good and they won’t judge you,” he said. Roger wiped away a tear. “It may be the only way to save me. And save the relationship,” he replied. Leo smiled and handed him a card. “Just call this number and you’ll be fine,” he replied. That night, Roger was being extra affectionate to Carmen. He didn’t want him to know that he had hit on Leo earlier. He began massaging his back and humming a tune. Carmen looked at him, suspiciously. “What’s the occasion?” he asked. Roger chuckled. “Oh nothing. I just love you so much my darling,” he replied, kissing his face. Carmen knew Roger was up to something. And Roger was trying to decide if he should tell him what had happened earlier that day. He took a deep breath and decided to tell him. “Earlier today, i apologised to Leo Bloom like you told me to do. But, during our conversation, i, uh, i started to hit on him and went to kiss him,” he said. “What!?” Carmen cried. Roger quickly held his hand. “But don’t worry! I realised what i was doing and i stopped straight away! I felt terrible!” he stammered.

Carmen raised an eyebrow but Roger continued. “I, i thought of you and what you said to me, and, i came to my senses. Oh and Leo gave me the number of a therapist in town we could go and see,” he said. “Not we. Just you,” Carmen replied. Roger looked at him, sadly. “You mean you’re not coming with me?” he asked. Carmen sighed. “Roger, this is something you have to do on your own. I’ll support you, but I can’t hold your hand all the way. However i will go to relationship counselling with you. I read about it today. I think it’s something we have to try. There’s lots of things in our relationship that need fixing,” he replied. Roger’s eyes widened. “Is that like a group thingy?” Where we all sit in circles and stuff?” he asked. “It’ll just be you and me in the room. Not with a group. And what’s said in that room stays in that room, remember that. Don’t go blabbing about it to the production team or anyone else. I’m serious Roger,” Carmen said. Roger’s eyes misted up. “I’ll do anything to save our relationship i love you so much. I can’t live without you,” he said, and began tenderly kissing Carmen’s hand and hugging him. Carmen hoped Roger was serious. He had hurt him so many times and he felt that this was a last resort to save their relationship. If that didn’t work and Roger reverted back to his old ways, then there was no hope. He was angry at Roger but at the same time he loved him. It was all so complicated and it was driving him mad. But perhaps that’s how love was. It wasn’t all fairytales. The only question was, were he and Roger destined for happiness? He hoped so. The next day, Carmen was all ready to attend the first counselling session but Roger was nowhere to be found. He prayed he was just running late. Roger hadn’t attended his first therapy session the other day either and it worried him. The production team tried to reassure him as best they could. “Don’t worry Carm, he’ll show up!” Kevin said, cheerfully. “Yeah. Roger just adores you so much,” Scott added. But Carmen wasn’t so sure. He had reminded him twice about the date and time they had to be at the session so there was no way he could have forgotten. Suddenly, a car pulled up and Roger got out wearing his classic dress and wig. Carmen’s eyes nearly popped out of his head. “I’m here darling! Just as i said i would be!” he called. Carmen was furious. “This isn’t the choreographer’s ball! It’s a counselling session! What the hell are you wearing!?” he whispered loudly to him. “Oh i’m sorry darling I couldn’t find my regular clothes! Turns out the bloody dry cleaners forgot to organise them. So i had no choice but to wear this. But it’s still glamorous, ain’t it?” Roger asked, giggling. Carmen couldn’t believe what was happening. Roger wasn’t taking any of it seriously at all. It broke his heart. He gulped to keep the tears away, and headed for the car. Roger ran after him. “Darling please! I’m sorry! Let’s just go inside and have the session,” he said, kissing him. Carmen shoved Roger off. This was the final straw. “You never even attended your therapy session the other day! This is nothing but a joke to you, isn’t it? Our relationship is nothing but a joke! You don’t give a damn about me or how i feel! I’m done Roger!” he shouted. Onlookers stopped and watched. Roger grabbed onto Carmen to stop him from leaving. “Noooo! That’s not fair! I love you! I’ll try harder i promise! Please don’t leave me Carmen! Pretty please!” he begged. But Carmen sighed sadly and got into the vehicle before driving away. Roger sat on the sidewalk, weeping. The production team sat beside him and attempted to console him. “At times like this a boy needs his mother,” Roger sniffled, and began to make a phone call. “Mommy?” he asked, whimpering. A lady’s voice on the other end in french was heard and Roger too began speaking french. Then the lady became angry and went on about how he had disturbed her beauty sleep. Roger hung up the phone and started weeping, again. Scott and Kevin patted Roger’s back while Brian and Shirley hugged him.

Roger Debris was determined to win the costume competition this year. Last time Constance Contraire had beaten him and he wasn’t going to lose this time. Not to a toddler! Roger sat on his lavish sofa, laughing evilly. “Ah revenge. Sweet like candy and a dish best served cold like ice cream,” he said. Carmen smiled. “Oh Roger what great alliteration,” he said. “Thank you darling,” Roger said, and they both chuckled. Then he turned serious. “Guys! Bring out the costumes!” he bellowed. The production team rushed downstairs, with Kevin carrying a pile of clothing in his arms. “Here we are Mr Debris. The finest costumes of this year,” he said, placing them in front of Roger. Roger sat down in deep thought. He didn’t know which one to choose from. “Hmm. Decisions, decisions,” he said. It had to be a costume that would wow the judges and one that would have him as the winner. “Roger darling, we always win you know that. There’s no need to worry,” Carmen said. Roger stood up. “Carmen, you’re forgetting about last year! That stupid little girl and her idiot Benedict society beat me! I was left humiliated! My name in shambles! My dress in shreds!” he wept, and collapsed in his chair. Carmen took out a fan and waved it in his face. “There there darling yes you’re right i’m sorry i forgot. Not to worry. We shall get you a gorgeous gown! A splendid gown! One that has the audience gasping with amazement! It will be the talk of the town!” he said, happily. Kevin held up a golden sparkly dress with ruffles on the bottom. Roger’s eyes widened with glee. “Yes! That’s it! That’s the one! Now let’s add some shoes!” he cried, putting his feet into a pair of golden heels. “Oh Mr Debris! You look absolutely divine!” Kevin gushed. “LOVE IT!” the team cheered. Roger wiped a happy tear from his eye. He put on his wig and then added the makeup. Just gorgeous. Absolutely beautiful,” Carmen said. Roger smiled at him. “Aren’t i always?” he said, and they both chuckled. Roger knew he was sure to win in this dress. “The Benedict society doesn’t stand a chance against me now. And i’m going to send that little girl crying home to her papa!” he said, and they all laughed flamboyantly.

At the Benedict house, Constance scowled. She was getting a little soldier uniform put on complete with the hat and cane. “I look ridiculous,” she said. “Nonsense you look adorable! Mr Benedict gushed. “Do you remember your tap dance routine?” asked Kate. Constance huffed. “Yes,” she replied. “Just to warn you all, Roger Debris is going to be attending. He’s hungry for revenge,” Number Two said. They gasped. Mr Benedict held Constance in his arms. “Don’t worry my dear. Even if you don’t win you’ll still be as cute as a button!” he beamed. “Oh I don’t know about that,” a voice said. They turned to see Roger coming over to them, in his glamorous costume. Their mouths were wide with shock. Roger took one look at Constance’s outfit and burst out laughing. “Oh Carmen darling have you ever seen anything so ridiculous!?” he cackled. Carmen laughed with him. Mr Benedict glared at them. “How dare you insult a child like that. Have some respect,” he said. But Roger laughed in his face. “Pardon me old man, but i think i know mediocre when i see it, and that definitely wins the most mediocre costume of the year award!” he replied, laughing. Carmen clapped his hands, gleefully. Roger smiled as they all stared at his gown. “I know. Wonderful isn’t it? As golden as the sun is how i feel in this dress. And the blonde wig is just the icing on the cake,” he gushed. “You look like a big blonde pineapple,” Constance said. Roger glared at her and then whimpered. “Oh Roger darling never mind her! You look beautiful,” Carmen said. “That’s the last time you insult Roger Elizabeth Debris!” Roger cried, and he stormed off. Mr Benedict sighed. “Constance my dear that was rather rude,” he said. “Well he was mean to me so he deserves it,” she replied, and toddled away angrily. “A little firecracker that one,” Rhonda said. “Yes i see what you mean,” Mr Benedict said, sighing.

Roger made sure he was full up and well fed before the competition started. The chef placed a big plate of steak and chips on the table with plenty of spices and marinades. “Mmmmm. Yummy. Just what i ordered. Although, those chips will go straight to my thighs,” he said, sighing. “Never mind that darling. Tonight you treat yourself. We both do. And after you win tomorrow, we’ll both go out for some sundaes,” Carmen said. Roger clapped his hands, gleefully. The whole production team sat down with them to eat and Sabu came in with the drinks. “Tomorrow after Mr Debris wins, i bring the champagne,” he said. They all cheered. “Who does that little girl think she is insulting you?” Scott said. “She clearly doesn’t know who i am or what i’m capable of. Don’t worry. Tomorrow she’ll see exactly what i can do!” Roger replied, and they all chuckled. Roger took a bite of the steak on his plate. “Mmm! So juicy and tender!” he gushed. “Just like your ass,” Carmen said. The team hollered and whistled. “Now Carmen darling let’s not be too naughty at the dinner table. Save it for the bedroom,” Roger said and they both smiled at each other. “What’s for dessert?” Roger asked. “Chocolate mousse Mr Debris. Your favourite,” the chef replied. “Ooh so tempting and yummy,” Roger said, sighing with pleasure. Then his stomach gurgled. He moved to one side and suddenly let out a big, giant fart. The entire production team burst out laughing and Carmen’s eyes widened before he too burst into laughter. “Oh pardon me. Excuse my bottom,” Roger said, shifting around in his chair.

The next day was competition day. Constance showed up in her costume and so did Roger. “Knock em dead, darling,” Carmen said. “I’ll knock them dead alright. And i’ll win,” Roger replied. He smirked at the society. “Well if it isn’t the soon to be losers,” he said, chuckling. They glared at him. “He needs an attitude adjustment,” Kate said. Constance was first up on the stage and she did her tap routine perfectly and they loved her adorable soldier costume. Roger scowled from backstage. Now it was his turn. He strutted on stage like it was a fashion show and blew kisses to the crowd. The judges loved his dress. “Yes! There’s your winner right there!” Carmen hollered. The production team clapped and cheered. “I hate to say it, but he’s actually really good,” Number Two said. Next Roger began to dance and shake his butt to the crowd. The production team whistled and Carmen clapped with delight. When it was time to announce the winner, Roger was sure he would win. However, he didn’t. Neither did Constance. The winner turned out to be Kate who had entered her amazing circus routine. “This is an outrage! I always win!” Roger shouted. “Yes! You’re making a big mistake! We’re supposed to win!” Carmen cried. Constance was happy for Kate and handed her the competition trophy. “You deserve it, Weatherall,” she said. Mr Benedict was very proud of them both. “Well done girls! Excellent teamwork,” he said. Roger was furious. He was sure the competition was rigged. “I think there’s been some sort of mistake,” he said to the judge. “We’re sorry Mr Debris, but we wanted to give someone else a chance this year,” a lady said. “But Roger had the best routine and the best costume! He always does!” Carmen cried. Roger glared at the society. “You just wait. I’ll get even with you. Roger Elizabeth Debris never loses!” he yelled, and stormed off with Carmen strutting behind him.